It’s Not Just a Phase: Debunking Depression Myths (Part 3, Teen Mental Health)

                  March 2 was Teen Mental Health Day. Now seems like a perfect time to debunk myths surrounding teen depression. Teens face depression and they deserve support and care. Often, they do not get the care and support they need. Some causes for this include shame and stigma, not recognizing the signs of depression, fear of parents’ reaction, limited access to care, confidentiality concerns, the depression itself, cultural and identity factors, and past negative experiences. These are important issues that need to be addressed. Embedded in some of these issues are the myths that surround teenage depression. Today I would like to look at some of those myths.

                  One myth is that teen depression is just hormones, and they will grow out of it. All teens go through some mood changes, but those can be minor. When mood changes are persistent, it is not just hormones or a phase. Indicators of depression or other mental illness in teens include persistent sadness, anxiety, withdrawal, or behavior changes. Mental health research confirms that mental health challenges are common in teens. Teens can be depressed. Teens can be anxious. These are health issues, not just hormones.

                  Another myth is that “teens just want attention”. When teens are exhibiting distress or self-harm thoughts, it is indication that they need support. They should not be dismissed as seeking attention. Sometimes the behavior can seem dramatic. Even in these instances it should not be dismissed. The underlying emotions are real and need attention from mental health professionals.

                  Here is a myth that I find aggravating. “Good kids don’t get mental health problems.”  This is an asinine belief. Having mental illness is not about whether we are a good person or bad person. Depression and other mental illnesses affect kids across backgrounds and interests. It can affect athletes, high achievers, quiet kids, theater kids, musicians, popular teens, the teen that sits by themself, the class clown, or the teen that is always getting in trouble. Depression can affect any teen. Mental illness does not differentiate. It can affect teens of all races. Stress, trauma, genetics, and brain chemistry can affect anyone. Teens included. Having depression or other mental illness does not make you a bad kid.

                  I would like to raise an issue I have with the school system and mental health here. I am a special education teacher. I am used to seeing children and teens labeled. It is part of the paperwork and the placements. There is one label or type of disability that has always bothered me. Children and teens with mental illnesses or behavior disorders are often labeled emotionally disturbed. I hate that term. Disturbed has such a negative connotation. These kids are not disturbed. They have an illness that affects their emotions and behavior. Calling them disturbed is an insult. It perpetuates stigma and the myth that good kids do not get mental illness. I am an adult with mental illness. I am not referred to as emotionally disturbed by my health care providers, mental or physical. I do not believe we should be using this label on children and teens. 

                  Another myth surrounding teen mental health is that talking about suicide puts ideas in their heads. There is research that shows that asking directly about suicidal thoughts does not increase risk. It actually opens the doors to conversations that can allow the teen to receive the help they need. Talking openly about suicide reduces isolation and encourages teens to seek and accept help. 

                  I would like to share a personal experience related to this. I was a teen decades ago, but I still remember being chastised for having suicidal thoughts. I distinctly remember a counselor threatening me because I had expressed thoughts about wanting to take my life. There was no support. Rather, I was made to feel like I was a bad person. Not being able to talk about my suicidal thoughts caused me to shut down. The thoughts did not go away. Hurting myself did not stop. A lot of has changed since then. A counselor would not treat a teen like that today. We know that talking openly with teens allows them to receive the support and help they need. We know that openness leads to dialogue, which leads to treatment.

                  Another myth is that therapy is only for serious cases. Therapy can help teens at all levels of need. It can help with everyday stress, identity questions, relationship issues, peer pressure, school pressure, and athletic pressures. It is not just for crises. Talking to a counselor or therapist can help teens navigate tough issues as well as everyday issues. There is nothing wrong with going to therapy. We can all benefit from it at times.

                  There is a myth that medication will change a teen’s personality. If medications are taken appropriately and under the care of a psychiatrist or other doctor, they reduce the symptoms of depression or anxiety. They do not erase a person’s personality. Often, a teen will feel more like themselves once a medication has started managing their symptoms. 

