Those of us with depression are capable of doing more than we think. We have an inner strength that enables us to live with this debilitating illness. The fact that you are reading this post, the fact that I am writing it, both take strength. There are many things it is not easy to do with depression, but we do them.
There are things we can’t do. Unfortunately, these are things we are often told to do by well-meaning people. How many of us have heard something on this list?
· Just cheer up.
· Think happy thoughts.
· Change your mindset.
· Think positive.
· Just smile.
· Look on the bright side.
· Remember others have it worse.
· Just get over it.
We have all heard these statements in some form or another. They are said by well-meaning people who just don’t understand. They are well-meant words that do more harm than good. I try to ignore them. I tell myself the other person just doesn’t understand. Sometimes, though, these greeting card platitudes make me angry. They are hurtful. These words make it sound like I can control how the depression affects me. I can’t. Depression is an illness. I cannot snap my fingers and improve my mood. A fake smile is not going to help me anymore than it would help someone with cancer.
People with depression can’t just “think happy thoughts” and be healed. Often, we don’t see “the bright side”. Depression covers that “side” up in our minds. If we could just change our mindset, we would. Doing that requires treatment. It requires therapy, medication, and sometimes more intense, non-traditional treatments. We understand the importance of thinking positive, but depression steals that ability from us. It is not a matter of just flipping a switch and being happy. Depression is an illness, not a way of thinking we can turn off and on at will.
We understand that people have it worse. That doesn’t diminish our condition. Depression is painful. It is debilitating. Depression can take lives just like other illnesses. The difference is society doesn’t recognize the gravity of depression until it is too late. When someone dies from depression by suicide, people say they didn’t see the signs. They say they had no idea. The signs were there. The person probably heard those platitudes from the list above. Hearing those and knowing we just can’t do it, make our depression worse. Depression may not get the attention cancer or heart disease get, but it can be just as debilitating and all three can lead to death.
When someone has a broken leg or has surgery, they receive get well cards and flowers. When those of us with depression are struggling with our illness, we get platitudes, like “just smile”. We are told to do things we just can’t do because of our illness. Until that changes, we will remain misunderstood and mistreated because of our illness. Depression is an illness, and it cannot be cured by greeting card slogans.
Check back Monday, July 10th for a post sharing helpful things you can say to someone with depression.
