It's Okay to Have a Bad Day: Self-Care Tips for Depression and Anxiety

                  Bad days happen to all of us. Simply put, bad days are a part of life. Living with depression and anxiety often make the bad days seem worse. The bad days may seem to occur more often. I struggle with bad days. However, I have learned an important lesson about bad days from my mental health team and from experience. It’s okay to have a bad day. In fact, it is okay to have multiple bad days.

                  We want everything in our lives to go well. This leads to pressure to always have things go right. That pressure is unhealthy. There is a line from a Grace Slick song that I mention often because it plays a powerful role in my life. I think this line, “Let it go” applies to the pressure we put on ourselves and feel from others. We need to let that pressure go. It is not serving us. 

Letting Go of the Pressure to Be Okay

                  Letting go of the pressure not to have a bad is tough. We see people who seem put together, people who seem perfect. We think that they don’t have bad days. We put pressure on ourselves to be perfect. Then when we have bad day, we internalize it as a failure on our part. Depression and anxiety start talking to us. This makes the bad day worse. We feel the pressure not to let things go bad.

                  Letting go of the bad days is tough, but it is something we need to do. First, we need to recognize that it is okay to have bad days. They are going to happen. Once we have recognized the bad day, we can begin to let it go. One way to do this is to use self-talk. We can tell ourselves:

·      It is just a bad day. I have been through times like this before.

·      Sometimes things do not go as I planned and that is okay.

·      I can retry tomorrow.

·      I am going to let go of today. 

 

Giving Yourself Grace When Living with Depression and Anxiety

Part of the difficulty we have is the pressure to be okay. We need to push back

against that pressure by giving ourselves grace. “Give yourself grace” is a phrase we might hear often. I was reminded to give myself grace recently. I thought about it and realized I really didn’t understand what it meant to give myself grace. I guess I had the general concept, but I wanted to know the full meaning. After some research, I have a better idea of what giving myself grace can mean. Let me share what I learned.

                  Giving ourselves grace means allowing ourselves to be human. When we give ourselves grace, we allow ourselves to make mistakes, to struggle with things that may seem easy for others, and struggle with things that are tough. We accept that we will have difficult times. We choose not to criticize ourselves. Instead, we treat ourselves with patience, compassion, and understanding. We recognize that we need these. In essence, giving ourselves grace means being kind to ourselves. We might tell ourselves something like, “Today was hard. I don’t need to feel guilty about it. I will just do what I can and that will be enough.” 

                  To give ourselves grace we may find it necessary to accept our feelings without judging them. We might need to adjust our expectations. What we can manage might look different from day to day. We need to let go guilt. This means understanding that we need rest and that it is okay to ask for help. We can acknowledge that we are struggling. We do not need to pretend that we are okay. Just because we have a bad day, the progress we have made, the good things that have occurred are not erased. Our progress is not always linear. It is also important to speak to ourselves with kindness. If a loved one or friend were struggling, we would treat them with understanding and kindness. We owe ourselves that same grace.

Remember, we can only do what we can do. Pressuring ourselves to do more is harmful to us. That is why giving ourselves grace is so important. 

Breaking a Bad Day into Smaller, Manageable Steps

Another thing we can consider is breaking the day down. When we are struggling or just having a bad day sometimes it helps to take a step back and break the day into smaller parts. Facing one minute or five minutes is easier than facing the whole day. If manage to get through five, maybe we will be ready for another five minutes. If not, that is okay. We can allow ourselves to rest and try again later. We need to remember that getting through a smaller chunk of the day is enough. We can rest and try again tomorrow. We do not need to figure everything out. 

Quieting Your Inner Critic on Difficult Days

                  Our minds are always talking to us. There is a chatter that sometimes does not want to shut up when we live with depression and/or anxiety. This is the inner critic. When we give ourselves grace, we are telling the inner critic to leave us alone. I wrote a post titled Silencing Your Inner Critic, which address how to talk back to that voice inside our heads that does not want us to give ourselves grace. Having a bad day, feeling as if we are not okay, are valid feelings. They do not make us weak or failures. That voice in our minds likes to tell us we are, but when we give ourselves grace, we recognize and remind ourselves that we are not what our inner critic wants us to believe.