                  We talked about this next myth in Smiles and Appearances, The Masks We Wear: Debunking Common Depression Myths (Part 2). It is a myth that if a teen is laughing or getting good grades, they’re fine. Just as adults can mask the symptoms of depression and other mental illness, a teen can mask what they are struggling with. High-functioning depression and anxiety are just as real in teens as they are in adults. Just because a teen appears to be doing well on the outside does not mean they are not living with depression. We need to check in on the teen who smiles as much as we need to check in on the kid who is isolating themself. 

                  I am sure there are more myths out there. It seems that myths about mental health pop up all the time. Many people do not want to believe that depression is real. People want to believe that all kids are happy. Sadly, the ignorance perpetrated by the myths we have discussed harms teens every day. There are so many teens out there who are struggling and who need support. It is important that we breakdown the myths surrounding depression and other mental illnesses. We should be reaching out to teens. We should be listening to them. 

                  If there are teens in your life, I encourage you to listen to them. Listening means more than just hearing their words. It means paying attention to their actions. It means monitoring their moods. It means being aware of changes. Our teens need us. There are too many statistics that show teens are suffering and even dying from depression and mental illness. If we work to break down these myths and pay attention to our young people, we can make a positive impact in their lives. 

                  If you suspect a teen may be struggling with their mental health or feel unprepared to talk to your teen about mental health, reach out for support. You can talk to your teen’s pediatrician or a school counselor. You can contact organizations such as NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). You can call the 988 Lifeline. Whatever you do, don’t stand by silently. Any teen can suffer from depression and other mental illnesses and every teen deserves support.

 

 Check back next Thursday, 3/12, for another part in this series on Debunking Depression Myths.

I Am Here

                  The other day I was listening to music, which is one of my coping strategies. Music has the power to lift me up when I am struggling with depression and anxiety. Usually I listen to classic rock, but sometimes I venture into other genres. I was listening to P!nk and her song I Am Here struck me. I felt the words. It made me ponder where I am and why I am here. Why has my journey landed me where it has? Why am I in different places on my journey at different times? 

                  I am here to say that living with depression, or any mental illness, sucks. Often, there is a sense of finality to it; a sense that we will not be able to overcome our mental illness. Can you imagine living with that? Do you live with this same sense? I am here to share a bit about depression.

                  Depression ebbs and flows. There are ups and downs. These are difficult to navigate. We try to hold onto the times when we feel better, but sometimes we are sent crashing down without warning. We plummet into the darkness. Other times it is a slow slide into the darkness. Both experiences are hard. I am here to say that I live these ebbs and flows. It is part of having a mental illness., but I believe we can live with depression. We just need the right supports.

                  Many of my posts have shared supports that can help us live with depression and other mental illnesses. There are mental health professionals who lead us into healing. Finding the right psychiatrist, psychologist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, therapist, counselor, or support group leader makes a significant difference in our healing journey. I am here to say that without my mental health team, I would be drowning in the darkness of my illness. Supports might include medications. It likely includes therapy. There are non-traditional treatments such as TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) and esketamine. There are support groups led by members of groups such as NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). We also have our individual coping strategies. These might include breathing exercises, journaling, yoga, exercise, music, art, and various other activities that we find useful. You can look back over my previous posts to learn more about many of these supports.

                  I researched the meaning of P!nk’s song, I Am Here. It is intended to be about living in the present moment. It is about self-acceptance and resilience. The song encourages listeners to be present even in the face of life’s challenges. I do not know P!nk’s reasons for writing this song, but I feel her talking to me. Living with mental illness is a challenge. Depression makes life difficult. Maybe we can draw from the idea behind this song. We can learn to say, “I am here” in the face of mental illness. It may tear us down, but we are here. We are still standing. If we remind ourselves that despite the efforts of mental illness to tear us down, we are still here. 

