What Living with Depression Really Feels Like (Things I Wish People Understood)

May is Mental Illness Awareness Month. I am going to start the month by sharing some things I wish people knew about living with depression. Knowing what it is like to live with depression is one of the first steps towards understanding what we live with, creating support systems, and hopefully build empathy. 

                  The first thing I want others to know about what it is like to live with depression is that it is a real illness. Depression is real. It is not something I can just snap out of. I feel a darkness wrap around me. The world around me fades into shadows. This is a real experience. I am not imaging it or making it up. Because it is real I cannot just “snap out of it.” I cannot just think positive and have the depression disappear. Depression is real. It is an illness, and no amount of positive thinking will make me feel better on its own.

                  Depression is not just sadness. I often feel numb. The numbness dulls my emotions. It takes away my ability to experience life. When I feel numb it is more than just the absence of feelings. There is a sense of nothingness. I feel empty inside. I am not sure that I can fully explain the numbness. How do I explain how I can hurt and be numb at the same time? I am aware that the depression is causing painful thoughts. At the same time a blanket of nothingness envelops me. It feels like being trapped. I want to experience positive emotions, but the numbness encapsulates me. This is one of the paradoxes of depression. We experience painful emotions while at the same time we are numb, unable to feel. 

                  Another way I experience depression is it dulls everything. This is similar to the numbness. Except when things are dulled, I still feel them to some degree. For example, my reaction to things that should make me happy is muted. I cannot get excited about things. I may smile, but inside there is still a dullness attached to my emotion. I rarely get excited. I have difficulty experiencing joy. I may want to enjoy an activity or interaction, but my depression holds me back. 

                  My motivation is impacted by depression. Just as it is difficult for me to get excited about something, it is difficult for me find the motivation to engage in things. Even simple things like washing the dishes or laundry require me to push myself into action. Sometimes self-care requires great effort. Depression tells me I cannot do things. It tells me it requires to much effort. Depression tells me to not get up from my recliner or to not get out of my bed. It is tough to push through these thoughts. Depression often wins. Its voice is loud. As a result, I often find myself sitting in my recliner or lying in my bed doing absolutely nothing.

                  Depression also causes a persistent low mood. I feel down. You may be wondering what I mean by feeling down. It is difficult to describe. When my mood is low, I have no mental or physical energy. Everything in. my life seems wrong. At times my low mood reaches a point where life does not seem worth living. That is when the suicidal ideation slithers in. Suicidal ideation is difficult because I never know when it will move beyond fleeting thoughts and become something that I want to act on. 

                  Part of living with depression means being able to know when I need to reach out for help. That requires understanding that depression is an illness and there are times when mental healthcare professionals need to intervene. It is not always easy to reach out for help. Sometimes my depression tells me I am not worthy of help. Other times it is pushing the suicidal ideation into a frenzy of thoughts that are difficult to interrupt long enough to ask for help. I have learned that I need to ask for help when the depression is weighing on me to the point of considering harming myself. Underneath the depression I know I want to live. The problem is how smothering and persistent depression can be. Often, I find that is best if I reach out for when I am on the edge of hurting myself. When the thoughts start, I know I need to let someone know. I might allow a single fleeting thought to pass and try to cope on my own, but when the thoughts start to gain traction, I know I need to ask for support.

I am one of the lucky ones who has support. There are many people living with depression and other mental illnesses who do not have support. I have been in that position. Life is extremely hard when you live with a mental illness and do not have support.      This is why mental illness awareness is so important. If more people are aware of what we are living with then more people can learn how to offer support.

Sometimes when my depression is getting heavier, I stop communicating with others. It is as if I go silent. During these times I often feel like no one will understand or as if I would be a burden to others if shared how I was feeling. Isolating myself seems like the right thing to do because then I do not burden anyone else. While I am isolating myself, I tend to feel worse, but it as if I cannot get myself to comprehend that I need to reach out. Depression tells me I deserve to be alone. It tells me that my that the darkness I feel surrounded by is a barrier that cannot be penetrated. The problem is that as I isolated my depression grows worse. I feel the pain of isolation, but I cannot get myself to reach out for support. Depression blocks any attempts on my part pushback.