Why You Don't Have to Find a Silver Lining in Every Bad Day

                  It is important to remember that when we are having a bad day, when we are struggling, we do not need to turn every moment into something positive. We do not need to search for a silver lining. Sometimes things just are what they are. That is perfectly fine. There are not lessons behind every struggle. Sometimes the greatest lesson we can learn is that we need to give ourselves grace. In moments of struggle, we can simply acknowledge that it is a hard day. Nothing more is necessary. 

Final Thoughts: It's Okay to Have a Bad Day

                  When we live with depression and anxiety, there will be times when we are not okay. That is okay. We are human. As humans, we will make mistakes and struggle at times. We may feel bad about something. When this is happening, remember that it is okay to not be okay. It is okay to struggle. Letting go and giving ourselves grace are important. It is important to understand that it takes time to fully understand this. Give yourself that time. Remember, that it is okay to have a bad day.

 

Depression Without a Reason: Why You Can Feel Depressed Even When Life Is Good

 Why Depression Doesn't Always Have a Reason

                  There are many factors involved in living with mental illness that make life difficult. One is the idea that there must be a reason for depression. There is absolutely a biological basis to depression, but when you live with depression, you find that depression is so much more than its biological basis. There are many aspects of depression that cannot e explained. Sometimes those of us who live with depression can explain parts of our depression, but there are always parts that are difficult to explain. That is okay. We do not need to explain depression to anyone. It does help for us to understand our depression, but we need to remember that sometime the depression just is, and we need to be okay with that.

When You Feel Depressed but Don't Know Why

                  Some days I wake up and I feel the depression, but I do not know why I am feeling it. Often, I will do a quick scan of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions to determine where the depression is originating. The reason may present itself in the scan. It also may be hidden. It may just be that my mind is protecting me from the source of the depression. It could also be that my mind has had enough of the stressors it has been facing and it thrown the blanket of depression over me to say we have had enough for now. 

                  If I do not recognize a cause for the depression I am experiencing, I do not force myself to continue searching. I know that the depression needs to run its course even though I do not like the way it feels. I employ my coping strategies and try to function as best I can. I am learning to better recognize when I need to give myself a break or some grace in these times. 

Giving Yourself Grace When Living with Depression

                  What does giving myself a break or grace look like? Basically, it means not continuing to question the depression’s presence. I have learned to “let it go”. This little phrase is so important to me. I learned it decades ago when I heard the Grace Slick song titled “Let It Go.” Since then, I have been working on letting “the depression” go. It is not an easy task. I do not expect it to be. I used to be angry and frustrated that depression always smothered me. While I still am not happy about it, I better understand it and have learned to live with it. This does not mean I am expert at separating myself from the depression. What it means is when I am struggling, I know I can talk back to the depression, tell it what I need to tell, and then let it go. 

You Can Be Depressed Even When Life Is Good

                  How many of us living with depression have been asked, “But why are you depressed”? There is more. The common add-ons to that question are “you have so much going for you,” “you have so much to be happy about,” and “your life seems so good.” People want to know how we can be depressed when these add-ons are true. The answer is not a simple one, because depression is complex. Sometimes depression just is. Two things can be true. I can have a lot to be happy about and at the same time I can feel the weight of depression. The things that I can be happy about are external. Depression is internal. Depression is about how my mind makes me feel. It is not a response to what I have in life. I can wear a smile and be depressed. I can be spending time with friends and still feel the sting of depression. I can take myself so a concert, enjoy the music, and then sit numb in my car afterwards. 

Coping with Depression Without Knowing the Cause

                  I am not a psychiatrist. I do not have the biological and medical knowledge to describe what is happening from that perspective. Depression can co-exist with a lot. Depression does not need a reason for its existence in our lives. It can be present for no known reason. It is no different than an illness like cancer not needing a reason to exist in our bodies. Yes, there are cancer causing agents out there. What I mean is some of us just get cancer. There is no reason. There is no reason for the cancer that attacked me three and half years ago. The same is true for the depression that first invaded my life almost 40 years ago. Some illnesses just exist. 

