Things Depression Steals From Us That No One Talks About

                On Monday I wrote about finding the little joys (Finding Joy with Depression: Small Ways to Bring More Joy into Your Life) when you live with depression. Today, I would like to discuss why I cannot stress enough how important it is to find things that bring us joy. There are many things that depression takes from us that do not get as much attention as the more common struggles. These losses are something we often suffer in silence. If we are lucky, we have a mental health provider to share with. Even when we have a provider to share with, like I do, sometimes we hold back things we think others will not understand or things we feel embarrassed to share. Other times the losses have changed us in a way that leaves unaware of what we have lost on a conscious level, but still holding that loss in other ways.

                  Depression has taken a lot from me. I have written about these things many times on this blog. What I have neglected to share are the less obvious things depression takes. So, I will share the things I experience. There are definitely other things people with depression can experience. Each of us experience depression in our own unique way. So, not everyone will share the same experiences I write about, but I think we can learn from people’s stories. Here’s mine.

                  One thing that has been taken from me is ambition. This pops up in different ways. I have been content not to grow much in my role as a special education teacher. When others brought up the idea that I should earn a doctorate in education, I scoffed. Said I was too busy. That was just an excuse to hide the part of me that does not believe in my abilities. The voice of depression gnawed at me. Told me I am not smart enough.  The same thing happened when the thought of getting an administrative credential came up, I ran from it. I have the experience in special education that could have led me to be a special education administrator. Depression prevented me from believing I could succeed in that role. Depression drags me down. Ambition disappears, 

                  Another thing that was taken from was the ability to be intimate in many ways. I have not dated since I was in my 20s and even then, it was very limited. I do not know what it is like to have different relationships. There is always a shield around me keeping others at a distance. This is depression at work. It fills my mind with thoughts that I need to be alone or that I belong alone. I am so accustomed to being alone that I feel like I do not even want to try to build relationships. 

                  Another thing depression stole from me is the ability to believe compliments. I always believe the worst about myself. I never believe I am good enough. That is depression shouting in my head. It is very difficult for me to accept a compliment. My mind tells me that I am a fraud. It tells me I did not earn the compliment. This is self-doubt, created by depression, at work. 

                  Rather than go on about myself, I am going to share some things people with depression commonly feel are stolen from them. I experience some of them. Not every person experiences them all, but these are commonly felt.

 

·      Pleasure of small rituals like a morning coffee or watching the sunset

·      Curiosity – We may give up wonder when reading or watching tv or a movie.

·      Sense of humor – Even if we understand a joke, we lose the ability to laugh.

·      Desire to take pictures of ourselves - We do not want to see ourselves. 

·      Ability to receive affection – Even when we are told we are loved, we question why, or doubt that love.

·      Sense of identity – The depression becomes who we are. We say “my depression” or identify ourselves as depressed instead of a person with depression. This is one area that I am currently working on.

·      Memories – We might start to lose memories of our past selves. 

·      The ability to celebrate ourselves - We might put ourselves down or not recognize when we have earned recognition.

·      Sense of belonging – We can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. I should have included this one in my experiences because this is a loss I know well.

·      The belief that things will get better – We can lose that hope that things will improve. We stop believing that we can overcome the depression.

 

These losses are a part of why depression can be so difficult to live with. Depression

steals so much from us. With some of these things, we lose sight of what is being stolen. We grow so accustomed to what depression does to us that we do not know what we have lost or how much we need the things that are take from us. 

                  One of my early posts on this blog, Depression Is a Thief, shares what it is like to have so much stolen by depression. Often, we become complacent and do not try to regain these things. It is not that we do not want them. It is more that depression teaches us that we do not deserve them. Not only is depression a thief. It is a liar. We can have ambition. We can celebrate ourselves. We do belong. We can be curious. We can believe in our ability to get better. 

