A Mental Health Myth

                  There are a lot of myths surrounding mental health. These myths are harmful and further the stigma that surrounds mental health. Today I would like to address one myth. My plan is to periodically address other myths in future posts.

                  One harmful myth surrounding mental health is that talking about mental health is a sign of weakness. Just the opposite is true. Talking about mental illness is a sign of strength. It takes courage to discuss mental health. The fact that this myth is believed is proof of the strength it takes to talk about mental health.

                  As I have shared, I have lived with mental illness, depression and anxiety, for most of my life. It took me a long time to learn that it was okay to talk about my mental health. At times I was afraid of how I would be perceived. In all honesty, sometimes I still am. I believed that I would be ridiculed for my depression and anxiety. I didn’t think others would understand. I did not believe I deserved help with my mental health. So, I remained silent. 

                  I suffered silently with my illness for a long time before I had the courage to share my suffering. It took courage to share my story with someone other than my psychologist. Once I took that risk, I realized that I wasn’t alone. There are so many people living with mental illness. Like I did, many of these people believe they need to stay silent. Once I learned that I could share my mental illness with others, I felt a weight lifted off me. Despite the lifting of the weight, it still takes courage to share my story. Even today, after I have been sharing my experience with mental illness for many years, I sometimes hesitate. We never know how the illness we live with will be received. Thanks to groups like NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), there is more awareness surrounding mental health and more acceptance. Still, stigma and ignorance are present in the world. That is the reason it still takes strength to talk about mental illness.

                  One of the purposes of my blog is to provide an open space to discuss mental illness. It is a safe space. It is a place for me to share my experiences and thoughts. I welcome comments because that encourages open discussion. Whenever I post on this blog, I share it on my social media accounts. It takes strength for me to do that because I never know who is lurking on social media. The reason I do this is to reach as many people as I can. Occasionally, I will receive a negative reaction. I will be honest when that happens, it hurts, but I know that I am I getting far more positive than negative reactions. 

Talking about mental illness is how we end the stigma. Sadly, there are people who do not understand that mental illness is an illness. There are people who ridicule us. There are people who think that by talking about it we are seeking attention. Well, I am seeking attention, but not for myself. I am seeking attention to the fact that many people live with mental illness and that all of us deserve support and treatment. I am lucky to have a platform where I can discuss mental illness. It is a testament to the strength I have developed in my battle with mental illness. I have learned that I can use my voice to better myself and to help others. So, if that makes me an attention seeker or if it makes me weak, that is okay. I am doing my part to make life easier for those of us living with mental illness. 

I wish I could do more. One day I will. For now, I will use my strength to discuss mental illness with anyone who will listen. There are people who don’t want to listen. Sadly, it is their loss. 

I’m going to try a little experiment. I want to ask people who are reading this to comment. If you are living with mental illness, comment “I am here”. Maybe you don’t live with mental illness, but you are listening and believe we should discuss mental health, comment, “I am listening”. If appropriate, leave both comments. You can comment anonymously if you are uncomfortable leaving your name. I just want to show that there are people out there who believe it demonstrates strength to discuss mental illness. So, help me out. Leave a comment. Your comments also help spread my blog to others, which further breaks down this myth.

It is a myth that it is a sign of weakness to talk about mental illness. Let’s allow our voices to be heard. 

Every Step Counts

 

“Be proud of every step you take towards stability, no matter how big or small” 

– Jessica Ann Hardy

 

 

                  I selected this quote to reflect on today because while it is something I believe; I struggle with it at times. We are all on a path toward healing of some kind. For some that journey is short. There are others who have a long and at times arduous journey toward healing. I am on the long journey. Many of us who live with mental illness are on a long journey. 

                  Each day I take steps towards healing. The steps may be a result of professional help like a visit with a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. The impetus of the steps may be medication. A non-traditional treatment like TMS or esketamine may drive the steps. The steps are often the result of the sheer will of the person living with mental illness. I have experienced all of these. These steps allow me to move toward healing. 

                  Sometimes my steps are small. I seem to barely make progress at times. A small step forward is still progress. I need to remind myself that it is okay to take small steps. There are many times when I need reminders. My mental health team and members of my support system will remind me to pause and notice my forward movement. They often see the steps as being bigger than I see them. Their perspective helps me understand that I am moving forward. 

                  Maybe I am like the tortoise in the story about the hare and the tortoise. My steps may be slow and small compared to others who seem to be running the race of life in a swift fashion, but I am continuously moving and I can reach my goal. Perhaps many of us with mental illness are like the tortoise.

                  Even when my steps slip and go backwards, I need to remember that small steps forward are important. Living with any struggle can be difficult. Over the last few years, I have had many steps backward and steps forward that were so small they seemed imperceivable. The important thing is I haven’t given up. I am still trying to move forward. Right now, I am not floundering in the depths of depression, which allows me to take some steps that are a little bigger. It feels good to be able to move toward healing.

 I need to remind myself that I can be proud of my progress, proud of every step I take. It is okay to be proud of the little steps. When a baby is first learning to walk, parents and caregivers praise every step. They smile and clap when the baby stands and takes one step. If on the next attempt the baby takes a second step, there are more smiles and claps. We need that type of support and cheering throughout our lives. We should be encouraging each other. We also should encourage ourselves. It is not easy, but we need to give ourselves a gentle smile. We need to whisper, “Way to go!” This support will allow us to take more steps forward. 

