Checking In: Why Men's Mental Health Matters

Yesterday I realized that I have neglected to post about Men’s Mental Health Month. June became has grown into Men’s Mental Health Month after Congress established and President Bill Clinton signed into law Men’s Mental Health Week in 1994. That’s a long time ago. I am not sure we have made the progress we should have by now.

                  I realized that I had missed posting about this month when I felt like I was adding stress to my brother’s plate. He does not have a mental illness, but he has stressors right now, including my mother’s health and care. Men often deal with stressors that can affect their mental health without any support. Men’s Mental Health Month works to change that as well support men who live with mental illnesses. There is an effort to raise awareness of the mental health challenges men face and to encourage access to support, treatment, and community.

Reducing Stigma

                  I could start this discussion in many ways, but I think reducing stigma can be encompassing of a lot of the issues surrounding men’s mental health. Traditionally, men are seen as the strong ones, the providers. Men are expected to be tough. Often, it is assumed that men can take care of things. This perception can lay a heavy burden on any man, but especially on a man who may have a mental illness. We need to change this perception. Men do struggle emotionally. Men need support. They cannot do everything alone. 

                  As we look to reduce stigma, we need to recognize that it may be difficult for men to talk about emotional struggles. This is just not something that has been a part of the traditional norm in many countries. What if we can provide spaces for men to discuss what they are feeling openly and with the knowledge that it is safe to do so? That seems doable. If not, it should be. 

Along with this we need to normalize men seeking to go to therapy. This is crucial. Therapy is an important part of treating mental illness. Access to therapy is for the most part there, although it could be improved. One of the remaining issues is reducing the stigma. There is this false idea that it is sign of weakness to go to therapy. There is also the misconception that men can just “suck it up” and deal with emotional issues or mental health issues. This is why awareness efforts are important. We can share information about what therapy or counseling really is and how it can help men. 

Discussing Symptoms

                  Mental illnesses have symptoms that are identified as typical of each illness. However, at times symptoms can look different in men. We need to be willing to discuss this and, again, raise awareness. For example, men with depression and/or anxiety might exhibit anger or irritability, risk-taking behaviors, substance abuse, social withdrawal, or excessive work or avoidance. If we can have open discussions about these symptoms, it can lead to men getting the help they need. It goes back to awareness. Friends and loved ones need to be able to recognize these symptoms so that they can offer support or encourage their loved one to seek help. 

Acknowledging the High Suicide Rate Among Men

                  As we are raising awareness about men’s mental health, we need to remember that there is a high rate of suicide among men. Awareness efforts should recognize the suicide rates. Efforts should also be centered on prevention. This includes providing easy access to mental health services. Recognizing warning signs can help with this. 

Direct Suicide Warning Signs

• Talking about wanting to die or kill oneself
• Expressing feelings of hopelessness or having no reason to live
• Saying they feel trapped or that things will never get better
• Talking about being a burden to others
• Looking for ways to die, such as researching suicide methods or obtaining means

    There can also be emotional or behavioral changes including withdrawing from family, friends, and activities they previously enjoyed, loss of interest in work, activities, or hobbies, being noticeably depressed, anxious, or emotionally numb, increased irritability, anger, or aggression, dramatic mood swings, and risk-taking behaviors.

Support Systems That Can Help

                  Providing systems to support men with their mental health is crucial. We cannot leave this to just Men’s Mental Health Month.  It is important to work to provide access to therapy and counseling year-round. Encouraging the creation of more peer support groups for men is important. We also need to encourage men to join these groups. Doing this requires normalizing participation in these groups. Employee assistance programs can be an important support system. 

                  We have more crisis support systems than we have had in the past. It is important that we continue to advocate for funding of crisis support systems. Normalization is needed here as well. Men need to know that it is okay to reach out for help. They need to know that if they are in crisis they can call 911 or 988. They need to know that they can ask a family member or friend to help connect them to crisis support. 

                  Another important part of developing support systems involves education. We need to reach families with education about mental health. It is important to get education and resources in schools and workplaces. This goes back to one of the keys of mental health awareness. We need to make it okay to talk about mental health. We need to let men know that it is okay to talk about mental health.

