Depression and Feeling Out of Place: When Even Simple Things Feel Overwhelming

                  Depression is difficult to live with. It can bury us in darkness. It can feel like a heavy weight pushing us down. These are aspects of depression that are commonly discussed when depression is allowed to be discussed. There are other aspects of depression that deserve attention. These include being overwhelmed by what seem like simple decisions, not knowing how to express what we are feeling, loneliness, and a feeling of being out of place. Each of these on their own are difficult to manage. When they build up together, what seem like the milder symptoms of depression are magnified.

                  Today I would like to discuss these. I have experienced each. I know so many others have, too. We each experience these symptoms in different ways, but there are commonalities. One important commonality is that each requires support. In some cases that support needs to be professional. In other instances, a friend or family member can be a source of support. 

 

Why Depression Makes Simple Decisions Feel Overwhelming

                  When we are depressed simple decisions like what to make for dinner, can become overwhelming. We might have difficulty deciding what to wear. Deciding whether we should go to the grocery store in the morning or afternoon can become an overwhelming decision. In my experience, it is not necessarily the decision itself that is overwhelming. It is the need to make the decision. 

As an example, today I tried to get new tires. The service guy said I could try to walk in tomorrow or schedule an appointment for Saturday. Because I am struggling with depression right now, this decision is looming over me, and I cannot decide between the two. I wanted to ask someone to help me decide, but I could not decide who to ask. So, as I write this, the decision is still unmade. I am likely to stress over it again later. This is one of the ways depression works in my life.

 

What makes decision-making difficult when we have depression

·      Low-Energy – This is a common effect of depression that makes it difficult to generate the mental effort necessary to make choices. 

·      Difficulty Concentrating – Since depression can affect attention and working memory, it can be difficult to store and use the information necessary to make decisions.

·      Indecisiveness – Every choice can feel uncertain or very important. When this happens making even a simple choice becomes difficult.

·      Negative Thinking – When we live with depression, we often focus on the negative. This can make choices feel riskier. As this happens, it is difficult to decide.

·      Self-Doubt – Another aspect of depression is the tendency to believe we cannot do something or that we are always wrong. This type of thinking leads to self-doubt and can impact our ability to make decisions.

 

Why Depression Can Make It Difficult to Express Feelings

                  Sometimes despite how strong our feelings can be, it may be difficult to express what we are feeling. We might have difficulty saying, “I feel really down right now,” or “Everything feels so heavy.” This is not uncommon when we are struggling with depression. The feelings and/or thoughts feel so strong in our minds, but when we try to express them, we freeze. Sometimes it is because our mind is overwhelmed and does not know what to say. Other times it is because we experience a type of paralysis that freezes our ability to share what we are feeling. Maybe our brains are telling us that no one else will understand or that no one else will care. When we start thinking like this, we shrink into ourselves and do not feel safe sharing what we are feeling. 

                  Sometimes we can express how we are feeling abstractly, but do not know how to express it in a way others will understand. We might not take the risk of sharing because what we created as an expression of our feelings seems like something others would not understand. We shut down and do not share how we are feeling.

 

Depression, Loneliness, and Social Isolation

                  I think loneliness is growing problem in society even with people who are not living with depression. Technology has taken over our lives and led us to be farther apart. With depression, loneliness is a common issue. We feel like others will not understand us. We fear rejection because of our illness. So, we retreat into ourselves, unable to share what we are going through. This leads to isolation that while often self-imposed, makes us feel lonely. We might feel like we are too different for others to want to interact with us. 

                  Many things can occur when we isolate because of depression. We might see an increase in negative thoughts. Withdrawing from social activities can lead to increased withdrawal. When we are stuck by ourselves, we have far fewer positive experiences. This can make our depression feel worse. Our symptoms can become more overwhelming. The more we withdraw, the more we lose motivation to be involved with others. Maybe an even more serious issue is that withdrawing into loneliness can lead to increased hopelessness. 