Some people seem to zoom through life. Others move forward slowly. I know I move slowly towards healing. It has been a lifetime of steps. Some of those steps moved me forward. Others took me backwards. Those backwards steps are a part of life. We cannot give up when we step backwards. I need to remind myself of that often. What is important is not giving up and attempting to step forward. Even if those forward steps are just inching forward, the steps are moving us. It is better to inch forward than to give up. Life is a series of steps. The way to a healthy life is to keep those steps moving forward even if the steps are only inching us forward. 

                                   This is Torty, my aunt's tortoise.

Do I Deserve Support?

                  A question I have often asked myself is “Do I deserve support with my mental health?” Living with mental illness is not easy and I often cannot do it alone. I need support. Is it fair for me to reach out for support? Am I too needy? The simple answer is that everyone deserves support no matter what struggles they are facing. The question then becomes can I allow myself to feel okay asking for support?

                  Even though I can understand that everyone, including me, deserves support, sometimes I start thinking I should be able to get through things on my own. The reality is at times my depression and anxiety prevent me from getting through things on my own. I need support.

                  No one would deny me support for my cancer diagnosis. The same should hold true for my mental illness. Sadly, many people are forced to face their mental illness alone whether because they believe they are not worthy of support or because they do not have access to support. How do we handle it when we do not believe we deserve support? Sometimes I reach for my journal as if it could provide actual support. I know it provides a release for my thoughts and emotions, but it does not respond. What should I do then? 

                  Fortunately, even though I do not always believe I deserve support, I have learned to reach out. I am lucky to have mental health providers I can reach out to when I am struggling. That privilege is not lost on me. I am grateful for every one of them. I know that they are going to be there when I struggle. Sometimes I feel like a burden. I feel like I should just hold on until my next appointment. Unfortunately, depression and anxiety, as well, as other mental illnesses, do not always cooperate with the wait time. I may need support at inconvenient times. This is hard. I may know I am spiraling, but I do not want to be that burden. 

                  I know that even when I do not feel worthy, I need to reach out for support. Sometimes that support is a phone call. Other times it is an email. There are times when that support comes after I have let loose all that I am struggling with during an appointment. By its very nature, mental illness requires support. Even after a lifetime of living with depression and anxiety, I am still coming to terms with needing support and whether I deserve that support. Part of that is the negativity that depression and anxiety fill my mind with so often. Depression tells me, and many others, that I am not worthy. It berates me and causes me to internalize negative thoughts. 

                  I hope that I do not burden my mental health team. I always think about it before I reach out. I question if I really should be reaching out. Sadly, sometimes the depression wins, and I do not reach out. The message I would like to leave others with is that we need to allow ourselves to believe that we deserve support even if our minds our telling us differently. So, reach out when you need support.  

Returning

                 For the past two plus years I have been on medical leave from the job I had for 26 years. Cancer forced me to take the leave. I have spent the past two years dealing with cancer and aspects of my mental health. It was a difficult time. Despite the difficulties, the pain, the treatment, and all the time to allow my mind to run wild, I have overcome cancer. This horrible disease is no longer ruling my life. The time has come for me to return to the life I once led. It is time to return to normalcy and the working world. 

                  In all honesty the concept of returning to work terrifies me despite how grateful I am to be afforded this opportunity. Cancer did not beat me. I have been given a gift. There was a time when I did not think I would ever get this opportunity. The fears that arose from my cancer diagnosis haunted every aspect of my life. Those fears negatively impacted my mental health. 

                  I know I am lucky to be able to return to work. Why then am I so anxious and overwhelmed? Yesterday was a terrible day. The anxiety of it all really hit me as one thing went wrong after another. I am grateful that I had my mental health team to reach out to for support. My friend, Maria, also helped me through it. She has been the voice of reason. Maria reminds me that education is changing, and I will face many new things, some difficult, but even with the changes I can be successful if I prepare and keep an open mind. That is a message I needed to hear. Luckily, she did not tell me that when I was in crisis yesterday. She waited until I was calmer and could hear her message with a clear mind. She also let me know she will be there when I need support.

                  I wonder if teaching will be like riding a bike. Will I remember what to do when I enter the classroom? I know I will face challenges. I know things have changed. I also know that I was not happy the last time I was in the classroom. Fears that those feelings will return swirl in my mind. During my last year of teaching, the environment I was in almost broke me. I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. Thankfully, I have an amazing mental health team that held my hand and walked me through that time. I am in a different place mentally now. I will be at a new school with new students.  I have met the administration, and they seem enthusiastic and positive. They carry an air of support, which I did not feel at my previous school. That gives me hope for my new teaching assignment.

                  Still, cancer is in my thoughts. I know my mind is messing with me. It is causing pains that remind me of the pains I had prior to my cancer diagnosis. I know I am fine. My recent pet scan showed that there are no tumors in my body. My bloodwork has been good. The pain is just a figment of my mind taunting me. Depression and anxiety want to be noticed, and they are creating this pain in an attempt to scare me. I cannot let them win. I beat cancer. I know it may come back, but it is not back now. I need to focus on living the life I have been given. Depression and anxiety are going to talk in my head, but I know it is them. I can talk back to them.