                  I fight depression the same way I fought cancer. I could not let finding a reason for their existence be important. The thing that is important is fighting with everything we can. For depression that means therapy, medication, alternative treatments, coping strategies, exercise, meditation, journaling, art therapy, and many other things. None of these require me to know why I experience depression. Of course, it may be discussed in therapy, but there the purpose is not to give the depression a reason for existing. We discuss all aspects of depression in therapy to better understand what we need to do to stand up to the depression, cope with it, and live with it. 

Stop Asking Why and Focus on How to Cope

                  We do not need to give others a reason for why we are feeling depressed. I never gave anyone a reason for why I had cancer. I am not going to give anyone a reason for depression. If you live with depression, it is okay to not have a reason for its existence. Focus on how you are going to cope with the illness. Do not ask depression why. Instead, we need to say “Okay, I know depression is here. What am I going to do about it?” 

 

 

Fall Activities for Depression: 6 Ways to Boost Your Mood Naturally

Welcoming Fall as Part of Depression Recovery

As Fall sets in, I wonder what ways I can bring Fall into my depression recovery. I know in other places Fall may be more underway, but where I live, the first signs of cooler weather are just starting. Up until now, summer has seemed endless. For many of us as the days get shorter and darkness sets in earlier, our moods might worsen. Knowing that I think it is a good idea to look for ways to welcome the Fall and use Fall activities to help us cope with our depression.

                  Doing this does not need to be a huge undertaking. We can start with little steps. I have a few to share. I welcome other ideas in the comments. Let’s start by looking at the beauty in the changing of the colors. We go from the sunshine of summer into the earth tones of Fall. Cooler temperatures offer a chance to comfortably get outside and enjoy the changing leaves. I find the browns and yellows of the leaves soothing. I like to look at leaves. They are a part of nature that can represent how we live. When leaves turn to earth tones they are resting. Seeing the leaves reminds me that we all need rest. An earlier setting of the sun encourages us to rest. Maybe getting more rest can be a goal for the Fall.

Finding Simple Fall Activities to Support Your Mental Health

                  While rest is important, there are many activities that can allow us to improve our mental health. Let’s take a look at some:

§  Mindful Fall Walks: Enjoying Nature and Changing Leaves: We can take walks where we take time to notice the changing colors of the leaves, the cooler air, and the earlier sunsets. It does not need to be a long walk. Short walks can be great start and for some a short walk is enough to lift mood. Others may find a longer, more mindful walk is soothing.

§   Cozy Comforts: Enjoying a Warm Fall Beverage: Fall is the perfect time to sit with a favorite warm beverage. Maybe you sip a soothing cup of tea in a favorite chair. It could be a favorite hot coffee drink to start a cool morning. Many people enjoy the flavors of the season. Some people look forward to pumpkin spice season. It can be a mood lifter for many. Personally, I’ll stick to my caramel cold brew, but a change to pumpkin spice might be a mood lifter if you are a coffee drinker.

§  Simple Fall Decorating to Create a Cozy Space: Fall brings an opportunity to add a little decoration to our spaces. I have never been a decorator, but placing a pumpkin or earth-toned leaf arrangement on my coffee table brings a little smile to my face. Decorating can be a mood lifter because it changes an environment. Change seems like a little thing, but sometimes just a little decorating can be a mood lifter. Another idea might be placing a Fall-themed pillow on a sofa or bed can brighten our personal spaces without creating stress. We do not have to go all HGTV. The simple addition of the pillow or a small pumpkin might be enough to add a warm and inviting feeling to our homes, which can lift our mood.

§  Creative Fall Activities to Cope With Negative Thoughts: There are many creative activities that can be Fall-themed. We might take photographs of Fall scenery. Can we get a picture of the browns and golds of Fall? Another idea is knitting a scarf or learning to knit a scarf. We could even use Fall colors. Drawing, sketching, painting are things that we can try. Journaling or writing a story are other ideas. Creative activities offer a chance to break a chain negative thought. Creativity offers a way to express feelings we may not be able to express out loud.  Adding Fall themes to our creativity adds a different touch than we might get at other times during the year.

