Spring Depression Is Real: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Cope

                When we think about the seasons affecting depression, we usually think about depression worsening in the winter months. Many of us struggle more during winter, but our depression can be affected by other seasons. Spring is a time when many people expect to feel better. As winter ends, we often expect our mood to lighten with sunnier days. Unfortunately, this does not always happen. There is a variation of seasonal affective disorder that arises during the spring. In this post I am going to focus on how our depression might be present in the spring months. 

                  First, a quick look at symptoms we might see during the spring. These symptoms are not limited to the spring. When we live with depression these symptoms can be present year-round, but these symptoms might increase or change during spring.

 

·      Low mood or lingering sadness

·      Anxiety or restlessness (often higher than in winter months)

·      Trouble sleeping (insomnia or disrupted sleep cycles)

·      Irritability or agitation

·      Loss of motivation or feeling “off”

·      Difficulty concentrating

        We might think that our moods should improve as spring arrives. Days are longer. There is more sunlight. Days are brighter. Our mood should be brighter, too, right? Not always. There are several reasons why our mood might drop and why we might experience the symptoms listed above.

                  One reason is a disruption in circadian rhythm. Our internal clock might be thrown off by the longer hours of daylight. This can impact sleep patterns. When our sleep patterns are disrupted, we can experience insomnia. That insomnia can affect our mood negatively. Maintaining regular sleep patterns is an important part of stabilizing our mood. It may take time to adjust to the longer hours of daylight. There are also hormonal changes as our bodies adjust to being exposed to more light. 

                  Spring brings increased social pressures. We may expect ourselves to be happy as the season changes. Often, we expect ourselves to be more socially active. There is more sunlight. We might think that means we need to get out and do things. This leads to thinking that we should be more productive. We see others who seem more energized. As we place these expectations on ourselves and see others who are engaged, our mood can be affected. We might experience an increase in depression.  

                  Spring can bring busier schedules and more obligations. We are emerging from the cocoon of winter. As our schedules become fuller, we may place pressure on ourselves to accomplish everything. Sometimes this pressure becomes unrealistic. Spring seems like the time to get things done. There is that concept of “spring cleaning” where we clean out the old and start new. This can create a pressure that allows our depression to move to the forefront of our lives. Our brains scream that they are overwhelmed with everything spring brings. 

                  As we struggle with the depression, we see an external environment that does not match how we are feeling. Spring brings sunshine and blooming flowers. Everyone around us seems to be in a good mood. We start to question why we do not feel “happy”. We think something is wrong with us. This increases the depression that has already slipped into our lives. As a result, we might isolate more. We might doubt our abilities. Depression takes over. 

                  How do we cope with spring depression? There are a few things we can do to ease the depression. Of course, first is to maintain our treatments. If we are taking medication, in therapy, and/or receiving a non-traditional treatment, we need to continue with those and not let there be an interruption to that care. What else can we do?

 

·      Stabilize our routine: This includes keeping consistent sleep/wake times. It also means not overcommitting socially or with work.

·      Be intentional with sunlight: Let ourselves gradually get more sunlight. This gradual process will prevent feeling overwhelmed by increased sunlight. 

·      Manage anxiety: We can experience increased anxiety during spring. So, it is important to practice our coping strategies. This can include breathing exercises, grounding techniques, mindfulness activities, gentle stretching, and journaling. 

·      Lower expectations: We do not need to be ready for the changes spring brings right away. We should remind ourselves that we only need to do what we are able to do. We do not need to keep up with what we see others doing. Our pace is just that, our pace and our pace is just what we need. 

·      Stay connected: Talking to a loved one or friend we trust can be important. It helps us share what we are feeling and receive support. It is also important to keep our appointments with our mental health professionals. They are key in supporting us through the changes new seasons might bring.

        Seeking help might be necessary. We all experience difficulties with our mentalhealth at times. When these difficulties persist, symptoms interfere with daily functioning, or we have increased anxiety, panic, or hopelessness, and/or decreased mood it is important to reach out to a mental health professional. Reaching out for professional health is important. It is not only a sign of strength, but also a sign that we value our mental health. Awareness that we need help with our mental health is a key aspect of healing. Seeking help is also a normal action. We would see a doctor if we had an issue with our physical health. We should do the same with our mental health.