                  One of the things I learned in my cancer journey is that I need to dance. What does that mean? It means I need to focus on the joys in life. I need to recognize that my cancer journey made me stronger. I am a survivor. If I can beat cancer, I can handle teaching. I can dance my way back into the classroom. One toe tap at a time, I can become the quality teacher I once was. The ability to teach still resides within me. I need to welcome this opportunity with joy no matter how much it scares me. Cancer taught me that I can do hard things. There is a strength within me that sometimes I forget to acknowledge. That strength has fought depression and anxiety. It has fought cancer. Each time the strength has emerged on top. I must believe that this time will be no different. I admit that I am scared. The fear of cancer’s return will always be in the back of my mind. I cannot allow that fear to prevent me from moving forward. There are students waiting for me to teach them. As I reenter the classroom, I do so with a new sense of my inner strength. I hope to pass that strength onto my students.

                  So, despite my fears and anxiety, returning to work is a positive thing. It is a gift. Teaching has been such an integral part of my life. I need to embrace this opportunity to teach again. Returning to teaching is a good thing and I welcome the opportunity.

Celebrating 200 Posts: A Look Back

                  Yesterday I realized that I have reach a milestone that I never imagined I would reach, especially considering all I have been through the last two years. This is the 200^th post on Bent, Not Broken: Living with Depression. Two hundred snuck up on me. The only reason I know is that when I was checking my blog stats yesterday, I saw that I had written 199 posts. So, how did we reach this point? I started this blog on June 16, 2023 with the post Why a Depression Blog?. When I posted that I was just learning about blogging. I knew I had a message I wanted to share. A blog seemed like a good way to share it. At the time I had no way of knowing that this blog would become a lifeline for me over the next two years. The blog gave me purpose. It gave me a reason to write on days when I felt like crap. It has become a consistent part of my life as I post twice a week. I have posted when depressed, when anxious, when I felt terrible after chemotherapy, and when I have felt the hand of hope in my life. 

Today I am going to take a look back. I will share links to previous posts. I encourage you to follow the links and check out some posts you may have missed. You can also reread posts that you enjoyed. My goal is to grow this blog and reach people who live with mental illness as well as people who want to better understand mental illness. We live in a world where many people live with mental illness. It benefits all of us when understanding is spread. So, join me on this look back.

My second post (don’t worry I am not going to write about all 200 posts) Where did Bent, Not Broken Come From? explains the title of my blog. It contains a poem I wrote. Every once in a while, I share my poetry on this blog. Poetry is huge part of my healing story.

My most read post to date is A Safe Place for Healing. In this post I shared how writing at my favorite coffee place brings me a sense of healing. I am actually sitting at a Coffee Bea & Tea Leaf (my favorite) as I write this post. Some things never change. I think I will always feel most comfortable writing here.

Soon after I started this blog I was struck by cancer. As a result, I wrote about how the cancer affected me. Cancer intersected my battle with depression and anxiety. Strangely, cancer may have saved my life. Let me explain. I have battled suicidal thoughts most of my life. For more on suicide read these posts: Suicidal Ideation and Suicide Are Not Signs of Weakness and Hope After Suicidal Thoughts. When I was diagnosed with cancer, a desire to live interrupted my suicidal thoughts. I did not want cancer to end my life and I fought to live. A few of my most read posts involved my cancer battle and how it impacted my thoughts, which are driven by the mental illness I battle. These include: Grateful Despite Cancer, Contradictory Thoughts: Life and Death, A Funeral for My Hair, and Dancing the Down Days Away.

One of my main goals in writing this blog is to help people understand mental illness. The more people understand mental illness, the more stigma will be reduced. As someone who has been hurt by stigma (Turning Hurtful Words into Healing) I want to prevent others from feeling the sting I have felt. One post that aims to directly do this is What to Say to Someone with a Mental Illness.

I have also shared information on alternative treatments for depression. Four posts specifically focused on these alternative treatments. Two were written by a mental health professional, Stephanie Debnath, PMHNP, and two were written from my perspective as a patient who has received these treatments. These four posts were among some of the most read posts on my blog. To read them follow these links: Renewed and Recharged (TMS), TMS: A Firsthand Account, Gardening the Mind (Esketamine Treatment), and Fertilization and Purple Lights (Esketamine Treatment).

Two posts that might be worth a re-read are All I Know So Far and Whispers Above the Water. I know from first-hand experience that there are many people out there who care and who do everything in their power to help others. Check out these posts to read about some of them: Finding the Right Psychiatrist for You, Celebrating Nurse Practitioner Week, and National Physician's Assistants Day. As I write this, I realize I never wrote a post specifically about my psychologist. I mention him in several posts. He deserves his own post. Look for that next week. 

A few of my recent posts have felt good to write. One is about noticing thoughts. I think that is an important skill. We need to notice our thoughts and then move on rather than allow ourselves to fixate on a thought. This is not always easy when you have a mental illness. Check out this post for some ideas on Noticing Thoughts.

I have also written about Silencing Your Inner Critic and asking for help (You Possess the Strength to Ask for Help). Another post Mental Health on the Injury Report discusses the growing number of athletes who acknowledge their mental health needs. 

