An Uninvited Guest

                  Almost 40 years ago depression entered my life. Depression was an unwanted guest. I did not ask for it to enter my life. I have asked it to leave more times than I can count. Unfortunately, unwanted guests don’t understand that their presence is not welcomed. This has required me to learn to live with depression. Not an easy task. While I have learned a lot about co-existing with depression’s presence, I still wish it would just take a hike.

                  As a teenager depression consumed most of my life. I did not know how to cope with its presence. This resulted in a struggle that threatened my life. I shouldn’t use the word struggle. I didn’t really fight back in those years. Depression blanketed me and I was consumed by its presence. Suicidal ideation because of depression was very real. Somehow, I survived those years. I was banged up, but I entered my adult years alive. 

                  Those years are long behind me. Depression is still an unwanted guest, but I have learned to let it know it is unwanted. I have learned to live with depression’s presence. This has not been an easy task. It has been hard, really hard. I would say I now have a healthier relationship with depression. I have learned to talk back to it and to give myself grace when depression is bearing down on me. 

                  One of the keys to living with depression is understanding that I am not my depression. It is a separate entity. I now understand that depression’s wants are not my wants. For example, when depression is telling me that I don’t want to live, I understand that depression doesn’t know that I value my life. I have worked to teach myself that life is worth living despite what depression says. So, I speak back to the depression. Sometimes I do this through self-talk. I tell depression to stop. Other times I write about the conflict that is building in my head between depression and me. With help I have created a plan for the times when depression is pushing suicidal thoughts on me. That plan has been one of the keys to improving my relationship with depression. It allows me to know what to say to depression and how to let it know that I want to live no matter how bad depression makes me feel. 

                  Therapy has helped me learn about my depression. Talking about it with someone who is outside of it, but who understands how depression works, allows me to gain a better perspective. It is work. Therapy is not a magic pill. You can’t just sit there and expect everything to change because you are in the room. Changing my relationship with depression through therapy has required me to listen to my therapist and to put the things we discuss into practice. 

I need to be open and honest in the therapy setting. Sometimes the things depression tells me are embarrassing and I wonder if I should share them with my mental health team. I have learned that there is no shame in having depression. My team cannot help me if I am not honest. I need to tell them when I am struggling with something. Having suicidal thoughts is not something to be embarrassed about. My relationship with depression has improved since I learned to be honest about what it is telling me. Chances are that I am not going to experience something that my team hasn’t heard in some form before. Depression feels like it is only affecting me, but in reality, there are many people who struggle with the depression. 

                  One of the harder lessons I have learned is that I need to let depressive episodes run their course. Sometimes the depression is going to be loud. It is going to break me down. What I need to remember is that I have been living with depression for almost 40 years. It hasn’t broken me completely yet. That shows that I possess a strength I do not always realize. So, when the depression gets heavy, I need to give myself grace. I need to step back and use my coping skills to get through it. Writing helps. Self-hypnosis and meditation help. Reaching out to one of my mental health team members helps. I now understand that at times I am going to be consumed by the depression. That knowledge doesn’t erase the depression, but it gives me grace to say, “This is the depression. It is not me.” 

                  My cancer diagnosis played a role in my ability to understand that depression is wrong when it tells me dying is the answer. Cancer threatened my life. In doing so, it awakened a realization that I want to live.  In a strange way cancer has helped me understand my depression more. It is definitely not something I expected when I first heard my diagnosis, but living with cancer has impacted how I cope with my depression. Don’t get me wrong, I wish I had never been diagnosed with cancer. I just recognize the role it has played in my relationship with depression.

                  My relationship with depression has evolved over time. Now, I understand that I am not my depression. Its voice is not my voice. I know that depression is an uninvited guest. It is a part of an illness that I have. It is not who I am. I can talk back to depression. I can reach out for help and do the work necessary to be better able to cope with depression. I didn’t ask for a relationship with depression, but I am doing what I need to do to improve the relationship. Depression now knows it is unwanted.