Final Thoughts

                  Going back to the situation I opened this post with. I am realizing that I have failed at supporting my brother. I spend so much time talking about mental health. Maybe once in a while I need to ask my brother if he is okay. I cannot just talk about mental health without putting what I talk about into practice. I am not saying my brother has a mental illness. I just think maybe he might appreciate being checked in on. I ask you to do the same. Check in on the men in your life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Cope with Depression and Anxiety: 5 Practical Strategies That Help Me Every Day

                  The third anniversary of this blog just passed on June 16. I missed it. Let’s look forward, though. With depression we absolutely need to look forward. I have shared different ideas for dealing with depression. We need to remember that there are always things we can try to ease our depression. Today, I am going to share a few things I am trying to help with my depression and anxiety. Often, both depression and anxiety hit me at the same time. So, some of my strategies help me with both. 

Interrupting the Depression Loop with a Playlist

                  Listening to music can help break the negative loop depression goes on. Many of us with depression experience negative thoughts or ideas running through our minds. It may seem like these thoughts are on a loop because they happen so frequently. I find that if I focus on lyrics when listening to music, I can interrupt the depression loop or anxiety spiral.  What the lyrics are saying is not as important as just syncing into those lyrics, although there are some great lyrics out there to connect to. I try to learn the lyrics of songs I like. Even if it is only for the brief moments the song is playing, I can distract myself with the lyrics. 

                  I have several playlists on my phone. They are for different moods and meet different needs. Creating the playlists is another way of disrupting the depression loop or stopping the anxiety spiral. Deciding on music that meets certain needs or helps certain moods can help us find hope in addition to the distraction. Let me give you an example of a mood lifting playlist. A few years ago, I worked at a school where the environment was contributing heavily to my depression and anxiety. I created a “Morning Work Drive” playlist. The songs played long enough to fill my commute. The lyrics of these songs spoke to me, and they were all by some of my favorite musicians. This playlist gave my mood a boost before I arrived at work, which helped with my mood once I was there. In all honesty, I still had to leave that position at the end of the school year, but the playlist helped me reach the end.

                  If music is something you find comforting or soothing, try making playlists and tuning into the lyrics of your favorite songs. Those lyrics might be able to replace that depression loop or anxiety spiral.

 

Walking and Noticing

                  Walking is known to help improve mood. There is a lot of research out there about this. Rather than go through the research I will just share my experience. 

Walking is the exercise I lean into. I used to walk by myself. I would often combine listening to music with my walks. Being alone and just walking without purpose helped me. Somehow it cleared my head. Some days it worked better than others. That is something to remember with anything you try to ease depression and/or anxiety. Some days they work better than others. 

                  Now, I walk with my dog. Getting a dog and having to walk her has given me a way to escape from my thoughts. I try to follow what my dog is doing. Like all dogs she stops to sniff. I try to follow her lead. No, I do not sniff, but I do stop and notice my surroundings. I try to notice what I see, smell, and hear. As I am noticing my surroundings, I am taking my mind away from the depression loop or the anxiety spiral. I try to name what I am noticing. That gets my mind using words other than what depression and anxiety want me to hear. It is an interruption. That interruption is important. When there is an interruption in the depression loop or anxiety spiral, it keeps them from pulling us in. 

                  I find that if I walk at a good pace in between the stops to notice (and for my dog to sniff), I get my heart rate up. This makes me feel better physically. Depression causes a feeling of being physically drained and heavy. Noticing as I walk makes me feel a little lighter. When I feel better physically, I can let my mind relax. That sounds easier than it is. One walk is not going to change things. It is the practice of committing to walking that makes the difference. You do not need a dog. Just get out there and take a few steps. Maybe the first walk is only five minutes or just to the corner. That is okay. Just get out there and walk. 

 

Journaling

                  I share a lot about how writing helps me heal. It is a major part of how I cope with depression and anxiety that barrels down on me. Journaling is only one form of writing I use. With journaling I tend to write whatever I am feeling or thinking in the moment I have my pen poised over my journal. I use journaling to brain dump. Is that a legitimate term? I do not know, but I am going to use it because it aptly describes what I am doing. I am letting everything flow out of me. I journal to free my mind. I journal to process the thoughts and feelings in my head. My journal gives me a space to store everything. Once my words are stored in my journals, I can choose if or when I go back and reread them. Rereading can be a form of processing. It can also allow us to see where we have come from. 

                  Other times when I use prompts that I find online or in books. Prompts can help guide our writing, which can prevent us from getting stuck on a specific idea. This can be important if we have been journaling about something painful and need a break. Trust your gut as to whether you should be writing whatever you need to get out of your head or whether you need the distraction of a prompt. 