                  I am here to say that mental illness is a journey. We live the journey each day. We cannot hide from it. Healing exists. That healing feels good. It should be our goal to remain in the times of healing. When we do not feel that healing, we need to remind ourselves that we are here. We need only keep showing up. Whatever way we can show up is okay. The important part is making the effort to be present in our lives. That is how we fight mental illness. We say, I am here.

                  No matter where we are on our mental health journey, we can say, “I am here.” Everywhere on our journeys is important. Every place has value. We may be struggling, but we are still present on our journey and that place has value. We have just as much value when we are struggling as we do when we are experiencing healing. Hold onto that belief. We can be present wherever we are on our journeys. 

                  If you are reading this and do not live with mental illness, first I thank you for having the interest in reading about mental illness. Maybe you know or love someone with mental illness. Maybe you work with people with mental illness. I encourage you to say “I am here” as well. Being present has value for all of us. When we acknowledge we are present in our lives, we find the strength to live life to the fullest. When we say “I am here” we are letting others know that our experiences matter. We are here for each. 

This blog is my way of standing up and saying “I am here” for myself and for all those who battle mental illness or any battle.

 

Check back Thursday for part 3 in my series: Debunking Common Depression Myths

Smiles and Appearances, The Masks We Wear: Debunking Common Depression Myths (Part 2)

                  Last week I discussed the myth that depression is sadness. Let’s look at another depression myth today. Just as those of us with depression are not just sad, we do not always appear depressed. Many of us can manage to smile in public. We can function at work and in social situations at times. We can laugh and seem happy. However, appearances do not always tell the full story. Depression can be hiding behind a mask. 

External appearances are just that. The word appearance is defined as “the way someone or something looks.”  We cannot judge a person by their appearance. Depression does not have a “look”.  We might smile even though we are depressed. We might function at work or school as if nothing is wrong even though on the inside our thoughts are trapped in darkness. It is important not to assume that a person is okay just because they are smiling or functioning at work, at school, or in social situations.

                  One skill many of us with depression learn is masking symptoms. A mask can be as apparently simple as a smile. We might smile to hide the pain we are feeling. When others see a smile, they often assume we are happy. Just as depression is not sadness, a person can be happy about something and still be experiencing depression. An example might be how I am happy when my niece gets a hit in one of her college softball games. That happy feeling does not erase the depression I am trying to cope with. The feeling of happiness is situational. The depression is still there. It is always there. I can mask it, but the depression is hiding behind that mask.

Masking may appear as staying constantly busy and focused on exceling at work or school. When this form of masking is occurring, the person looks successful and productive on the outside, but inside they may feel empty, exhausted, or hopeless. This type of masking is one I have learned to employ. It is how I have managed to maintain a career despite my depression. I hide how I am feeling so others do not know. It is a way of avoiding judgement. Masking in order to work is often necessary to survive. We need the job to get health insurance and to pay for our living expenses. So, on the outside we look “normal” (although I question if there is really a normal way to look). Inside depression might be tearing us apart. 

                  Another aspect of this myth is that people with depression do not laugh. Sometimes a person with depression might use humor as a shield. Using humor might be a way to avoid vulnerability. Humor might be what keeps a person going. When I think about this myth, Robin Williams comes to mind. Obviously, I did not know him. So, I am basing this on what I have read about him. He spent his life making people laugh and doing everything he could to make people happy. Inside he fought depression. When he died by suicide, fans were in shock. People said things like, “He was always so funny, how could he take his life?” On the outside he was laughing. Inside he struggled. Sometimes humor and laughter are masking what we are experiencing on the inside. It is a myth that if a person is laughing and smiling, they are not depressed. They may be masking their depression symptoms.

