There are many factors involved in living with mental illness that make life difficult. One is the idea that there must be a reason for depression. There is absolutely a biological basis to depression, but when you live with depression, you find that depression is so much more than its biological basis. There are many aspects of depression that cannot e explained. Sometimes those of us who live with depression can explain parts of our depression, but there are always parts that are difficult to explain. That is okay. We do not need to explain depression to anyone. It does help for us to understand our depression, but we need to remember that sometime the depression just is, and we need to be okay with that.
When You Feel Depressed but Don't Know Why
Some days I wake up and I feel the depression, but I do not know why I am feeling it. Often, I will do a quick scan of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions to determine where the depression is originating. The reason may present itself in the scan. It also may be hidden. It may just be that my mind is protecting me from the source of the depression. It could also be that my mind has had enough of the stressors it has been facing and it thrown the blanket of depression over me to say we have had enough for now.
If I do not recognize a cause for the depression I am experiencing, I do not force myself to continue searching. I know that the depression needs to run its course even though I do not like the way it feels. I employ my coping strategies and try to function as best I can. I am learning to better recognize when I need to give myself a break or some grace in these times.
Giving Yourself Grace When Living with Depression
What does giving myself a break or grace look like? Basically, it means not continuing to question the depression’s presence. I have learned to “let it go”. This little phrase is so important to me. I learned it decades ago when I heard the Grace Slick song titled “Let It Go.” Since then, I have been working on letting “the depression” go. It is not an easy task. I do not expect it to be. I used to be angry and frustrated that depression always smothered me. While I still am not happy about it, I better understand it and have learned to live with it. This does not mean I am expert at separating myself from the depression. What it means is when I am struggling, I know I can talk back to the depression, tell it what I need to tell, and then let it go.
You Can Be Depressed Even When Life Is Good
How many of us living with depression have been asked, “But why are you depressed”? There is more. The common add-ons to that question are “you have so much going for you,” “you have so much to be happy about,” and “your life seems so good.” People want to know how we can be depressed when these add-ons are true. The answer is not a simple one, because depression is complex. Sometimes depression just is. Two things can be true. I can have a lot to be happy about and at the same time I can feel the weight of depression. The things that I can be happy about are external. Depression is internal. Depression is about how my mind makes me feel. It is not a response to what I have in life. I can wear a smile and be depressed. I can be spending time with friends and still feel the sting of depression. I can take myself so a concert, enjoy the music, and then sit numb in my car afterwards.
Coping with Depression Without Knowing the Cause
I am not a psychiatrist. I do not have the biological and medical knowledge to describe what is happening from that perspective. Depression can co-exist with a lot. Depression does not need a reason for its existence in our lives. It can be present for no known reason. It is no different than an illness like cancer not needing a reason to exist in our bodies. Yes, there are cancer causing agents out there. What I mean is some of us just get cancer. There is no reason. There is no reason for the cancer that attacked me three and half years ago. The same is true for the depression that first invaded my life almost 40 years ago. Some illnesses just exist.
I fight depression the same way I fought cancer. I could not let finding a reason for their existence be important. The thing that is important is fighting with everything we can. For depression that means therapy, medication, alternative treatments, coping strategies, exercise, meditation, journaling, art therapy, and many other things. None of these require me to know why I experience depression. Of course, it may be discussed in therapy, but there the purpose is not to give the depression a reason for existing. We discuss all aspects of depression in therapy to better understand what we need to do to stand up to the depression, cope with it, and live with it.
Stop Asking Why and Focus on How to Cope
We do not need to give others a reason for why we are feeling depressed. I never gave anyone a reason for why I had cancer. I am not going to give anyone a reason for depression. If you live with depression, it is okay to not have a reason for its existence. Focus on how you are going to cope with the illness. Do not ask depression why. Instead, we need to say “Okay, I know depression is here. What am I going to do about it?”