                  Often, spring is thought of as a time new beginnings and growth. Not all of us experience spring that way. That is okay. Spring can affect each of us differently. Spring can be difficult. It is not all sunshine and flowers. When we struggle the first step is awareness. If you recognize any of the symptoms above or feel that you are struggling with an aspect of your mental health, it is okay to seek help. Seeking help is normal whatever season it is.

                  Let me end with a thought for all of us to reflect on: What does my mind need this season, not what the world expects, rather what does my mind need?

 

 

Living with Depression: Why Small Wins Matter More Than We Think

                  At times depression or other mental illnesses can be overwhelming. It may seem like we are failing at everything. We may not feel like we are accomplishing much. That feeling leads to more intense depression. It is a cycle that we sometimes get trapped in when we are struggling with our depression. How can we break out of this cycle? One way is to focus on small wins.  A small win is a simple, achievable action. It requires energy. The amount of energy may seem small, but when you are struggling even a small amount of energy can be difficult to expend. So, making the effort is something to be applauded.

                  Let’s look at how we can focus on small wins and learn to give ourselves credit for these wins. In my experience, when we live with depression, it is difficult but necessary to shift our perspective into an acceptance and appreciation for small wins. An important thing to remember is that a small win moves us forward, no matter how small that win may seem. We should not pay attention to how big or important the win looks to the outside world. Small wins are defined by the fact that they required energy and intention. We define these wins, not others.

                  Small wins help us break through low motivation. With depression we often struggle with motivation. It can be difficult to do anything when we are depressed. So, a small win might be just doing something simple. A few examples might be sitting up when all you want to do is lie in bed and escape reality, taking a shower, stepping outside, washing one dish, or walking to the end of the driveway. Small wins often support our basic needs. It could be as simple as eating a few bites of food when we do not feel up to eating. Often, taking care of basic needs are small wins when we are trapped in the darkness of depression. 

                  Small wins can also interrupt negative thought patterns. If our thoughts are telling us that we cannot do anything or that we want to give up, doing just one small thing can be a win. Negative thought patterns can be debilitating. They can prevent us from doing things. If we can interrupt these thought patterns with little achievements, we can start to realize that we have power over the thoughts. In doing this we can make strides towards breaking out of the depression. These strides keep us going. Even a small step forward, is just that, a step forward. 

                  Another way small wins help us is they build momentum when our motivation is low. It is difficult to be motivated to do things, even what seem like simple things, when we are depressed. Small wins give us evidence that we can be productive. They show us that even if we are struggling with motivation, we can take positive steps forward. Each time we achieve a small win, we are giving ourselves proof that we our depression does not need to have total control. 

                  When we live with depression our brains often become stuck in a negative loop. We see everything as a failure or a sign of our worthlessness. Focusing on small wins helps retrains our brains to notice our efforts. We learn that it is the effort that counts. Sometimes all we can muster is doing something small, but the effort that requires is huge. Small wins allow us to see effort as an achievement.

                  One way to focus on small wins is to create a “What Have I Done List” instead of a “To Do List.”  I get caught up in “To Do Lists”, but I know it often derails me as I find myself thinking about all I need to do. As I complete tasks on my list, I always add a checkmark to the task. It is a way of giving myself credit for what I have accomplished. I think I need to move away from the “To Do Lists”, though. If I made “What Have I Done” lists, I could see my small wins and those wins would build up. So, starting now, I am challenging myself to focus on what I have done instead of allowing myself to get overwhelmed by all that I need to do. Will you join me in this challenge?

                  Part of creating a “What Have I Done” list and focusing on small wins involves changing our inner narrative. This is important whether we create a list or are just focusing on small wins. Often with depression we do not give ourselves credit for what we have done. Depression might say that something small does not count. It might tell us that we did not do enough. We need to shift our inner narrative. Things we can say include, “That took effort,” “It may seem small, but I put in effort to do it,” or “This is where I am at the moment.” Notice that these are not sappy, positive statements. Rather, they are simply statements of fact. Stating simple facts is one way to talk back to depression and give ourselves recognition for our effort.

                  Doing things in parts is another way to focus on small wins. Instead of focusing on something like cleaning the kitchen, we can tell ourselves that we are going to do a small part of that task. Maybe it is washing one plate. That is progress. One plate can lead to another when we are ready. Washing one item at a time will eventually result in the whole task being complete. If we want to walk for 20 minutes but feel overwhelmed by thought of committing to that long, we might step outside for three minutes. That is a small win. Maybe the next time we try for five minutes. Slowly, we will build up to those 20 minutes. However, if we do not, that is okay, too. The three or five minutes we step outside are still wins.