                  There is a saying about being kind to everyone because we never know what they are going through. I think this saying captures the idea behind the myth that if a person is smiling and appears to be functioning, they cannot be depressed. How many of us have hidden how we are feeling from others because we did not want them to worry? How many of us have pretended to be okay because we did not believe others would understand what we were going through? This is masking. Everyone does it from time to time. What if you had to spend your life masking how you feel and what you are going through? That is what many of us with depression do. Often, we learn early on that others won’t understand. We learn that depression can be a taboo topic. So, we develop masks. 

                  Masking our depression is skill many of us are forced to develop to cope with our depression. It is what allows us to function. Unfortunately, those masks lead to the myth that if we are smiling and appear to be functioning, we must not be depressed. The very thing we are employing to allow us to function is creating the misconception that there is nothing wrong. 

I think masks serve an important purpose. By allowing us to appear okay, our masks allow us to be a part of the world that our depression tries to rip away from us. Over the years, I have learned when I need my mask and when I don’t. Sadly, I probably need it more than I do not. When I take off my mask, I can share with others what it means to live with depression. It is important to help others understand depression because doing so breaks down the stigma surrounding mental health. Maybe I need to explain my mask more often and to more people. I am not quite there yet. Yesterday my mask instinctively went up at work even though I know it is a safe place. I have accepted that it is going to happen at times. Maybe when my mask goes up like that it is protecting me. I know it perpetuates this myth, but in the world we live in sometimes we need our masks. Perhaps someday masks will not be necessary, and we can break down the myth that a smile or functioning appearance means we are not depressed.

 

 

 

 

 

                  
                  

From Doomscrolling to Bloomscrolling: A Healthier Habit for Depression

                Recently, I saw a friend’s social media post. It was a picture of flowers with the word “Bloomscroll” on it. It captured my attention. I wondered what bloomscrolling was. I am intimately familiar with doomscrolling. I engage in doomscrolling all too often. What is bloomscrolling and does it differ from doomscrolling? I quickly searched online to find out more about bloomscrolling.

                  Bloomscrolling is defined as “the intentional act of curating social media feeds to consume uplifting, positive, and educational content.” It is meant to be an alternative to doomscrolling, which is defined as “the act of obsessively scrolling through social media or news feeds, consuming large amounts of negative, sad, or depressing content despite it causing anxiety or distress”.  Doomscrolling increases stress, fear, and anxiety. It can lead to lower mood and sleep disturbances. The definition of doomscrolling hits home. I get caught up in this, especially when my mood is already low. The effect is a worsening of my mood. I feel trapped and often struggle to break the habit.

                  As I examined my social media habits, I realized that my friend’s bloomscrolling post was speaking to me. I needed to discover bloomscrolling. For one thing I need to stop scrolling social media when my mood is low. More importantly, I need to find positives. I need an uplifting of my mood. Therapy and the treatment I receive are important, but what about the times when I am on my own, those times in between appointments? Bloomscrolling offers relief for those times. I need to try to find the positives on social media. The positives are out there. I know this because I try to share positive posts when I share my blog on social media. 

                  Let’s look a little more at bloomscrolling. There are four key aspects to bloomscrolling:

                  

·      Intentionality: With bloomscrolling there is a conscious and active choice to seek out positive content on social media. This choice contrasts with just passively consuming whatever algorithms provide on your feed.

·      Mental Well-being: Bloomscrolling is an effort to fight against what is referred to as digital fatigue (“the mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion caused by excessive, prolonged use of digital devices.”) This push back is intended to reduce stress, anxiety, and what might be called “brain rot” that results from endless, negative social media scrolling.

·      Curated Feeds: This involves unfollowing or blocking accounts that bring negativity. Instead, bloomscrolling involves actively seeking out, saving, and sharing posts that are inspiring. 

·      Digital Diet: With this aspect, social media use is treated like nutrition by getting rid of the negative posts and feeding the mind better, more nourishing social media content. 