§  Getting Daylight in Fall to Support Your Mental Health: Even though the days are shorter and there is not as much daylight, cooler temperatures offer a chance to get outside and enjoy the sunshine. Often, when there is less daylight our moods can worsen. One way to battle this is to make time for daylight. Maybe we go for a walk on our lunch break.  Spending time in the daylight can help maintain sleep-wake routines, allowing us to get more sleep. Daylight also helps lift mood. Even if we can just get ten minutes a day, we can experience a boost in mood by spending time in daylight.

§  Fall Cooking and Baking: Finding Comfort in Seasonal Flavors: Spend a little time cooking or baking.  Maybe it is a Fall recipe or maybe it is just a favorite recipe. The smells and flavors of foods can be soothing, which can lift our moods. Keep the recipes simple so they are not stressful. 

 

Give Yourself Grace: Small Steps Can Make a Difference

These are just a few ideas. There are other things we can try. The important thing is

that we make time for ourselves. Making time to do things that make us feel good is important. It is also a skill that we need to teach ourselves. So, give yourself grace as you try doing some of these things. It may not look or feel perfect. That is okay. Engaging in activities that can bring us even a small lift in mood can make a difference for. Small lifts in mood can build up to be a more sustained boost in mood. 

                  When we see the changing of the leaves, we sometimes think that the changing colors represent the dying of the trees. I would rather think of it as shift. Fall is a time to shift. Just as the seasons need to shift, we can develop Fall practices to shift our moods. Give one of the activities above a try. Share what happens in the comments. 

 

 

 

Depression and Loneliness: Why You Feel Alone Even Around Others

    Living with depression can lead to loneliness. There are as many reasons for this as there are those of us living with depression. I have been lonely for as long as depression has been a part of my life. The loneliness attacks when I am by myself. It also attacks when I am in a group of people. Loneliness in the midst of others may seem impossible but believe me it is very real. 

How Depression Leads to Loneliness and Isolation

                  Depression has led me to spend a lot of time alone. It does this to many people. We isolate for many reasons. Maybe we do not believe others can understand what we are dealing with. Others do not see what we are living with so how can they understand? We may spend time alone because the depression takes away our desire to be around people. Depression is isolating. We find ourselves sinking into ourselves. We also often feel so exhausted from carrying the weight of depression that it is difficult to associate with others. We may choose to be alone, but that does not mean we do not feel lonely.

The Cycle of Depression, Negative Thoughts, and Loneliness

                  The voice of depression points us in the direction of isolating. We become accustomed to this isolation. At times I feel like I deserve to be alone because depression fills my head with negative thoughts. I beat myself up. I tell myself that I just want to be alone. Then my thoughts turn inward and blame myself for being alone. Even though, I am trying to explain how loneliness works in many of us living with depression, I am not sure anyone else can fully understand. 

                  I have learned to live with the isolation. It is a part of my life. I am lonely, but when I try to do something about it, my other companion, anxiety, jumps in to prevent me from interacting with others. So, being alone can become an unwanted necessity. Maybe that means I have not really learned to live with loneliness. Rather, it has just become an expected part of my life. 

Feeling Alone Around Family and Friends

                  I can be lonely around others. A couple examples might help that make sense. Depression tells me that I am worthless ant hat I am not liked. It fills my head with questioning about whether I belong. For instance, family gatherings become difficult for me to navigate because my head is telling me that no one wants me around and that I am not really a part of my family. Once depression has these thoughts firmly rooted in my head, I withdraw. I stay quiet. This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. With depression in my head, I isolate myself. I sit quietly. Family perceives me acting withdrawn. Since they do not understand the depression, they leave me out of conversations. I perceive this as them not wanting to include me and then I am unable to get myself to engage. It is a circle of isolation created by depression to cause me to feel alone. 

Feeling Lonely in a Crowded Room: My High School Reunion

                  Another example happened last night. I decided I would go with a friend to my 35^th high school reunion. Now, I knew I was going to be uncomfortable. I knew I would be the quiet one, but I also knew my friend would be by my side. The minute I walked in depression told me I did not belong there. Dark memories from when the depression first appeared in my life filled my head. I was in a crowded room, and I felt alone. I believed I was the only one who was uncomfortable. I believed I was the only one who wanted to run back to my car. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves while I was shaking on the inside. In a crowded room, surrounded by people, I felt alone. I did not talk much. I even had an anxiety attack. 