                  A small win is something that might be difficult for us, but we do it anyway. When we live with depression, focusing on the small wins is a large part of our healing. We cannot always do everything we think needs to be done. Depression is a heavy load. Just doing the little things can be difficult. So, we need to give ourselves grace. (See my recent post: Living with Depression: Learning to Give Myself Grace (A Personal Journey) for more on giving ourselves grace.) Even though the small wins may not seem like much, they add up. These small wins can lay the foundation for healing.

In this post I used the term small wins, but I would like to point out that these small wins are really major accomplishments. It is important to frame our positive steps forward as wins. This allows us to see the progress we are making and ease feelings of overwhelm. Often, depression masks that progress. Focusing on the small wins allows us to build up a supply of positives that say, “Hey, I am accomplishing things.” So, let’s try to focus on the small wins. 

 

 

Rethinking Depression: We Don’t Need Fixing, We Need Rediscovery

        True healing is not the fixing of the broken, but the rediscovery of the unbroken

– Jeff Foster

 

                  Often, we think of healing as fixing something that is not well or broken. I would like to delve into that idea. Is there more to healing than just fixing something? With my depression I have always thought of being trapped in a darkness more than being broken. That being said, I still require healing. Am I broken or do I carry a heavy load that blankets me in darkness?  I know I need healing to escape that darkness. How does that healing take place? How do we rediscover what was not broken, but rather shrouded in darkness?

                  Most of my life I have felt lost in the darkness. Despite that overwhelming feeling of darkness, at times, it has also felt like a brokeness. Perhaps, the idea of brokeness stems from how others view depression. The stigma attached to depression and other mental illnesses leaves us feeling that there is something wrong with us, that we are somehow broken. Still deep down, I do not think I am broken. Yes, I suffer from depression and anxiety. Yes, life is difficult at times. However, I think those difficulties arise when the world loses its color. It is when the darkness sets in that I struggle and cannot see the light in my world.

Healing from depression does not require fixing my brain or fixing something that is not working inside of me. Instead, I need to rediscover (or maybe discover) the light in my life. I need to find the aspects of me that bring me pleasure and allow me to engage with others. For many of us living with depression, the ability to experience pleasure is lost. With depression we lose the ability to fully engage with others. When we consider healing, what we need is to rediscover these abilities. We may even need to discover them for the first time. That is why healing from depression is about rediscovery and not fixing something that is broken. 

Healing is about rediscovering these abilities that bring us pleasure. It is rediscovering how to fully experience these things. The darkness of depression has hidden pleasure, our ability to engage in life, and our ability to be fully present. Healing allows us to rediscover what the darkness has hidden. 

Healing looks different for each of us. Our paths may appear different. For some a combination of medication and therapy brings healing. For others it is a combination of therapy and TMS or esketamine that allows rediscovery to occur. Therapy is often a key component of the healing process no matter which route we choose. In therapy we work to find the light that depression has snuffed out. We learn strategies to help us. We learn what experiencing pleasure looks like for us. We learn how to find joy. Therapy allows us to rediscover what we need to live life in the light of healing. 

There is no shame when we are unable to rediscover what brings us pleasure. Healing takes time. It is not linear. Healing can be a scrambled mess with ups and downs, ebbs and flows. We are not being fixed. We are engaging in a process of rediscovery. That means we need to work at healing. We need support systems. We need people in our lives who are invested in our healing. These people guide us in rediscovering what the darkness of depression has shut out of our lives. 

When you live with depression, healing is not about being fixed. It is about engaging in the process of rediscovery. It requires searching for what brings us pleasure. At times depression is going to be heavy. Its darkness will be consuming. We need to allow ourselves the grace to search for rediscovery at our own pace.

Viewing healing as rediscovery rather than fixing allows us to recognize that there is not something wrong with us. There is a blanket of darkness over us, but we can rediscover how to lift that blanket. We can find the light of healing and rediscover what brings us pleasure in life. Depression is not something to be fixed. Rather it is a darkness that can be replaced by light. Think about the title of this blog, Bent Not Broken, Living with Depression. We are not broken; we are just a little bent and need to rediscover what brings us pleasure.

