Asking for Help with Depression When You Don’t Have the Words

Often, when we are struggling with depression it is hard to ask for help. It can be difficult to find the words to let someone else know we are struggling. Many times, I have struggled to find the words to ask for help. When the depression leaves me in the dark, words often fail me. I find myself unable to explain to someone else the pain I am experiencing. There are times when I cannot even write what I am experiencing in my journal. 

So, what do we do when we do not have the words to ask for help? The pain of depression can mute us. Wanting to ask for help even when we do not have the words is a sign of strength. The first thing to remember is that we do not need the “right” words to reach out for help. Just saying we cannot explain what we are feeling is an important step. We might tell a trusted person or a healthcare provider, “I’m not okay, and I don’t have the words for it.” We might say, “Something’s wrong, and I don’t know how to talk about it.” Another way to let someone know we are struggling is to say, “I’m struggling more than I’m letting on.”  These words are enough to open the door to receiving help.

We do not need to say a lot to communicate that we are struggling with depression. Just letting someone know that we are not okay can be enough. A few simple statements we can make might include:

 

“On a scale of 1-10, I’m a 3 right now.”

“Today is a bad mental health day.”

“I’m functioning, but barely.”

 

                  Even these statements can be difficult to say. That is okay. It takes strength just to try. When communicating our struggle, it is okay to keep it simple. We do not need to tell the whole story. It can help if we have a few of the above sentences ready. Maybe we write a few of these sentences on a page we create in our journal or a note that we keep somewhere we have easy access to. Then when we need help, we can refer to that page or note. We can even read the sentence if we are struggling to get it out. 

                  Another idea is to borrow words from someone else. Maybe we read something that someone else wrote. It might be an article or words from a song.  We might say, “I read/heard something that describes how I feel.” This is a way to explain how we are feeling without having to find our own words. We could also say, “This article/post/video/song sounds like me.” By doing this we are letting someone else know what our struggle feels like. This can open the door to support. 

                  Some of us can get the words out in writing even when we cannot speak the words. We might send a text saying we are having a hard time but do not know how to talk about it. We might write in our journal and then share that page with someone. I have done this at times. Sometimes I share something I have written with my mental health team. This lets them know I need support. Even a simple email to a therapist or doctor saying that we are not okay can lead to the support we need.

                  We do not always need to explain why we need support. I have a friend who knows I struggle with depression. Sometimes it is enough to just tell her I need her to sit or hang with me for a bit. This is enough for her to know I am struggling, and I just need someone with me. I do not need to explain what I am experiencing. Silence might be part of the support at times. We might not have the words, but we just do not want to be alone with our depression. 

                  It is common for those of us living with depression to struggle to find the words to explain what we are experiencing. Depression steals words from us. It robs us of our ability to tell others how we are feeling or what we need. If you are feeling this way, know that you are not alone. Just because the words elude us does not mean our pain is unreal or invalid. Depression is real. Depression is painful. It is important to remember that depression does not always carry with it the words to make sense of it. Even though I write every day, and writing is an important aspect of my healing, there are times when I cannot find the words to explain to someone that I am suffering. In these moments I tend to become quiet and isolate myself. I have learned that even if I can say, “I am not okay,” to someone on my mental health team, it is enough for them to understand that I need support. They can often guide me to find the words to share what I am going through. That explanation does not need to be detailed. We can rely on our mental health providers to support us in these moments.

                  Not everyone has a mental health provider. If this is the case it is important to have a trusted family member or friend to turn to. In our better moments we can share with this person that depression is a part of our lives and that there may be times when we need support and cannot ask for it. Having a plan for these times is good idea. I wrote an article about having a safety plan (Creating a Safety Plan for Times of Suicidal Crisis). This article addresses when the depression is leading to suicidal thoughts, but a plan can also be created for when we are struggling and need support. I think that might be an upcoming post. 

                  One thing that has helped me is being part of a support group. Most of my experience with support groups has come from a cancer support group, but this group assisted me in dealing with the mental health aspects of my cancer battle. When I first went to the group, I did not have the words to say much. I did a lot of listening. Through listening, I learned from how other people were sharing their struggles and needs. Slowly, I became more comfortable talking. Being in a support group helped me find the words to talk to others. If you are interested in joining a mental health support group, I would recommend NAMI Connections support groups. The link can lead to groups throughout the country.

