Mental Health Maintenance

                   A lot of times when we discuss mental health we focus on the difficult times or the times when the struggle is intense. It is important to focus on these times, but there are other times we should also give attention to in our discussions about mental health. One important aspect of mental health that comes to mind is maintenance. How do we maintain our moods at a stable or good level? 

                  Maintenance of a stable mood is important. Afterall, that is one of the goals of treatment. We receive treatment so that our symptoms improve. Many treatments can get us to this level. So, let’s take a moment to discuss how we can maintain our moods at a stable or even good level. 

                  First, it is important to recognize when we are stable or even in a good place. Sometimes it can be hard to recognize this state because we can get caught up in the bad times. We can even become so used to the hard times that we do not notice a change. That is where mental health providers or loved ones can help us. They might notice a change in us before we do. 

                  Once we acknowledge that we are doing better it is important to create habits that support our mental health with respect to our emotional, psychological, and physical well-being. Let’s look at some strategies we can try.

                  First, we should prioritize sleep and eat balanced meals. Lack of sleep can negatively impact our mood and how we regulate our emotions. Most recommendations I have read say that we should get 7-9 hours of sleep each night. I know this is not easy when we have other responsibilities, but it is a goal to strive towards. Nutrition affects our brains. It is important to eat healthy foods, avoid processed foods, and stay hydrated. These help our brain health, which in turn helps with our mood and emotional regulation.

                  Another area that we should include in our wellness routine is exercise or movement. Depression and anxiety are improved by exercise. That would indicate that when we are stable, exercise can help us maintain that state.  There are many types of exercise we can engage in to find benefits. It can be as simple as walking or stretching. Maybe aim for 20-30 minutes a day a few times a week. I know walking helps me. I feel at my best when I incorporate walking into my daily routine. Is there a type of movement that makes you feel better? Try making it a part of your routine. 

                  Meditation or breathing exercises can also help maintain a positive state of mental health. I struggle with meditation. I have never been able to free my mind in that way. My psychologist taught me a form of self-hypnosis that I find helps me. Self-hypnosis allows me to focus on my breathing and relax my body. There are many mindfulness activities that can help with maintaining our mental health. Maybe there is something you can try.

                  Along the lines of meditation and breathing, I find that journaling and making art also help maintain my mental health. These activities give my brain something else to focus on. Even when I am journaling about my thoughts, I find that written in my journal the thoughts are more concrete and less painful. There is a lot of research that demonstrates the benefits of writing and art on our mental health.

                  Setting boundaries is another way to maintain our mental health. For example, if work is a stressor that impacts our mental health, we can set work time boundaries. Maybe we set a boundary that keeps us from working outside of our contractual time. Or perhaps, we leave work at work and do not bring home work-related tasks. We might also need to set boundaries with the people in our lives. Think about what boundaries will make you feel the most comfortable. Try to set those boundaries. 

                  It is important not to isolate. This is a tough one for me. If left without support, I will self-isolate. I am not great in social situations. Consequently, I will avoid these situations. I know I need to reach out to others to maintain my mental health. As much as I struggle with social situations, I do not do well when I isolate. Isolation can lead to depression. Not isolating is a delicate balance. Despite my difficulties with self-isolating, I know that human connection is important, and we need to be connected to others to maintain our mental health.

                  Another thing that is important is monitoring our mental health. This can be through journaling, discussions with our mental health provider, and/or mood-tracking apps. These are important because they allow us to be on the lookout for changes in our mental health. We need to recognize when our mood is slipping, or our anxiety is increasing so that we can address these changes as soon as possible. We do not want to wait for the crash in our mood to seek help. We should seek help at the first signs of a downward turn. 

                  Here is a step that can be hard in today’s world. We need to limit overstimulation from tech devices. Whether it is social media or television, too much tech can damage our mental health. Too much input from technology can increase anxiety or decrease mood. One way I know my mood is slipping is I start doomscrolling on my phone. When I recognize this is happening, I know it is time to reach out to my mental health team and reach for my journal. I try to take tech breaks by grounding myself in my senses. Sometimes it is lighting a candle and focusing on my breathing. Other times it is listening to music. Another way to disconnect is to create art. You can also go for a walk in nature. I keep telling myself that I am going to get a membership to the Arboretum, so I have a place to head to when I need to disconnect from technology and connect with nature. I also need to make more trips to the beach.