 

Planning to Ease Depression

                One thing that I have struggled with throughout my battle with depression is planning my days to ease the depression. Often, I wake up and find that depression creates a desire to run away from the day. It frequently makes me want to pull the blanket over my head and hide. I think many people who live with depression have similar experiences. Learning to cope with this has taken a lifetime of trial and error. I’ve done well at some points in my life and struggled at other points. 

                  Work can provide a distraction. For some people this is a positive. There were times when it was a positive for me. Unfortunately, it was often not a positive for me. At best it was a masking of my symptoms. That created a worsening of my depression that made life more difficult. Now, I am not able to work because of my cancer diagnosis. I am no longer able to mask my depression. I need to face it. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I do that now. I think it comes down to having a purpose to my days. I need to have a reason to get out of bed. I need to have a reason to tell the depression that it is not going to drag me down. Goal setting has helped with this. I’m not talking about formal goal setting. While that is important, too, I am just talking about giving myself a purpose for the day. It is more like a daily plan. 

                  The way I do this is before I go to bed at night, I think about what I need to do the next day and what I want to do. Often, my depression will tell me that I don’t want to do anything. In those moments I need to use my voice to talk back to my depression. I tell it that I must do something. I find that if I write down what I am going to do, I am more likely to do those things. I incorporate a couple different ways of doing this. There is the calendar on my phone. I keep appointments there. I include medical and personal appointments on my calendar. It gives those activities a concreteness and makes them seem more necessary. I also write things that I plan to do in the notes app on my phone. I include my writing time and trips to the grocery store or gas station in my notes. I also include things like household chores. I know that if I see it in writing the next day, I am more likely to do it. I also include things such as going for a walk. I am more likely to do it if I see it on my daily list. Having these things written down allows me to “show my depression that I have things to do.” For me it is important that I check off things as I do them. That allows me to look back at my day in the evening and see that I have accomplished something. I can say to my depression, “Look, I did something today even though I didn’t want me to.”

                  Some days I do better than others at keeping myself occupied. It is not a flawless process. Depression is a powerful illness and there are days when it overtakes me. It can prevent me from following my plan. When that happens, I try not to be too hard on myself. I try to remind myself that I am battling an illness, and I am not going to win every day. The important thing is that I try. It is also important to remember that planning alone is not enough. The treatment of depression requires therapy, medication, and other treatments. I have lived with depression most of my life. I know that just writing down a plan is not enough. However, it is a practice that plays a useful role when combined with following my treatment plan. 

In Thursday’s post I talked about getting the most out of therapy by doing the work necessary to make it successful. Planning our days is part of that work. There is no magical fix for depression and other mental illnesses. Therapy, medication, and non-traditional treatments are important, but they do not work in isolation. We must put in the work to heal. Planning my days is one way I put in the work I need to do. 

                  

Success Despite Depression

                  Yesterday one of my cousins asked me why I don’t share my successes as a person with depression with as much passion as I share my struggles. I paused to think about that statement. My cousin pointed out that despite my depression I have accomplished a lot, and those accomplishments might inspire others. As I pondered her comments, I realized I really have accomplished many things that I should be proud of and that might inspire others. 

                  I have shared how depression has made life difficult for me. I have battled most of my life. By no means has it been easy, but I have endured. It isn’t easy for me to think about my successes. Whether it is a result of the depression or life experiences, I don’t have the greatest self-esteem. I will try to share my successes anyway in the hopes that someone reading this will be inspired to keep fighting their depression or other mental illness.  It is difficult to work and engage in life with depression. Please know that it is not always possible. We can only do what we are able to do on any given day.

                  Perhaps my greatest success is that I am still alive. I have faced a lifetime of suicidal thoughts, but I’m still here. Depression has tried to end my life, but I have persevered and with the help of my mental health team I have talked back to the suicidal thoughts and lived. That is definitely a success.

                  Another accomplishment is teaching special education for 26 years. I managed to have a career despite the pangs of depression that haunt me. It wasn’t always easy, but I pressed on and hopefully had a positive impact on the students I taught. There were days when I didn’t want to be in the classroom. Days when I had to fight the thoughts in my head to get through the workday. During my career I was a mentor teacher. In that role I guided new teachers into the profession. I also earned National Board Certification as an education specialist. Really that is just a token honor, but it is something I had to work to achieve. I would like to believe that the students who entered my classroom and the teachers I mentored gained self-esteem and knowledge from me. 