 

Why Depression Can Make You Feel Out of Place

                  One thing that can happen with depression is a feeling out of place, disconnected, or like we do not belong. We can feel this separation even when we are around other people. Sometimes it is because we have difficulty connecting with others emotionally. We might feel numb or detached, which can make it difficult to interact with others. Living with depression can give us a sense of being different. We might feel like others cannot possibly understand what we are going through. 

                  Depression can lead us to lose interest in socializing or activities we used to enjoy. This may not mean that we do not want to socialize or engage in activities we once enjoyed. It means we have lost the ability to get ourselves motivated to do be social or participate in things. It might be that we just do not feel like we belong with others. Or it may be that there is so much going on in our minds that we do not have the capacity to be involved with others. There can be this sense of feeling out of place because it might look like everything is coming so easy to others while we are struggling just to get by. That feeling of being out of place is generated by depression and increases depression at the same time. This is a reminder of just how difficult it can be to live with depression.

 

What Can Help When Depression Feels Overwhelming?

                  Living with depression is difficult. We cannot dismiss how difficult even the little things can be. I refer to them as little things, but they really are not that little. Whether it is being overwhelmed or feeling out of place, depression can rob us of our ability to interact with others and to engage in life. Depression can make what should be simple things difficult. But we need to remember that we can get through depression. There are things we can do to help ourselves through difficult times. 

 

Strategies to Get through the Tough Times

·      Talk to a mental health provider – The support they can provide is valuable and can make a difference.

·      Pre-write scripts to use when we do not have the words to express what we are feeling or what we need. We can keep these in a journal, on our restroom mirror, or on our phone. 

·      Chat with a friend or loved one – We can provide these individuals ways to recognize we are struggling in advance. This can help them know we are struggling and know how to help.

·      Attend a support group – This can be a way to share with others who are experiencing similar situations. NAMI has support groups throughout the country. Check out NAMI Connection.

·      Try practicing what we want to say to others about what we are going through or how we want to socialize with a beloved pet. This takes the scariness out of the conversation and allows us to practice what we need to say and or do.

·      Engage in an activity that calms or energizes us. Practice these activities when doing well so that when we need to engage in them for support, the activities will help us. 

 

    Depression is difficult. Some days will be more difficult than others. Being aware of what we need to get through difficult times is important and can make a difference. It is also important to be kind to ourselves. That is not an easy thing to do when we live with depression, but we need to try.

 

How Art Can Help with Depression and Anxiety: Creative Activities for Better Mental Health

Introduction: Discovering the Mental Health Benefits of Art

 

                  I never thought of myself as an artist. Writing has always been my creative avenue. Over the last few years, I have discovered that I need more. So, I started looking into how art benefits mental health and then picked up a paintbrush. 

Art can be used to relieve stress. It can also ease anxiety. Art helps distract me when depression feels like it is pushing me down. I would like to share some of what I have learned and experienced. I will also share some other art practices that can be useful. Then I will end with short practice we can all try.

                  Before I start here are two of my previous posts that share more specific information on using art with mental illness: Art and Depression and How Art Helps Depression and Anxiety: Ways Creativity Can Improve Mental Health.

                  My entrance into art started with a Paint Nite a friend asked me to go to with her. We enjoyed a night of learning to paint a night scene with trees. I have gone to other Paint Nites since and learned to paint with acrylic paint.  I found these to be calming and distracting. The thoughts that feel so heavy with depression and anxiety get push down by task of learning how to paint the scene. From there I learned the art of paint pouring which soothes me when I am anxious. Both acrylic painting and paint pouring give me a sense of accomplishment that helps lift my mood.

 

Exploring Markers, Patterns, and Mindful Creativity

                  One thing I do now when I am anxious is draw rows of circles in a sketchpad reserved just for anxiety drawing. I keep the pattern the same. For me six rows of five circles helps reduce anxiety. I usually draw patterns in the circle. The whole thing is repetitive which helps interrupt repetitive thoughts. It may sound strange that repetition can interrupt repetitive thoughts, but I have found that it works.  Sometimes I use color as part of the patterns. I always name the piece when I am done. That helps provide a little closure. 

