You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup

                 Today’s post is a bit selfish. In all honesty I am writing it for two reasons. One, I need the reminder that I cannot pour from an empty cup. Two, I need the distraction writing provides me. I ask that you indulge me in this post. My hope is that even though I am writing for myself, the post will also help others.

                  The phrase “You can’t pour from an empty cup” popped into my head the other day when I was sending an email to someone I know has a lot on her plate. I included the phrase to give her a reminder to take care of herself, too. Since then, the phrase has been in my head. I looked online and couldn’t find anyone to attribute it to. From what I read, it may come from ancient times. 

                  This phrase breaks down to an important message: You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first. That is a powerful statement. So often, we get caught up in what we are doing for others that we forget to take care of ourselves. I would guess that parents often get caught up in taking care of their children and forget to take time to care for themselves. The same is likely true for other caregivers. 

                  I am reminded of when a flight attendant tells passengers flying with young children that in the event of an emergency, they need to put their oxygen mask on first. Then they can tend to their child. It is the same idea. Our cups need to be full before we can help others. We need to be functioning well. We need to be healthy, both mentally and physically when we are faced with caring for others. 

                  You can’t pour from an empty cup is a reminder to practice self-care, to set boundaries, to allot time to rest and recharge, and prioritize your own well-being. When I was teaching, I struggled to do these things. I was always focused on what my students needed. I was working more than I was not working. Long hours and little reward, led to burn out. I was not taking care of myself. I was not setting boundaries. I was not resting and recharging. I was not prioritizing my own well-being. Burnout was the result. My cup was empty. I reached a point where I hated teaching. Now, as I am considering whether it is time to go back to teaching, I need to ensure that I if and when I go back, that I prioritize myself. My own self-care must be a central to all I do.

                  I think the same is true when caring for a loved one who is ill. The tendency is to place all our focus on the one who requires care. That will likely not end well. You can’t do it alone. You need to take time to rest and recharge. You need to accept help and understand that you can’t do it alone. Just as importantly, you can’t put your life on hold. I think this is true in any situation where you are assisting or caring for others, such as parenting, teaching, caring for an ill family member, or being in charge in the workplace. 

                  There are some simple things you can do to “fill your cup”. These include getting enough sleep, eating nourishing meals, moving your body (i.e. go for a walk), setting and respecting boundaries, doing something you enjoy or that relaxes you, spending time with people who uplift you, and unplugging form technology and the news. These are simple things that can be done to fill our cups. Whether we are in a helping or healing profession or we are responsible for loved ones, it is important that we fill our cups. We cannot be of service to others if our cups are empty.

                  This is a difficult lesson to learn. I think I have struggled with it all my life. I poured from an empty cup too often in my teaching career and now I am struggling to return to it. I am dealing with it in other ways, too, but they are too difficult to share here. Perhaps we all are in some way. I think it is easy to get stuck with an empty cup in today’s world. Let’s all take some time this weekend to try one or more of the steps above to fill our cups. It can’t hurt to try, and it just might lay the groundwork for healthy lives.