Depression can also be physical. Sometimes I have unexplained pains when I am trapped in a bout of depression. It might be aches and pains. These are annoying especially when I know there is no physical cause for them. Because I also have an anxiety disorder, the two illness join to cause chest pain. For a long time, this pain would push me into a panic attack because I would believe I was having a heart attack. I had to learn that pain was different from the pain of a heart attack. Unfortunately, it took a few emergency room trips and visits to the cardiologist to learn that. Another physical manifestation I experience is pressure. Usually, I feel that pressure in my chest, but sometimes it is my head. I feel as if a heavy weight is pressing down on me. It is the weight of depression. That weight is painful. I feel as if I cannot get out from under it. That feeling of being trapped leads to a worsening of my depression and sometimes suicidal ideation.

Other physical manifestations of depression include fatigue and brain fog. Depression is tiring. I find myself wanting to sleep away the day. I hide under blankets as if they will protect me from the depression. I do not have the energy to get up. Even simple self-care activities require more energy than I can summon. I have learned that sometimes I need to allow myself to rest and other times I need to push through the fatigue and force myself to engage in self-care. Brian fog is another aspect of depression that does not receive a lot of attention. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I cannot focus on tasks. One of the ways brain fog manifests for me is my inability to read, an activity that when I am feeling well, I love. Brain fog leaves my brain too overwhelmed to do anything. Brain fog can make simple conversations difficult because I forget things or have trouble processing what someone else is saying.

As you can see depression is not just sadness. It is collection of symptoms that make life very difficult. I have struggled with depression for almost 40 years. I guess that makes depression a chronic illness. There are ways to treat depression. I am lucky that with the help of my psychologist and psychiatrist I found treatments that help me. Through those treatments I have found additional mental healthcare providers who understand me and provide support. Together all these providers create a team that helps me through my depression. Everyone deserves the kind of help I have found. That is why it is so important that we raise awareness about mental illness. May is a month dedicated to raising awareness about mental illness, but we cannot just limit our efforts to one month. We need to work year-round to raise awareness and to ensure that all who need support and care are receiving it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Find Hope When You Feel Buried by Depression

        "Sometimes when you're in a dark place, you think you've been buried, but you've 

                            actually been planted." — Christine Caine

 

                  Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses often leave us in a dark place. I write about this often. The darkness is something I know well. When my depression is making its presence known, I feel a sense of darkness. My world darkens deeply. It is hard to function. As Caine states in the quote above, there is a sense of being buried. The darkness pushes me down. It is often suffocating. It is difficult to believe there is a way out of the darkness, but maybe Caine is onto something with the idea of being planted. 

                  Depression buries us in its negative thoughts, its hopelessness, and its suicidal ideation. It is an awful place to be. Unfortunately, I have spent a lot of time buried under the weight of depression. I know I am not alone. Depression impacts so many. As we struggle with the negative thoughts, the hopelessness, and the suicidal ideation we believe what depression is telling us. We need help climbing out of the darkness we have been buried in. 

                  Let’s consider the darkness as a place where we have been planted. We are like seeds surrounded by the darkness in the depths of the soil. In this place we cannot see the light that represents healing. We feel cold and suffocated. It does not feel like a good place. In this place we are the seed. A metaphorical definition of a seed is “a starting point”. It is intriguing to consider being at a starting point when we are buried in the darkness of depression, but what if we really are about to begin something. That something could be anything. There could be hope and possibility in the starting point. Perhaps, as we are struggling with our depression something is waiting for us on the other side of the darkness. 

                  The seed metaphor would need to include growth. Buried seeds grow into plants and flowers. What do we grow into when we are buried in the darkness of our depression? I think the answer is different for each of us. As I think about it, each time I have been buried at the deepest depths of my depression, I have survived. I have emerged from that darkness and lived. I think survival is growth from the seed. We hit rock bottom or hit any low spot. A seed can grow no matter the depth of its burial. So, whatever depths our depression takes us to, we can take root and grow into the light of healing.