                   

 

Finding Joy with Depression: Small Ways to Bring More Joy into Your Life

                  When we live with depression, we spend a lot of time surrounded by darkness. This is part of the nature of the illness. When depression is weighing down on us, it is hard to even imagine joy being possible. What if I told you there is a way to experience joy while living with depression? Would you believe me? Maybe you would be willing to give me a chance to share some ideas. I understand that finding joy in our lives is difficult, but maybe if we invited small bits of joy, we could find a glimmer of that joy.

                  The first thing to remember is that joy can come in small pieces. It can also be present for small amounts of time. It is these small pieces and smaller time frames that build up and lead to more embraceable joy. First, let’s define joy. According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, joy is “a feeling of great happiness or pleasure; a source or cause of delight.” The definition places joy on high ground. I think that as individuals with depression, we can take this definition and modify to fit our lives. Perhaps, joy is any moment that cause us to pause and say, “that felt good” or “I liked/enjoyed that.” It does not need to be something big. Joy can be found in little things: a joke that causes laughter, a perfectly made coffee, a favorite team winning a game, hearing a song on the radio that you haven’t heard in a while. These are little things that can bring a simple smile to our face. These are where we can start. If we can recognize joy in something little, we can gently move ourselves on to more joy.

                  When looking for joy, we can reach out to our senses. Maybe we smell something beautiful. It could be a garden rose or a scented lotion. Living with depression pulls us away from recognizing things with our full senses because it focuses on darkness and pain. Using our sense involves tiny pleasures. Maybe you find a sense of joy in the feel of a favorite blanket. It might be the warmth of a cup of tea. The key is to remember that these are not going to take the depression away. That requires much mor work. By noticing with our senses or noticing tiny joys, we are trying to feel slightly less weighed down.

                  Movement can be a source of joy. A key here is to move for the sake of moving, not to make it exercise. A walk around the block with no intentions can bring joy. We may notice things around us with our senses. Gardening, even for a few minutes gets us feeling joy. Maybe all we can do is stand in the sunshine for a few minutes. We can embrace the warmth of the sun or the softness of a cool breeze. Those bring brief moments of joy.

                  Finding ways to connect with others that are low pressure can bring joy. We can send a text or share a meme on social media. This can bring a smile or a little giggle because we are thinking about someone. We might join an online community centered around something we are interested. An example is the online writer’s community I belong to. There are always message threads and ways for to connect with people without the pressure of being in a social setting. I find that this keeps me connected to others. Another thing, I keep meaning to do is sit in the park with my dog. Just being in a safe area with others might make me feel good when I am struggling with depression. Where else could we sit?

                  Here is one that we often forget. We can return to things we once loved. We can try things we once loved without expecting great joy. If we start slowly engaging in something we once loved, we can gradually experience joy. For example, if depression has kept us from reading, we might say. “Okay, I am going to read three pages tonight.” It is just a small thing, but maybe the next night we read five pages. Gradually, we build up to the point where we experience joy. Another example might be if we loved to cook, but depression has us feeling like we cannot cook, we can try making something simple or small. If we see ourselves reading more or cooking more, we will gradually be allowing joy back into our lives.

                  Here is one that I particularly like. We can experience beauty. Maybe we step outside at sunset and watch the sun go down. We might listen to a favorite album and focus on either the lyrics or the musicality. Maybe we notice the architecture on a building. The idea behind experiencing beauty is recognize the beauty and goodness around us. We can let these envelope us.

                  Giving ourselves something to anticipate is a way to bring joy into our lives. The idea here is to have something soon to look forward to. This might be going to a movie on the weekend. It might be plans to have a lunch with a friend next week. It might be plans to listen to an album after work. When our present situation is filled with darkness, it is helpful to have points of light to look forward to. These points of life can bring joy.

 

 

A few reminders to consider:

·      We do not need to earn moments of joy. We deserve to find happiness even if it is only small joys initially.

