You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup

                 Today’s post is a bit selfish. In all honesty I am writing it for two reasons. One, I need the reminder that I cannot pour from an empty cup. Two, I need the distraction writing provides me. I ask that you indulge me in this post. My hope is that even though I am writing for myself, the post will also help others.

                  The phrase “You can’t pour from an empty cup” popped into my head the other day when I was sending an email to someone I know has a lot on her plate. I included the phrase to give her a reminder to take care of herself, too. Since then, the phrase has been in my head. I looked online and couldn’t find anyone to attribute it to. From what I read, it may come from ancient times. 

                  This phrase breaks down to an important message: You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first. That is a powerful statement. So often, we get caught up in what we are doing for others that we forget to take care of ourselves. I would guess that parents often get caught up in taking care of their children and forget to take time to care for themselves. The same is likely true for other caregivers. 

                  I am reminded of when a flight attendant tells passengers flying with young children that in the event of an emergency, they need to put their oxygen mask on first. Then they can tend to their child. It is the same idea. Our cups need to be full before we can help others. We need to be functioning well. We need to be healthy, both mentally and physically when we are faced with caring for others. 

                  You can’t pour from an empty cup is a reminder to practice self-care, to set boundaries, to allot time to rest and recharge, and prioritize your own well-being. When I was teaching, I struggled to do these things. I was always focused on what my students needed. I was working more than I was not working. Long hours and little reward, led to burn out. I was not taking care of myself. I was not setting boundaries. I was not resting and recharging. I was not prioritizing my own well-being. Burnout was the result. My cup was empty. I reached a point where I hated teaching. Now, as I am considering whether it is time to go back to teaching, I need to ensure that I if and when I go back, that I prioritize myself. My own self-care must be a central to all I do.

                  I think the same is true when caring for a loved one who is ill. The tendency is to place all our focus on the one who requires care. That will likely not end well. You can’t do it alone. You need to take time to rest and recharge. You need to accept help and understand that you can’t do it alone. Just as importantly, you can’t put your life on hold. I think this is true in any situation where you are assisting or caring for others, such as parenting, teaching, caring for an ill family member, or being in charge in the workplace. 

                  There are some simple things you can do to “fill your cup”. These include getting enough sleep, eating nourishing meals, moving your body (i.e. go for a walk), setting and respecting boundaries, doing something you enjoy or that relaxes you, spending time with people who uplift you, and unplugging form technology and the news. These are simple things that can be done to fill our cups. Whether we are in a helping or healing profession or we are responsible for loved ones, it is important that we fill our cups. We cannot be of service to others if our cups are empty.

                  This is a difficult lesson to learn. I think I have struggled with it all my life. I poured from an empty cup too often in my teaching career and now I am struggling to return to it. I am dealing with it in other ways, too, but they are too difficult to share here. Perhaps we all are in some way. I think it is easy to get stuck with an empty cup in today’s world. Let’s all take some time this weekend to try one or more of the steps above to fill our cups. It can’t hurt to try, and it just might lay the groundwork for healthy lives. 

 

 

 

Self-Care in the Mental Health World

             Today I would like to revisit self-care. I wrote about it last June (Self-Care Ideas for When You Are Struggling with Depression) but I think it is worth revisiting. At its very core self-care is doing things to take care of yourself. We all need to take care of ourselves. Unfortunately, in the hustle and bustle of life, caring for ourselves often gets lost. Self- care is important for everyone. Today I would like to focus on two groups of people. First, individuals with depression and other mental illnesses. Second, I will address the need for mental healthcare professionals to ensure that they are engaging in self-care.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, “self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health.” On the surface this seems like a simple task, but for many of us it is difficult to prioritize self-care. Living with mental illness can make engaging in self-care even more difficult. The depression tells us not to get out of bed. It tells us that self-care is not worth the energy it requires. Depression and other mental illnesses tell us that we are not going to get better even if we engage in self-care activities. We are up against a mountain of reasons not to take care of ourselves. But mental illness is a liar. If we can just get ourselves to start, we would find that we will do so much better. 

What does self-care include? Really there are no limits to what can be considered self-care. It depends on the individual. In general, self-care includes getting enough sleep, but not too much, regular exercise, eating healthily, engaging in relaxing activities, setting goals and priorities, thinking positively, and staying connected. Sounds easy, right? I wish it was. When you struggle with mental illness, these basic routines can become difficult. Try focusing on one to start with. 

There are times when I can only focus on one aspect of self-care. Those are the times when my depression is bad. At these times I need to pick one self-care routine to focus on. Maybe it is exercising regularly. For me that looks like taking walks several times a week. It can be difficult to drag myself onto the sidewalk when I am feeling down. I need to remind myself that I will feel better, even if only slightly, afterwards. This helps me get my feet going. I have found that linking exercise with goalsetting helps me. So, I use the notes app on my phone to track how many times I walk each week. This allows me to see that I am really doing it, which builds my self-esteem. That in turn helps lift my depression.

Self-care is important when you live with mental illness. It helps you climb out of the pit that so often we fall into. It allows us to feel positives. Sleep, healthy eating habits, exercise, and regular engagement are all things that can help us when we are struggling. Start small. Don’t pressure yourself to jump in and do everything. That is likely to result in failure. Starting small allows us to see the positives and experience the successes. Whatever self-care looks like to you, make an effort to do it for your mental health. 