                  Coloring books help me, too. There is a sense of calmness that comes with just allowing myself to color. I try to focus on the image and what I want it to look like when I am done. 

                  Recently, I have been playing with markers. There is a routine to how I approach it. First, I draw two curving lines across the blank page. I have been using gold and silver for this. Although, for an earth tones inspired piece, I used dark brown. If the spaces created by the curving lines seem too large, I add a third curving line. Then I choose a color scheme. With markers I color in the different spaces. I try not to think too much. I keep my focus on the color I am using and what shades of that color will go well in the adjacent spaces. A few times I have placed art tape on the blank page first. I remove it when I am done with markers. It leaves a pattern of white lines.

 

Art Activities to Try for Depression and Anxiety

 

·      Mandala Drawing: In mandala drawing we repeat circles, patterns and symmetry. This can give our attention something predictable to focus on, which can be calming when our thoughts are scattered. 

·      Doodling: We have all probably doodled at some point in our lives. Maybe in a boring class or while on a phone call. When we doodle there is no need to make something “good”. Doodling is a way to occupy our hands while at the same time it reduces our need to ruminate on something.

·      Mindful Coloring: There are many mindful coloring books available. Many of these have intricate patterns that offer structure without requiring us to come up with an idea on our own. Selecting colors and filling in the spaces can reduce anxiety and calm a mind filled with depressive thoughts.

·      Collage: When we cut out and arrange images, colors, and textures we are doing something tactile that allows us to express how we are feeling.

·      Zentangle: This is something that I am just starting to explore. It is a method of structured, repetitive patterns or tangles, on small pieces of paper. There is usually no advanced planning. When using this for anxiety relief, the predictable repetition gives our attention something concrete to focus on and in so doing, interrupts cycles of worry or rumination. Zentangle practice can help with depression by providing approachable small increments to work on. It also provides a sense of accomplishment without requiring much energy or artistic ability.

 

There are many art forms that are useful when battling depression and anxiety.

Tutorial videos can be found on YouTube. A local craft store may have books. I have some mindful coloring books and a couple Zentangle books that were purchased on Amazon. Search for what seems approachable and calming for you.

 

A Simple 10-Minute Art Practice for Anxiety and Depression

Try this with a blank piece of paper:

 

1.        Put your pen down and make one continuous, slowly wandering line for 1–2 minutes.

2.        Whenever the line crosses itself, round the intersection.

3.        Pick one small section and fill it with dots.

4.        Fill another with waves, another with spirals, another with little leaves or whatever mark feels natural.

5.        Continue for 10 minutes without judging the result.

6.        At the end, spend 30 seconds noticing three things you can see, two things you can feel physically, and one sound you can hear.

 

Final Thoughts: You Don't Have to Be an Artist

                  We do not need to be artistic to enjoy the mental health benefits of art. We just need to be willing to try something different. Start small. Do not overwhelm yourself. Try to avoid judgement. The focus should be on the practice of the art not the final product. 

 

Suicidal Thoughts and Depression: Finding Reasons to Stay for Another Monday

                 September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. Last year I wrote a series of posts about suicide on this blog. This month I want to share something related to suicide prevention awareness that I feel is extremely important to understand. Let me start by saying that I have lived with suicidal thoughts for almost 40 years. The severity has fluctuated over the years. At times these thoughts have led me to the edge of taking my life. Other times the thoughts have been what is considered passive suicidal thoughts, meaning the thoughts are there but the intention is not. I would like to write about the things that make want to stay for another Monday. The focus being on the “stay” part. Wanting to stay indicates wanting to live. 

I Want to See Another Monday

                  Sometimes when we live with depression, we can be overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts. There are thoughts of wanting to die. For me there are times when the thought is just a passing thought and other times when it becomes persistent. I am still here for a couple reasons. One is the incredible mental health team that has supported me. The other reason is that I want to stay to see another Monday. Really it could be any day. I am using Monday here because it is the start of the week.