I am really proud of my March 2025 posts on Women in Mental Health. Here they are: Influential Women in the Mental Health Field, More Influential Women in the Mental Health Field, Continuing to Discuss Women Who Have Made Contributions to Mental Health, Even More Influential Women in the Mental Health Field, There Are More Influential Women in the Mental Health Field, and Women in Mental Health Who Are Influential in My Life.

I could go on. I have touched on so many mental health related topics. I was surprised when I went through all that I have posted. This blog is my baby. It is my gift to others. I hope that people with mental illness find connection and support in my blog. I hope that mental health professionals find affirmation for their work and a deeper understanding of their patients. I hope people who do not live with mental illness find a greater understanding of what it is like to live with mental illness. This blog is really for everyone. Check out some of the links I have included. Scroll through the blog. You might find something that interests you. Better yet, you might find something that helps you. 

Thank you to everyone who has read my blog. I appreciate all the reads. Thank you to all who have commented on posts. Comments help build engagement. I read all your comments. I am grateful to all who have shared my blog. These first 200 posts are just the beginning. I plan to continue posting and talking about mental health. I hope you will continue to read my blog. The success of Bent, Not Broken: Living with Mental Illness is built on my readers. Thank you

 

The Importance of Giving Yourself Grace

                 As someone with a mental illness I am often inundated with negative thoughts. My depression and anxiety know how to talk to me to bring me down. I know I am not alone in this. It is not just those of us with mental illness who are faced with negative thoughts or mental put-downs. Everyone faces these thoughts at times. I am sure even the most confident people sometimes have negative thoughts. 

                  In a recent post I discussed the inner critic. (Silencing Your Inner Critic) It is important to talk back to the inner critic. However, that is not the only thing we need to work on. We need to give ourselves grace. The dictionary defines grace as a disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency. When we treat ourselves with grace, we are kind and courteous to ourselves. We are lenient with ourselves. Sounds like it should be easy, right? For many of us, it is not. 

                  How do we develop the ability to show ourselves grace? It requires practice. We are not going to be able to treat ourselves with grace overnight. Many of us have had years of practice with the inner critic in our ear. Our minds have told us all that is wrong with us or all that we cannot do. Many of us have been told these same things by others. As a result, our minds are accustomed to the negative. Hearing a kind word comes as a shock. 

                  One way to start giving ourselves grace is to practice saying affirmations. We need to continuously affirm ourselves. Some affirmations that are helpful in providing grace include:

·      I’m learning to be gentle with myself.

·      It’s okay to be a work in progress.

·      I release the need to be perfect.

·      I give myself permission to feel, heal, and move forward.

·      I am worthy of love and compassion, even when I stumble.

·      I treat myself with the same kindness I offer to others.

·      I honor myself, even if the results aren’t perfect.

·      Every step forward, no matter how small, is progress.

·      My best today is enough.

 

These affirmations carry a lot of weight and can help us in many ways. They canremind us that growth takes time and kindness. They encourage patience and acceptance of where we are at the present moment. These affirmations allow us to let go of unrealistic standards. When using these affirmations our emotions are validated. They reinforce unconditional self-worth. That is key. So often we lose our sense of self-worth, especially when we are struggling. When we have unconditional self-worth, we can practice self-compassion.

                  Grace is a little word, but it contains so much power. If we can learn to give ourselves grace, we are better able to face life and all that it places in front of us. We need to practice being kinder to ourselves. I have always struggled with giving myself grace. The negative thoughts always seem to be on standby, ready to attack. What if I could answer those thoughts with one of the above affirmations? What if you could? How much better would we feel? 

                  Giving grace to others often comes naturally. Maybe not for everyone, but for most of us giving grace to others is something we are able to do. I have often heard it said that we need to treat others as we would treat ourselves. Unfortunately, that is a misleading statement. So many of us do not treat ourselves well. We would not want to treat someone else with the negativity and harsh comments that we hurl upon ourselves. Maybe that statement could be rewritten to say, “Treat yourself and others with grace.” I thought about adding “that you deserve” to that statement, but I think that would lead many of us into thinking we do not deserve grace. 

                  Take a moment to repeat one of the above affirmations in your head five times. How did that feel? For me it felt a bit strange, but also soothing. It will take practice to get used to treating ourselves with grace, but it is important that we develop this ability. I encourage you to use these affirmations. You can also find others online by doing a search for positive affirmations. Practice saying them. Write them down if that helps you. Put them on sticky notes and place them somewhere you will see them every day. 

                  I leave you with this thought: We are all worthy of grace. We are all worthy of kindness, courtesy, leniency, and compassion. 

Healing Waters

                  When my depression is heavy and/or my anxiety is high I often need an escape. I need to get away from the environment I am in and find an environment where I can find some bit of healing. A while back I shared that the forest can be that environment for me. (Forest Bathing) Today I want to explore another environment I find healing, the ocean.

                  Water can be soothing. Research suggests that the ocean can help with sensory restoration, mindfulness and presence, physiological relaxation, and increased physical activity. The sound of crashing waves is rhythmic. It can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps calm the body and mind. I find this to be true. I do not need research to tell me the effects of ocean waves, although there is plenty of research out there. 

I listen to ocean waves on a sound machine as I am receiving esketamine treatment. The sound of the waves puts me in a more relaxed state, a state which I believe allows the esketamine to be more effective. I love to stand on the beach and listen to the waves. Even better than a sound machine is standing on a sandy beach and listening to and watching waves crash. There is something healing about this that I cannot explain. I just know I feel it. 