                  Depression made me feel alone in a crowded room. I had my friend with me. There was one other person I knew. I saw people I remembered, but I could not go up to them and say hi. The only people I talked to were the people who came up to me. Depression was in control. I had negative thought after negative thought. I felt a darkness descending on me. I just wanted to leave. This is the same feeling I often get in family gatherings. Depression paralyzes me. It does not allow me to enjoy life. The reunion should have been a happy time. For me, it was painful. I was in a crowded room, and I felt alone in the grip of depression.

                  I share these two examples because I know other people living with depression can relate to what I described. Loneliness is a part of depression. I do not know if it is considered a symptom. I do not recall seeing it listed as an official symptom. However, it is real. Depression leads us to isolate. That isolation becomes a part of our lives. It becomes a part of how we respond to situations. It engrains itself into all aspects of our lives. 

You Are Not Alone: Finding Support for Depression and Loneliness

                  Feeling alone around others is not a good feeling. Feeling alone in the struggle with depression is not a good feeling. For those of you reading this who understand the experience I have described, I hope you know you are not alone. Depression makes us feel alone, but many of us live with this. Many of us find a way to continue despite loneliness. We are not alone as we face loneliness. This is one reason mental health support groups can be an important part of dealing with depression. I recommend NAMI Connection. It is a powerful support group program. The link will take you to the main NAMI page of Connection, which will lead you to a NAMI chapter near you. You can also reach out to your local NAMI Chapter for information on Connection.

                  For those of you reading this who may not live with depression and the associated loneliness, I hope you learned a little. I hope you gained a glimpse into what it can be like to have depression leave you feeling isolated and alone. I also hope that this glimpse gives you a bit of empathy. If you know someone living with depression and you see them isolating, reach out. Let them know they are not alone.

 

Living with Depression: Be Proud of the Battles No One Sees

The Hidden Struggles of Living with Depression and Anxiety

When we live with mental illness there are a lot of things that happen in our lives that we do not tell others. This can include thoughts and things we do because of the depression and or anxiety we experience. These can be very hard to get through. The effect they have on us can be even more trying when we are unable to talk about them with others. Often, we are left with a negative feeling, which is valid. At the same time, we need to find a way to be proud of ourselves for getting through difficult things that no one else knows about.

The Difficult Battles We Face When Living with Mental Illness

                  Battling the Inner Critic: Finding Strength Despite Negative Thoughts

                  When we live with mental illness struggle is a part of our lives. We are enveloped in darkness. It is a darkness that others are not likely to understand. Sometimes we are faced with the screeching voice of an inner critic, who criticizes everything we do or think. As  we struggle, we face this inner critic and we go on living despite it. That is a reason to be proud of ourselves. Of course, our inner critic is going to try to tell us we should not be proud of ourselves. We get up each morning and live with depression and anxiety. We live with whatever mental illness has chosen us. It not an easy task. Our minds, which relay the messages of the inner critic, often work overtime to make us feel like crap. Still, we fight to get through life. No one else hears these thoughts. No one else knows what we are going through. There may not be anyone to tell us we are doing a good job fighting back against depression and anxiety. I want you to know that you should feel proud of yourself. Living with the draining thoughts of depression and anxiety, is not easy. If you are doing it, give yourself grace and be proud of what you are able to do.

Living with Suicidal Thoughts: Recognizing Your Strength

                  Many of us with living with depression and anxiety must also cope with thoughts about ending our lives. We might think we cannot go on. We may have thoughts that tell us that life is not worth living. People who do not live with these thoughts are often not able to understand what we live with. They may not understand the pain suicidal ideation causes. Those of us living with these thoughts can be proud that we are still here, proud that we have recognized that our stories are not over. 