                  Am I being overly optimistic? Part of me fears that I am being too hopeful. Depression is painful. It is dark. Still, each time I have been buried in the darkness I have emerged. I have grown. Sometimes I have emerged on my own. I have coping strategies that allow me to live with depression. Maybe these coping strategies are the water that feeds a seed and gives it life. My mental health team is another source of water. They encourage me and provide the hope that allows me to grow from that seed trapped in the darkness into who I am when I am feeling better. Sometimes they provide the intervention that I need to heal. Maybe their intervention is the fertilizer that I need to grow into the flower that I am supposed to be

In answer to my question, I do not believe I am being overly optimistic. I have learned from years of struggling with depression, from years of being buried in the darkness. I know what being buried feels like. I also know that I have grown into different flowers. In other words, I have overcome the depression many times and found hope in healing. As I think about the above quote, I understand that I grow from my depression. I am a stronger person each time I emerge from the darkness of the soil of depression.

                  I think the growth from the seed is part of life with depression. Like most things in nature there are cycles with depression. At times we are buried in the soil, which leaves us in the darkness. This is a painful time. With help from our coping strategies, our mental health providers, and our friends and loved ones, we grow out of the soil into the light of healing. Just like beautiful flowers we emerge from the soil. Delicate at first, we grow into flowers that reach for sunlight. As we reach for the sunlight we are living life. 

                  Depression buries us, but we can grow from this depth. We can heal when we live with depression. It is normal to go through cycles. Sometimes we are the seed buried in the soil and other times we are the blooming flower facing the sun. 

                  If you only take one thing from this post, I hope you take the idea that there is hope even in the darkness. We have been planted. We grow from of our darkness. Hope may seem out of reach when we are struggling with our depression, but hope is there. 

 

 

 

 

 

Elderly Mental Health Crisis: Why Millions Go Untreated—and What We Can Do

                  One area of mental health that at times might be overlooked is the mental health of the elderly. I am aware of this because my mother falls into the group of elderly with a mental health condition. She does not acknowledge that she has a mental health condition. Maybe it is because of the generation she grew up in. Maybe it is because she has Alzheimer’s. It could also just be her personality and personal beliefs. More than likely it is a combination of all three. 

                  As I think about my mom, I am left wondering how many elderly people struggle with their mental health and what is the impact of mental illness on the elderly. Worldwide about 14% of elderly people live with a mental illness. Estimates for the Unites States indicate that 5-7 million elderly people live with mental illness. This includes disorders such as depression and anxiety. Other estimates indicates that 3-4 million of those elderly people with mental illness go untreated. 

                  Let’s look at some reasons the elderly may not receive treatment for their mental illness. 

·      Symptoms get mistaken for normal aging

·      The stigma surrounding mental health

·      Limited access to geriatric mental health specialists

·      Physical health issues overshadow mental health concerns

 

A simple Google search indicates that depression is the most common mental

health condition among the elderly. Approximately 15-20% of the elderly experience depression symptoms. There are even more who experience symptoms but do not meet the criteria of a diagnosis. It is estimated that about half of the elderly with depression do not receive treatment. This lack of treatment may be due to an overlap in symptoms of depression and the signs of aging or physical illness. These might include fatigue and sleep issues. Another issue is that the elderly often do not report mood changes. 

                  Anxiety disorders are unrecognized in the elderly even more than depression. It is estimated that up to 70% of elderly with anxiety go untreated. Sometimes it is seen as a personality trait or lifelong worry. When I read about this I immediately thought about my grandmother. Everyone always said she was just a worrier. What if she really had an anxiety disorder that was left untreated? It pains me to look back and realize that maybe her life would have been easier with treatment. Another reason anxiety disorders are left untreated in the elderly is there is less screening for anxiety than depression. 

                  When we look at the big picture, it is obvious that many of the elderly are living with untreated mental illness. I only looked at depression and anxiety. There are other mental illnesses that impact the elderly. We need to do a better job of recognizing and treating mental illness in the elderly. How do we do this? 

                  First, we need to make it easier for the elderly to access care. Primary care specialists can increase screening efforts. Mental health care should be included in home health services and senior living centers, assisted living facilities, and nursing facilities. These actions can be as simple as a doctor or other physical health provider asking a few simple mental health questions and carefully listening to the answers. It is important to pay attention to what the person is not saying as well. In care facilities personnel should monitor the elderly’s participation in activities and whether they are being visited. Personnel should be aware of isolation. This could be a sign of depression. Having care providers who are aware of what is going on in the lives of the elderly is important. 