                  A marine biologist, Wallace J. Nichols, came up with the term “Blue Mind Effect”. It describes the mildly meditative state we enter when we are near water. This state is linked to reduced anxiety and improved focus. 

                  Being present is a key component of mindfulness, which has been shown to help with mental health conditions. People often feel more present when surrounded by water. As I think of times when water has been healing for me, I remember being more mindful and more present. The beach in Trinidad, CA, Oceanside, CA, and the ocean waters in Tropea, Italy all have brought me a sense calm. In those settings I can find a way to let go of some of what plagues my mind. I can allow the depression and anxiety to just be while I feel a sense of freedom from its clutches. Honestly, I do not understand how it works or why the ocean waters and sandy beaches are so soothing. They just are. I do not really need science to explain it to me. I will just take it at face value. I wish I could spend more time at the beach. Maybe I need to make more time for beach trips in my life. 

                  Back to some scientific thoughts. Water is linked to symbolic renewal. It can be seen as cleansing and renewing. As a result, people often find they can experience an emotional release or feelings of renewal when they are near water. In my experience this is true. One way I capture this is by writing in my journal. I love to sit on the beach and allow words to flow onto the pages of my journal. I find that I am often more poetic at these times. I can capture my emotions and feelings in words that flow as freely as the water. 

                  If I had it my way, I would live near the beach. I would walk on the sand allowing the water to flow over my bare feet every day. I would breathe in the salty air and exhale my depression and anxiety. 

                  Of course, I am not saying that water can heal mental health conditions on its own. All other treatments are still necessary, but water can be beneficial and is worth incorporating into our mental health toolkits. 

 

 

 

                  

Mental Health Maintenance

                   A lot of times when we discuss mental health we focus on the difficult times or the times when the struggle is intense. It is important to focus on these times, but there are other times we should also give attention to in our discussions about mental health. One important aspect of mental health that comes to mind is maintenance. How do we maintain our moods at a stable or good level? 

                  Maintenance of a stable mood is important. Afterall, that is one of the goals of treatment. We receive treatment so that our symptoms improve. Many treatments can get us to this level. So, let’s take a moment to discuss how we can maintain our moods at a stable or even good level. 

                  First, it is important to recognize when we are stable or even in a good place. Sometimes it can be hard to recognize this state because we can get caught up in the bad times. We can even become so used to the hard times that we do not notice a change. That is where mental health providers or loved ones can help us. They might notice a change in us before we do. 

                  Once we acknowledge that we are doing better it is important to create habits that support our mental health with respect to our emotional, psychological, and physical well-being. Let’s look at some strategies we can try.

                  First, we should prioritize sleep and eat balanced meals. Lack of sleep can negatively impact our mood and how we regulate our emotions. Most recommendations I have read say that we should get 7-9 hours of sleep each night. I know this is not easy when we have other responsibilities, but it is a goal to strive towards. Nutrition affects our brains. It is important to eat healthy foods, avoid processed foods, and stay hydrated. These help our brain health, which in turn helps with our mood and emotional regulation.

                  Another area that we should include in our wellness routine is exercise or movement. Depression and anxiety are improved by exercise. That would indicate that when we are stable, exercise can help us maintain that state.  There are many types of exercise we can engage in to find benefits. It can be as simple as walking or stretching. Maybe aim for 20-30 minutes a day a few times a week. I know walking helps me. I feel at my best when I incorporate walking into my daily routine. Is there a type of movement that makes you feel better? Try making it a part of your routine. 

                  Meditation or breathing exercises can also help maintain a positive state of mental health. I struggle with meditation. I have never been able to free my mind in that way. My psychologist taught me a form of self-hypnosis that I find helps me. Self-hypnosis allows me to focus on my breathing and relax my body. There are many mindfulness activities that can help with maintaining our mental health. Maybe there is something you can try.

                  Along the lines of meditation and breathing, I find that journaling and making art also help maintain my mental health. These activities give my brain something else to focus on. Even when I am journaling about my thoughts, I find that written in my journal the thoughts are more concrete and less painful. There is a lot of research that demonstrates the benefits of writing and art on our mental health.

                  Setting boundaries is another way to maintain our mental health. For example, if work is a stressor that impacts our mental health, we can set work time boundaries. Maybe we set a boundary that keeps us from working outside of our contractual time. Or perhaps, we leave work at work and do not bring home work-related tasks. We might also need to set boundaries with the people in our lives. Think about what boundaries will make you feel the most comfortable. Try to set those boundaries. 

                  It is important not to isolate. This is a tough one for me. If left without support, I will self-isolate. I am not great in social situations. Consequently, I will avoid these situations. I know I need to reach out to others to maintain my mental health. As much as I struggle with social situations, I do not do well when I isolate. Isolation can lead to depression. Not isolating is a delicate balance. Despite my difficulties with self-isolating, I know that human connection is important, and we need to be connected to others to maintain our mental health.

                  Another thing that is important is monitoring our mental health. This can be through journaling, discussions with our mental health provider, and/or mood-tracking apps. These are important because they allow us to be on the lookout for changes in our mental health. We need to recognize when our mood is slipping, or our anxiety is increasing so that we can address these changes as soon as possible. We do not want to wait for the crash in our mood to seek help. We should seek help at the first signs of a downward turn. 