                  It may seem odd that I am saying someone with suicidal thoughts should be proud of themselves. But really, we should. It takes tremendous strength not to act on these thoughts. If you have never experienced suicidal ideation, it might be difficult to imagine what it is like to live with these thoughts. We hear our minds telling us that life is not worth living. We may try to act on these thoughts. The fact that we are still here is something to be proud of. I want anyone who has had suicidal thoughts to know that your life is worth living and you should be proud of yourself for overcoming the thoughts and still being here. I know this hard. I struggle with it at times. I need to remind myself that I have worked hard to overcome depression and anxiety. When the suicidal thoughts arise and I push back against them or I reach out for help, I am doing something I should be proud of. If you have had this experience, you should be proud of yourself, too.

Why You Should Be Proud of Yourself for Getting Through Difficult Times

Living with mental illness, whatever that illness might be, is difficult. There are many challenges. Even when we have the support of mental health providers, there may be times when our struggle runs deep, and we feel alone. We can be proud of ourselves for continuing to live. We can be proud of ourselves for pushing through the things others do not see. 

Give Yourself Grace: Every Day Is Another Chance to Try Again

                  We all have difficult times. Even people without mental illness go through trying times. We all need to give ourselves the grace to say, it is okay to struggle. It is okay to have setbacks. What matters is that we give ourselves grace and keep trying. 

                  Many of us with mental illness keep parts of our illness to ourselves. We hide the darkness. The depths of depression are not something we want to expose other to. So, the people around us may not know how much we are struggling. There may not be anyone to say they are proud of us for getting through the tough times. We can try to do that for ourselves. It is important to remember that we can be proud of ourselves for getting through the tough times. 

                  If you are struggling, know that you are not alone. Many of us struggle. The important part is not the struggle, it is the willingness to get back up and say, “I will try again.”  When we try again, we can be proud of ourselves. We can also be proud of ourselves if we require help. Allowing others to help us is a sign of strength and something to be proud of. Be proud of yourself for all you do that no one else sees or understands.

Depression Recovery: Why Setbacks Don’t Mean You’re Failing

                  I saw something on social media that said, “Setbacks are part of the healing process. They do not mean your recovery is moving backwards.”  This struck me. I know when I have setbacks in life whether with my depression and anxiety or some other aspect of my life, I struggle to not view them as setbacks. I often need help refocusing. Thankfully, I have mental health providers who help me with this. Today I would like to reflect on this idea.

Why Depression Makes Setbacks Feel Like Failure

                  What if when depression is telling us that we are moving backwards, we could stop and change the thought? One way we can do this is by reminding ourselves that thoughts are not always facts. They are simply what are mind is telling us at the moment. If a thought is beating us up about a setback, it is only concerned with the moment. The thought is not seeing the bigger picture of our healing. Just writing this is hard for me. I know it is true, but I also know how much I struggle with this idea. 

                  Our mind is full of thoughts. Some are based on what is real. Others are based on what our mind thinks are true. These can be influenced by many factors, including depression and anxiety. Depression is going to put a negative spin on anything it can. For example, when I am struggling with depression, my mind tells me to focus on the thoughts depression is telling me. Let’s say I am feeling the weight of depression, and I have things I need to finish for work. Depression is going to control my thoughts and have me thinking that I cannot possibly finish. It tells me I am incapable of doing my job and spin further into depression.

                  Another example might be when I have a setback. Maybe depression keeps me in bed all day on a Saturday. I will view this as a setback. My mind will start telling me that the depression is in control. Thoughts saying that I will never get past the depression start to build up. This is a pattern that I am used. It may not always be staying in bed all day. Other examples include sitting in my recliner doomscrolling, not being able to wash the dishes, freezing up when I try to talk to someone, and having suicidal thoughts. These take on the look of setbacks to me. My thoughts say that the depression is winning and that I am moving backwards instead of healing.

                  I know I am not alone in this. Others with depression have similar experiences. These experiences make us believe that we cannot overcome the depression or that healing has been derailed. What do we do in these times?

Remember That a Setback Is Not the End of Your Recovery

                  First, we need to remember that a setback is not the final destination. It is easy for me to write that sentence here. Not as easy for me to remember it when I have a setback in my healing. As hard as it is to get ourselves to remember, it is true that setbacks are not the final destination. Healing is a journey. We need to remember that. There will be setbacks along the way. Setbacks are difficult and depression likes to tell us that the setback is the end. Depression wants us to give up hope when we have a setback. That is the nature of the illness. Setbacks are a part of life for anyone. We cannot allow depression to tell us that the setback is proof that our healing journey is in vain. 