 

 

 

 

 

Living with Depression: Learning to Give Myself Grace (A Personal Journey)

Have you ever found yourself struggling or overwhelmed? Have you ever had that feeling that life is just too much? Maybe you have become depressed or anxious because you cannot get the things done that you need or want to accomplish. Many of us with depression and other mental illnesses know these feelings well. So, how can we alleviate these feelings? 

That is a question I frequently struggle with. In fact, this week the struggle has become heavy. My friend, Shannon, reminded me that I can and should give myself grace. I had reached out to her by text because I knew I was not able to get a post for this blog written in time to post yesterday. I always post on Mondays and Thursdays, but I have been struggling this week and I knew there was no way I would be able to write the post in time. Shannon’s return text simply said, “Yes, it is okay to post late. It is fine to give yourself grace.” Her words struck me.

Give myself grace? That is not a new concept for me, but it one that I easily forget. I mentioned my struggle to Brittany, the psychiatric nurse practitioner who leads my esketamine treatment. She explained that trying to give myself grace and not knowing how, can be an added weight to the heaviness I was already experiencing. It was a message I needed to hear. It has me thinking. What does it mean to give ourselves grace when we live with mental illness.

If we look at a formal definition of giving ourselves grace, we find that it means to treat ourselves with the same patience, understanding, and kindness that we would offer to someone we care about. This is especially important when we make mistakes, fall short of a goal, or feel overwhelmed. Giving ourselves grace means recognizing that we are human and as humans we are not perfect. We make mistakes. We are always learning. We are affected by circumstances and sometimes those circumstances are beyond our control. 

This sounds like something we should be able to do without much difficulty. So, why is it so difficult to give ourselves grace? First, I think we hold ourselves to higher expectations than we hold others. We tell ourselves that we need to do everything and that we need to do it right. Often, we put pressure on ourselves. Then when we do not meet our expectations for ourselves, we become critical of ourselves. We do not give ourselves the grace we would give others.

Depression and anxiety can make giving ourselves grace more difficult than it is for most people. Our depression shouts in our minds. It criticizes us, but the voice of depression sounds like our own voice. So, we start criticizing ourselves. We tell ourselves we are not enough. When we are criticizing ourselves, it is very difficult to give ourselves grace. We cannot say to ourselves that we are doing okay. We cannot ease up on our expectations of ourselves. That is what happened to me this week. I was overwhelmed by several things. My depression and anxiety were both screaming in my mind. Depression was telling me I was a failure for making mistakes at work. It was telling me I was a failure for not being up to writing Thursday’s blog post. Anxiety also chimed in. It was putting pressure on me, telling me I had to get the post written. It was telling me I had to fix the mistakes at work on my own. Grace was nowhere to be found. 

Then Shannon and Brittany encouraged me. They reminded me that it was okay to give myself grace. Their words let me know that I needed to be kinder to myself. I had to allow myself to struggle without judgement. That is what giving ourselves grace is all about. When we give ourselves grace, we are allowing ourselves to be human. We are being gentle with ourselves. Depression and anxiety are not gentle. They are cruel. So, part of pushing back against them is being kind and understanding with ourselves. It was not easy for me to put off writing a blog post until today, but I had to wait. I had to allow myself the time I needed to feel better. I had to let the heaviness I was feeling lift while placing the expectations I have of myself on hold. 

There are a few things we can do to give ourselves grace. Everyone should try to do these things, not just those of us with mental illness. Each of the following ways of giving ourselves grace, can be difficult, but we just need to try. We need to recognize that it will not always be easy and that is okay.

Ways to give ourselves grace:

·      Let go of harsh self-talk.

·      Allow room for mistakes.

·      Acknowledge effort, not just outcomes.

·      Take breaks without feeling guilt.

·      Forgive yourself.

 

This week I had to work on each of these. Giving ourselves grace is a practice that

takes time to develop. There will be ups and downs. Sometimes we will be able to give ourselves grace, other times we will need to recognize that it is a struggle. It is important to remember that sometimes we need reminders or help to give ourselves grace. If Shannon and Brittany had not reminded me to give myself grace, I like would have crashed lower than I did this week. I would not have been able to allow myself to let go of the weight that was falling upon me. 