If the person is not in a care facility, some of this responsibility lies in the hands of the person’s family. I get how hard this can be. Sometimes my work and life obligations make it difficult for me to monitor my mother’s mental health. I cannot allow that to be an excuse. At the same time, I need to recognize that I need to take care of my own mental health when I am with my mother. This has been a difficult task. My mother is in a care facility, but I cannot leave the task of monitoring her mental health to the facility staff. So, I understand how families can lose track of their elderly loved ones. This is where another strategy to increase mental health care for the elderly becomes apparent. We need to support caregivers and families. This can include teaching them early signs of depression and anxiety. Caregivers and families also need support navigating insurance services. This is an indirect support of the elderly but is vital.

Reducing stigma is another way to ensure that the elderly are receiving mental health care. This can begin with campaigns to normalize mental health as a part of overall health. We need trusted individuals to be a part of this campaign. Today awareness about mental health is increasing. That is a great, but we need to remember to include the elderly when we raise awareness. They are often forgotten or overlooked. 

                  The elderly are often isolated whether by choice or circumstance. Isolation is a risk factor for mental illness. The elderly need to be encouraged to participate in family activities. At the same time families need to be encouraged to include their elderly loved ones. It is easy to overlook our elderly loved ones, but we need to recognize how important connection is for them. We can set up regular check-ins. To lessen the load on family members, they can set up a system where different people check in at different times. The check-ins can also be done by neighbors or friends. Encouraging the elderly to become involved in activities in senior centers, assisted living or care facilities is important. Just a little social interaction can go a long way. 

                  I do not like to be political on this blog, but I will say that changes need to be made to Medicare. These changes need expand coverage for mental health services. We also need to fund community-based programs. This will provide more opportunities for the elderly to improve their mental health. It may also be necessary to provide incentives for mental health care professionals to work with the elderly.

                  As we look at improving mental health in the elderly we need to focus on identification of mental illness, providing easier access to care, and reducing isolation. These are simple actions that we can take as a society. We need to become advocates for mental health care for the elderly.

                  Another thing for many of us to consider is that if we have a mental illness now, we will still have that mental illness when we are elderly. We are going to want continued access to care. Our mental illness and our need for care is not going to disappear. If we work for increased mental health care for the elderly now, we are ensuring that those care practices will be in place as we age 

                  I encourage you to check in on the elderly in your life. Even just friendly visits can make a difference. Be aware of the symptoms of mental illness:

Emotional and Mood Changes

·      Persistent sadness, emptiness, and hopelessness

·      Increased irritability or anger

·      Loss of interest in hobbies or social activities

Physical Symptoms

·      Unexplained aches and pains

·      Fatigue or low energy

·      Changes in sleep (too much or too little)

·      Appetite or weight changes

Cognitive and Behavioral Changes

·      Trouble concentrating or making decisions

·      Withdrawing from family, friends, or usual routines

·      Neglecting personal care (hygiene, medication, meals)

·      Slower movement or speech

Anxiety-Related Signs

·      Excessive worry or fear

·      Restlessness or feeling “on edge”

·      Avoiding certain places or activities

·      Physical signs like rapid heartbeat or shortness of breath

Serious Warning Signs

·      Thoughts of death or suicide

·      Feeling like a burden or that life has no purpose

·      Confusion that is new or sudden (check that this is not related to dementia)

 

These are basically the same signs of mental illness in anyone, which is why learning about mental illness is so important for all of us. As far as the elderly it is most important to notice changes in mood, behavior, energy levels, and social engagement. The mental health of the elderly is an important social issue. It is one that needs more attention. Share this post with anyone who might be in a position to help an elderly person with their mental health. 

                  

 

 

 

Depression Told Me to Give Up—Why I Chose to Stay Alive

I often spend time thinking about my mental health. I have been through a lot in the near 40 years that I have been living with mental illness.  It has not been easy. My life is a series of ups and downs. Sometimes my mental health is in a good place. Other times I am near rock bottom. Then there are the in between times. Those in between times are probably where I dwell most often. The thing about mental illness is that it will teach you a lot if you listen. In all honesty, I do not always want to listen. Sometimes the pain is too much, but I have found that when I listen, I learn a lot about this journey I am on, who I am, and how I can help others who live with mental illness.