·      In the beginning it can be hard to recognize the small joys. Even if we do not feel the joy while doing something that we think will bring us joy, we are making room for joy to enter our lives. We have not failed. We need to be patient and allow ourselves to experience moments for what they are.

·      We do not need to search for moments of joy on our own. We can seek support from a therapist, a psychiatrist, a support group, a friend, or family member. No one needs to seek moments of joy on their own. 

 

Final Thoughts

                  It is easy to get trapped in the idea that we need to find joy in big ways. We can get caught up in trying to find joy and not see the little moments of joy that serve as steppingstones. When this occurs, it can make the depression seem worse. We give up on finding the joy. To avoid this, it is helpful to think smaller. As an example, I might ask myself, “What can I do to make the next 10 minutes feel a tiny bit better?” I am more like to experience joy in tiny batches. Those tiny batches of joy will gradually build if we allow them to. The key is we are not trying to undo all the darkness at once. That is not likely to happen. What we are looking for are the steppingstones to joy. Each little joy will bring us that much closer to experiencing joy. Even when depression has a stranglehold on us, we can find little joys to help us be a bit gentler with ourselves.

How Teenage Depression Can Affect Social Skills and Relationships in Adulthood

              Depression has been a part of my life since I was in my early teens. It started at a time when I was still developing both physically, emotionally, and socially. My sense of self was still developing. Being in this stage of development when depression took hold impacted that development. I cannot say for sure, but I think depression affected how I learned to interact with the world and how I learned to communicate in social situations. These areas have been a struggle for me ever since my teenage years. I find myself wondering if depression impacted the person I am.

                  I am not alone. Depression enters the lives of many teenagers. As the teenager is impacted by the depression, social, communication, and interpersonal development is affected, usually in a negative way. During the teenage years, individuals are learning to navigate friendships, conflict, identity, boundaries, intimacy, and independence. Depression can interfere with this learning. As the teen grows into adulthood the missing or interrupted social, communication, and interpersonal skills can follow them. When this happens navigating these skills in the adult world becomes difficult.

                  I definitely believe this happened to me. I would like to paint a picture of how it has affected my life. I frequently struggle with all three skills. Interpersonal skills are not a strong suit for me. I am usually quiet. I have difficulty interjecting myself in conversations. Just the other day I silently sat at birthday lunch for my nephew. Everyone at the table was family. Still, all I could do was listen to the conversation. There were moments when I thought I had something to add to the conversation, but I did not know how to speak. So, I remained a silent listener. Maybe, more than not knowing how to join the conversation, it was that depression has taught me that I do not have anything worth saying. Depression has always torn me down with its negative interjections. As a result, I sat silently through the whole lunch. 

                  This was an uncomfortable experience for me. I know it is my depression at work. I am uncomfortable in social situations. Depression tells me what I have to say is meaningless. It tells me that no one wants to hear what I have to say. Depression is negative voice running on a loop in my head. The problem began when depression silenced me as a teenager. I was unable to get myself to be communicative in a natural way. I learned that my voice was not worthy, even though this wasn’t true. As a result, I still struggle with speaking in a group as an adult.

                  This may be surprising to those of you who know I am a teacher. How can I teach when I cannot enter a conversation with a group of family members? The answer is simply that two different skillsets are at work. Being a teacher and having to talk to classes of students is not easy, but it is a skill I have worked to develop. Even though I can teach, there are still days when the depression pushes against this ability, and I beat myself up trying to talk back to the depression.

                  If I had been able to be more social in my teenage years maybe today, I would be better at interpersonal skills. If I had learned to navigate group situations with more ease, perhaps I would be able to join social conversations instead of just watching. Depression stole those learning opportunities from me when I was a teenager.