                  What makes me want to see another Monday? It is the little things, I think. Starting my morning off with a caramel cold brew from Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf is one. The rich taste of coffee paired with smooth caramel gives me a boost each morning. The baristas always greet me by name and remember my drink order. That seems like something little, but it makes feels welcomed and known. That is a reason to live. 

                  Another thing that makes me want to see another Monday is music. Whether I am feeling down or want to feel alive, I find hope in music. Some days it is my go-to bands, Styx and Jefferson Airplane. These bands hold so much of the depression for me. I think a lot of people can relate to music being uplifting, but for me it is more than that. I find safety in music. I can relate to certain songs and know things will be okay. It was a song by Grace Slick of the Jefferson Airplane that first brought me back from the brink of suicide as a teenager. That song, “Let It Go”, still reminds me that life is worth living. In the years since I have discovered other music and other musicians that make me feel that I want to stay to listen to what they will release next or go to see them in concert the next time they are nearby. I need to stay to see another Monday to do that.

                  My niece and nephew make me want to see another Monday. They are young adults now. Time sure does fly. I want to see what life brings them. I want to watch them explore what life has to offer. I want to be a witness to their milestones. I want to hear their stories when I visit them. I want to be the aunt they want to share their lives with, not the aunt who left them.

                  I want to see another Monday because I beat cancer, and I did not fight cancer to let depression win. Seeing another Monday means I will have another round of my treatment to prevent the cancer from coming back. Seeing another Monday means I am fighting to live and that I have strength left inside of me. I am moving forward in life and not hitting a stopping point.

                  Seeing another Monday means that the efforts of my mental health team have meant something. It means I did not let them down. Each Monday I see means I am taking their efforts and utilizing them in my life. I am living because they have been by my side helping me realize that I want to see the next Monday. 

                  Maybe seeing another Monday means I will watch The Big Bang Theory for the umpteenth time and laugh at a scene I have memorized. It means I will have my comfort show on the television while my dog, Panda sleeps at my feet. Panda is another reason I want to see another Monday. We still have many walks to take. Panda has a lot of trees to sniff while I stand taking in the sights around me.

                  I want to live to see another Monday because I want to see who wins the WNBA Championship. Will the Lynx finally get past the Aces? What about the 2028 Olympics? Can the US Women’s Olympic team hold off France again? There is so much women’s basketball to watch. 

                  Seeing a new Monday every week means I am working to heal. It is easy to slip into the suicidal thoughts. The fight against those thoughts is not easy. I live with depression. Suicidal thoughts are a part of depression. There are more of us living with depression and suicidal thoughts than most people think. Each of us battles in our own way. Each of us wants to see another Monday. The thing is depression and suicidal thoughts can be loud. I think focusing on living to see another Monday and all that Monday, holds are ways we can focus our battle. Focusing on seeing the next Monday gives us a way to measure where we are at. It gives us a way to focus on something achievable. So, for now, I want to see the next Monday, and the one after that. And…

Things Depression Steals From Us That No One Talks About

                On Monday I wrote about finding the little joys (Finding Joy with Depression: Small Ways to Bring More Joy into Your Life) when you live with depression. Today, I would like to discuss why I cannot stress enough how important it is to find things that bring us joy. There are many things that depression takes from us that do not get as much attention as the more common struggles. These losses are something we often suffer in silence. If we are lucky, we have a mental health provider to share with. Even when we have a provider to share with, like I do, sometimes we hold back things we think others will not understand or things we feel embarrassed to share. Other times the losses have changed us in a way that leaves unaware of what we have lost on a conscious level, but still holding that loss in other ways.

                  Depression has taken a lot from me. I have written about these things many times on this blog. What I have neglected to share are the less obvious things depression takes. So, I will share the things I experience. There are definitely other things people with depression can experience. Each of us experience depression in our own unique way. So, not everyone will share the same experiences I write about, but I think we can learn from people’s stories. Here’s mine.

