Can Gratitude Change Your Life?

                  Gratitude is something that oftentimes gets lost in the world. We need to find a way to make it more present. Gratitude allows us to bring joy into our lives. It allows us to heal from the wounds that impact us. Gratitude lets us see the world and the happenings in our lives from a different perspective.

                  With a little research I found six ways that gratitude impacts mental health. Let’s take a look.

                  First, gratitude can reduce stress and depression. The practice of gratitude has been found to reduce levels of cortisol, a hormone that can increase anxiety and contributes to depression. Gratitude shifts focus away from negative thoughts, reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety. In people who regularly practice gratitude, there are reports of fewer symptoms of rumination.

                  Gratitude improves mood and emotional well-being. It boosts dopamine and serotonin which are neurotransmitters linked to happiness and well-being. Gratitude encourages a more positive outlook and helps people reframe challenging situations.

                  A third benefit of gratitude is enhancing relationships. Expressing gratitude strengthens social bonds and increases relationship satisfaction. Expressing gratitude fosters mutual trust and emotional intimacy. 

                  Gratitude increases resilience. When people are grateful, they tend to cope better with trauma and hardship. This comes from building a habit of focusing on what is going well even when times are difficult, which enhances emotional resilience.

                  A fifth way gratitude impacts mental health is by improving sleep. Research has indicated that the practice of gratitude journaling before bed is associated with better sleep and reduced insomnia. When positive thoughts fill the brain, it pushes out anxieties and helps the brain calm down. 

                  Finally, gratitude promotes self-esteem. One way it does this is by reducing social comparisons. Gratitude encourages people to shift their focus to what they have rather than what others have. The practice of gratitude leads to a stronger sense of self-worth and contentment. 

                  I try to recognize the things I am grateful for in life. When I am expressing gratitude, I feel a shift in my mood. Sometimes it is slight. Other times it is very moving. There are many ways to express gratitude. It can be done with words, both spoken and written. It can be done with gifts of appreciation. Gratitude can also take place in quiet reflection. I find myself reflecting on things I am grateful for in my journal. For me the written word holds my emotions and feelings. Placing my gratitude on the page immortalizes it. The words have become etched on the page. They are there for me to return to when I need a lift or a reminder of what is good in my life.

                  I have a friend, Robert, who messages me his gratitude list every morning. His lists remind me to be grateful. His joy and appreciation for life are apparent in his list. This encourages me to search for joy and recognize what I am grateful for. I know I should make a daily list and send it to him. That is a goal I have set for myself. 

                  Let me share a few things I am grateful for in life. First and foremost, I am grateful to be alive. Cancer and mental illness have threatened to take my life, but they haven’t won. I am grateful to my mental health and physical health teams for keeping me healthy. I am grateful for my family and friends. I am grateful to be able to share with everyone on this blog. It gives my writing a purpose and gives me a place to freely express what I have learned about mental illness. I am grateful that I have been able to return to work and that the position I returned to has been so great. There are many more things I could share, but I think what I have shared illustrates how gratitude can change a life.

                  Bringing this post back to the theme of the month (Suicide Prevention Awareness) I am grateful that I have survived the darkest moments of my life, the moments when suicide seemed like the only answer. I am grateful to the people who have brought me back from that edge. These are the people who have embraced me in hope. I think they know who they are. 

                  Gratitude is a gift we give and a gift we receive when we give it. Let’s all take a moment to recognize what we are grateful for in life. We might just find there is more than we realize. Let’s try to give gratitude a chance to change our lives.

 

 

                  

Gratitude in the Face of Depression

                  November is a time when we focus on gratitude. We should be grateful all year long, but with Thanksgiving being this month our attention is drawn to gratitude. As someone who lives with the darkness of depression, I sometimes find it difficult to focus on what I am grateful for in life. Despite this, I try to show my gratitude.

                  Depression creates an inner struggle, at least it does for me. My mind focuses on the darkness, on what I struggle with, and on what I am missing out on because of my depression. I often feel like things won’t get better or that it is not worth trying to find happiness. At times these thoughts turn suicidal, which is the ultimate darkness. Depression creates a lack of hope. How can I be grateful when my mind focuses on all that I am struggling with? 

                  I have thought a lot about this recently. Despite my depression I have a lot to be grateful for in life. I’ll save that list for another post on Thanksgiving Day. But I do have a lot to be grateful for and it is important that I train my mind to think about those things. This requires me to tell my depression to shut up.  Not an easy task. Depression has been chanting in my head for over 35 years. It has taken up residency as if it owns my head. Luckily, I have learned that I have a right to talk back to depression’s voice. When it tells me life isn’t worth living, I tell myself all that I have to live for. This isn’t always easy. I still struggle with it, but I am getting better at talking back. 

                  Focusing on what I am grateful for takes a lot of work because depression has taught my brain to believe in all the negative. Depression wants me to believe that I won’t defeat it, that I won’t beat cancer, that I have no reason to live. All these things are lies that depression feeds off. If I focus my attention on the opposite of these lies, I find that I am grateful. I have a mental health team and a physical health team that lift me up and bring me healing. How can I not be grateful when I recognize how much these individuals have done for me? 