                  I think my experiences and the result of those experiences are why I can relate to my high school students, especially the ones who are struggling. There is an inherent sense of empathy in the way I conduct myself as a high school special education teacher. I can see the teenager I once was in some of my students. I can see where they struggle. I know potential outcome of those struggles. So, in these situations I can put my own struggles aside and work to build teacher-student relationships with my students that will help them navigate their struggles and grow from them. I want them to have opportunities that I have missed out on. They deserve to experience all that life has to offer without being hampered by depression or other struggles.

                  Bringing this back out to a focus on the lasting impact depression can have on developing teenagers. There are several areas that impact can be found. Social, communication, and interpersonal skills can be impacted. 

                  Depression can lead to a teenager spending less time with friends and family. They participate in fewer activities and avoid social situations. As a result, the teenager does not have opportunities to make friends or maintain friendships. Missing out on these skills at an important developmental time is naturally going to carry over into later life. A person with depression that started in their teen years or earlier may have difficulty with these skills because their development of the skills was interrupted.

                  Depression makes it harder to read social situations. When there are situations that are not straightforward or contain some ambiguity, depression can lead a teen, and later an adult, to misinterpret that situation. Depression pushes the person into seeing the negative even if it is possible the situation was positive.

The biggest thing with social, communication, and interpersonal skills is the loss of practice time. Depression interferers with these skills when teenagers are developing the skills. It continues to interfere as teens grow into adulthood. That gives the impression that the person does not have the skills necessary to interact with others. Unfortunately, that can lead the person to believe they do not have the skills, which then becomes their reality.

Back to my example of not being a part of the conversation at my nephew’s birthday lunch. I have the ability to join conversations. I do it every day as a teacher. However, in certain social and work situations, depression interferes. It reminds me that I struggle with joining conversations. That reminder causes me to believe the negativity depression is spewing in my head. Then I am unable to join the conversation. I lack the confidence to join in because for years depression has been telling me I cannot be a part of those situations. So, I have not been a part of conversations. It becomes my pattern. My family members are used to me not joining in. So, they do not try to include me. I feel bad about sitting there silently. My depression speaks up and grips me. I beat myself up for not being a part of the conversation. Depression wins. I did not join the conversation because of what depression taught me. As if that were not bad enough, the depression I am experiencing increases because I am beating myself up for not joining the conversation. 

That is the struggle. Depression sets us up for failure and that failure leads to more depression. This is why we need to break the cycle. We need to make sure we help teenagers who are struggling with their mental health. It is vitally important. If you interact with teenagers in any meaningful way, I encourage you to talk to them and more importantly to listen to them. If there are signs of depression or other struggle provide support for them. Get them professional help. There is no weakness in seeking support. You do not need to have all the answers for your team but connect them to someone who can help them. As someone who did not receive that help as a teen, I urge you to be the one who provides support or connection to support. If you are teenager reading this, know that you are heard. Reach out to a school counselor or a loved one. As always, the 988 Lifeline is always available to provide and connect you to support. 

How to Deal With Negative Thoughts When You’re Living With Depression: 9 Strategies That Can Help

                  Living with depression is difficult for many reasons. It is never easy. One difficult aspect of depression is the disparaging thoughts in our minds. I have fought these thoughts most of my life. It has taken a lot of work, but I have learned some strategies to push back on these thoughts. These strategies are not foolproof, but they have helped me navigate life with depression.

                  I would like to share some of these strategies. I do not use all of them. If you are living with depression’s disparaging thoughts, try the strategies that seem like they might work for you. Keep the others in the back of your mind. 

                  One important thing to remember is that we cannot force the disparaging thoughts to disappear. Our goal should be to create distance between ourselves and the thoughts. We also want to change the way we respond to the disparaging thoughts. 

Strategies for Approaching Disparaging Thoughts

·      Name the thought instead of accepting it – Let’s say a thought is telling us we are worthless. Instead of accepting that thought, try telling yourself “I am having a thought that I am worthless. By doing this we are shifting our thought process and allowing ourselves to remember that our mind is producing a thought, not giving a fact.