As I sit in front of my computer screen, I am not sure which lesson to start with. There are many. I think I will start with what might be the most important. Actually, the lessons are all important. This one just deals with the big picture. Simply put, I have learned that I love being alive. This knowledge is important because I have been to the edge where suicide seemed like my only option many times. There have been times when my mental health team or a loved one has had to reach out and gently pull me back from that edge. 

When I reflect on those moments, I realize that each time it was the depression screaming in my head that life was not worth living. It was not my own thoughts that were driving me. Recently, I heard a song that really got me thinking about all the times I have been on the edge and thought ending my life was the only way out. The song is “Bein’ Alive” by Melissa Etheridge. I think it is a new song. Let me share the part of that song that really hit me, although the whole song really speaks to me.

 

Then there were times I was down on my knees
Sayin', "This is gonna break me, this is gonna bleed for a while"
Then hours turned to days
And it all blew away
And I chose to survive
God, I love being alive

 

                  That line, “And I chose to survive” hits me. While my mental health team pulls me back from the edge of harming myslef, in the end I am the one who choose to survive. Yes. I need their support, but ultimately, I am the one who has decided I want to survive the pounding voice of depression. And you know what? When I am in a good place, and even during the in between times, “I love being alive.” I realize there are reasons to enjoy life. So, I think the lesson I can share from this is that there are going to be difficult times, but we can pull through those times and enjoy being alive.

                  Another lesson I have learned is that we do not need to be alone. I often feel alone. I do not have a partner in life. My friends are often busy with their own lives. A lot of my family is either spread out or has their own lives to live. So, I spend a lot of time alone. I understand loneliness. Depression likes to feed off that loneliness. Sometimes that is when its power over me gains strength. As part of the lesson that we do not need to be alone, it is important to recognize when we need to reach out for support. 

                  There was a time when I did not have a support system. My pain was deep, but I did not know there was support out there. I did not know that I could reach out for the support I needed. I have since found that reaching out is important when you live with mental illness. We cannot fight this illness alone. That part of the lesson really hit home for me when I was diagnosed with cancer. I was never alone in my cancer fight. I had the support I needed. As I was going through that I realized how important that support was for my mental illness battle. 

                  The important thing about reaching out for help is it allows us to build a support system for those times when we cannot get through things on our own. Support systems will look different for each of us. My support system has grown over the years, but it started small. At first, I only had my psychologist. He “carried” me through a lot and is still walking with me on this journey. Now, I have others who are a part of my support system. They buoy me when I struggle. They ensure that my treatment plan is adjusted when it needs to be. They provide the treatment. Sometimes it is just talking or emailing with one of them. I would be lost if I did not know I have a support system I can reach out to when I am struggling. An important lesson I have learned about mental illness is that I cannot fight it alone. I need to know that I can reach out. I need to know when to reach out and to trust that my support system will be there for me. This requires me to be okay with reaching out. 

                  I know I am lucky to have the incredible support system that I have. What if you do not have a support system? How do you create one? Before you try to create a support system, it is important to understand that you have choices. You can choose who is a part of your support system. You get to be comfortable with these people. It may take some work to develop the connections with your support system that allows you to trust them. Let’s look at a few steps to take when developing a support system.

                  First, tell yourself that is okay to reach out. If you are in crisis, a good first step is to call the 988 lifeline. If you are in danger or feel you may hurt yourself, call 911. These calls can lead to connections with mental health care provider, and more importantly will keep you safe in these times.

                  What if you are not in crisis? There are few ways you can start building a support system.

·      Make an appointment with your primary care provider. Discuss the feelings and emotions you are dealing with. Ask for a referral to a mental health professional.

·      If you do not have a primary care provider, you can go to an urgent care facility. A medical practitioner there can refer you to a mental health provider.

·      Some medical insurance programs will provide you with list of mental health providers in their network. Ask for this list. Then select a few providers from this list and look them up online. You might be able to find information about the provider and their practice. There may be reviews that can help you. 

·      Contact groups such as NAMI. This organization has support groups, classes, and other programs to help people living with mental illness and their loved ones. 

 

Once you have found a mental health provider it is important that you are honest

with them. They need to know what you are going through if they are going to be able to provide the support you need. I realize that sometimes it is hard to talk about what our mental illness is doing to us. We might feel embarrassed or like we should not be struggling. It is important that we push these ideas behind us. Creating a support system requires honesty and a willingness to accept support.