                  There is a simple sentence that is extremely powerful. “I am not okay.” When we struggle to find the words to let a loved one or mental health provider know that our depression is bad and we need help, we can use this sentence. The loved one can guide us to professional support. Our mental health provider can lead us into a conversation that provides a picture of what we are experiencing. They can then provide the proper support.

                  I understand how difficult it can be to talk about our struggle with depression. We fear others may not understand. The words do not come easily. It is okay if all we can do is utter those four simple words, “I am not okay.”  Long explanations are not needed. The important thing is to reach out in whatever we can. “I am not okay,” is a simple but powerful statement. It is a statement that we can use when other words fail us.        

 

 

Depression Doesn’t Always Look Like Sadness: Quiet Signs That Often Go Unnoticed

                  As with anything that has a stigma attached to it, there is a preconceived idea of what depression looks like. It is a complicated illness with many symptoms. Everyone experiences the symptoms in their own way. As someone who has lived with depression for almost 40 years, I can share my picture of what depression is and the signs the I recognize as part of my mental illness. The picture someone else provides might differ. Of course, there are a lot of commonalities. Many of us experience symptoms that others would recognize as depression, but what are the signs that go unnoticed? There are quiet signs of depression that can persist in our lives.

                  In this post I would like to share some of the quiet signs of depression that often go unnoticed. These quiet signs can be broken down into five categories: 1) Emotional and Mental Signs, 2) Physical and Energy Changes, 3) Behavioral and Social Signs, 4) The “Looks Fine” Signs, and 5) Thought Patterns People Miss. As we look at these signs, remember not everyone will experience all these signs. Even experiencing one or two can make life difficult. These symptoms should be taken seriously. 

                  

Emotional and Mental Signs

                  A person with depression might feel flat, empty, or disconnected. This might appear as feeling numb or not experiencing emotions. The world around you feels gray. There is a feeling of detachment. You might feel a heavy stillness. There can be a sense of hopelessness. These are indications that you are experiencing depression.

                  Another emotional and mental sign is constant self-criticism. It can be frequent hard on yourself thoughts. You might lose interest in things you previously enjoyed. While indecisiveness can be normal, when it starts occurring more frequently, it can be a quiet sign of depression. 

 

Physical and Energy Changes

                  People who do not live with depression often think it is just in a person’s head, but depression can affect us physically. Persistent fatigue is a physical symptom. This is a fatigue that does not improve with rest. Youi just feel constantly fatigued. Related to this is sleeping too much or too little. It may seem odd to include these opposites, but how sleep affects a person is different for everyone. Low motivation is another physical sign. It is that feeling that you just cannot do something. You do not have the physical or emotional energy to engage in an activity. Other quiet signs include aces, headaches, and digestive issues without a clear medical cause. Depression can hurt. While depression is a mental illness, many of us experience physical pain.

 

Behavioral and Social Signs

                  Another quiet sign of depression is withdrawing socially. A person might show up for required things like work but turn down social situations. Excuses are made to avoid going out with friends or attending family events. Canceling plans without connecting with others or explaining the reason for the cancelation can be a quiet sign of depression. Depression can result in a person just going through the motions at work or school. There can be a decrease in productivity. There might be a struggle to start tasks even when the person wants to get the task completed. They might take too long to complete simple tasks. The person might hide behind perfectionism or find themselves overcompensating. This can appear with a person working long hours to make up for a lack of focus. The person might push themselves harder than they are able to in order to keep up with at work or school. 

 

The ”Looks Fine” Signs

                  The “Looks Fine” signs occur when a person  presents a façade. The person may smile, joke, or appear functional when inside they are struggling. When I think of this I am reminded of the actor/comedian Robin Williams. He spent his life making others happy and making them laugh, when inside he was struggling. A person who looks fine might be downplaying distress. They might say, “I am just tired.”  They may try to tell themselves “It’s not that bad.” Another looks fine sign is comparing yourself to others. It is that “others have it worse” thought. This invalidates the pain the person is going through and masks their depression. Often, this prevents a person from getting help. The “looks fine” signs are often seen in high-functioning depression. The person can meet responsibilities while inside they feel awful.