                  I heard about a suicide yesterday. It made me pause and think. Depression has taken me to that edge on several occasions. I have walked, or crawled, back each time. Depression hasn’t won. I am alive. How can I not be grateful? Depression hasn’t defeated me. It is definitely a fight. Depression is a strong a*hole. Maybe I am stronger. Maybe I have learned to use the tools I have learned to fight back. I am grateful I have been able to fight depression for so long. Would I rather not have to fight? Of course. That is obvious, but if I must fight, I am grateful that I continue to win.

                  I’ll be creating a list of all I am grateful for between now and Thanksgiving Day. At the top of that list is being grateful that I am alive. Depression and another a**, cancer haven’t taken my life away from me. I choose to be grateful for the life I have. 

 

 

 

 

A Little More Gratitude and a Cancer Poem

            Last week I shared all the people I am grateful for in my life.  Today I want to share a few things I am grateful for and then leave you with a poem I wrote this past weekend.

            First, I am grateful for TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation).  There have been two posts on this blog about TMS.  It has made such a difference in my battle with depression.  I don’t know where I would be without TMS.  It is a treatment that works for me, and I know will be a part of my life.

            I am also grateful for chemotherapy.  How can I not be grateful for something that is keeping me alive?  It may seem a little strange to be thankful for something that makes me feel like crap each week, but it is doing its job.  It is killing my cancer.  As sick as I feel I am grateful that the medical knowledge is available to treat my cancer and that I have a chance to survive.

            Another thing I am grateful for is the ability to write and experience the healing power of writing.  For as long as I can remember, writing has been a part of my life.  I would be interested in knowing how many poems I have written in my life.  Writing is a healing tool.  I am grateful that I can express my thoughts and emotions in writing.  I am grateful that I have this blog to share those thoughts and emotions with all of you.  My books are another source of gratitude for me.  Each one has brought me healing and allowed me to share my story with others.  

            So, I have a lot to be grateful for. Expressing my gratitude has helped me remain positive as I battle depression and cancer.  Don’t be surprised if you see gratitude pop up on my blog again in the future.  

            I also wanted to share a poem with you.  This poem is about the cancer, more specifically fighting cancer.  At times I get down because as much as I try to fight, I often just do not have the energy or stamina.  My body is weak from the fight.  When I start to feel down about needing so much rest, my Aunt Holly reminds me that even when I am resting, I am fighting.  As I thought about it made a lot of sense.  My body is in a fight for its life.  It needs time to heal.  That is what happens when I am resting.  So, even when I am resting, I am fighting.  That is where this poem came from.

 

Cancer Chose Me

 

Cancer chose me.

I did not choose cancer.

Cancer is ravaging my body.

Leaving me to fight.

At times I am weak, but still I fight.

Battling cancer takes all my strength.

 

Cancer chose me.

Its poison attacking my organs.

I fight back with a different poison, 

A poison meant to kill as it heals.  

My body is a battleground between cancer and chemo.

 

Cancer chose me.

Some days I must rest.

I cannot actively fight every day. 

Learning that it is okay to rest has been difficult,

But it is something I must accept.

 

Cancer chose me.

I did not choose cancer,

But I chose to fight back.

Meet the cancer head on

And fight for my life.

 

 

            Check back on Thursday.  I will be reflecting on how depression affects my fight. Depression can affect battles with any illness.  I will share my perspective. 

Grateful Despite Cancer and Depression

           The past year has been very different for me.  It has been a difficult year to say the least.  Still, I have a lot to be grateful for this year.  As Thanksgiving is upon us, I would like to reflect on what I have to be grateful for.  Illness cannot prevent my gratitude.

            2023 started with me in a deep depression.  It was a battle that lasted months and impacted my ability to function.  It was one of the worst periods of depression that I have had in my lifetime.  That being said, I am grateful for my mental health team.  Dr. K, Dr. S, and Stephanie got me through a very difficult time.  My primary care, Cristina, also helped.  I am grateful to all four of them.  I know that not everyone has a mental health care team that they can rely on in difficult times.  In my darkest times they are there, supporting me, helping me through suicidal thoughts.  This past year I have really needed them.  They continue to be by my side as I battle cancer.  Having a mental illness and a physical illness is not easy.  I need their support and healing touch.  So, as I think about what I am grateful for this year, these four people are right there. 

            In addition, to my mental health difficulties, I am now facing cancer.  I am grateful that Cristina made sure I had the tests needed to diagnosis my cancer.  I am grateful that she made sure I am receiving the best care for my cancer.  That brings me to my oncology team.  Dr. St is amazing.  She gives me hope that I can beat stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. In addition to Dr. St., C has been inspiring.  She is the nurse navigator that encourages me with her dancing and words of encouragement.  Jackie, the nurse practitioner, helps by ensuring that I am prepared for chemo.  I also appreciate all the chemo nurses who provide such tremendous care.  They make sure I am taken care of and that everything goes smoothly during chemo.  I have hope that I can beat cancer because of this great team.