·      Ask yourself if you would say this to someone you love – Usually when we are having disparaging thoughts, they are thoughts we would never say to a loved one. It is important that we recognize this. When a thought enters our mind, we can ask ourselves if we would say that to someone we cared about. If the answer is no, then we need to tell the thought that it is hurtful and not something we are going to hold on to.

·      Look for depressions go-to words – There are words that the disparaging thoughts controlled by depression frequently throw at us. These words include always, never, everyone, nobody, worthless, failure, hopeless, and should. These words are a clear indication that depression is lying to us. When we hear these words in our thoughts, we can tell depression that we know it is lying to us. Those words carry absolutes, which are never true. When a thought is told in an absolute, it is lying. 

·      Don’t argue with every thought – Depression throws a lot of thoughts at us. We cannot possibly fight back with every thought. Sometimes we just need to say something like, “I know depression is talking to me at the moment, but I do not need to deal with that thought right now.” 

·      Be more neutral in your response to a disparaging thought – We do not have to respond with positivity to every thought. Being overly positive can take strength that we just do not have when we are struggling with depression. We might tell ourselves something like, “I am struggling right now, but struggling does not determine my worth.” 

·      Come back to the present and your body – It might be helpful to try to break out of the disparaging thoughts physically. Try one or more of these: take slow breaths, put your feet on the ground, notice five things around you, take a shower, step outside, or hold something cold. These are little things that might be enough to break us out of the thought pattern.

·      Write the thought down – After you have written it, try writing the answers to these questions: what happened, what are you telling yourself it means, what evidence supports this interpretation, what evidence doesn’t support it, and what would be a fairer interpretation. 

·      Give yourself permission to postpone judgement – There is a simple sentence we can repeat to ourselves that can be powerful. Try saying: “I don’t need to decide what my life means while I am in the middle of a depressive episode.” This allows us to step away from the disparaging thought.

·      Stay connected to the people in your life – Depression has the ability of grabbing us and pulling us into its lair. If we can reach out to someone in our life who cares about us or who can be supportive, they can help us see the world outside of depression. 

 

I think one of the important things to remember is that we are not likely to rid ourselves of every disparaging thought depression wants to hurl at us. We can soften the blows by using these strategies. It is important to notice the thoughts and realize that they are just thoughts. They are not reality. By noticing disparaging thoughts and allowing ourselves to step away from them by using the above strategies, we take back some of the control depression hold over us. We will not be perfect at this overnight. I know I still struggle and need reminders. That is okay. We are human and being human means we will struggle with some things.

One thing that might help is to copy the strategies that you find most useful. Keep the list in an easily accessible place. Reach for it when the disparaging thoughts start to surface in your mind. Another Idea might be to share the strategies that help you with a friend or loved one who you can turn to when you are struggling. They can remind you to use a strategy from your list.

Depression is not easy to live with. Even with treatment there can be difficult times. With some work, we gain the upper hand. Noticing disparaging thoughts for the lies that they are is a first step. Find the strategies that work for you. If you have other strategies, please share them in the comments so that we all can benefit.

Lastly, if you are struggling to the point where none of these strategies work, reach out to a mental health provider for help. You can always contact the 988 Lifeline for assistance and connection to help. If you are in immediate danger, please call 911 or go the nearest emergency room.

 

When ‘I’m Okay’ Isn’t Really Okay: How to Support a Friend With Depression

                 Today I heard a song that I have probably heard before, but it made me start thinking. We had a movie on for our students during lunch. They wanted to watch Toy Story, which I also found interesting because I do not teach little kids. I teach 16–20-year-olds at a continuation high school. I think their movie choice shows that kids need a chance to be kids no matter how old they are. 

                  Back to the purpose of this post. I am not sure what the title of the song is. The lyric I heard was “you’ve got a friend in me.” Don’t we all need a friend? Maybe that is why my students chose this movie. No matter where we are in life we all just need a friend. 