 

Meditative Drawing

                  Again, I am using a term that I made up for something I am doing. I did not look up whether this is a real thing or if this term is already in use. For me meditative drawing started from two conversations with mental health professionals. First, my psychologist mentioned I could try drawing when I did not want to deal with words. It was an alternative to journaling. I quickly bought a sketchbook, drawing pencils, and ink pens. The problem was I knew I was not good at drawing. So, the sketchbook and drawing implements sat untouched even though I meant to give it a try and kept telling myself I would.

                  Then the psychiatric nurse practitioner who leads my TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) treatment suggested I try creating a pattern that I drew repeatedly when I was struggling with depression or anxiety. She suggested using circles. Somehow that made drawing seem easier. I pulled out the sketchbook and have been drawing simple designs, mostly variations of the same one. I use different colors to express different emotions or feelings. I always title the drawing at the bottom. The title reflects whatever I was thinking or the purpose the drawing was meant to serve. 

                  Drawing circles helps me. It slows my anxious thoughts, and it quiets my depressive thoughts. I do not know how this is working. I can just tell you that it is working. I am benefiting from drawing. 

 

Breathing

                  Breathing practice is something I struggle with, but I wanted to include here because I am trying it. I know it benefits many people. I am confident that if I keep it simple, I will improve at using breathing practices. 

                  Breathing practice helps us relax when we are agitated or anxious. This happens when the breathing practice slows our heart rate down. Breathing practices can help us bring our focus to something when we are struggling with depression. It does this by shifting our focus within in our brain by decreasing activity in certain areas of the brain and increasing it in others.

                  There are many ways to focus on our breathing. I think the simplest way might be inhaling for a count of four and then exhaling for a count of eight. 

Let’s take a quick look at a few breathing practices:

·      Box Breathing (also known as the 4-4-4-4 Technique)

o   Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds

This can help calm acute panic, lower immediate stress, and sharpen focus.

 

·      Diaphragmatic Breathing 

o   Focus on deeply breathing into the stomach instead of the chest. 

This type of breathing can reduce physical tension and stabilize our baseline mood.

 

·      4-7-8 Breathing

o   Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale forcefully for 8 seconds

This can help manage anxiety, stop racing thoughts, and can help us fall asleep faster.

 

·      Physiological Sigh

o   Two quick inhales through the nose followed by one long exhale through the mouth

This can stop stress. It also lowers heart rate.

 

·      Alternate Nostril Breathing (also known as Nadi Shodhana)

o   When breathing alternate blocking one nostril at a time during inhalations and exhalations. 

This can help balance the nervous system. It also reduces mental clutter and eases mild depression.

 

Final Thoughts

                  Living with depression, anxiety, or other mental illness is not easy. In addition to the work we do with our mental health care professional, medication, therapy, and treatment, we need to find ways that we can manage our mental health. We need to engage in practices that help us live with our illness. We cannot leave all our healing up to our mental health care professionals. They are important in treating us and supporting us, but we share in the work to bring healing. In this post I have shared some ways we can improve our mental health. The practices are meant to bring some relief. They are meant provide support. They are not meant to cure us or replace our treatment. These practices help us become active in our own healing. I caution that there will be ups and downs. Still, I encourage you to try whatever strikes you as something you would be able to do or would like to do. 

                  When we live with mental illness, we need to be willing to work on our mental health. We need to be willing to give things a try. We need to be active in trying to heal. 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Find Things to Look Forward to When You Have Depression: Small Steps That Build Hope

                  When you live with mental illness life is often very closed off. We isolate for various reasons. Sometimes it is because we do not feel up to engaging in activities. Sometimes people are so used to us canceling plans that they stop inviting us. Often, we mentally and physically cannot do things. Despite this we cannot give up. We need to engage.

                  In my last post How to Find Joy in the Little Things When You Live with Depression: Simple ways to notice hope, comfort, and small moments of happiness during difficult days I discussed finding joy in moments. Today, I would like to talk about the looking forward. There is a little mental health pick me up trick that can help improve our mood. Simply put, this pick me up is having something to look forward to. Sounds simple, right?. It probably is simpler than we think, but maybe we need a little help figuring out how we can focus on having something to look forward to each day. 