                  Teaching was not always easy for me. Depression made many days difficult. It wasn’t until the last couple of years that I realized I could take time for my mental health. I put my teaching before my mental health needs for most of my career, which is something I regret. I am no longer teaching due to cancer, but I feel like I gave my teaching career my best despite living with depression.

                  Another accomplishment was coaching high school basketball and volleyball. When I was in college I wanted to coach basketball, but as my teaching career progressed, I gave up on that dream. About ten years ago I had the opportunity to coach basketball, and I took it. My win/loss record wasn’t great. It was mediocre, but I think I had an impact on the young women I coached. I tried to focus on self-esteem as much as the X’s and O’s of basketball. When a need arose, I stepped in and coached the boys’ team. According to a sportswriter at the LA Times, I was the first woman to coach a varsity boys basketball team in Southern California, a fairly decent accomplishment.  Despite not having a background in volleyball, I coached volleyball for one season when we didn’t have a coach. Coaching was fun for me, but it also was difficult. I had to maintain a positive demeanor at times when my depression was yelling in my head. I am grateful for the experience and the opportunity to work with young people in a sports environment.

                  Another accomplishment is writing five books. My books all deal with living with depression. They are my story. Writing has been important to me since I was in my teens. To publish books was a dream that I dared not think about for most of my life. I didn’t publish these books until I was in my 40s. The books represent my desire to find something positive in my mental illness. Depression does not have to be a negative. With my books I shared how depression affects me and in doing that I connected with others who live mental illness.  The books led to speaking opportunities and advocacy work. These have become my passion. Despite living with depression, I find hope in sharing my story. I find hope in connecting with others who share in the mental illness experience. I think together we make the world a slightly better place for people with mental illness. 

                  I started this blog to hopefully reach a larger audience. While I haven’t reached the numbers I had hoped to reach, I guess my blog is a success. If nothing else, it gives me the opportunity to write. I hope to find more success with this blog. If you’re reading this, maybe you could share my blog with someone else. That would help me build my reading audience. 

                  I share my successes not to brag, but rather to show that it is possible to live with mental illness. That doesn’t mean we can do it all the time. There will be times when we need to step back and tend to our mental health. Doing so is important. Caring for our mental health needs is what allows us to function. We need to manage our mental health. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. People with mental illness can live fulfilling lives if we care for our mental health. 

                  Writing this post has shown me that my cousin made a good point. I have done a lot I can be proud of despite living with depression. Those accomplishments would mean more if I can use them to show others living with mental illness that they can be successful as well. We have illnesses, but we are not our illnesses. I encourage others to take a look at their accomplishments. No accomplishment is too small to recognize. Sometimes just getting out of bed is an accomplishment when you live with mental illness. I hope I can be an example for others living with mental illness. We can be successful in life. We are not limited by our illness. Depression and other mental illnesses do not define us.

                  I encourage you to share one of your successes in the comments to let others see that we all have achievements we can be proud of. 

                  

Things to Be Proud of When You Have a Mental Illness

                  Living with a mental illness is not easy.  It is often a struggle. Days and nights can be rough.  Often, it is difficult to recognize the positives in life.  In my own personal experience, depression leads me to get down on myself frequently.  My view of myself is clouded by the depression.  It is tough to recognize when I do something well.  This is common with depression and other mental illnesses.  

                  One thing I have learned is that I need to try to recognize the positives even if they are small.  This is not an easy task, but it can make a huge difference.  When you live with depression some days it is hard to just get out of bed or take a shower.  As simple as it may sound getting out of bed can be something to be proud when you are depressed.  For me sometimes I should give myself credit for just going from my bed to my recliner in the morning.  It seems little, but it can take a lot of mental effort.  

                  As I consider things to be proud of when living with a mental illness, I think of how wide the range of accomplishments really are.  At times just getting out of bed is a huge accomplishment.  Other times working a full day or full week can be an accomplishment.  There were many times in my career when I felt I just couldn’t get through a day at work.  Unfortunately, it is only now in hindsight that I am able to recognize what an accomplishment it was to work full-time while living with depression and anxiety.   There are days I don’t know how I made it through.  Looking back, I should have taken more mental health days.  I should have given myself credit for being able to work.  I can look back now and be proud, but in the midst of it, I didn’t know I could be proud.  That is why I feel it is important to write about this now.  I want others to know that people with mental illness do so much that they can and should be proud of.  