                  What if we are that friend and our friend needs our support with their mental health? This is an important question. The mental health stigma that exists in our society can prevent us from checking in our friends and loved ones. We might feel unprepared to help when there is a need. We might not know how to ask if they need help. 

                  Today I would like to look at a question we can ask and how we can go deeper. When we notice a friend is struggling or that they seem different, we can and should ask, “Are you okay?” The person may tell us how they are doing. They may shrug us off. It is up to us as friends to ask the next question. When a person says they are okay, we can usually tell if they are just saying that. There was a reason we asked if they were okay in the first place. So, our next question should be, “are you really okay?” At this point it is important that we are willing to listen to the answer. We want to encourage our friend to be honest about how they are doing. 

                  Let me get personal for a second. If someone asks me if I am okay when I am struggling, I am very likely to say that I am okay. “I’m okay,” is a phrase that I have used more times than I can count. It is the easy way out. If I do not want to talk about how I am feeling or feel like no one can do anything, I am just going to say that I am okay. If someone pushes a little, I might be willing to open up. I think a lot of us living with mental illness are more willing to open up if someone cares enough to really question us about how we are doing and is willing to stay for the answer. 

                  So, how do we stay for the answer when we ask a person if they are really okay? The most important thing is that we listen. We do not need to have all the answers. We need to allow the person to feel heard. We do not need to speak at first. Let the person share what they are feeling and what they are going through. Once they have shared, reflect back to them what you have heard in a gentle tone. You might say, “I hear you saying that…” This shows that you have heard what they have said. You do not need to repeat everything they said. You just need to let them know you heard them. 

                  The next step is to offer support. Ask them what they need from you. They might need you to listen or they might need you to connect them with professional support. It is important that you ask them what they need. Often, those of us living with mental illness know what support we need. There are times when we cannot find the words to express what we need. If the person cannot tell you who or what they need to be connected with you will need to determine if the person is in immediate danger of harming themselves or others. If this is the case, you should call 911 for help. Do not leave the person alone. If the person is not in danger, the 988 Lifeline is the best way to get assistance. The line is answered by trained individuals who can connect you to the appropriate services. 

                  The important thing is to be a friend. Let your friend know, “you’ve got a friend in me.” Be the person sitting next to them holding the umbrella during the storm. If a friend says they are okay and you suspect they are not, ask, “are you really okay?” There will be times when a person will still insist that they are okay. In that case, you can say something like, “Well, I am here if you need to talk.” Sometimes that is enough to let the person know you care. As I said in the beginning of this post, we all need a friend. 

 

Seeing Yourself Healing: Finding Hope While Living with Depression and Anxiety

Words have been jumping out at me lately. Whether lyrics in a song or something someone says, words just seem bolder to me at times. Maybe it is the poet in me who is always looking for the words to write the next great poem. Perhaps, it is my desire to understand myself better. Whatever it is, I heard words last night that struck a chord in me even though I have heard these words many times. 

                  I laid in bed listening to a recording of a hypnosis my psychologist recorded for me. The words “see yourself healing” jumped out at me. These words reminded me that I cannot deal with depression and anxiety if I do not see myself healing. I need to envision what healing looks like if I am to heal. 

The words were spoken directly to me by my psychologist, but I think this is a message for all of us who are living with mental illness. We need to know what healing looks like for us in order to heal. Each of us will have a different picture of healing. We each are our own individual. We share some commonalities, but we are each unique. Healing will reflect both our differences and our commonalities. Each of us determines what our healing looks like. 

To make that determination, we need to recognize that healing can be a messy journey. Healing is not linear and there can be many obstacles or hiccups along the way. There may be times when we are at a point of healing, but that time can be followed by a downward spiral. Our journey towards healing can be bumpy. The key is to hold on.