 

Thought Patterns People Miss

                  Our thoughts are not seen by others. So, it is easy for many of us to put on a mask and hide our thoughts. That leads some people to miss the quiet signs that they are struggling with depression. Some of these thoughts might be “I should be able to handle this,” “Other people have it worse,” “I’m just lazy,” “I’m just weak,” or “This is just how I am.” These thoughts are quiet signs and easy to ignore or normalize. When we are frequently having thoughts like these, we need to reach out for help. 

 

                  Quiet signs of depression are often missed. A person can deny them in their own mind. Others are not aware that the person is struggling. As a result, the depression worsens. This is why we need to normalize talking about mental health. If we talk openly about these and other signs of depression, we can make it easier to recognize and accept that we are experiencing depression. This will lead to more people receiving help for depression.

                  Many primary care providers give their patients a depression screening when they go in for a physical. This is an important step. I think there is room for improvement here, though. I have taken this screening many times. I know how to answer to hide my depression if I do not want a provider to know I am struggling. Because the depression screening that is commonly used is just simple scale, it is easy to miss the presence of depression. It does not catch the quiet signs. For this reason, I think primary care providers should ask questions about a person’s mental health. I realize that in today’s healthcare system there is little time for this. Providers are expected to push patients through. Sadly, healthcare is now ruled by corporate policies. Healthcare has gone from being about patient care to being about making money. Providers are not able to spend as much time with patients as they want to. This leads to the quiet signs of depression being missed. In reality, even the obvious signs of depression are often missed. 

                  It is important that we understand and recognize all the signs of depression, even the quiet signs. If you recognize any of the signs present in this post in yourself, I urge you to reach out for help. You can talk to your primary care provider, reach out to a mental health professional, or join a support group through NAMI. Of course, the presence of some of these signs does not mean you have a depression disorder, but it can be an indicator. Take the signs seriously. You do not need to wait for the signs to get worse to seek help.

 It can be helpful to name what you are experiencing. You might try journaling or keeping notes about what you are feeling. This allows you to monitor what you are experiencing. It is helpful to use neutral words to describe what you are feeling. The purpose of journaling or taking notes is to collect information that can be useful if you reach a point where you need to seek help or support.

                  When you recognize the quiet signs of depression try to adjust your expectations of yourself. It is okay to do just enough. Try not to place unrealistic expectations on yourself. Just do what you can and let that be enough. 

                  If you are not at a point where you need support from a mental healthcare professional, you might share what you are experiencing with one safe person. You do not need to tell them everything. You might say something like, “I’m not okay, but I don’t know how explain it yet.” 

                  It is important to watch for escalation. Quiet depression can worsen. If you experience a worsening of the quiet signs, you start feeling hopeless or trapped, or you start having thoughts of self-harm, you need to reach out for help right away. 

                  Depression looks differently in everyone. Sometimes our experience varies at different times. This is why we need to talk about depression. We need to normalize having discussions about depression and other mental illnesses. This will help make it normal to seek support. If you are experiencing any of the quiet signs of depression, please do not ignore them. Monitor them and reach out for support.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                  

                  

                  

Sharing What We Have

What we have is not for us to possess but to pass on. – Unknown

                  I heard the above quote when my co-teachers and I were showing a teen news show to our students. The host, Coy Wire, referenced the quote. It really resonated with me, and I found myself getting distracted in thought. My thoughts led me to think about my mental health journey. As I have shared over the past two and a half years, I have been through a lot with depression and anxiety. While I have suffered more than I would like, I have also learned a great deal. I think that is where this quote comes in. The lessons I have learned are not just for me. These lessons can help others as much as they have helped me. It is that sharing that is at the center of this quote. I have this blog as a platform to pass on the lessons I have learned. I hope I am doing that.

                  So much of living with mental illness, in whatever form it attacks us, is painful. I usually describe it as darkness. For me depression is my darkness. It clouds my world to the point where at times I have not wanted to live. You can look back over past posts to learn how the darkness of depression has impacted me. More than that you can look back and learn the lessons living with mental illness has taught me. That is the purpose of this blog. I want to share the lessons I have learned. 