                  It starts with the little things.  Maybe just getting dressed is an accomplishment some days.  Going for a walk or washing a couple of dishes can be a huge achievement.  Because depression weighs so heavy on people, it is important to take things step-by-step. If you have a sink full of dishes, maybe you can wash one glass and one plate.  That is a start and can be something to be proud of doing.  It is in the small steps that we move toward bigger things.  There have been days where I have looked at something that needs to be cleaned and thought, “I just can’t do that.”  That is okay.  Maybe I pick up one thing.  Or put one thing away.  With depression, those can be accomplishments.

                  Other accomplishments might be practicing one skill your therapist suggested you work on between appointments.  Even if you do it just once, you are making progress. Remembering to take your medication can be an accomplishment.  Sitting in the sunshine or walking around the block are accomplishments.  Sometimes finding the strength to tell a thought to stop is a huge accomplishment.  There are so many things in our lives that require effort when we have depression.  We don’t need to be perfect.  We just need to make attempts.  If we don’t get things done, that is okay.  Depression is an illness, and it makes life difficult.  

                  Maybe you need someone on the outside to help you see your accomplishments and help you recognize that there are things in your life you can be proud of doing.  For me it helps when my mental health team points something out.  Often, I have difficulty seeing that I am making progress because the depression can be so dark and all-consuming.  I find myself leaning on their words to build my confidence.  Perhaps, a friend or family member can fill this role for you.  Talking about your struggles and accomplishments in a support group can be beneficial.  In a support group you are sharing with others who understand what you are going through and leaning on that support can make a difference.  

                  Being proud of yourself is not easy.  I struggle with it.  With help I am learning to be proud of the little things.  You can, too.  Break life down into smaller chunks.  We don’t have to accomplish the big things in one attempt. Some days are going to be harder than others.  On mornings when just getting out of bed is an accomplishment, take it. Acknowledge it.  Say, “I feel like crap, but I got out of bed.”  Whatever the accomplishment is be proud and acknowledge it.  Remember accomplishments are going to look different at various times.  Depression’s grip can be stronger some days than other days.  Take each moment independently.  I know this is not easy.  As I said, I still struggle with it.  That is the nature of depression.  It tries to take joy away from us.  Steal a bit of that joy back by being proud of even the smallest accomplishment.  That will make room for bigger ones.  

Finding the Right Therapist

            Therapy is a key part of living with depression.  I believe it is vital to have the right therapist. Whether that person is a psychologist, counselor, or therapist finding the right one is vital.  Finding the right one can be a process.  There will be some that just don’t meet your needs.  That doesn’t mean that he or she is not a good therapist.  It just means the fit is not right.  

            In the early years of my depression, I saw several different therapists.  I have been with the same therapist, a psychologist, for 21 years now.  He provides for my needs and understands me.  Therapy is often a difficult journey in which you face many of your challenges head on.  For me it has been beneficial to be with the same psychologist for years because he knows me, and I am comfortable talking to him.  Therapy requires openness and a willingness to trust.  That has built up for me.  I know that when I go into a therapy session, I will make progress.  That progress may look different each time.  That is okay.  It is part of the journey.  

            So, what should you look for in a good therapist.  A simple search of the internet will give you many qualities.  Here are some that I feel are important:

 

·      Trustworthiness

·      Empathy

·      Communication Skills

·      The ability to listen to what is said and not said

·      Compassion

·      Critical Thinking

·      Optimism

·      Observation Skills

·      Hopeful/Positive

·      Patience

 

            It is important to feel comfortable with your therapist.  You will spend a lot of time working with him or her.  Your relationship, while professional, needs to be sincere.  It needs to be built on trust.  As the patient, you need to know that your therapist has your best interests at heart.  Your therapist needs to know that you will be honest with him or her.  It is not good to hide things from your therapist.  Don’t paint a picture you think he or she wants to hear.  Your therapist needs to know your reality.  He or she deserves to know your reality.  That is the only way they can help you battle depression (or other mental illness).  