                  I have been on this healing journey for a long time. It seems like I have been on it my whole life. Still, there are times where I am unsure of what healing looks like for me. Is it when I am coping well? Is it the absence of symptoms? I have had different experiences that at the time have looked like healing, but as weeks, months went by the healing disappeared. So, I am left to question was I really healed. The answer has to be yes. 

                  I think this is where the idea that healing is not linear comes into play. If healing were a straight line, we would go from mental illness to being healed completely. That does not happen. If that does not happen, how do we see ourselves healing? I have given it some thought. I think the way we see ourselves healing is by creating an image of what we would be like on our best days. This image is our goal, but it is not the only way to define healing. Healing is also progress in the direction of that image. Healing is also taking the steps necessary to move ourselves in a positive direction. Healing is also giving ourselves grace on the days that do not look like healing. Really, healing can take many forms. 

                  Depression and anxiety are a struggle. There are days when I feel like I am moving in the direction of healing, but there are days when I struggle and lose sight of my picture of healing. I think it is all part of the journey. I need to work on visualizing my picture of healing. That would allow me to “see’ it during the times I am struggling. 

                  I think seeing ourselves healing is an important aspect of the treatment of mental illness. Creating this image allows us to play an active part in our treatment and healing. Visualization exercises, meditation, and self-hypnosis can all help us learn to see ourselves healing. 

                  There is a saying that seeing is believing. I think maybe that has some truth to it. If we can see our healing in our minds, we can move towards healing and be better able to live with mental illness. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Cement Floor of Healing: Finding Hope When Depression and Anxiety Take Over

Today has been a struggle. Actually, I have struggled more than I would like to admit recently. I shared with one of the psychiatric nurse practitioners, who is a part of my mental health team, that I was tired of the depression and anxiety I have been dealing with. As we talked, I could not help thinking how depression and anxiety tear me down and make question if I will ever not live with depression and anxiety.  I mentioned that I was worried that I would always struggle and that I was stuck not seeing a way out. She reflected to me that maybe there is a cement floor to our healing.  We just need to be on our own cement floor. That floor is going be at a different height at different times. There are times when we need help seeing what okay means for us. That is where mental health professionals play a vital role. I think sometimes I lose sight of that and try telling myself I should be able to fight this on my own. That does not work. 

Today was one of those days I needed to hear the words of one of my mental health professionals lifting me, reassuring me, and allowing me to feel that I was okay. I have been open about my struggles with depression and anxiety on this blog. I have lived with depression for damn near 40 years. I have learned to have hope over the years. Still, there are days when the anxiety and depression are in control, days when they suck the life out of me, and days when I just do not have enough in me to put on a happy face. The saying it’s okay not to be okay needs to be embraced on days like this. If we do not embrace it, we cannot get through all that depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses throw at us. 

I think there is something to that cement floor idea. The cement floor is our baseline. It is where we are when we are okay. We may have days where we go down. Those are the days when depression and anxiety gain control. It is as if we take an elevator down to a not-so-good feeling. But if we can go down, it makes sense that we must be able to go back up. We just need to find the right button on the elevator. That is where therapy, medication, and other treatments, like TMS and esketamine, play an important role. They help us push the button that gets us back to that concrete floor where we are okay. If the elevator can go down, it can go up allowing us to have good days. The concrete floor is our base. When we go down, we need to remember that is okay to be on a lower floor, or to not be okay. With support we ride back up to being okay and at times, better than okay. 

When we live with depression and anxiety it helps to have support. I am lucky that I have tremendous support. I have the support I need on days like today when it is all just a little too much. I am grateful that I have people to lean on and grateful they have taught me that it’s oaky not to be okay. I know there are people who do not have the support I have. It is my hope that we can find a way as a society to make mental health a larger priority and provide everyone with the support they need. 

I also hope that this cement floor/elevator metaphor provides encouragement for others who are struggling. Our cement floor is always there. We just need to remember that if we are taken on a ride down in the elevator, we can always push the button and get the support we need to ride back up to our cement floor.