What about mental healthcare professionals? Why is self-care so important for these individuals? According to an article by Posluns and Gall, there is a prevalence of stress, burnout, and professional impairment among mental healthcare professionals. These authors found that self-care is important for mental healthcare professionals. Think about it. Psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists (and other mental healthcare professionals) work with people who are often struggling. They see people at their lowest and help them cope with or overcome their mental illnesses. These professionals see a lot of struggle. They are expected to express caring in a relationship where the client is often not capable, or at least not expected to, return that care. That can take a toll on someone. 

According to Posluns and Gall a mental health practitioner must be well themselves in order to provide care to patients/clients. This obviously requires engaging in self-care. Posluns and Gall cite the Canadian Code of Ethics for Psychologists, which states that psychologists should “engage in self-care activities that help to avoid conditions (e.g., burnout, addictions) that could result in impaired judgment and interfere with their ability to benefit and not harm others”.

The same guidelines I provided above for self-care apply to mental healthcare professionals. Self-care may look different for mental healthcare professionals because they are not dealing with the difficulties of mental illness. The important thing is that the professional carves out time in their day for themselves. They need to make an active attempt to engage in self-care. Likely they are encouraging their patients/clients to engage in self-care. The mental healthcare professional needs to lead by example. This doesn’t mean they need to share what they are doing with their patients. The fact that they are engaging in self-care will be evident from their overall well-being and lack of burnout. 

Self-care is part of healthy living for everyone. People with mental illness may need more support to engage in self-care. We can all take small steps to improve our lives through self-care. Take a moment to examine what you are doing. Can you take a step to engage in a self-care activity?  If you are already engaging in self-care activities, can you add to what you are already doing? 

We are all worthy of care. It starts with us. We need to take steps to care for ourselves. That is how we all can become healthier. 

For tips on self-care activities see my previous post, (Self-Care Ideas for When You Are Struggling with Depression).

 

Source: Posluns, K., & Gall, T. L. (2020). Dear Mental Health Practitioners, Take Care of Yourselves: a Literature Review on Self-Care. International journal for the advancement of counseling, 42(1), 1–20. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10447-019-09382-w

 

 

                  

Self-Care Ideas for When You Are Struggling with Depression

                  We all struggle at times. For some of us that struggle is more frequent. It seeps into all aspects of our life. When you have depression, the struggles become harder to pull yourself out of. Regular self-care can help ease some of the darkness. It is not going to cure it, but it can help.

                  What is self-care? Simply put, self-care is doing things to take care of yourself. It can be things that address your mental health. Self-care can also address your physical health. It involves doing things that make you feel better. These activities can range from simple activities to enacting more elaborate plans.

                  For me self-care includes taking walks and writing. When I walk, I usually listen to music, which is another self-care activity. Writing allows me to release the thoughts that build up in my mind. I also like to be creative. Painting is a form of self-care for me. I enjoy watching the colors transform into something.

                  What are some other self-care ideas? 

                  

·      Meditating

·      Spending time in nature – think walking on the beach or in a forest

·      Deep breathing

·      Cooking

·      Reading for pleasure

·      Yoga or Pilates

·      Talking to a loved one on the phone

·      Having lunch with a friend

·      Dancing

·      Making a gratitude list

·      Getting a massage

·      Practicing affirmations

·      Taking a class to learn something new

·      Watching a movie

·      Sitting under the stars

·      Lighting some candles 

·      Playing an instrument

·      Doing something special for a friend or family member

·      Doing something you loved as a child

 

Self-care can be anything that makes you feel good about yourself. It takes practice.

You may do something and not get the lift you were expecting. That is okay. Don’t give up. Sometimes it takes time for self-care to affect you. The idea is to make it a part of your routine. You want to build up a repertoire of activities that you can lean on when you need a lift. 

                  When depression gets heavy, I sometimes have difficulty turning to my self-care activities. Sometimes I need a reminder. It is hard. Depression can be paralyzing. That is why it is important to prepare a list of self-care activities when you are feeling a little better. Maybe write them down. Put the list in your phone. Set a reminder to look at the list.  That might make you more likely to try something. You can also share your list with a friend. I have a friend that reminds me to listen to music. Sometimes we listen to live music together. It helps both of us. 

Whatever you choose to do as self-care, remember to give it a chance to help you. Also, give yourself grace. It is okay to feel down and to struggle with depression. You are not alone. Remind yourself about that. As lonely as depression feels, you are not alone. There are so many of us who go through what you are going through. Joining a support group is another self-care strategy. If you think this might help you, I recommend checking with your local NAMI chapter for a group. 

Self-care is not easy. Nothing about living with depression is easy. Take it one step at a time. Try one of the above self-care activities or search for other activities online. Don’t be afraid to take a mental health day from work or school to engage in self-care. I used to be afraid to take mental health days, I thought my mental health wasn’t a legitimate reason to take time off. I learned the hard way that I should have taken days off. I should have put myself and my mental health ahead of my job. Please take the time to engage in self-care. Allow yourself to heal. Remember mental health days are a part of self-care. 

Whatever self-care activities you choose, remember that they are for you. Engage in the activity in whatever way feels best to you. Give yourself the grace to search for the activities that help you most.