                  Having something to look forward to is another way to maintain our mental health. When we look forward to something we feel good. Looking forward to something gives us hope. When I was looking forward to my trip to Italy, my mood improved. It does not need to be something big. Just looking forward to little things can make a difference. Something as simple as looking forward to a concert or lunch with a friend can help me. Think about what you can look forward to that will help lift your mood.

                  Maintaining our mental health is as important as improving it when we are struggling. As you have read, there are things we can do to maintain our mental health. If you are unsure how you can incorporate these things into your life, talk to a mental health professional. Just as importantly, remember if your mental health starts to slip, reach out for support and help.

 

                  

 

                  

My Pen – Writing as a Healing Tool

                  Having lived with depression most of my life has required me to develop coping strategies and healing tools. I have a great mental health team, but I can’t lean on them 24/7. So, I need tools to rely on in those moments when I am struggling on my own. Some of these tools have become a part of my daily life. The most significant tool I have is writing. 

I write every day. I write more when I am struggling. I write in different forms. Poetry has always been my go-to writing form. It is the type of writing that I discovered first in my battle with depression. I started writing poems as a teenager. I filled notebooks with these poems, which expressed what I was going through. I still write poems decades later. The poems seem to just pour out of me especially when I am struggling. I don’t know. Maybe I think in poetry. Many of my poems are dark, which makes sense. Depression is dark. As I have found healing, I have been able to write poems that evoke that healing. I am proud of both types of poems. They express who I am and what I live with. 

My writing has taken other forms over the years. You are reading one of those forms. This blog keeps me going. It provides me with a space to write about depression, which is healing for me. I hope that my posts bring healing to others. I also hope that it brings an understanding of depression to those who do not experience it. It is through understanding that we can help each other. 

Before I share a poem, I would like to invite readers to learn about the healing power of writing. I will be giving a talk for NAMI Glendale next Thursday, June 20^th at 7:00 pm. It is on Zoom. The link to register for this free event is at the bottom of this post. It will be an interactive talk that provides attendees with the opportunity to try writing. 

Now, for the poem. This poem can be found in my book, A Light Amidst the Darkness: Illuminating Mental Illness and Suffering. The poem is titled, My Pen. It explores what is happening inside of me as I write. Rather than explain the poem, I’ll let you draw meaning from it. 

 

 

My Pen

 

When my mind is full of turmoil I turn to my pen,

Reach for my journal and begin to write.

Words take the form of lines.

The poison pours out of me.

My pen is an instrument of healing.

The ink gives life to the words I cannot voice.

Line after line, page after page filled with my thoughts.

I feel each thought as it leaves my mind to make its mark upon the page.

The page soaks up my memories;

Becomes stained by my pain.

Dark thought after dark thought is released

And allowed to breathe on the page.

In these moments I feel lighter.

A sense of healing envelops me

As my turmoil escapes

My pen provides this passage to healing.

Each poem I write gives me the courage to continue.

My journals hold the reality of my pain.

Relieving me of my pain

And allowing me to live.

 

 

                  If you are interested in joining my talk, Writing as a Healing Tool, use the link to register.

 

https://namiglendale.org/event/writing-as-a-healing-tool/

 

Things You Can Do to Support Your Mental Health

                  Living with mental illness is not easy.  Often, even the simplest of tasks weigh heavy.  Getting out of bed can seem to be a Herculean task.  The darkness of depression can shroud your world.  So, what can we do to ease this heaviness?

                  One thing I think is important is to practice coping strategies when the darkness of depression is not as heavy. This will make it easier to engage in these strategies when the depression is bad.  I have tried to develop several coping strategies for myself.  I am not always good at turning to my coping strategies. That is part of the nature of depression.  When it has you down, it is difficult to engage.  That is why it is important to practice coping strategies.  In a sense they need to be somewhat automatic at times.  The more automatic strategies are, the easier they are to turn to when they are needed.