            As I reflect on what I am grateful for I must recognize my family and friends.  First, my Aunt Holly has been by my side through all my cancer journey.  She also understands the mental health side of what I am going through.  I am grateful for her care and encouragement.  My cousin, Sara, has helped me with so much.  I am grateful to have her by my side on this journey.  I remember us as kids, and I feel lucky that she is still in my life.  My mom and brother have been helping me.  They check on me and send supportive words.  I didn’t realize how much they understood about what I am going through until a recent conversation with my brother.  It has changed my perspective.  I feel grateful that they want to be an integral part of my healing journey.  My Aunt C and Uncle D check on me and encourage me.  They are coming to help me next week.  My Uncle A always texts to check on me and encourage me. 

            My friends have been great.  I want to mention them all here, but I am afraid I will leave someone out.  I’ll try.  Know that if I miss you, I still appreciate you.  Thank you, Pam, Shannon, Carol N, Sarah, Maria, Gus, Nancy, Jessica, Bernie, and Sharon.  I am grateful to the friends I went to school with over the years who have reached out.  It means a lot that even though we have been separated by time, you are still care.  Others have reached out including Sue, Robin, and Meg. Thank you to all of you.

            My colleagues have been wonderful.  I am touched by their generosity in helping me in my time of need.  I am grateful that so many of them reach out to me.  It means a lot. I appreciate my colleague, Robert, who sends me a gratitude list every morning.  It reminds me to be grateful.   Thank you to my former students who are wishing me well.  Your support means so much to me.  

            I know I have a battle with mental and physical illness.  It is not easy.  I have a lot of fighting left to do.  I am choosing to focus on the fact that I am lucky to have the ability and the opportunity to fight.  My battle is overwhelming, but my health care team, my family, my friends, my colleagues, and my former students give me the courage and strength to keep fighting.  I don’t know how my battle will end, but I am confident that I have wonderful people surrounding me in this battle.  For that I am grateful.  Cancer and depression chose me.  What they didn’t realize was they chose a fighter with a great support team.  I know it won’t be easy and some days are going to be hard.  At times I may want to give up.  That is okay.  It is part of the fight.  Good days and bad days will come together.  I will rely on my support team.  Each day I fight is another day to be grateful for.  So, thank you to everyone.  Please stay by my side and help me beat these illnesses.  

            I encourage everyone to reflect on what they are grateful for as Thanksgiving approaches.  It helps put life in perspective.  Even though I have to serious illnesses, I have a lot to be grateful for.  I have learned not to take life for granted.  Illness has given me that perspective. 

            I wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I’ll be back next week.

 

            

A Moment of Gratitude

           Today I want to share more gratitude.  I hope you will allow me this time.  It is important to me as I battle cancer.  I can’t do it alone.  This is the one place where I can say what I have to say.  I don’t know who will read it, but I hope my gratitude comes across.

            As many of you know I am a special education teacher. I knew when I left my previous school in June that I was I leaving great teachers (also counselors, paraprofessionals, and campus aides) behind.  Little did I know just how amazing they are.  These teachers and staff have joined my battle with cancer.  Many have reached out to me through phone calls, texts, cards, and messages through my friend, Maria.  I treasure every message.  Facing mortality really changes perspective and reminds me of what is important in life.  These messages provide me with connection.  They give me hope. The teachers and staff at my former school have generously donated money to assist me financially while cancer prevents me from working.  I don’t know how to thank them enough.  I cried when I found out. They are more than colleagues. They are my teacher family. 

            In May I made a life changing decision.  I chose to leave the school I have called home for nine and a half years.  That meant leaving my teacher friends.  I had reasons for leaving that had nothing to do with the teachers.  In a perfect world I would still be working with these wonderful people.  Some of them know the reason I left. Even more understand without  knowing the details. 

            Before I could start work at a new school in an out of classroom position as a special education coordinator, I received the diagnosis of stage 4 metastatic breast cancer.  I had been looking forward to this position.  I haven’t been able to work since.  But my teacher friends, including teachers, counselors, paraprofessionals, and campus aides rose up and have had my back. 

            I cannot express enough how much their support means to me.  I am so grateful to have them in my corner.  They are the best of the best.  I wish they heard that more often.  Teaching is a tough profession. These teachers work their butts off.  They are the most dedicated group I have had the privilege to work with in my 26-year career.  They don’t get the credit they deserve for all their hard work.  I hope knowing that I appreciate them goes a little way in helping them know how truly great they are.  

The students at my former school are lucky to have such a dedicated staff.  As I mentioned in my last post, the students at this school are great, too. I don’t know if leaving was the right choice.  Things have changed too much now for me to ever know.  I do know that I had to make the move ironically for my health, mainly my depression.  The cancer changed things.  I don’t know if I will ever be able to step back into a classroom like these amazing people.  Cancer may take that away from me.  I may decide I can’t go back.  I struggle with this, but I know I was blessed to work with my colleagues for the last nine and a half years.  If any of you are reading this, know that I am grateful for your help and support.  Know that I believe in you.  I know you give your best for students.  You show up every day and do what is best for kids.  The world needs more people like you.  Thank you for joining me on this journey.  You give me strength to keep fighting.  Keep messaging me. Your words go a long way in helping me fight cancer.