How to Challenge Negative Thoughts During Depression Recovery

                  Part of this requires self-talk. We need to talk back to depression. We need to turn the thoughts depression is screaming at us on their heads. Easier said than done. I will be the first to admit that. Self-talk scripts can help with this. We can plan for moments when setbacks seem to be our reality. We might keep notes with words to say to depression’s thoughts. A simple thing we can start with is “No, I will not listen to these thoughts.”  We can tell depression, “This is just a setback. I am still on the healing journey.” Our words can also be thought specific. If depression says that having suicidal thoughts is proof that we are giving up, we can say something like, “These are just thoughts. My story is not over.” The idea is to refute, even if just in a small way, whatever depression is telling our thoughts to say to us.

Asking for Help Is Part of Healing From Depression

                  Another important way to counter thoughts that tell us a setback is proof that we are not healing is to ask for help. Reaching out for help is a sign that we are healing. It is a sign that we have a strength that depression does not want us to possess. Asking for help can be difficult. Maybe all we can say is “I am not okay.” We might just be able to tell a mental health provider or friend that we are struggling. That is okay. Just doing this much is proof that the setback is not the final destination. We are showing that we are still on the healing journey. Even if we say something like, “I am not sure I am strong enough,” we are trying to heal. It is okay to allow our mental health providers to reach out and guide us in these times.  Sometimes healing is just uttering the words, “I need help.” 

Finding Support and Treatment for Depression

                  After we express a need for help, we can allow ourselves to trust. This takes effort, but it shows we are still healing. Our mental health providers can step in and provide the support and guidance we need to be talk back to the thoughts that are trying to throw us off the healing journey. Sometimes it is more than just talking back to the thoughts. We are likely to need some form of mental health treatment. It might be therapy, medication, or other treatment like TMS, esketamine or ECT. There is nothing wrong with needing these. They are a part of being on the healing process.

What Living with Depression Has Taught Me About Setbacks

                  As I write all this, I find myself thinking about how long I have been on the healing journey. I am approaching 40 years of living with depression and anxiety. I find myself asking when depression is going to shut up. This is a question I ask myself often. Sometimes I think about how I have written so much on this blog, but I still struggle. I have offered advice, but I need to hear and take that advice myself. Does all this mean that setbacks are getting in the way of my healing journey? If I go back to what I said earlier, a setback is not the final destination, I know that the setbacks are not getting in the way. They are bumps in the road. I have learned strategies like self-talk, to deal with depression’s thoughts and to tell the thoughts that I am still healing. 

Keep Going: Your Depression Recovery Journey Is Not Over

                  The thing about depression and other mental illnesses is that they are illnesses. They need to be treated. Depression is not an illness that just disappears. Living with depression requires us to accept that we are on a journey that may last throughout our lifetimes. Setbacks are a part of life. Depression likes to use setbacks to control us, but we if we remind ourselves that setbacks are not the final destination, we can continue on the healing journey and tell depression to go to hell.

 

Living With Depression: Why Doing Your Best Is Enough, Even on Difficult Days

                   Often, I find myself putting more pressure on myself than I should. I think a lot of us are guilty of that, especially those of us with depression or other mental illness. I will make plans for what I want to accomplish during a day and then beat myself up when I do not accomplish those things. Perhaps, we need to re-examine what we need to accomplish and even re-examine the word, accomplish. I am trying to remind myself that accomplishing things can look different depending on the day. 

Redefining Accomplishment When Living with Depression

                  I think it is fair to change the word “accomplish” to reflect doing our best. Accomplish is defined by Merriam Webster as “to bring about (a result) by effort”. This is a simple enough definition. I think the problem is the connotation that society has attached to the word. So, often we attach the idea of succeeding to the word. Accomplishments are seen as things that need to be recognized for the effort they required. I think what happens is people think accomplishments need to be big things. Accomplishments get defined by others not necessarily us. 