                  Coping strategies are supports that can help a person deal with depression in a healing way.  Here are some coping strategies you can try:

 

·      Listening to music

·      Writing/Journaling

·      Drawing

·      Walking

·      Exercising

·      Yoga

·      Painting

·      Meditation

·      Playing with a pet

·      Sitting with a friend or family member

·      Taking a shower

·      Sitting on the beach

·      Getting out in nature

·      Gardening

·      Deep breathing or other breathing exercise

·      Playing a musical instrument

·      Going to a support group

 

These are just some examples.  Coping strategies can be unique to each individual.

What works for one individual may not work for another. That is okay.  The important part is finding what works for you.  Try different things out.  Don’t get discouraged if something doesn’t work.  I know that is a difficult task when you are depressed.  That is why I think it is important to try coping strategies out when you are feeling a little better.  Then you know what you can turn to when the depression is worse.  

                  I have learned that writing, listening to music, walking, and painting work best for me.  I do want to try other things.  One thing I am considering is learning to play a musical instrument.  It may or may not work, but I can try.  The important thing is trying.  If we don’t try out different coping strategies, there is no chance we will find what works for us and we will be trapped in our depression.  

                  Coping strategies are not the only answer to depression.  Rather, they are a part of our toolkit.  Our depression toolkit might include medication and therapy.  It might include non-traditional treatments such as TMS, ketamine, or ECT.  Depression is an illness.  It requires treatment.  We can help that treatment be more effective by engaging in coping strategies.  

                  You may find it helpful to share your coping strategies with people who support you.  My mental health team knows my coping strategies.  The friends and family members I am closest to also know them.  By knowing my coping strategies, they can encourage me to try one when I am struggling with my depression.  I have found this to be very helpful.  Sometimes it is difficult to turn to a coping strategy on my own.  Having someone gently remind me helps.  

                  I encourage you to discover your own coping strategies.  Maybe it is something from the list above. Maybe it is something totally different.  Share your coping strategies in the comments section below.  You might have a strategy that will help someone else.  

 

Being Present

           I am not feeling well.  My mood has dropped.  Since writing is healing for me, I decided to try writing a post.  Maybe it will lift my mood.  At the very least it will occupy my mind and hush the voice of depression for a bit.

            Sometimes I am asked how to help someone who is struggling with depression.  That question has several answers.  It really depends on the individual.  I will share one way others have helped me.  

            One thing I have found others can do to be helpful when I am struggling to just be present.  I don’t need someone to give me advice or to tell me I am okay.  That actually doesn’t help because depression causes my mind to argue with those sentiments.  What helps me the most is when someone just sits with me and is present.  They don’t really have to say anything in particular.  Just knowing I am not alone is helpful.  

            What does being present mean?  It is simple really.  Maybe we just sit in the same space and watch a television show or listen to music.  It can be doing a craft together.  Being preset might be taking a walk with me.  Words don’t need to be exchanged.  Just knowing someone cares enough to be with me is often enough.  It doesn’t make the depression go away, but it tames it a bit.  

            It can even be a chat on the phone about something totally different than my depression.  The conversation serves as a distraction.  It won’t make the depression go away, but it will temporarily distract my thoughts.  Text messages can also serve this purpose.  

            For me having someone be present doesn’t always require a person.  This may sound strange, but sometimes when I need someone to be present, I turn on “The Big Bang Theory”.  I know it is just a television show.  I have watched it so many times that the characters seem like friends to me.  I can escape into their world.  Yes, they are just fictional characters, but when I am looking for the presence of others, often these characters on the television screen are a substitute for real people.  They don’t require me to respond.  They distract me and help me think about something other than what the depression is saying.

            I don’t mean to say that a television show can replace human contact.  It can’t. I do, however, think fictional characters can serve as a substitute at times.  Some people find this substitute through television shows or movies.  Others find it in a book. What is needed is that sense that you are not alone. 

            Depression is often a very lonely illness.  It is difficult to reach out.  If you know someone who struggles with depression, I encourage you to try just being present with them.  When they are doing better, ask them what they find helpful.  Don’t be afraid to have that conversation.  Many of us with depression are so used to people not acknowledging our depression that we are hesitant to tell others what helps us.  We have learned not to talk about our depression.  Be the loved one or friend who changes that.  Start the conversation.  