            Therapy is a two-way street.  For it to be successful there must be commitment from both the patient and the therapist.  Together you embark on a journey.  You will navigate many aspects of your depression.  Some sessions will be the “feel good” type.  Others will be deep and gut-wrenching.  Both types are necessary.  

            Whether you already have a therapist, or you are just beginning your search, remember that the decision of fit is yours to make.  You need to be proactive for yourself, but it’s also okay to ask for help.  Make the best of your patient-therapist relationship.  He or she is a key member of your support team and will make a difference in your treatment. 

 

Check back Thursday, July 27^th for a new post.   

A Personal Observation About Healthcare for People with Mental Illness

            There is something on my mind. I was just in the hospital for physical health-related issues. For the most part everyone was great, but I have one concern. The doctor on the unit stopped my depression medication. Now medications don’t work for me, but my psychiatrist has decided to keep me on this one while we pursue alternative treatments. How can the doctor just take me off it? I have enough experience with psychiatric medications to understand that tapering is needed. So, I questioned why my medication was stopped. I said my psychiatrist, whom I trust, says I need it. After my questioning, another doctor said I could take it, but that I would have to get someone to bring it to me from home because the hospital doesn’t have it. I understand I’m on a medication that is not very common, but that’s not my fault. 

      My concern is that my needs as a person with a mental illness were dismissed by a doctor providing care for my physical needs. I shouldn’t have to speak up to get the medication I need. This is an example of one of the many problems people with mental illness face in healthcare. We must get better.

            I do want to say that there are good people in healthcare.  The nurses were understanding about why I needed my medication.  My primary care provider understands mental health and always ensures my needs are met.  Unfortunately, there are others out there who are not understanding whether from lack of training or lack of care. This is not the first time I have experienced this type of treatment.  I’ll return to this topic in later posts and share my experiences and invite others to share theirs.

 

Check back Thursday, July 19^th for my next post.

            

 

 

 

The Impact of Depression on Self-Esteem

            It is difficult to live in a world of darkness without it affecting your self-esteem. As I have mentioned, I have lived with depression since I was 14 years old.  During a time when I should have been discovering myself, learning my likes and dislikes, developing my talents and interests, depression was telling me that my life wasn’t worth living.  This prevented those things from happening.  I did not have the opportunity to build confidence or self-esteem.  Instead, I saw everything through the dark lens of depression. My mind focused on the negatives I felt.  It focused on the pain.  My mind didn’t experience happiness.  That set the stage for life moving forward.

            Self-esteem is defined as “confidence in one’s own worth and abilities”. (Oxford Languages and Google) As a person with depression, I struggle to believe in my own worth.  The messages in my mind tell me that I am not worth anything and that life is not worth living.  It makes sense that developing self-esteem would be near impossible with my mind being filled with these messages. As a result, I struggle with self-esteem.  I can understand that I have developed skills in my profession, but it is hard for me to take ownership of them.  

            It is hard to believe in myself when my mind is telling me all that I can’t do.  Depression prevents me from wanting to engage in life, dragging every aspect of my life down.  How do you tell yourself that you are good at something when you are just going through the motions?  Life becomes just an attempt to get by.  There is no real enjoyment.  

            I know I am not alone in this.  Depression steals self-esteem.  It prevents self-esteem from developing.  You can see it in the way a person with depression interacts with the world.  There is a lack of hope in our interactions that reflects our inner thoughts.  That lack of hope is a result of not having a belief in our own worth.  We have heard the negative in our minds for so long that self-esteem escapes us.

            So, how can we develop self-esteem.  For me, I have even struggled to believe that I have the capability of healing.  My mind has told me that I cannot do the things necessary to heal.  To battle this, I have had to hang onto the hope of my team.  I have had to let others hope for me.  It has helped.  But what else can we do?  How do we develop self-esteem when the depression is so loud?

            For starters, the steps must be simple.  People with depression are often not able to make big changes quickly.  We also must remember that there will be setbacks.  Here are a few things we can try:

·      Visualize: Try closing your eyes and bringing up an image of doing something well.