 

Incorporating these key aspects requires some steps to stop doomscrolling. First, it is important to set social media time limits. This can be difficult when you are struggling with depression and/or anxiety. I know I get trapped doomscrolling because it is mindless. I often catch myself spending more time than I realize on social media. It is a mindless activity that negatively fills my head when I do not want to think. Another effective strategy to stop doomscrolling is to set no-phone zones or times. We can try avoiding our phones first thing in the morning and just before bed. A third strategy is to practice mindful social media usage. This requires being conscious of why we are opening an app and stopping when we notice a lowering of our mood.

This last strategy leads into the concept of bloomscrolling. When we are mindful of our social media usage, we can adhere to key aspects of bloomscrolling mentioned above. We can practice bloomscrolling by following positive content. This might include accounts that post about nature, art, hobbies, mental health, or positive stories. Just like with stopping doomscrolling, bloomscrolling should still have time limits. The longer we are on social media, the easier it is to get caught up in doomscrolling. Also, work on scolling past negative content. This can be difficult because somehow it sucks us in. It might help to save positive posts and go back to those posts or accounts. 

There are some positive impacts of bloomscrolling on mental health. One, it reduces stress. It breaks the cycle of anxiety caused by doomscrolling. Another benefit is the boosting of neurotransmitters. Looking at positive content releases positive chemicals in the brain. This leads to an increase in a sense of security and joy. Bloomscrolling rewires the brain. When we engage with posts that are positive neural pathways that are associated with resilience and gratitude are strengthened. Another positive mental health impact is the activation of the prefrontal cortex. Bloomscrolling encourages active and conscious choices. This moves the brain into a calmer state. Finally, bloomscrolling is a tool for emotional regulation and self-care. This leads to a feeling of being inspired.

I am going to make a determined effort to bloomscroll. I think I will try to stick to mental health, writing, art, and music posts. I am going to set limits. No more spending my evening with my phone in my hand. No more social media before bed. I am only going to share posts that are uplifting. What I post on social media is usually only about this blog. So, I think I am already only posting positive content. 

Take a few minutes to consider your activity on social media. Are you caught up in doomscrolling? Would you like to engage in more bloomscrolling? Use some of the strategies presented in this blog post to decrease any doomscrolling you might be doing and to make bloomscrolling a larger part of your life.

 

 

Reminder: Don’t miss Thursday’s post. It will be the second post in a series debunking depression myths.

 

  

 

 

 

Is Depression Just Sadness? Debunking Common Depression Myths (Part 1)

                  There are a lot of myths about depression. People who have never lived with depression make assumptions about what it means to have depression. Depression gets boxed into stereotypes that arise from these false ideas or myths. I have decided I will write about these myths in different posts over the next few weeks. 

                  One myth that is widely believed is that depression is just feeling sad. People mistakenly believe that a person can just smile and erase depression. As someone who has lived with depression for close to four decades, I can tell you that depression is not sadness. Let’s look at a couple definitions. Sadness is defined as “the condition or quality of being sad” with sad being defined as “feeling or showing sorrow or being unhappy.” (Oxford Languages). A person might be sad because they miss a friend or a because of a breakup. When a beloved character in a movie dies a person might be sad. A person might be sad when a colleague retires. Sadness is a real emotion, but sadness passes. It is not pervasive. 

                  Depression on the other hand is a medical condition. Depression involves depressed mood and a loss of interest or pleasure. These symptoms cause significant distress or impairment according to the DSM-5. There can be changes in sleep, appetite, energy, and/or concentration. There are often feelings of worthlessness. This is the medical criteria. I am not a psychiatrist. I am a person with lived experience. So, let’s step away from the diagnostic criteria and discuss why depression is so much more than sadness.

                  Depression often makes me feel numb. At the same time, I experience emotional pain. These may sound like opposites or two things that cannot happen at the same time. This is what makes depression so difficult. We can experience both emotional pain and emotional numbness at the same time. Somehow it hurts to be emotionally numb. I am not sure I can put the feeling into words. Maybe an appropriate image might be the burn of frostbite. Think about something being so cold it burns. That is what it is like to experience the emotional numbness of depression.