                  It would be selfish of me not to share the insight I have gained through the darkness of depression and the stranglehold of anxiety. While the lessons have helped me, they will only serve their greatest purpose if I share them. I think the above quote means that possession has an inherent obligation to share what we have with others. That being said, the greatest lesson I have learned from my mental illness stems from the battle to beat it down. I have learned that life is worth living even when depression tells me it is not. Many times, depression has driven me to the edge. It has led me to believe that I did not want to continue living. Depression has shouted in my head that continuing to live is futile. Fortunately, I have learned that I need to talk back to that voice.

                  The great Mr. Rogers speaks about the “helpers”. (“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” – Mr. Rogers) I believe the helpers are the people who step into our lives when times are tough, the times when we are struggling. They help us to get through the tough times. I have been blessed with helpers in my life. I have named them on my blog before. So, I think they know who they are. These helpers have helped me learn that my life is worth living no matter how much depression tries to convince me otherwise. I have been given a gift by these helpers. I possess this gift, but it is not for me to keep to myself. I believe that I have an obligation to pass it on. I want others who struggling to know that life is worth living. I want others to know that the weight of mental illness can be lifted. 

                  How do we lift that weight? How do we find reasons to live in the face of the darkness? The first step is to reach out for help. It is okay to say, “I need help. I cannot get through this on my own.” Mental illness, no matter how it manifests, is difficult to live with. We need therapy, medication, and alternative treatments. We need a supportive ear. We need someone to hold our hand and say, “I hear you.” Others often do not know we are struggling if we do not tell them. Sometimes we need to ask for that help. One thing I know from experience is that this is a difficult thing to learn. Most of us are hesitant to ask for help whether it is because we do not know how or what to ask, we are afraid to ask, or we have been let down when we have asked before. What I have learned is that even if we need to push ourselves, we need to ask for help. Mental illness cannot be battled alone. We would not fight cancer or heart disease alone. So, why should we fight mental illness alone?

                  Another lesson I have learned is that mental illness is messy. It does not follow a linear tract. There are days when we feel like crap. There are days when we feel better. Then there is everywhere in between. I think of mental illness as a small child’s scribbling. It is messy and all over the page. Can you picture that image? Now, imagine trying to live like that. Are you starting to see it? That is mental illness. Many of you reading this understand what I am describing. The thing is even when life is messy, we can find our way through it. We may need help to get through the scribbled mess. That help might be in the form of a trusted mental health care provider or it may be a coping strategy or an activity from a self-care toolkit. We need to remember that even if mental illness is messy, we can be guided out of the mess.

                  Another lesson I would like to pass on is that we do not need to keep quiet about our mental illness. It is not attention-seeking to talk about it. There are others who understand. We can join support groups like NAMI Connection. (Check out the link to find a group near you.) There are other support groups. There are DBSA support groups in every state. You can also ask you mental health care provider or even your primary care provider for resources that can help you. I have found that talking about my mental illness has helped me feel less alone. It allows me to feel connected to others. That connection is healing. When we can share what we are going through, we often find it easier to deal with it. 

Each time I write a post on this blog, I feel connected to others. I also know that somewhere someone is listening to what I have to say. That connection gives me strength to keep battling my mental illness. It gives me power over my depression and anxiety. One suggestion you can try is finding mental health groups and individuals on social media who are talking about their experiences. You can find connection in those posts. I know that we need to be careful on social media, but I have found a lot of really supportive individuals. Two that I would recommend are Giving Voice to Depression (This is her podcast link, but you can find her on Instagram and Facebook.) and BC Mental Health Awareness Project (on Instagram). Most chapters of NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) have a social media presence. 

                  I have learned many lessons about my mental health and about life. I try to share as much as I can on this blog. It is my way of trying to make a difference and to give back to the helpers in my life. I think it is a great testament to the helpers in my life if I can be a helper to others. If this post helped you in any way, I ask that you help me pass on the lessons I have learned by sharing my blog with someone else who may benefit. Together we can make a difference.