·      Journal: Write down what you are thinking. Try a two-way journal entry – write the negative thoughts you are having and then write a response to those thoughts from the perspective of someone who believes in you.  Maybe use words you have heard your therapist or psychiatrist use.

·      Self-Talk/Talk Back: When a thought tells you that you are not good at something, give it a little backtalk.  Say, “You are wrong. I can do that.”  This isn’t easy, but it is worth practicing.

·      Use affirmations: Find affirmations that help you and put them in places you will read them. Try memorizing a few.

·      Set realistic goals: Work with a psychologist, therapist, or trusted friend to set achievable goals for yourself.  

 

            As I write these strategies, I realize you might be thinking what I would think if I read them: “That’s too much for me.”  Trying all of them is overwhelming.  Even attempting one is going to take work and determination.  You might find you need help.  I know I have needed help.  I have leaned on my care team and on friends to help me.  To do this, especially with friends or family members, you must be clear in stating what you need.  If one strategy doesn’t work, don’t give up.  Try another strategy.  Ask your therapist or other trusted person for other ideas.  I have only listed a few.  If you have another idea, put it in the comments.  You might have the perfect idea to help someone else. 

            Developing self-esteem when suffering from depression is not easy.  It is a battle.  But it is a battle worth fighting. 

             Check back on Monday, July 17 for a new post.

Helpful Words to Say to Someone with Depression

            In my last post I discussed things people with depression are told to do that we just can’t do.  These well-meant words just aren’t helpful.  That leaves the question, “What helpful things can be said to someone with depression?”  First, we must understand that everyone with depression is different.  We are going to respond to different words, but there are some common things that can be helpful.  It is important to remember to be sincere.  Let the person know you care and are interested in understanding how he or she feels.  

            Let’s start out with a list of some phrases that may be helpful:

 

·      “I’m here for you.”

·      “You are not alone.”

·      “I care even if I don’t understand.”

·      “Would you like me to sit with you?”

·      “I can listen if you would like to talk.”

·      “What can I do for you?”

·      “Let me know what you need.”

·      “I’m always here even if you don’t want to talk.  We can just sit.”

·      “I can’t imagine how you feel, but I’m here for you in whatever way you need.”

·      “Do you want to talk about it?’

·      “It’s okay to feel the way you are feeling.”

 

            Words such as these let the person know that you are there for them.  These phrases emphasize that you value how the person is feeling and that you care.  When you speak in this way you are letting the person with depression know that their feelings and their illness are valid.  That is key.  Don’t give the person “feel good” platitudes, like “cheer up.”  We see right through those.  As a person with depression, I would you rather you be honest and say that you are trying to understand than have you tell me everything will be fine.

            It is okay if you don’t understand depression.  It is okay if you don’t have the words to make me feel better.  I don’t expect you to understand or to make me feel better.  You wouldn’t be able to cure a friend’s cancer.  The same is true of depression.  Just sit with me.  Let me know that you care.  Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone with depression is to just be there.  Depression is a lonely illness.  Having you sit by my side can comfort me a little.  It lets me know you care.  

            Asking me what I need lets me know that you honor my understanding of my illness.  As you spend time with me, I am likely to share some of my coping strategies with you.  Then, in time, you will be able to remind me to try one of those when I am struggling.  I am more likely to trust you with my feelings and listen to your suggestions, if I know you are listening to me.  

            Sometimes, just being with a person with depression is enough.  We need to know others see our illness as real.  We need to know that we are valued despite our illness.  Knowing we will not be abandoned and knowing we do not need to hide our illness allow us to open up to you.  It also goes a long way in helping us heal.

 

Be sure to check back for my next post on Thursday, July, 13^th.

Things a Person with Depression Can’t Do

            Those of us with depression are capable of doing more than we think.  We have an inner strength that enables us to live with this debilitating illness.  The fact that you are reading this post, the fact that I am writing it, both take strength.  There are many things it is not easy to do with depression, but we do them. 

            There are things we can’t do.  Unfortunately, these are things we are often told to do by well-meaning people.  How many of us have heard something on this list?

 

·      Just cheer up.