            Having a support system is important. In addition to Shannon and Brittany, my psychologist and psychiatrist both supported me this week. Support systems support us. Simple, right? Unfortunately, not everyone has a support system to turn to the way I do. If you are struggling and unable to give yourself grace, I encourage you to take steps to create a support system. Join a support group. Get involved in an organization like NAMI. Comment on one of my blog posts and I will remind you to give yourself grace.

            Again, giving ourselves grace means treating ourselves with the same patience, understanding, and kindness we would offer a loved one. While it is not easy, we can practice doing giving ourselves grace. A few things we can do include catching and reframing our inner voice, pausing before reacting to ourselves, separating our worth from our performance, normalizing being a work in progress, giving ourselves permission to rest, using small acts of self-kindness, reflecting without shaming ourselves, forgiving ourselves on purpose, and being mindful of comparing ourselves to ourselves. It is important to start small and be consistent. We are not going to be at ease giving ourselves grace overnight. It requires practice. There will be setbacks. In those moments, we need to give ourselves grace.  

            I am going commit to working on giving myself grace. I recognize that it will not be easy. As hard as it is, I know I need to practice giving myself grace every opportunity I get. Depression and anxiety will try to hamper my ability to give myself grace, but I have talked back to these two before. I can continue to talk back to them. Giving ourselves grace can help us through the hard times. So, together, let’s give ourselves grace.

 

 

 

 

 

Behind the Scenes of Depression Care: The Impact of Mental Health Techs

    Today I would like to highlight a group of mental health professionals who do not often receive the recognition they deserve. These incredible people are mental health techs. My experience is with Spravato (esketamine) and TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) techs. So, my discussion here is based on my experience with these techs, but there are other mental health techs whose work is just as important. 

                  For several years I have received Spravato and TMS treatment. The techs, who carry out the treatment provide a direct connection between the treatment and the patient. They are responsible for the technical aspects of the treatment while at the same time they are the human connection during the actual treatment.  Techs are responsible for what may seem like little things such as greeting patients, providing and collecting assessment forms, and bringing the patient into the treatment room. These actions are anything but little. In connecting with patients in these ways, they are ensuring there is a human connection, which most patients arriving for treatment need. 

                  Mental health techs create a bridge between the treating mental health professional and the patient. They spend time with the patient during treatment. This can make treatment feel less daunting. Treatment with TMS or Spravato takes time. Results are not seen over night. The human connection that techs create helps patients stick with treatment long enough to see results.  

                  These techs have a lot of knowledge. For TMS they need to understand how to set up the machine for treatment. They need to be able to place the coil correctly and position the patient for treatment. With Spravato the techs need to know what to look for when they are observing patients during treatment. Both types of techs need to be able to track the patient’s experience and progress. They need strong communication skills. They also need to possess empathy. Patients arriving for treatment have struggled for a long time. Often, patients feel hopeless and unsure. The empathy techs demonstrate help patients get through the emotions they are struggling with.

                  With Spravato, patients can experience dissociation or altered perception. That can leave patients vulnerable. Spravato techs create a safe environment for the patient. They need to be able to reassure patients. These techs also watch for side effects. This includes monitoring blood pressure and watching for distress. Techs need to be able to communicate the side effects clearly with the mental health professional overseeing the treatment. 

                  Having been treated with both Spravato and TMS, I have interacted with several techs. These techs are an important part of treatment. I appreciate the way they always greet me and make me feel comfortable in the treatment setting. With TMS, the techs generally sit with the patient during treatment. There is an opportunity for conversation. This allows for trust to develop. The techs would encourage me during the early sessions when I was struggling with my depression. As we moved through sessions and I began to experience healing, I would be able to engage more in conversations with the techs. The techs cared enough to interact with me rather than allow me to just sit there. Those conversations meant a lot to me. They demonstrated that I was emerging back into the world of healing.

                  The Spravato techs who have worked with me always create a safe environment. The nature of this treatment means that there will be times when I dissociate or am sedated. The techs develop an understanding of my specific response to treatment. They know when I need reassurance. They instinctively know when I need I to be checked on a little more. The techs help me navigate intense experiences. They are there when I need help reorienting myself. This is an important part of the healing experience. 

                  Treatments like Spravato and TMS would not be possible without the work of the techs. They are an integral part of depression treatment. They do more than operate equipment or administer the medication. They build trust and develop hope. TMS and Spravato techs provide the human connection to treatment on a daily basis. I think they are also the right hand of the mental health provider who is overseeing the treatment. Without a doubt techs are a vital part of depression treatment.