 

 

 

 

 

Creating a Self-Care Tool Kit

                  Self-care is important when we live with mental illness. Our self-care needs can vary. For that reason, it is helpful to have a tool kit that we can provide us with options. Often, we need activities that we can do on our own. With mental illness there are times when we just need to work through things on our own. There are other times when the presence of others can be useful. In this post I am going to share ideas to create a toolkit of your own.  

                  The self-care activities we select can depend on how we are feeling. When we are having difficult days or have low motivation, we are going to have different needs than on a day when we are not as impacted by our mental illness. Let’s look at some self-care activities.

                  On the hard days we are likely to need activities that we can do on our own. The focus of these days is to just provide some structure or stability. They are not about productivity. 

                  Self-Care Activities for the Hard Days

·      Try doing one basic care activity: take a shower, brush your teeth, change clothes

·      Try a comfort ritual: drink a cup of hot tea, hold a stuffed animal or blanket

·      Use the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory activity: Name five things you can see, name four things you can feel, name three things you can hear, name two things you can smell, and name one thing you can taste.

·      Practice a breathing exercise.

·      Use gentle media: watch a familiar show, listen to part of a favorite audiobook, listen to calming music

·      Engage in basic body care: do gentle stretches, use a heating pad, take a hot shower

·      Journaling without pressure: only write what you can. Maybe it is just once sentence or a couple bullet points. Even writing “Today has been hard.” Is helpful.

     It is important to remember that during the hard times, the times when we feel like we cannot do anything, just making an effort to do something small is big. On these hard days our motivation is often low and doing something that others would see as simple, can take enormous effort. Be kind to yourself. (For more on low motivation, read my post: Battling Low Motivation When You Have Depression

 

Self-Care Activities for the Moderate Days

·      Try something creative: color a page in an adult coloring book; draw or doodle; play an instrument or listen to music; engage in a favorite craft; journal or write something that makes you feel good

·      Engage in a mindfulness practice: try a guided meditation; do a body scan (move through your body looking for spots of tension); do yoga even if it is just for 5-10 minutes

·      Expose yourself to nature: sit by an open window; sit outside for a bit; go for a short walk

·      Work on processing your emotions: track your mood (ask yourself what you are feeling and how it is affecting you); work on a therapy worksheet; write a letter you don’t send

·      Create a To-Do list and do one activity from the list

 

When our mood is in that middle space, we are often able to do small things. The key is to make an effort. Even if you only do one thing from the above list, you are helping to improve your mood.  Once you do one thing, you may find that you can push yourself a little.

 

                  Self-Care Activities for When You Are in a Better Place

·      Engage in movement: go for a walk; swim; dance; go to the gym – do whatever feels good for you

·      Try a building a new skill: learn something new – Maybe it’s learning a new language on an app like Duolingo or learning to paint on a canvas by watching a how-to video on YouTube. You might try making a new recipe.

·      Set personal goals: make a vision board; write down your glimmers, the things that go well, bright spots or positives (For more on glimmers read my post: A Glimmer Jar for 2026

·      Engage in self-compassion – Intentionally do something kind for yourself. It might be eating a treat or giving yourself a hug. Maybe you look in the mirror and say, “I am worthy of love.” 

 

Often, when our mood is in a better place it is easier to engage in self-care. It is important to practice self-care activities during these times. Doing so will help us know what activities we can turn to when we are struggling. It builds the ability to engage in self-care. 

There are times when we want others involved in our self-care activities. There are different levels of social connection. It is important to recognize how much connection you are ready for. It is okay if you need to keep the connection to minimum. Move into more connection as you are ready. You do not need to push it.

 

                  Activities That Involve Low Pressure Social Connection

·      Parallel presence: Sit with someone while doing different things. The idea is to not be alone.

·      Text a friend or family member: You do not need to talk on the phone or in person to engage with another person. Just reaching out in the form of a text, or even an email, is an effort at communication.

·      Hang out with your pet. Pets are great companions. They seem to understand what we need from them. Just sitting next to your dog or cat can boost your mood and make you feel less alone.

·      Engage in an online community or support group. It could be a group with a common interest, or it can be a support group based on your mental health needs. In a group like this, you can just listen without speaking if that is what you need.

