Living with mental illness is not easy. Most days it is downright hard. Even with treatment, there are days that are just difficult to navigate. Having hard days does not mean we are not trying to heal. In last week’s post, You Can't Just "Snap Out of Depression": Debunking Common Depression Myths (Part 4), I discussed how we cannot just wish depression away. Healing from depression requires work, but even though we are doing the work, we are still going to have times when we struggle.
As I have shared many times I have lived with depression and anxiety most of my life. I have done a ton of work to try to heal. There are many times when I benefit from that work. I experience times when my mental illness lifts. These times are a direct result of the effort I put into healing. I think many people with mental illness can relate to this experience. We put forth effort to heal. That may be through therapy, taking medication, receiving non-traditional treatments such as TMS and esketamine, and utilizing our coping strategies. When you live with mental illness, you become acutely aware of the fact it is not going to just go away. We need to work at it.
To those on the outside it may not seem like we are working to get better. A lot of our work is done in private or with our mental health providers. While I am open about my mental health journey, others battle in silence. It is a personal choice. For a long time, I kept my battle behind closed doors. During that time, it was best for me to work on mental health that way. It is not easy to be open about mental health. I choose to share my journey in the hopes of helping others finding healing. Still, it is not easy. Despite my openness, there is a lot that I do not share outside of my mental health team. There is a lot of hard work that others do not see.
We cannot see inside each other’s minds. That is where a lot of the hard work takes place. There is a lot of self-talk that goes on when we are fighting mental illness. My depression and anxiety “talk” to me. No, I do not mean I am hearing voices. Depression and anxiety control the thoughts in my head. These thoughts tear me down at times. They can be loud. These thoughts spew negativity at me. So, I need a plan to talk back to them. For me and many others talking back to depression and anxiety involves telling the thoughts to stop. We need to point out the lies and the falseness in the thoughts our mental illness hurls at us. This is hard work. Imagine having to always be aware of the lies your own mind is telling you. Not only do we need to be aware of them, but we also need to have responses ready to contradict what we are “hearing”. This is part of the hard work of living with a mental illness.
One of the ways we learn this skill is through therapy. My psychologist has been instrumental in guiding me through self-talk. I have learned that it is necessary for me to work at talking back to the thoughts depression and anxiety like to fill my head with. Therapy is an important part of the hard work we do to battle mental illness. The therapy experience is different for each one of us. For me, having a place where I can discuss what my depression and anxiety are telling me and being able to share how those words are affecting me is key to fighting my mental illness. I have been in therapy for a long time. It is part of the work I need to do. I know that therapy helps me and that I need consistent therapy sessions.
In addition to talking back to our thoughts, we need to manage medications or treatments. This requires commitment. We need to communicate with our psychiatrists. It is important to share how medications are affecting us and whether we are benefitting from our prescriptions. The same is true of treatments such as TMS, esketamine, or ECT. We need to let our providers know how we are handling the treatment and whether it is effective. Whether it is medication or non-traditional treatments, we need to be able to have discussions about how we are doing. That is not always easy. I find that sometimes I do not know how to explain what I am experiencing. At times I am too overwhelmed to clearly express what I am feeling or how treatment is working. That does not mean that I am not working hard. It just demonstrates how complicated living with mental illness can be. It helps to have a mental health provider or team who can help us when we struggle expressing all that we need to tell them.
My point in sharing this is that we can be doing all the work we need to do and still have hard days. Living with mental illness can be tough. It often is. The hard work is worth it, though. We will have days that are better than others. Not every day will be good. Struggle is a part of mental illness. Being frustrated with that struggle is understandable. So, it is important for us to recognize that even when we are doing the work, life can be hard. There are times when we are going to want to give up. I have been there many times. I know I will want to give up at times in the future. When we want to give up or when we feel like things are just too hard, we need to reach out to our mental health providers or join a support group. Remember, we are not alone. There is help.
It is important to remember that healing is a process. There will be ups and downs. Some days will be harder than others. You can be doing the work and still have hard days. That is okay. Let’s make a promise to each other to remember that even when things are hard, there is hope.
Update:
In last week’s post, Women's Mental Health and Depression: Honoring the Invisible Load on International Women's Day, I mentioned the artist, Yayoi Kusama, who lives with mental illness. I was reading news headlines the other day when I came across an article about an art exhibit in Germany that is featuring this 97-year-old artist. I thought I would share the article for any of you who might be interested: German museum celebrates Japanese artist Kusama in vast new exhibit.
Thursday’s Post:
Check back Thursday, March 19th, for the final post in my series: Debunking Common Depression Myths.
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