                  I am grateful to the techs who have helped me. I was going to try to name them all here, but I do not want to miss anyone. So, to all the techs who have helped me, thank you. Know that your work is important and appreciated. 

 

 

  

Depression Is Not Rare: Debunking Common Depression Myths (Part 5)

                  Over the last few weeks, I have been trying to debunk common depression myths. This is the last in the series, but I think it encapsulates the whole series. Depression is more prevalent than most people think. As a society we need to pay attention to depression and make treatment available without stigma preventing people from receiving treatment.

                  According to 2021 data from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) approximately 21 million adults in the United States have had at least one major depressive episode. This is about 8.3% of all adults. NIMH states that 10.3% of females have had a major depressive episode and 6.2% of males have had an episode. Depression is not limited to adults. The NIMH 2021 research 20.1% of youth aged 12-17 had at least one major depressive episode. This is approximately 5 million youth. These statistics clearly demonstrate that depression is not rare. 

                  Depression is not just an issue in the United States. Worldwide statistics show that over 300 million people live with depression. It is a leading cause of disability in the United States and worldwide. Many people with depression do not receive treatment. As a result, the NIMH and worldwide statistics may be low. 

                  When we consider the numbers of people who live with depression, it is likely that we each know people suffering from depression. There is research that indicates that 1 in 6 people will experience depression at some point in their lives. We likely work with, go to school with, and socialize with people living with depression. Consider the people around you. Someone around is living with depression. You may not know it, but you do know someone living with depression. If you remember from an earlier post in this series (Smiles and Appearances, The Masks We Wear: Debunking Common Depression Myths part 2), those of us with depression are adept at masking our depression. Just because you do not see the signs of depression in someone does not mean they are not living with it. Depression can be an invisible illness. In a 2023 post I wrote about living with an invisible illness and included a poem. Read it here: Living with an Invisible Illness. Just because we do not always see it, does not mean that depression is not prevalent.

                  The incidence of depression is rising. There are many reasons for this. The COVID 19 pandemic had an effect on the rates of depression. Social media use has impacted depression rates. While these two factors are not singular causes of depression, they do impact our emotional well-being. Depression is a medical diagnosis. It is a legitimate health concern that is impacted by social and technological factors. As we see changes in the use of social media and technology, we see increases in depression. The more social media and technology isolate us, the more prevalent depression will be. 

                  Greater awareness of depression is leading to better diagnosis, reduced stigma, and more people seeking help. This is important. Yes, with greater awareness, the numbers of people diagnosed with depression will increase. This indicates how large the prevalence of depression really is. Diagnosis leads to treatment. So, while greater awareness will lead to increase to higher prevalence of depression, it will also lead to more people receiving the treatment they need. Again, depression is not rare. 

                  As we look at the prevalence of depression, let’s remember that we do not always know when someone is living with depression. So, it may seem that depression is rare, but if we take the time to be truly aware, we will realize that depression is a common illness. Please remember that depression is an illness. We do not choose to live with depression. Be kind. There is someone in your family circle, someone in your work circle, and someone in your social circle who lives with depression. Be aware of the signs of depression. Depression is a common illness. Be compassionate. We never know what someone is dealing with. 

                  I hope you have found this series debunking common depression myths helpful. If you have missed a post, I encourage you to look back over the last few weeks. There are five posts in the series. I will include links to each post in the series. 

There are a lot of myths surrounding depression. I believe it is important that we work to debunk depression myths. It starts with awareness and compassion. Let’s all do our part to debunk these myths and improve life for people living with depression.

 

Links to the rest of the series:

Is Depression Just Sadness? Debunking Common Depression Myths (Part 1)

Smiles and Appearances, The Masks We Wear: Debunking Common Depression Myths (Part 2)

It's Not Just a Phase: Debunking Common Depression Myths (Part 3, Teen Mental Health)

You Can't Just "Snap Out of Depression": Debunking Common Depression Myths (Part 4)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Hidden Work of Living with Depression and Mental Illness

                  Living with mental illness is not easy. Most days it is downright hard. Even with treatment, there are days that are just difficult to navigate. Having hard days does not mean we are not trying to heal. In last week’s post, You Can't Just "Snap Out of Depression": Debunking Common Depression Myths (Part 4), I discussed how we cannot just wish depression away. Healing from depression requires work, but even though we are doing the work, we are still going to have times when we struggle.