                  There is a heaviness to depression. It is as if a weight is bearing down on me. Every thought seems too much to bear. Usually, the thoughts are negative. These thoughts often run on loop in my head. They make me feel worthless. The thoughts tell me life is not worth living. That is depression.

                  I struggle to sleep. Depression is exhausting, but again opposites make an appearance. I can be dead tired, and depression will prevent me from sleeping. Sleep disturbances are common with depression. Some people who live with depression sleep too much. Sleeping too much and not being able to sleep are both common in depression. It just depends on how the individual person is affected. Fatigue and loss of energy can also be an issue with depression. 

                  Concentration is often impaired in depression. It can be difficult to focus on activities such as reading or completing a task that requires thinking. As much as I love to read a great novel, there are times when my depression makes it impossible for me to concentrate on the words on the page. Sometimes even the simplest of tasks can seem like a chore. You might not think about the energy it takes to take a shower or even brush your teeth, but when you are living with depression it can be difficult to engage in basic hygiene activities. Again, this is depression.

                  For some of us depression carries with it a sense of hopelessness. Many things just do not seem worth doing. Even living can seem pointless. This is where suicidal thoughts start to emerge. This is a very difficult part of depression. Imagine not feeling that life was worth living. It is painful, but it is a reality for many of us.

                  All these symptoms are pervasive meaning they last. They do not disappear after a day or two. Even with treatment some of these symptoms can persist in varying degrees. Thankfully, there are a lot of treatments that are effective and can help those of us living with depression. Living with depression is a battle and we need to stay on top of our treatment plans. That is the only way to fight depression. 

                  I started this post talking about myths surrounding depression. Can you see how the idea that depression is just sadness is a myth? There is so much more to depression than feeling sad or down in the dumps. Let’s try to eliminate this myth.  Please do not tell someone who is suffering from depression that they are just sad. Don’t tell them to smile.  Don’t tell them they have so much to be happy about. I have been told each of these statements. They do more harm than good. These statements make me feel like I am not doing enough. They make me feel like I am flawed. Depression is an illness, not a flaw. Remember healing depression is not about simply being happy. 

 

 

 

 

 

                   

Chasing Sunrises

Last week I had a conversation with the psychiatric nurse practitioner who oversees my esketamine treatment. She was telling me about how she learned to appreciate sunsets. It made me think. 

I pictured the sunsets I have seen. The sun is the ultimate light. Its beauty is spectacular, but how often do I stop and appreciate the beautiful glow of a sunset. As I thought about the sunsets, I realized sunrises share that same beauty. I was struck by a powerful symbolism. Indulge me as I share my thoughts and draw a connection between sunrises, sunsets, and mental health. 

In past posts I have shared how my depression and anxiety are represented by darkness in my writing.  Depression and anxiety are my night. When I am struggling with these mental illnesses, there is a lack of light in my life. Healing, which is represented by light, is not present. I struggle in my darkness. It is difficult to hold onto hope. So, how does healing find its way into my life or anyone’s? There is an emergence of light, a sunrise so to speak.

A sunrise is the emergence of the sun as it erases the night sky. Brilliant oranges and yellows appear as a new day begins. Sometimes there are also purples and reds. There is an amazing blending of bright colors. That same beauty is present when we heal from depression or other mental illnesses. A light rises within us. Healing happens in different ways for each of us. For some therapy is the key. Others find medication brings healing. There are others, who find healing from non-traditional treatments like TMS or esketamine. For most of us, healing comes from some combination of these and other approaches. The commonality is that healing brings with it a light. When we emerge from the darkness of mental illness, there is a sunrise in our lives. It may be subtle, but the light is there, and it is beautiful.