                  One thing that has been taken from me is ambition. This pops up in different ways. I have been content not to grow much in my role as a special education teacher. When others brought up the idea that I should earn a doctorate in education, I scoffed. Said I was too busy. That was just an excuse to hide the part of me that does not believe in my abilities. The voice of depression gnawed at me. Told me I am not smart enough.  The same thing happened when the thought of getting an administrative credential came up, I ran from it. I have the experience in special education that could have led me to be a special education administrator. Depression prevented me from believing I could succeed in that role. Depression drags me down. Ambition disappears, 

                  Another thing that was taken from was the ability to be intimate in many ways. I have not dated since I was in my 20s and even then, it was very limited. I do not know what it is like to have different relationships. There is always a shield around me keeping others at a distance. This is depression at work. It fills my mind with thoughts that I need to be alone or that I belong alone. I am so accustomed to being alone that I feel like I do not even want to try to build relationships. 

                  Another thing depression stole from me is the ability to believe compliments. I always believe the worst about myself. I never believe I am good enough. That is depression shouting in my head. It is very difficult for me to accept a compliment. My mind tells me that I am a fraud. It tells me I did not earn the compliment. This is self-doubt, created by depression, at work. 

                  Rather than go on about myself, I am going to share some things people with depression commonly feel are stolen from them. I experience some of them. Not every person experiences them all, but these are commonly felt.

 

·      Pleasure of small rituals like a morning coffee or watching the sunset

·      Curiosity – We may give up wonder when reading or watching tv or a movie.

·      Sense of humor – Even if we understand a joke, we lose the ability to laugh.

·      Desire to take pictures of ourselves - We do not want to see ourselves. 

·      Ability to receive affection – Even when we are told we are loved, we question why, or doubt that love.

·      Sense of identity – The depression becomes who we are. We say “my depression” or identify ourselves as depressed instead of a person with depression. This is one area that I am currently working on.

·      Memories – We might start to lose memories of our past selves. 

·      The ability to celebrate ourselves - We might put ourselves down or not recognize when we have earned recognition.

·      Sense of belonging – We can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. I should have included this one in my experiences because this is a loss I know well.

·      The belief that things will get better – We can lose that hope that things will improve. We stop believing that we can overcome the depression.

 

These losses are a part of why depression can be so difficult to live with. Depression

steals so much from us. With some of these things, we lose sight of what is being stolen. We grow so accustomed to what depression does to us that we do not know what we have lost or how much we need the things that are take from us. 

                  One of my early posts on this blog, Depression Is a Thief, shares what it is like to have so much stolen by depression. Often, we become complacent and do not try to regain these things. It is not that we do not want them. It is more that depression teaches us that we do not deserve them. Not only is depression a thief. It is a liar. We can have ambition. We can celebrate ourselves. We do belong. We can be curious. We can believe in our ability to get better. 

                   

 

Finding Joy with Depression: Small Ways to Bring More Joy into Your Life

                  When we live with depression, we spend a lot of time surrounded by darkness. This is part of the nature of the illness. When depression is weighing down on us, it is hard to even imagine joy being possible. What if I told you there is a way to experience joy while living with depression? Would you believe me? Maybe you would be willing to give me a chance to share some ideas. I understand that finding joy in our lives is difficult, but maybe if we invited small bits of joy, we could find a glimmer of that joy.

                  The first thing to remember is that joy can come in small pieces. It can also be present for small amounts of time. It is these small pieces and smaller time frames that build up and lead to more embraceable joy. First, let’s define joy. According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, joy is “a feeling of great happiness or pleasure; a source or cause of delight.” The definition places joy on high ground. I think that as individuals with depression, we can take this definition and modify to fit our lives. Perhaps, joy is any moment that cause us to pause and say, “that felt good” or “I liked/enjoyed that.” It does not need to be something big. Joy can be found in little things: a joke that causes laughter, a perfectly made coffee, a favorite team winning a game, hearing a song on the radio that you haven’t heard in a while. These are little things that can bring a simple smile to our face. These are where we can start. If we can recognize joy in something little, we can gently move ourselves on to more joy.