                  As I have shared many times I have lived with depression and anxiety most of my life. I have done a ton of work to try to heal. There are many times when I benefit from that work. I experience times when my mental illness lifts. These times are a direct result of the effort I put into healing. I think many people with mental illness can relate to this experience. We put forth effort to heal. That may be through therapy, taking medication, receiving non-traditional treatments such as TMS and esketamine, and utilizing our coping strategies. When you live with mental illness, you become acutely aware of the fact it is not going to just go away. We need to work at it. 

                  To those on the outside it may not seem like we are working to get better. A lot of our work is done in private or with our mental health providers. While I am open about my mental health journey, others battle in silence. It is a personal choice. For a long time, I kept my battle behind closed doors. During that time, it was best for me to work on mental health that way. It is not easy to be open about mental health. I choose to share my journey in the hopes of helping others finding healing. Still, it is not easy. Despite my openness, there is a lot that I do not share outside of my mental health team. There is a lot of hard work that others do not see. 

                  We cannot see inside each other’s minds. That is where a lot of the hard work takes place. There is a lot of self-talk that goes on when we are fighting mental illness. My depression and anxiety “talk” to me. No, I do not mean I am hearing voices. Depression and anxiety control the thoughts in my head. These thoughts tear me down at times. They can be loud. These thoughts spew negativity at me. So, I need a plan to talk back to them. For me and many others talking back to depression and anxiety involves telling the thoughts to stop. We need to point out the lies and the falseness in the thoughts our mental illness hurls at us. This is hard work. Imagine having to always be aware of the lies your own mind is telling you. Not only do we need to be aware of them, but we also need to have responses ready to contradict what we are “hearing”. This is part of the hard work of living with a mental illness.

                  One of the ways we learn this skill is through therapy. My psychologist has been instrumental in guiding me through self-talk. I have learned that it is necessary for me to work at talking back to the thoughts depression and anxiety like to fill my head with. Therapy is an important part of the hard work we do to battle mental illness. The therapy experience is different for each one of us. For me, having a place where I can discuss what my depression and anxiety are telling me and being able to share how those words are affecting me is key to fighting my mental illness. I have been in therapy for a long time. It is part of the work I need to do. I know that therapy helps me and that I need consistent therapy sessions. 

 In addition to talking back to our thoughts, we need to manage medications or treatments. This requires commitment. We need to communicate with our psychiatrists. It is important to share how medications are affecting us and whether we are benefitting from our prescriptions. The same is true of treatments such as TMS, esketamine, or ECT. We need to let our providers know how we are handling the treatment and whether it is effective. Whether it is medication or non-traditional treatments, we need to be able to have discussions about how we are doing. That is not always easy. I find that sometimes I do not know how to explain what I am experiencing. At times I am too overwhelmed to clearly express what I am feeling or how treatment is working. That does not mean that I am not working hard. It just demonstrates how complicated living with mental illness can be. It helps to have a mental health provider or team who can help us when we struggle expressing all that we need to tell them.

My point in sharing this is that we can be doing all the work we need to do and still have hard days. Living with mental illness can be tough. It often is. The hard work is worth it, though. We will have days that are better than others. Not every day will be good. Struggle is a part of mental illness. Being frustrated with that struggle is understandable. So, it is important for us to recognize that even when we are doing the work, life can be hard. There are times when we are going to want to give up. I have been there many times. I know I will want to give up at times in the future. When we want to give up or when we feel like things are just too hard, we need to reach out to our mental health providers or join a support group. Remember, we are not alone. There is help. 

It is important to remember that healing is a process. There will be ups and downs. Some days will be harder than others. You can be doing the work and still have hard days. That is okay. Let’s make a promise to each other to remember that even when things are hard, there is hope. 

 

Update: 

In last week’s post, Women's Mental Health and Depression: Honoring the Invisible Load on International Women's Day, I mentioned the artist, Yayoi Kusama, who lives with mental illness. I was reading news headlines the other day when I came across an article about an art exhibit in Germany that is featuring this 97-year-old artist. I thought I would share the article for any of you who might be interested: German museum celebrates Japanese artist Kusama in vast new exhibit.

 

Thursday’s Post:

Check back Thursday, March 19^th, for the final post in my series: Debunking Common Depression Myths.