·      Think happy thoughts.

·      Change your mindset.

·      Think positive.

·      Just smile.

·      Look on the bright side.

·      Remember others have it worse.

·      Just get over it.

 

            We have all heard these statements in some form or another.  They are said by well-meaning people who just don’t understand.  They are well-meant words that do more harm than good.  I try to ignore them.  I tell myself the other person just doesn’t understand.  Sometimes, though, these greeting card platitudes make me angry.  They are hurtful.  These words make it sound like I can control how the depression affects me.  I can’t.  Depression is an illness.  I cannot snap my fingers and improve my mood.  A fake smile is not going to help me anymore than it would help someone with cancer.   

            People with depression can’t just “think happy thoughts” and be healed.  Often, we don’t see “the bright side”.  Depression covers that “side” up in our minds.  If we could just change our mindset, we would.  Doing that requires treatment.  It requires therapy, medication, and sometimes more intense, non-traditional treatments.  We understand the importance of thinking positive, but depression steals that ability from us.  It is not a matter of just flipping a switch and being happy. Depression is an illness, not a way of thinking we can turn off and on at will.

            We understand that people have it worse.  That doesn’t diminish our condition.  Depression is painful.  It is debilitating.  Depression can take lives just like other illnesses.  The difference is society doesn’t recognize the gravity of depression until it is too late.   When someone dies from depression by suicide, people say they didn’t see the signs.  They say they had no idea.  The signs were there.  The person probably heard those platitudes from the list above.  Hearing those and knowing we just can’t do it, make our depression worse.  Depression may not get the attention cancer or heart disease get, but it can be just as debilitating and all three can lead to death.

            When someone has a broken leg or has surgery, they receive get well cards and flowers.  When those of us with depression are struggling with our illness, we get platitudes, like “just smile”.  We are told to do things we just can’t do because of our illness.  Until that changes, we will remain misunderstood and mistreated because of our illness.  Depression is an illness, and it cannot be cured by greeting card slogans. 

 

Check back Monday, July 10^th for a post sharing helpful things you can say to someone with depression.

Depression: What I Know and Don’t Know

    I know a lot about depression.  I am more familiar with it than I ever wanted to be.  I know its definition. I know its symptoms and its treatments.  I know the coping strategies.  I know how it affects me.  I know what it is has stolen from me.  I know depression is an illness.  It is an illness that lasts a lifetime.  I am intimately close to depression.  It has been haunting me for decades.  

I should be an expert by now, but I am not.  I am just a person suffering from this illness.  Sure, I know a lot.  It is not enough.  Depression is an ever-evolving beast.  An illness that interferes with my life no matter how much knowledge I have.

            There is so much I don’t know. Like, why did depression choose me? Why have I lived in the darkness since such a young age? Why has it left me wanting to die? Why haven’t I taken that final step? Why do I get treatment when so many others don’t? Why doesn’t medication work for me? Why is depression never satisfied? It always must take more. Why does depression lie? Whose voice is it using? Why does depression have so much strength? 

            Depression has filled me with questions. Some will be left forever unanswered. I’ve been helped to find the answers to others thanks to my support team. But there will always be questions.

            You see there are more questions than answers. To battle this illness, we must not allow ourselves to become consumed by the questions. There are professionals whose job it is to find the answers. Many of them are very good at what they do. Let’s allow them to do their job. We, the ones living with depression, need to focus on the light. Keep our minds on what brings us healing. Follow our treatment plans. Reach out to our support systems. Live as best as we are capable of living. Know that it is okay to have depression. It is an illness. It is a part of us, but it does not define us.

            The questions will always be there.  In many ways, the answers do not matter.  Depression is what it is.  Depression is a debilitating illness.  At times we can fight it better than other times.  I try not to dwell on the questions, although sometimes I get caught up in wanting to know.  It is difficult.  I want to defeat depression, but I know it will always be there lurking.  I ask the questions, but try to be content with the lack of answers.  I’ll never know why depression chose me.  Maybe that is okay.  I understand what I need to know.  I am not ignorant when it comes to this illness.  I have accepted that there is much I do not understand. What I do know about depression is enough to help me fight this illness.