In the same way that the sun rises and sets, mental illnesses go through phases. We will have our nighttime, our struggles. This is when our night is darkest. The sun rises, though. We have our times of healing. When we are struggling, we can try to envision a sunrise. We can remind ourselves that with every darkness, there is a light waiting to rise. 

Part of healing is chasing sunrises. Think about the sunrises you have seen. They are beautiful, right? When we chase sunrises, we are doing all that we can to find healing. Every day is going to look different. Healing is not linear. Shadows may appear and obscure the light. That is when we need to continue chasing the sunrise. It might mean an extra therapy session or time spent journaling. There are many coping skills we can employ to help us chase the sunrise and heal. (You can find a variety of coping skills that may help you in my recent post: Creating a Self-Care Tool Kit or my post Things You Can Do to Support Your Mental Health.

                  Not every day will have a sunrise. As I write this it is a rainy day. I did not see a sunrise this morning, but despite the dark gray clouds, I know the sun is still there. We need to approach our mental illnesses the same way. There are times when darkness engulfs us. In those times we need to remember that the light of healing is still there. I am not saying this is easy. Believe me, there are times in the darkness when I lose sight of the fact that the light of healing exists. I have an idea. I do not know how well this will work but I am going to try it. Find a picture of a sunrise. It can be one you take or one you find on the internet. Keep it on your phone. When darkness settles in and mental illness seems in control, look at the picture of the sunrise. Let it remind you that just as the sun rises every day, the light of healing will emerge again. If we look at this picture enough, we can capture it in our minds and envision it when we need it. I am going to give it try. Give it a try with me.

I started this post by talking about sunsets. I have not forgotten them. While a sunset leads into darkness, it is still a time when light is present. It represents a willingness to appear despite falling of darkness. In that sense it holds beauty. We can embrace sunsets the same as we would sunrises. We need only focus on the light of each. The brilliant oranges and yellows that remind us that hope and healing exist. In embracing sunsets, we are remembering that the light of healing is with us even as darkness approaches.As we struggle with mental illness it is important that we chase sunrises. We need to search for the light of healing. When the sun rises, we need to remind ourselves that healing is there for us. We may need to chase it with therapy, medication, non-traditional treatments, and/or our coping strategies. With these we can feel the warmth of the sunrise and  beautiful healing into our lives. Let’s chase sunrises!

Breaking Free from Self-Criticism in Depression: Practical Strategies That Help

     One aspect of depression that I find myself struggling with even at times when my depression is otherwise in a manageable state is self-criticism. Often, my mind fixates on my perceived faults. It does not take much to trigger these thoughts. Sometimes it is not even something that happened. My self-criticism can be triggered by a random thought. It can be triggered by something that does not go right. Whatever the cause, self-criticism worsens my depression. It does this for many people.

                  According to the Oxford Language Dictionary, criticism is “the expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes.” It defines self-criticism is “criticism of oneself or one’s actions.”  Anyone can experience times of self-criticism. That is normal. Most of us experience self-criticism at times. When a person has depression thoughts of self-criticism can become persistent and harsh, worsening the depression.  

                  Self-criticism turns into an inner voice carrying on a negative dialogue. This dialogue is often cruel and shaming. Instead of saying “I made a mistake”, the dialogue might be “I am a mistake.”  The mistake is seen as a reflection of our whole self. With self-criticism we judge our self-worth based on one incident or mistake. We experience a setback and then believe that we always fail. 

                  Another characteristic of self-criticism is rumination. We keep replaying a mistake on a loop in our mind. I experienced this today. A lesson I taught didn’t go the way I planned. Instead of just moving on to the next lesson and allowing myself not to be perfect, I kept going over what I felt I did wrong in my head. Something that my students probably did not even notice became a siren in my head. I questioned my worth as a teacher. Despite the fact that I have taught for over 28 years, my mind fixated on a perceived bad lesson. It was not even the whole lesson, it was just a little part of it. That was enough to trigger self-criticism in my head, which led to my mood dropping and depression creeping in and reaching a level that was difficult for me.