                  One of the reasons we need things to look forward to is that our minds need to know that there is more to life than being in survival mode. There is more to life than the darkness that depression throws on us. Having something to look forward to can break the grip depression or other mental illnesses have on us. Having something to look forward to tells us “Hey, you have this positive coming up!” 

                  Before I jump into ways to set up things to look forward to/things to anticipate, I would like to say that I think it is important to balance what we look forward to with noticing what we have already experienced. Those little joys that I discussed in my last post are equally as important as having something to anticipate. Living with mental illness is hard. Balancing these two is not easy. I recommend the balance because if we are caught up in only thinking about what has happened, we can miss what can happen. By the same token if we are always anticipating and not doing, we have no memories to make. Life, in general, requires balance. So, I just encourage all of us to balance what we anticipate with the joys we notice.

 

 

How do we gather things to anticipate?

                  Here are a few ideas that can help us start anticipating things that will bring us joy even as we battle depression:

    Create Little Things: When we are looking at the future it is often easier to keep things small. We can get lost in the big goals. So, let’s start by creating a “Little Things” List. This can include things like:

o   Going for a walk tomorrow morning

o   Meeting a friend for lunch

o   Watching the season finale of a favorite television show

o   Picking up our favorite coffee on our way to work

o   Carving out time for reading a book by a favorite author or in a favorite genre

    Be Intentional in Our Anticipation: We can allow anticipation to be part of our experience. We might 

o   Read reviews of a movie we plan to see

o   Check out the menu of a restaurant we plan to eat at

o   Watch a YouTube video about a place we plan to visit

o   Talk to a friend about something we plan to do together.

    Decrease the Effort Needed to Say Yes to Something: Enjoyable activities often require a bit of effort. I am talking about the little things that people who do not live with depression might not think about. Here are some examples:

o   Lay our clothes out the night before we plan to do something. This can take the planning and decision making out of preparation.

o   Keep the book we want to read next to our reading spot.

o   Have the friend or family member we are doing something with pick us up.

o   Create a hobby space. This will make it easier to engage in a hobby.

    Create a Future Interest List: Sometimes we do not do things or anticipate something because we do not know what we want to do. Maybe our mind gets overwhelmed when we try to think about what we want to do. Having a list of activities we are interested in doing, allows us to “pick one off the list” and plan it. These lists help up find things to do without being overwhelmed trying to think of something from scratch. We might have a set of lists. Including:

o   Movies we want to watch

o   Restaurants we want to eat at

o   Areas we want to walk in

o   Books we want to read

o   Places we want to visit

o   Hobbies we would like to try

    Set Up Recurring Events: Sometimes it helps if we have a few things that we do every week or at set times. Recurring events take the process of thinking of new things out of process. The predictability also makes things easier when we live with depression. Our mind does not have the added pressure of deciding what to do. Examples of recurring ideas include:

o    A set time to talk to a friend

o   A daily walk with our pet time

o   A set night to go to a restaurant or pick up food

o   A monthly movie day

o   A regular day or two to get coffee from our favorite coffee shop

 

        All of the above show how important structure can be for us. When we can plan things in advance, we are more likely to engage. Notice that most of these things are smaller things. It is important to have these small things to look forward to. It is easier to follow through on small things. When we plan something that we know we are likely to follow through on, our brains are more likely to help us follow through. This develops hope because our brains start to learn that we follow through on doing the small, planned things. Doing these activities allows us to feel joy. 

                  Going back to my previous post (mentioned above), we can “keep evidence” of what we have done, especially if we enjoyed it. Maybe we do this by keeping a list on our phone of the things we have done. We might write about what we have done in a journal. We can keep evidence without words by taking pictures. We might set up a folder on our phone to keep pictures of the things we have engaged in. Whatever way we keep evidence, the important thing is that we have a way to remember that we can engage, and we have engaged. We can look back on this evidence when we are struggling. Seeing our evidence can provide the little push we need to re-engage. 

                  Living with depression often leads us to isolate. This isolation is not healthy mentally or physically. We need to find ways to engage in life. If you do not have anyone to engage in activities with or you just need a little help, I would suggest finding a NAMI Connections support group. Click on the link to find a group near you. Once we start engaging, we will find ourselves doing more. We just need to take one step at a time. We just need one thing to look forward to. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Find Joy in the Little Things When You Live with Depression: Simple ways to notice hope, comfort, and small moments of happiness during difficult days

    Have you ever had an experience where everything felt good even for a brief moment? I am not talking about something big. I am talking about the little things - the taste of great cup of coffee, the feel of the ocean breeze, the compliment from a colleague, an unexpected thank you. These are the moments when things unexpectedly go our way. They are the moments we could miss if we are not paying attention. Take a second to think about the times you have experienced one of these moments. It may seem hard, but we all experience these moments.