                  Here is a step that can be hard in today’s world. We need to limit overstimulation from tech devices. Whether it is social media or television, too much tech can damage our mental health. Too much input from technology can increase anxiety or decrease mood. One way I know my mood is slipping is I start doomscrolling on my phone. When I recognize this is happening, I know it is time to reach out to my mental health team and reach for my journal. I try to take tech breaks by grounding myself in my senses. Sometimes it is lighting a candle and focusing on my breathing. Other times it is listening to music. Another way to disconnect is to create art. You can also go for a walk in nature. I keep telling myself that I am going to get a membership to the Arboretum, so I have a place to head to when I need to disconnect from technology and connect with nature. I also need to make more trips to the beach.

                  Having something to look forward to is another way to maintain our mental health. When we look forward to something we feel good. Looking forward to something gives us hope. When I was looking forward to my trip to Italy, my mood improved. It does not need to be something big. Just looking forward to little things can make a difference. Something as simple as looking forward to a concert or lunch with a friend can help me. Think about what you can look forward to that will help lift your mood.

                  Maintaining our mental health is as important as improving it when we are struggling. As you have read, there are things we can do to maintain our mental health. If you are unsure how you can incorporate these things into your life, talk to a mental health professional. Just as importantly, remember if your mental health starts to slip, reach out for support and help.

 

                  

 

                  

Veterans and Mental Health

                  Since it is Memorial Day, I thought now would be an ideal time to discuss the mental health needs of our veterans. These individuals have unique needs that need to be addressed. Through their service they have earned the best care possible. Really everyone deserves high quality mental health care, but I think sometimes our veterans get overlooked.

                  There have been many veterans in my family. My grandfather was a lifelong Navy man. He served in World War II, Korea, Vietnam, and during peacetimes. My father served in the Air Force during Vietnam. I have a cousin who served in the Army and was stationed in Afghanistan. In addition, several of my great uncles served during World War II. I do not know how any of them were impacted from a mental health standpoint. I can’t ask any of them about this except my cousin,as he is the only one still with us. Many families have relatives who served in the military. It is my hope that these individuals are provided with mental health care if they need it.

                  Military personnel and veterans face many challenges to their mental health. Perhaps the most recognized is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It is one of the most common mental health conditions among veterans. PTSD in veterans can be a result of combat exposure, military sexual trauma, or other life-threatening experiences. Some symptoms include flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, emotional numbness, and irritability. 

Depression is another common mental health disorder facing veterans. The depression can be a result of service-related experiences or difficulties adjusting when they return home. Depression can co-occur with PTSD or substance use issues. Symptoms include persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, sleep and appetite changes, and thoughts death or suicide. 

                  Anxiety disorders are also common in veterans. These disorders include generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and social anxiety. Deployment and military demands can lead to anxiety disorders in active military personnel. 

                  Traumatic brain injuries (TBI) can affect active military personnel and veterans. These can be caused by blast exposures, falls, or accidents during service. These can result in cognitive impairments, mood disorders, and behavioral changes.

                  It is not uncommon for alcohol or drugs to be used to cope with the emotional pain or sleep disorders faced by veterans and active personnel. Substance abuse disorders lead to risk of addiction, accidents, and homelessness. 

                  Military sexual trauma (MST) includes sexual harassment and assault during service. This can affect both women and men. MST can lead to PTSD, depression, and trust issues. 

                  Suicide risk is higher in the veteran population than in the general population. There are several risk factors including PTSD, depression, chronic pain, access to firearms, and a sense of isolation.

                  Veterans can be faced with adjustment disorders. These can be a result of difficulty adapting to civilian life, loss of identity or purpose, and issues related to employment or family reintegration. All these issues can cause distress.

                  Relationship and family issues can also cause distress. Military service can strain relationships. It is not uncommon for veterans to struggle with communication, intimacy, or parenting after deployment.

                  How can we support the mental health needs of our veterans? There are several things we can work on  to ensure they get the care they need and deserve. First, veterans need access to culturally competent mental health professionals who are familiar with military culture. Veterans need access to peer support groups to reduce isolation. Since veterans often have co-existing conditions, comprehensive treatment programs are necessary. Veterans need access to suicide prevention resources. Family therapy can be beneficial for veterans and their families as they reintegrate into civilian life. Finally, veterans need continuity of care during the transition from active duty to civilian life. 

                  A quote from Major General Mark Graham emphasizes the need to provide mental health care for veterans:               

                  “We must make it a sign of strength to reach out for mental health care.”

                  This Memorial Day as we enjoy a day off with picnics and parades, let’s take a moment to remember why this day is a holiday. It is not about BBQs and sitting in the sun. It is about honoring all the individuals who have served our country in the military. They put their lives on the line and many of them lost their lives. The least we can do is ensure that all veterans and active-duty military personnel have access to high-quality mental health care. 

 

Art and Depression

                 I have shared a lot about how writing has carried me through my depression. Writing is my go-to coping strategy when I am struggling. It provides an outlet for all that gets trapped in my head. As much as writing helps me sometimes it is not enough. Other times I feel I need something different. It is not that writing is not working. It is more that I just need other outlets at times. I have discovered art as a secondary outlet when I am struggling. Usually when I lean into art, I find that painting soothes me. I enjoy paint pouring and painting on canvas with acrylic paint. 