                  So, two of the most important lessons I have learned while living with mental illness are that want to live and that I need a support system I can rely on. I believe these are two of the most important things for any of us living with mental illness. Life is worth living and it is okay if we need support to live fully. 

        I keep hearing those lyrics written and sung by Melissa Etheridge, “And I chose to survive/God, I love being alive”. When we realize that we want to live and that we really do love life, we need to do whatever is necessary to be alive. Support systems are part of being alive for some of us. That is okay. So, I guess mental illness has taught me important lessons. It has taught me that I love being I alive and that life is worth living even when mental illness tries to tell me it is not. I hope that if you are struggling, you can find the support to learn that you love being alive.

 

 

 

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Negative Comments and Mental Health: Why Respect Matters Online

                  Mental health blogs, social media posts, and podcasts require vulnerability. When we share about mental health, we are opening up about things  that deeply affects us. Some of us live with mental illness. Others provide care for people living with mental illness. No matter what our role is we are trying to share how mental illness affects people and how important it is to have access to treatment.

                  I feel a need to write about this because recently I have seen negative and hurtful comments on mental health posts and been told about others. Why do people find the need to be hurtful? Is it a lack of understanding? A lack of empathy? A lack of compassion? I do not have an answer, but I feel that this is a topic worth discussing.

                  Blog posts and social media posts about mental health are usually honest and vulnerable. These posts are attempting spread awareness about mental illness, which impacts 1 in 5 adults in the United States and 1 in 8 adults worldwide. Put simply, over a lifetime nearly half of the people in the world will experience mental illness at some point in their lives. This is why awareness matters. So, when we share our stories, when we attempt to raise awareness, or when a provider shares treatment options, an attempt is being mad to normalize mental health struggles.  

How Do Hurtful and Dismissive Comments Affect People Living with Mental Illness?

Comments that are hurtful or dismissive of mental illness sting. These comments can discourage people from reading posts that are intended to help those who are struggling. Hurtful and dismissive comments can discourage people from reading about mental illness. Posts such as my blog are intended to share what it is like to live with mental illness. They are intended to spread awareness and let people know they are not alone in their struggles. When we read hurtful or dismissive comments, we might question our illness. We might be hesitant to reach out for help. It can worsen our symptoms.

                  I am not saying that every comment needs to agree with what we are sharing about mental illness, but a person can disagree in a respectful way. It is okay to say something like “I see it differently because…” I can respect a different viewpoint when it is presented respectfully. What I cannot respect are comments that are mocking, minimizing, or attacking. If you have not lived with mental illness, you may not understand what is being shared about mental health You may not be able to relate. That is okay. Just be kind. 

                  My blog does not generate a lot of comments, but since starting this blog in 2023, I have deleted a few hurtful comments. These comments have no place on my blog. I do not see a purpose in engaging with hurtful or dismissive comments. Other people I know who have mental health blogs, social media accounts, or podcasts feel the same way. We are not going to engage with the negative. Our purpose is to spread awareness about mental health in a safe and positive environment.

                  The other day I was listening to a video post on social media by a psychiatrist I have received treatment from. It was an informative video that shared how a particular treatment can benefit people living with depression. There were only a couple of comments, but one was really inappropriate. It attacked the provider. My first instinct was to write a comment in response to defend the provider. I resisted this urge. There was nothing I could say to change this person’s mind. I was not going to get this commenter to understand that their comment could prevent someone from seeking a treatment that could help them. Maybe the commenter had a bad experience with the treatment, but that is not a reason to attack. Move on. Not every treatment is going to work for everyone. Instead of writing an attacking comment, this person could have just continued scrolling. While I did not respond to the commentor, I did leave my own comment on the post. I simply said thank you to the provider. 

                  If you are reading blog or social media posts about mental health (and since you are here, I am assuming that you do), learn from the posts. If you want to comment, and I encourage you to comment on my blog posts, there are a few ways you can engage. You might share a personal experience, offer support, ask thoughtful questions, or simply leave a thumbs up or heart. 