There are rare moments in our lives when we experience things feeling right. Actually, they may not be as rare as they seem. Two questions come to mind: how do we spot these moments? and how do we look back and spot the moments that have already occurred? Both are important. From a mental health perspective, it is important to embrace the moments when things feel right. These moments are the moments that give us hope. Those of us living with mental illness know that hope can be illusive. So, if we can start with the little moments, we can build toward embracing hope and living with joy.

I am not naïve enough to believe that noticing the little positives is going to make our mental illnesses disappear. It is not going to take away all the pain we live with. It will, however, allow us to learn to experience joy when it appears.

 

How Do We Spot the Little Joys in Our Lives

                  There are different ways we can spot the little joys in our lives. These may not be easy, but nothing is easy when you live with mental illness. So, give these a try. Pick one or two as a starting point. See where it takes you.

 

·      Lower the bar for what counts as joy – Joy isn’t always happiness, excitement, or gratitude. It can be little things. Consider the following as joy:

o   Your pet cuddling up against your leg

o   Your favorite song being played on the radio

o   A good cup of coffee

o   Finishing a task

o   Sunlight coming through your window

·      Pay attention to what interests you – Sometimes joy can come from curiosity. Ask yourself questions as you go about your day. It can be hard to be positive all the time, but maybe we can still be curious. We might ask:

o   What do I find comforting?

o   What was interesting about the show I just watched?

o   What color combinations in nature interest me?

o   What places make me feel comfortable?

·      Allow yourself time to take in good moments – It can take time to realize that something makes us happy or brings us joy. What we can do is give things an extra bit of time to evolve. This can involve:

o    Noticing the sensations we are experiencing. I mean really noticing them.Don’t leta sensation just pass. As you are experiencing the sensation, allow yourself to really experience it. Maybe ask yourself what you are experiencing. If we speak it (even in your mind), it becomes more real and it becomes a part of your memory.

·      Keep evidence – Take notes on the experiences that bring you joy, even if it is

something small. Our phones can be a great tool for this. Keep a list on your phone of the little things that allow you to feel a bit of joy. It does not need to be long. It could just be something like “saw a beautiful sunset”, “my coffee had more flavor today”, “friend texted me”, or “finished a work task.” The purpose is to keep evidence that the little joys did occur. It is evidence that it can happen. Sometimes when we are struggling, going back and seeing the evidence can be helpful.

·      Notice when you feel relief – Noticing is a skill that is important to develop. Sometimes things slip by us. We do not notice when we feel better or when something has improved. What if we tried to notice relief. Relief can be a joy. We can recognize that the absence of suffering is a good thing. We can recognize:

o   A backache that eases

o   Sitting on a sofa quietly after a rough day

o   Something we worried about not happening

·      Do not force yourself to be grateful – We do not need to be filled with gratitude all the time. Sometimes we just need to notice what is around us and let that be enough. Not everything in our lives is a positive or worthy of remembering. Gratitude is important, but we do not need to force it upon ourselves. 

 

What Do We Do with the Little Joys

                  As I mentioned, keeping evidence of the little joys is important. We can use our lists to remind us that good things do happen when we are struggling. Right now, I am at a point where I am working on noticing the little things. Yesterday I noticed that the barista put a squeeze more caramel in caramel cold brew. Sometimes I notice colors in nature. That is a little thing that is really big for me because color means a lot to me. Other times a favorite song plays on the radio.

                  What have I done with these little things? With my caramel cold brew, I sipped a little slower. I gazed at the mountain where the colors stood out to me. I stayed in my car to listen to a favorite song. These are little things, but in the moment, they make me feel better. The feeling may only last for a bit, but while it lasts, it feels good.

                  I searched online but did not really find much on how to embrace these little moments, at least not from the perspective I was searching for. So, I have shared what I do with a few little things. I am by no means an expert. I am just a person with lived mental illness experience who is trying to use my experience to help others. If you have read this far, I hope you found something here that helps. 

                  Here is to embracing the little, good things in our lives. Take a moment now and allow yourself to find one thing. If you are up to it, share what you find in the comments.