                  So, how do we cope with self-criticism when we live with depression? First, we need to recognize that we are not likely to be able to force that voice of self-criticism to be completely silent. Instead, we need to change our relationship with self-criticism. In doing this we can reduce its power over us. Let’s look at some strategies we can employ. 

                  A powerful strategy for coping with self-criticism is to name the voice. A common statement made by self-criticism is “I am a failure.” We can rename this by saying “I am having the thought that I am a failure.” This allows us to notice the thought and create distance between ourselves and the thought. We can even label the thought. Maybe we say, “That’s my depression talking” or “That’s my inner critic.” Naming or labeling our self-criticizing thoughts allows us to take away its power. This takes practice. So, we cannot beat ourselves up when we struggle with it. As we practice doing this, we will be better able to employ this strategy. 

                  Another coping strategy is to talk back to the self-criticism with evidence. We can ask ourselves what the evidence is. Then ask ourselves what evidence contradicts it. We might even say something like, “If a friend said this about themselves, what would I say?” Then gently say that to ourselves.  Talking back to our self-critic requires practice. 

                  When self-criticism is attacking us, we can try to shift the thoughts to specificity. For example, instead of saying, “I’m no good.” We can say something like “I didn’t prepare enough for that.” When we do this, we are shifting from a shaming thought to something that is behavioral and specific. In doing this the overarching self-criticism is replaced with problem-solving. 

                  Self-compassion is an important practice for many aspects of depression including self-criticism. There are three parts to self-compassion. The first is mindfulness. When we are mindful, we acknowledge what we are feeling. For example, we can say, “This hurts.” The second part is common humanity. We need to remind ourselves that other people struggle like we do. The third part of self-compassion is kindness. When  we are kind to ourselves, we acknowledge that we can be gentle with ourselves in this moment.

                  When we struggle with depression we can be paralyzed by the combination of depression and perfectionism. To combat this, we can define in advance what good enough looks like for a particular task or we can define what is enough effort for the day. When depression has us in its grasp, our best effort might only be 20% of our capacity. We can allow ourselves to recognize that we do not need to give 100% or be perfect. 

                  Self-criticism is tied to rumination. Maybe we need to give ourselves an opportunity to “hear” those thoughts. We can set a criticism window by telling ourselves that we are only going to listen to those thoughts for five minutes. In that time, we might write those thoughts down to get them out of our head. Then when the period is over, we should physically shift activities. We can do this by standing up or walking into another room. As with the other strategies, this can take practice. Be gentle with yourself as you are working on this strategy. 

                  Another strategy is to collect counterevidence. Keep a log of compliments you have received, tasks you have completed, and/or times you handled something well.  Depression likes to choose what we remember. Usually, it remembers the negative. This log can help balance out those negatives with real positives. 

                  We can also take small actions in contradiction to the self-criticism. If self-criticism tells us we are not good at something, we might take a small step toward doing a part of that task. In doing this we are letting our self-critic “see” what we can do. 

                  These strategies are not always easy. As I mentioned, I struggle with self-criticism. With that comes a struggle implementing these strategies. One of the things I have learned is that trying is half the battle. There are going to be times when self-criticism feels heavy. Maybe I need to sit with it. That can be part of the strategy in which we give ourselves an opportunity to “hear” the thoughts. Once I have done that, I need to select a strategy to focus on. I wish I could tell you that I am successful every time. The important thing is to keep trying.

The struggle might require the help of a therapist. With the help of therapy with a trained therapist or psychologist we can target self-criticism patterns and learn to the strategies that work best for us. 

                  It is important to recognize that if the self-criticism is constant, cruel, tied to hopelessness, or connected to thoughts of self-harm, we need to seek professional help. It is okay to reach out for support. It is necessary to reach out for help. If you do not have a mental health provider to reach out to, you can call or text the 988 lifeline.