 

The idea with these activities is to make a small step toward engagement with others. The effort provides a bit of connection. That connection can provide a mood boost and enable you to feel less isolated.

 

Activities That Involve Active Connection

·      Have a conversation with a trusted person about how you are really feeling. 

·      Therapy or counseling: talk to your therapist or counselor about what you are feeling. Discuss your needs and make plans for using your self-care toolkit.

·      Engage in an activity with someone else: You can go for a walk with a friend. Play a game with someone. Watch a movie of or television show with someone. Do something in nature with someone else like a walk on the beach or a hike in a local mountain area.

·      Do a mindfulness activity with someone else: Maybe it is a breathing exercise with someone else. You can try doing yoga together.

 

In these activities you are gently moving into connection with another person. This can feel hard. That is okay. Take your time with it. Let the other person know how you are feeling. It helps to have a trusted friend or family member who understands the importance of these activities for you. 

 

Activities That Provide Purpose and Belonging

·      Join a support group: Support groups link you with others who are living with similar issues. It provides an opportunity to discuss how you are feeling or what you are going through with others who get it.

·      Volunteer: Find a group that engages in something you value. Start slowly. You do not need to commit to long hours. Maybe you start by giving an hour a week. You can increase the time as you feel up to it.

·      Join a group that shares an interest you have. This could be based on something creative, a hobby, or be faith-based.

 

When you are ready for more engagement these activities can help keep your mood in a positive place. They provide engagement with others and motivation to be involved in something.

It is important to remember that self-care activities are only part of how we work on our mental health. These activities will not cure our mental illness. Rather, they are meant to help us cope. Depending on where we are at with our mental illness, we will have different needs. A self-care activity may work one day and not the next. That is okay. Often, we need to try more than one activity to find the right one. It is okay if you do not have the motivation to engage in one of these activities. In these moments give one of the self-care activities for the hard days a try. Even the effort to try one is beneficial. 

You may want to write out a plan with some of these activities listed on it. When we are struggling, it can be hard to remember what is in our self-care toolkit. Having a written resource to refer to can help. Maybe keep the list in a journal or on a notepad by your bed. You can keep the list on your phone. Any place that you are likely to be able to refer to it will work. 

Self-care is an important aspect of taking care of our mental health. I encourage you to try some of these strategies. If you have other self-care ideas, please add them in the comments section. You might help somebody.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Battling Low Motivation When You Have Depression

                  Low motivation is a reality many of us with depression face. Low motivation affects our lives and at times makes our depression worse. What is low motivation with respect to depression and how can we find ways to deal with it?

                  Low motivation in depression can be defined as a reduced ability to do things such as initiate, sustain, or complete activities. Depressive symptoms, such as changes in mood, energy, and cognition, interfere with this ability even when we care about the outcome. Low motivation in depression is not from a lack of desire or willpower. It is a clinical symptom of depression and is caused by changes in brain function, energy, regulation, and emotional processing. 

                  Let’s take a look at what low motivation feels like when you are depressed. I experience low motivation often. There are times when I want to do something, but I feel unable to start. Starting a task, even if it is something I want to do, is difficult for me at times. There are times when starting feels overwhelming. At times doing something feels heavy mentally. Not being motivated often leads to feelings of guilt. I feel like I should be able to do more, but depression often leaves me sitting unable to motivate myself to do anything, I feel this sense that I just cannot do things. Even though I want to be productive or engage in certain activities, my brain tells me it is not possible. 

                  There are different things that can cause this lack of motivation when a person has depression. Our brain chemistry can tell us that the effort required is not worth it. We may have problems with executive functioning that lead to difficulties initiating or organizing actions. Fatigue can play a role. Another factor that can affect a person’s ability to engage in activities is the negativity that fills our minds when we struggle with depression. Sometimes we learn to expect failure. Low motivation can be a combination of these things.