                  When we post about living with mental illness, we are opening ourselves up to others. We are sharing our personal experience. We are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. These experiences are real and often difficult to share because of the pain that has been a part of the experience. Read what we share. Understand that we are attempting to raise awareness about mental illness and let others know they are not alone. Providers who post are trying to help people living with mental illness. They are raising awareness about the help and support that is available. Our posts are an important aspect of mental health awareness.

                  I encourage people to engage with mental health blogs and social media posts but do so with the intent of learning and supporting. There are many mental health blogs and social media accounts. These posts can make a difference in someone’s life. If you choose to engage, make sure you are positive and supportive. Add to the discussion and be a part of the awareness that is generated.

 

Why ‘Doing Enough’ Is Enough: Living with Depression and Letting Go of Pressure

        Recently, I saw a social media post that said, “Just because you could do more doesn’t mean you’re not doing enough already.” This statement really struck me. I felt it. My guess is that a lot of us can relate to this. It seems there is always a push to do more, but maybe what we really need to do is take a step back and let what are doing be enough.

                  While this statement likely applies to most people, I think it has even more meaning for those of us living with mental illness. When we are struggling with our mental health, it can be hard to accomplish all we think we need to get done. Our mental illness gets in the way. Tasks become harder to do. We place pressure on ourselves. The pressure than makes it more difficult for us to do things. Then our mental illness grows louder.

                  When you live with depression there is a heaviness that makes it difficult to be as productive as we might like to be. There is a weight bearing down on us. We try to do things, but our mood prevents us from engaging in activities. We may be able to go through the motions, but we tell ourselves we are not doing enough. Sometimes we can be productive. Many of us living with depression have jobs or go to school. We are out there in the world doing our best to be productive. Still a darkness may hang over us. We might get things done, but it never seems to be enough. When we get trapped into thinking that we are not doing enough, our depression grows louder in our minds. We are unable to recognize what we have done. We feel we haven’t done enough or even that we are not enough. This is part of the cycle of lies that depression tells us.

                  This feeling of not doing enough also occurs when we live with anxiety. When anxiety controls our thoughts, we worry more about not doing enough. Pressure to accomplish tasks grows. It suffocates us. We tell ourselves that we need to do more. We become anxious about what others will think or say. We might become convinced that we are going to lose our job or that we will fail a class. So, we push ourselves to our breaking point. This might lead to an anxiety attack that leaves us unable to do anything. The pressure we put on ourselves to do more can leave us unable to do anything. 

                  But as the statement above says, we are doing enough. I know it is hard a lesson to learn, but we need to remember that doing what we can is enough. We do not need to push ourselves beyond our limit. Sometimes it is okay to just say, “I have done what I can and that is enough.” I know that is easy to say, but hard to believe. I get it. I struggle with the pressure I put on myself. My last post (April 13^th) is an example of letting what I can do be enough. I had a rough weekend and could not write the post I wanted to write for Monday. I beat myself up about it. I told myself I had to write a post. As Sunday neared an end and Monday’s post was not written, I had a choice. I could stay up all night and beat myself up or I could post something simple and let that be good enough. In the end, I chose to let what I could do be enough. I posted a poem I had previously written, but never shared. It did not receive the number of reads I had hoped for, but I posted on schedule.

                  Was it hard for me to allow myself not to write full post? Yes, it was very hard. Monday, I kept telling myself that I should have written more. That was the voice of my depression and anxiety. These two illnesses were trying to tear me down. While it is hard, I need to recognize the “voices” for what they are. Depression and anxiety feed off telling me I am not enough. I am sure many others can relate to this. We put pressure on ourselves. We question our worth. I am working on telling myself that what I am able to do is enough. I do not need to be perfect. I do not need to push myself beyond my limits. Neither do you. What we can do is enough. It is going to look different on different days. We need to respect ourselves and understand that we are doing the best we can. Living with mental illness is a challenge. Whatever effort we can put forth is worthy.  Even if we feel we can do more, we need to remember that what we can do is enough. 

                  This means not comparing ourselves to others. We are all different. We all face different challenges. While it is hard to avoid comparisons, we need to try to give ourselves the grace to be who we are and accept our abilities for what they are. We do what we can. Others do what they can. Let it be enough to do what we can. We need to honor ourselves by recognizing that we do our best and that is enough. 

                  So, remember “Just because you could do more doesn’t mean you’re not doing enough already.” 

 

 

 

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