            If you are struggling with depression, try taking the risk to tell someone what they can do to help you.  It is scary.  I definitely understand that.  It took me decades to be able to reach out.  If you can, start by role playing it with your therapist or in a support group.  Reaching out is not easy, but asking someone to be present can make a difference.  Set an intention for yourself.  It could be that you are going to reach out to one person and share one aspect of your depression.  Reaching out happens when we take small steps.  It doesn’t have to happen all at once.  Choose who you reach out.  Explain to them what you need.  If just being present is what you need, let someone try to be present for you.  

            I know that I need to improve the way I let others be present for me.  It is a work in progress.  As I have stated in previous posts, my intention for 2024 is to allow myself to heal both physically and mentally.  Letting others be present for me is part of that.  So, I will work on it, and I encourage others to work on it as well. 

 

The Holidays When You Are Depressed

            When thinking about the holidays people generally picture festive times.  That is often not the reality for people suffering from depression.  For most of my life the holidays have been a difficult time for me. I do have memories of large family celebrations when I was young, but they are just memories now.  Those memories get farther and farther away every year.  Family members have passed away.  Others have moved away.  For me it is more than just the loss of people.  My depression tends to become worse during the holiday season.  

            What does depression at the holidays look like?  It is not all that different from depression the rest of the year.  The difference is you see so many people celebrating and being happy, spending time with loved ones and friends and you wonder why can’t I be like that?  The smiles on other people’s faces that seem so natural is forced on my face.  Depression’s voice tells me I am not a part of all the festivities.  It reminds me that I am alone. Of course, I am alone because the depression created in me the belief that I need to protect others from my depression.  I cannot bring myself to celebrate with others.  I feel isolated even when I am with family or friends.  The depression keeps me from seeing the beauty in holiday lights and decorations. I feel down like I do the rest of the year, but now there is a layer of guilt to it.  There is this idea that I should be happy.  

            So, how does someone with depression cope with the holidays.  I use a variety of strategies to get through this time of year.  First, I make sure I am getting enough therapy. I need to talk through what I am feeling and experiencing. Therapy is important year-round, but it is especially helpful during the holidays when I question why I just can’t enjoy this time like so many others.  Setting boundaries is important, too.  If there is something I don’t want to do, I need to give myself permission not to do it.  If there are people who it is difficult to be around, I need to accept that it is okay to stay away.  

Another coping strategy is practicing gratitude.  I identify what I am grateful for and allow myself to express that gratitude.  Often, when we are grateful, we can feel a little better.  I can be grateful for the holiday memories I have even though I have lost many of the people who made those holidays special.  I can also be grateful for the people I do have in my life. One thing cancer has taught me is that there are more people in my life who care about me than I realized.  I am grateful for them.  This gratitude has led to me looking forward to spending time with them during this season.  

As always, writing is a great coping skill for me.  It took a lot of thought to write this post.  I had to consider the way I view the holidays as a person with depression.  I questioned myself and searched for positives.  I reviewed my coping strategies and realized that even though the depression will be present, I can find joy in the holidays.  I can focus on the smiles on my niece and nephew’s faces.  I can enjoy bringing joy to my mom with a special gift.  I processed these images by journaling.  Getting it out of my head and onto paper makes it real.  I can see that there are good parts of the holidays.  It is not all depression.

One other coping strategy that I find useful is creating art. I have found that making artistic gifts provides me with joy.  I have started that process and look forward to making more gifts.  The creating is calming for me.  There is the added benefit of making someone smile when I give them a handmade gift.  

Even with all my coping strategies, the holidays will have their difficulties for me.  That is a part of depression.  It is up to me to manage it the best I can.  I will rely on mental health team at times.  Lean on friends and family at other times.  This year has already started out differently.  Cancer was added to the mix. Having stage 4 cancer has taught me to value life.  While cancer sucks, it has forced me to reflect.  That reflection has led me to appreciate life and all it has to offer.  I have realized all that I have missed out on over the years.  I can’t get any of that back, but I can make efforts to make this holiday season and my future better.  I can enjoy all that I have in my life even when depression makes that difficult.  Cancer has provided me with a new lease on life and it starts with the holiday season.  Depression and cancer are a part of my life, but they don’t have to rule it.  I’ll fight back against the depression this year.  Enjoy what I can and be okay with it when I can’t.