                  When looking for joy, we can reach out to our senses. Maybe we smell something beautiful. It could be a garden rose or a scented lotion. Living with depression pulls us away from recognizing things with our full senses because it focuses on darkness and pain. Using our sense involves tiny pleasures. Maybe you find a sense of joy in the feel of a favorite blanket. It might be the warmth of a cup of tea. The key is to remember that these are not going to take the depression away. That requires much mor work. By noticing with our senses or noticing tiny joys, we are trying to feel slightly less weighed down.

                  Movement can be a source of joy. A key here is to move for the sake of moving, not to make it exercise. A walk around the block with no intentions can bring joy. We may notice things around us with our senses. Gardening, even for a few minutes gets us feeling joy. Maybe all we can do is stand in the sunshine for a few minutes. We can embrace the warmth of the sun or the softness of a cool breeze. Those bring brief moments of joy.

                  Finding ways to connect with others that are low pressure can bring joy. We can send a text or share a meme on social media. This can bring a smile or a little giggle because we are thinking about someone. We might join an online community centered around something we are interested. An example is the online writer’s community I belong to. There are always message threads and ways for to connect with people without the pressure of being in a social setting. I find that this keeps me connected to others. Another thing, I keep meaning to do is sit in the park with my dog. Just being in a safe area with others might make me feel good when I am struggling with depression. Where else could we sit?

                  Here is one that we often forget. We can return to things we once loved. We can try things we once loved without expecting great joy. If we start slowly engaging in something we once loved, we can gradually experience joy. For example, if depression has kept us from reading, we might say. “Okay, I am going to read three pages tonight.” It is just a small thing, but maybe the next night we read five pages. Gradually, we build up to the point where we experience joy. Another example might be if we loved to cook, but depression has us feeling like we cannot cook, we can try making something simple or small. If we see ourselves reading more or cooking more, we will gradually be allowing joy back into our lives.

                  Here is one that I particularly like. We can experience beauty. Maybe we step outside at sunset and watch the sun go down. We might listen to a favorite album and focus on either the lyrics or the musicality. Maybe we notice the architecture on a building. The idea behind experiencing beauty is recognize the beauty and goodness around us. We can let these envelope us.

                  Giving ourselves something to anticipate is a way to bring joy into our lives. The idea here is to have something soon to look forward to. This might be going to a movie on the weekend. It might be plans to have a lunch with a friend next week. It might be plans to listen to an album after work. When our present situation is filled with darkness, it is helpful to have points of light to look forward to. These points of life can bring joy.

 

 

A few reminders to consider:

·      We do not need to earn moments of joy. We deserve to find happiness even if it is only small joys initially.

·      In the beginning it can be hard to recognize the small joys. Even if we do not feel the joy while doing something that we think will bring us joy, we are making room for joy to enter our lives. We have not failed. We need to be patient and allow ourselves to experience moments for what they are.

·      We do not need to search for moments of joy on our own. We can seek support from a therapist, a psychiatrist, a support group, a friend, or family member. No one needs to seek moments of joy on their own. 

 

Final Thoughts

                  It is easy to get trapped in the idea that we need to find joy in big ways. We can get caught up in trying to find joy and not see the little moments of joy that serve as steppingstones. When this occurs, it can make the depression seem worse. We give up on finding the joy. To avoid this, it is helpful to think smaller. As an example, I might ask myself, “What can I do to make the next 10 minutes feel a tiny bit better?” I am more like to experience joy in tiny batches. Those tiny batches of joy will gradually build if we allow them to. The key is we are not trying to undo all the darkness at once. That is not likely to happen. What we are looking for are the steppingstones to joy. Each little joy will bring us that much closer to experiencing joy. Even when depression has a stranglehold on us, we can find little joys to help us be a bit gentler with ourselves.