I am not the most artistic person, but I enjoy the act of getting paint on the canvas.  When I am working with paint I feel a sense of calm. Paint pouring is especially soothing because I can watch the paint flow on the canvas. I like to mix different colors in my paint pours. There is something in the swirling colors as I move the canvas around that just feels healing. I also like the feel of the paint on my hands. I don’t know what it is about the feel of paint on my hands that is so soothing. It just relaxes me. 

I have mentioned before that I am being  treated with esketamine. During this treatment I experience a dissociation during which I “see” colors. Most often it is shades of purple emerging from a black background. I believe that the purple is an indication of healing. It is emerging from the darkness of my depression. I have created a few paint pours using shades of purple to represent what I experience during treatment. When I do this, it allows me to share my experience with others. I think combining my experience with depression and treatment with art is positive practice. It allows me to make my depression more concrete. 

Sometimes I see other colors emerge during treatment. I painted a mandala to represent these colors. Just painting what is in my head soothes me. One thing I like to do is combine my writing with painting. I have written poems to go with several of my paintings. This links two of my coping strategies, writing and art. Sometimes I put a poem on the painting. Other times I scan a painting and then print a poem on the back. When I combine my art and writing in this way, I can share the creations with others. I like to share my art and writing with people who are important on my journey.

Another way I like to incorporate art is by pouring paint on glass vases. Doing this creates beautiful pieces. Watching the paint drip down the vase is soothing. It is a feeling I need when I am struggling with my depression. It also helps when I am anxious. Pouring the paint and watching it flow also calms my anxiety. I am not sure I can explain how it happens. I just know it works. 

I found a quote by Winston Churchill, who battled depression, that I think captures how I feel. “Painting is a pastime, a therapy, and a life-saver for me.” Painting is healing for me just as writing is healing for me. I know that I can turn to writing and painting when I am struggling. I encourage others to try these activities. You don’t have to have the talent of the great artists. I surely don’t, but I enjoy creating art anyway. Find an artform that you enjoy. A trip to a craft store can provide a vast array of possibilities. If you are struggling with depression or anxiety, art might just provide a bit of relief.

 

 

 

Mental Health Screenings

                  In my last post I mentioned taking mental health screenings as a part of Mental Health Awareness Month. Today I would like to further discuss mental health screenings. What is a mental health screening? A mental health screening evaluates a person’s mental well-being using a standard set of questions to identify potential signs of mental health disorders. They are intended to provide for early detection. These screenings help health care providers understand a person’s mood, thinking, behavior, and memory. 

                  These screenings are usually questionnaires and can be given in a primary care provider’s office. The questionnaires include general mental health screenings, depression screenings, anxiety screenings, PTSD screenings, substance abuse screenings, and eating disorder screenings. The Patient Health Questionnaire (PHQ-9) is often used to screen for depression. Two other common screenings include the Generalized Anxiety Disorder Scale (GAD-7) and the Mood Disorder Questionnaire (MDQ). These screening tools allow the primary care provider or other provider to know if there are symptoms of a mental health disorder. When used regularly, for instance as part of a yearly physical exam, mental health concerns can be identified early. When identified early, mental health conditions often have better outcomes. 

                  These screenings are a valuable part of a yearly physical examination but should also be used if a person is exhibiting symptoms such as sadness or excessive worry. Screenings should also be used when there are major changes in personality or eating habits and if dramatic mood swings are present. A primary care provider can gain a better picture of a patient’s mental health by using one of these screenings.

                  Mental health screenings are also available online. Mental Health America offers online screening tools that an individual can take. If one of these tools indicate that you may be experiencing a mental health issue it is important that you share this information with your doctor or a therapist, who can provider further screening and evaluation. This can lead to treatment if necessary.  

When used as a part of a yearly physical it is important that the provider discuss the results with the patient. Too often providers see the results and just add it to the patient’s file. I would recommend that if you fill out a screening tool you ask the provider to review the results with you. This is important to ensure that the provider is not overlooking the screening tool. Unfortunately, I have experienced providers who overlook results. Luckily, in my case, I have mental health providers who are well aware of where my mental health is, and I don’t need to rely on a primary care provider for mental health care. But for many people the primary care provider is the only one they have who can catch any issues. So, do not be afraid to ask the provider for the results of any mental health screening you take. These tools are only useful if we review the results.

Being aware of the status of our mental health is vital to our well-being. We cannot take our mental health for granted. As with any health issue, early detection is crucial. If your primary care provider does not give you a mental health screening, ask for one. Take the initiative. Screenings make a major difference in mental health care. 

Carrying Depression and Anxiety

                  As I have shared, I have lived with depression and anxiety for most of my life. Starting in my teenage years, depression has been a constant companion. Anxiety joined in a few years later. These two mental illnesses have been a heavy load. Somehow, I have learned to live with them. I owe a lot to therapy and treatment for my ability to function. Despite being able to function, my illnesses still make life difficult. 

                  Most days I can carry depression and anxiety. They impact my life, but I still live my life. On these days I have functioned. I have worked and socialized. I appear “normal”, as if nothing is wrong. I hesitate to use the word “normal”. What I mean by using this word is illness-free. These are the days when I appear to be like everyone else. No one would know that depression is whispering in my ear or that anxiety is causing a tightness in my chest. I have learned strategies that help me cope with the day-to-day effects of my mental illnesses. These are the days when I carry my depression and anxiety well.