                  What if we moved away from the idea of accomplishments being linked to big things and focused on just doing our best. When we look at it this way, we change our perspective to something that is unique to each of us. Our best is going to be different for each of us. That is the great part about looking at what we do during our day as doing our best. We get to define what doing our best is. We can change that definition depending on how we are doing. On difficult days, days when depression or anxiety are beating us down, doing our best is going to look different than on days when we are doing well. These are the days when we can change our focus to little things, to everyday things. 

How to Stop Being So Hard on Yourself When You Have Depression

                  A key point here is that doing our best can look different at different times. That is okay. This is something that I struggle with, but it is something that I definitely want to work on. Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses can be loud, leaving us feeling defeated. I can relate to this feeling. Often, in the evening I look back at my day and feel like a failure. But what I am doing in these moments is placing unwarranted pressure on myself. What would happen if I changed the way I viewed my day? What if I viewed little things as things I tried my best to do? 

                  Let’s think about that. Who says only big things or important things matter? Maybe watering the plants or reading a few pages in a book are enough to say we did our best. Looked at this way, going for a walk, even if just to the corner and back, is something we did our best to do. Doing our best might be asking for help. It might be cooking dinner. There are so many things that we might take for granted that can be examples of doing our best. Washing a couple dishes is another example. Paying a bill before the late reminder comes is an example of doing our best, but so is paying it when the reminder comes. It does not matter if we meet someone else’s criteria of an accomplishment. Whatever takes a bit of effort from us can be something we did our best to do.

                  How to Quiet Your Inner Critic and Practice Self-Compassion

                  For those of us living with a mental illness, it can be difficult to shift our mindset in this way because there is often an inner critic in our heads. (I wrote about the inner critic in my previous blog post, Silencing Your Inner Critic.) We tend to be critical of ourselves and to feel like we are failing. I am trying to shift my thought process to accept things that I would have overlooked in the past as things to be proud of, as things I did my best to do. For some people saying they washed a dish is doing their best seems ridiculous. They have no trouble doing all the dishes from a meal. There are others of us for whom washing one dish takes a lot of effort. Both of us say we did our best. Our inner critic might tell us we need to do more, but if we can talk back to that inner critic and say our best in any given moment is enough, we can shift our mindset. In doing this, we can be a little kinder to ourselves. 

Small Accomplishments That CountWhen You're Living With Depression

                  I have mentioned some examples of doing our best. I am purposely focusing on little things because we need to start there. We need to learn not to overlook the different things we do each day. We need to learn to acknowledge that doing our best is going to look different at different times. So, here are some examples of doing our best in no particular order:

 

·      Walking the dog

·      Cooking without a recipe

·      Washing a load of laundry

·      Playing a musical instrument for a few minutes

·      Reading a few pages or a chapter in a book

·      Picking up a needed item at the store

·      Pulling a few weeds in the garden

·      Watching a favorite television show

·      Making a medical appointment

·      Asking for help

·      Texting a friend

·      Taking a shower

·      Writing in a journal

·      Being on time to work

·      Saying “no”

·      Drinking a glass of water

·      Forgiving yourself for a mistake

·      Holding the door for someone

·      Complete a one-minute task

·      Stretch for a few minutes

 

I could go on with this list, but I think it gives the general idea. Maybe you have other ideas, things you can do. Share those in the comments. There might be someone reading this post who realizes that something they are doing is an example of doing their best.

Practicing Self-Compassion on Difficult Mental Health Days

                  Doing our best is an abstract concept, yet it is concrete at the same time. It is abstract in the sense that only we can define what doing our best means for us. There is no concrete list of what doing our best means for us as an individual. Doing our best is concrete in the sense that what we discover is our best as an individual, is our best. No explanation is needed. Others do not need to agree or understand. 

                  Our mental health can be improved if we focus on doing what we define as our best and not forcing ourselves to live up to unrealistic standards. Taking this perspective is not going to make our mental illness go away, but it will help us make strides towards healing. Perhaps, that stride is another example of doing our best. On some days that stride is going to be long. On other days it is going be a little stride. Both are important. Both count. So, try to do what is best for you on each particular day. It might be something big, but it also might be sitting up in bed. These are both okay.