                  I would like to point out that low motivation is real. It is not a product of laziness. It is not failure. It is not a lack of ambition. An important thing to keep in mind is that low motivation is not permanent or fixed. Depending on how the depression is impacting us at certain times, our motivation levels can fluctuate. It is important to recognize low motivation as a symptom of depression and not laziness because when we recognize it as a symptom, our self-blame is reduced, and it makes recovery possible. It also can lead to the support we need. One way to think about low motivation in depression is that motivation is not absent, rather it is inaccessible to the person because of our depression.

                  It might be helpful to have some ways to explain low motivation. First, I think it is important to be honest. That does not mean you need to reveal personal information or share anything you are uncomfortable sharing. It might help to have a short script ready if needed. 

                  Here are some scripts we can use:

o   “I am dealing with a health condition that affects my energy and motivation. While I am managing it, some days are slower.”

o   “This is not about effort. It is a health symptom that I am dealing with.”

o   “I do not need advice right now. I just need understanding.”

o   “I am pacing myself for health reasons.”

o   “I am running low on energy lately due to a health condition that I would prefer to keep private.”

o   “I am doing what I can right now within my limits.”

o   “Pushing harder actually makes things worse for me.”

o   “This is not a motivation issue. It is a health issue.”

 

                  While these scripts are useful, remember that we do not owe anyone an explanation for our illness. We are doing the best that we can. Low motivation is a symptom of depression, which is an illness, not a choice.

                  It is important to have strategies for facing low motivation. These strategies can help us manage this symptom and help us through tough times. There are times when these will work and other times when they will not be as effective. I think that is just part of depression. It fluctuates. There are times when we are better able to cope than others. Give these strategies a try if you are struggling with depression-related low motivation. See what works for you.

                  One strategy is to reduce tasks into very small parts. For example, if you need to wash the dishes, you might set a goal of washing one plate. It may seem small, but that is an accomplishment. If you need to run errands, maybe the goal is to walk out the door. By reducing the task into smaller parts, you are getting started. With low motivation getting started can be instrumental. We can accomplish things in smaller parts. We do not need to undertake a full task if we are not up to it.

                  Momentum can be instrumental to overcoming low motivation. Maybe you remind yourself that you do not need to feel like doing something to start the task. Select the task and set a timer. It could be for as little as one minute. The key is that you did something, not how long you spent doing it. Motivation can build from small increments.

                  Check your standards. Something does not need to be done well to be done. For example, drinking a protein shake counts as a meal. If you are not up to cooking dinner, drink a protein shake. It is still nourishment. Another way to look at things is even if something is not done well, it can still be considered done. When we get stuck focusing on doing things perfectly, we are inadvertently fueling our low motivation.

                  Using external structures can be helpful. An example might be a checklist with very small steps. You can also schedule routines instead of doing them only when you feel like it. Sometimes when we have it on our schedule or calendar, we are less likely to skip it. But even if we need to skip something on our schedule, it is okay. Another structure we can implement is to ask someone safe or non-judgmental to help us stay accountable. Maybe they can check in on how we are feeling about a task or help us break the task into easier to manage pieces.

                  It is important to remember that depression affects our energy in unpredictable ways. We need to notice when we are feeling even slightly better. In those moments we can try to do something that maybe earlier we were not motivated to do. If our energy drops, we need to remember that it is okay to rest. Rest is important when living with depression. 

                  Rewards are important. These rewards should be gentle and help us feel good. By rewarding ourselves, we are acknowledging that we did something. Doing something is what matters even if it is something small. 

                  Two final thoughts. First, self-worth does not come from productivity. I struggle with this one, but I try to remind myself that I am not lazy or weak. I have an illness. Depression affects our motivation. We are not always going to be productive and that is okay. Low motivation is a symptom of depression. It is not a character flaw. 

                  The final thought is that we need to try to name the emotion that is underneath our low motivation. We can ask ourselves why something feels hard and then gently listen to our response. We can then address the underlying issue instead of forcing ourselves to do things we are not ready or able to do. This may require support. That is okay. Mental health professionals are there to support us. Therapy, medication, support groups, and alternative treatments are also available to help us. 

                  Remember low motivation is a symptom of depression. It is okay if you do not feel motivated. It is okay if you do not get things done. Give yourself grace. Be kind and understanding to yourself. You are worthy of grace, kindness, and understanding. We all are, even if we have trouble believing it.