                  As I heal and learn more about coping with depression and anxiety, the more I can function as if they were not present. It is a bit strange to say that I am still learning. Depression and anxiety have been present in my life for close to 40 years now. I don’t think I will ever stop learning. I see that as a positive. It means I am working on living with my illnesses. 

                  Even with continually being open to learning, there are days when the depression and anxiety are very heavy. They drag me down on these days. I feel like I don’t have control of what I am feeling. Depression and anxiety are in charge on these days. On these days I am unable to function as I would like. I find myself hiding, unable to interact. Depression feels like a heavy blanket darkening my world. Anxiety becomes a pressure and an antsy sensation that consumes me. These days happen more frequently than I would like, but most people would have no idea that I am experiencing this. I have learned to hide it. These are the days when I cannot carry my depression and anxiety. I am weighed down by their heaviness. I cannot see because of their darkness. 

                  This is mental illness. This is depression and anxiety. Some days I can live and carry them well. Other days I am crushed by their weight. I have good days and bad days. There are also the in between days. Those days when people who know me might pick up on how I am feeling, but I am able to hide it from others. 

                  I have learned that when the weight of depression and anxiety becomes heavy, it is time for treatment. I know I need the help of my mental help team. I have learned that needing both treatment and support are okay. Learning this is part of living with mental illness. The image that comes to mind for me is of rocks on a chain. On the good days I am dragging the chain of rocks behind me. The rocks are with me, but I can carry them. On the bad days those rocks are on top of me. In these moments they are a weight I cannot lift. 

                  Depression and anxiety are illnesses. These illnesses never leave me. I am just able to carry them better at some times than at other times. For me mental illness is not static. It weighs on me differently in each moment. I need to be able to identify how it is affecting me. I need to acknowledge the times when I can push myself. I need to recognize the times when I need to take a step back and protect myself. Most importantly, I need to give myself the grace to accept that what I am experiencing is an illness. 

                  

Stigmatizing Words

                   I remember hearing the old saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” as a kid. As I reflect on it, this saying could not be further from the truth. Words do hurt. As a person with a mental illness, it hurts when I hear references to mental illness used as adjectives, slang, or derogatory statements. These words should not be used in this manner. 

                  I think I’ve written about this before, but it is worth repeating. I am not crazy because I have a mental illness. Depression is real. It is not something to be taken lightly. I struggle with my illness at times. It hurts to hear people use illnesses like mine so casually. 

For example, no one should be saying that they are depressed that their football team lost this weekend. A person can be sad or disappointed that their team lost, but depressed is not the word to use. Depression hurts. Depression is combination of symptoms that go much deeper than losing a sporting event. I was a basketball coach. Believe me, I was never depressed over a loss. Was I disappointed over losses? More times than I’d like to remember, but I was never depressed over a loss. 

                  Mental illnesses are comprised of much more than people think. For example, anxiety is much more than being nervous. For me, anxiety is a combination of mental and physical symptoms. When I am anxious my mind is filled with thoughts that just won’t stop. My chest hurts. I shake. I feel like everything is closing in on me. It is an intense feeling. Anxiety is not a casual nervousness. As such, it should not be used to describe how you feel in the closing moments of a sporting event. A person can feel anxiety without having an anxiety disorder, but it is still an intense feeling.

                  Another mental illness that is all too frequently used as an adjective is OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). A person is not OCD. A person does not have OCD just because they like things clean. How often do we hear it used that way? Too often. People with OCD have crippling thoughts. They have rituals that they need to engage in to feel okay. This term should never be used as an adjective for neatness.

                  What about the word “crazy”? This word is tossed around without thought. A person with a mental illness is not crazy and should never be described as such. A word I’ve heard used frequently is delusional. Again, this is not a word that should be tossed around. A delusion is a psychological term. It is not a way to describe a person who is speaking in a way you do not like. People who suffer from delusions do not chose to have the delusions. It is a symptom of their illness. We should not be using the word casually. 

                  In all honesty, I think society is getting a little better at being aware of how these terms are being used. Unfortunately, getting a little better is not enough. Mental illness is real. Mental illness is an illness. That means depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and more are all illnesses. We should be sensitive in how we talk about these illnesses. 

                  I have both a mental and a physical illness. My physical illness has never been the butt of jokes or used as an adjective. My mental illness has. It hurts. When I hear these words tossed around negatively, it makes me want to hide my mental illness. I feel a sense of embarrassment. I shouldn’t have to feel that way. It leaves me asking myself why my mental illness is treated so differently from my physical illness.

                  One of the major impacts of using mental health terms negatively is that it creates a stigma that prevents many people from getting treatment. There are many people who don’t reach out for help because of a fear of being ridiculed. That shouldn’t be happening today. There is a lot of knowledge out there about mental illnesses. They should be taken seriously and not used as sources of ridicule. Stigma hurts. Stigma prevents treatment. Stigma leads to a worsening of mental illness. Ending stigma starts with the words we chose. It starts with how we chose to speak about these illnesses. It is not easy, but I have learned to speak up when I hear a mental illness being used incorrectly. It is hard and people often just don’t get it. I am going to keep speaking up. I hope others will join me.