As I have shared often, writing is healing for me. Sometimes I write at night while I struggle with the insomnia brought on by depression. At these times I usually write in my journal, filling the pages with thoughts and poems. During the day I find that I need to write especially now that I am unable to work due my cancer diagnosis. I can’t just sit at home and stare at the television or nap. I know that it is good for my depression for me to get out of the house. That leads me to the point of today’s post, having a comfort zone, a place that feels safe. For me that place is the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, more specifically, store number 138 on Mednick in East LA. I love to sit here and write. Writing is healing for me and sitting at this Coffee Bean adds to that healing.
I have been writing at this Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf for several years. I used to show up at 5:30 am and write before I would go to work. I would sit there and write poems. I was always very productive on these mornings. When I walked in the baristas would greet me. Often, they would start my drink before I even ordered. I’d chat with them a bit. It was a comforting start to my day. It was also my escape from the depression driven insomnia that plagued me. I would have been there earlier if they had been open.
I think having a place to spend time writing has been healing for me. Feeling comfortable here allows me to let the darkness in my mind escape through writing. I can just write without being reminded of the loneliness I feel in my house. I feel connected to people even though I sit by myself. The important thing is the environment. The smell of coffee wafts through the air. I hear people talking, laughing. I can pretend I am not alone. This allows me to get lost in my writing and it somehow lifts my depression.
Most of all five of my books were written in this Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. Now, I write my blog posts and work on my next book here with a caramel cold brew next to me. I feel comfortable here. My writing flows. The words have a freedom to fill the page of my journal or the document on my computer screen.
Struggling with depression makes being in public places difficult, but this place is a haven for me. The baristas are always kind. I chat with most of them. After I was diagnosed with cancer, I couldn’t come in to write and drink my coffee. I was gone for a few months as I underwent chemotherapy. I missed my writing spot. I missed the baristas. I lost the comfort of my favorite writing place, the spot that lets me block out the depression.
Most of the time I was receiving chemotherapy I stayed at my aunt’s house in Santa Monica. It was not possible to hang out at my Coffee Bean because of the distance and the fact that I had to protect myself from illness. On one of the rare days I was at home, my friend came to this Coffee Bean and ordered my drink. She told the barista it was for me and that I was fighting cancer. The barista knew she was talking about me and bought the drink for me. That drink tasted so good. It also made me feel good that I hadn’t been forgotten.
It is strange to have a connection to coffee place, but because my depression keeps me from socializing a lot, this place is my social connection. I believe we all need a place where we feel safe. A place where our illnesses do not matter. When I was able to return to sitting here daily, the baristas remembered me and my drink order. I felt welcomed back. I have resumed my daily writing practice. My next book is well underway, a product of sitting here with my cold brew. My blog posts get written while I am sitting here. I am productive despite my illnesses as I sit at this Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf.
I would mention some of the baristas by name, but there are so many who have impacted me with their kindness over the years, I don’t want to miss anyone. I have spent so much time here. Sitting here is one of my strategies for coping with depression. I truly believe it helps me cope with my depression. Having a place that feels comfortable, a place where I feel connected allows me to stand up to my depression. My depression can rest on the sidelines while I sit here sipping cold brew and writing.
It seems strange that I am writing about a place in my depression blog. The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf has provided me with a space to cope with my depression and to continue healing from my cancer. I believe sitting here writing is a part of my healing. I know that the time will come when the cancer gets worse, and I will not be able to sit here and write. I will have to return to chemotherapy and keep myself out of public places. Until then, I will sit here in my comfort zone and write. I plan to finish my next book while I sit here. I hope that the blog posts I write here attract more readers and help people. Everyone needs a place where they feel comfortable and find healing. The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf is that place for me. Thank you to everyone at store 138!
My intention in writing this wasn’t just to give a shout out to the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. I want to encourage people who are living with mental illness to find their safe space, a place where they feel comfortable. That place is going to be different for everyone. You might even have more than one place. For example, sometimes I need to walk on the beach. It is important to identify places where you feel comfortable because being trapped at home can make your mood worse. I’ve shared my place. I encourage you to find your place.
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