World Suicide Prevention Day 2025

        September 10^th is World Suicide Prevention Day. The theme for this year is “Changing the narrative on suicide”. This theme is intended to address harmful myths and stigma. It calls for more open and compassionate conversations about suicide. Suicide is something people are often uncomfortable talking about. That is precisely why we need to talk about it. The World Health Organization (WHO) states that “Changing the narrative on suicide” is “…about shifting from silence and misunderstanding to openness, empathy, and support — creating environments where people feel able to speak up and seek help.”

 According to WHO, suicide claims the lives of 720,000 people every year. The CDC reported that in 2023 there were 49,316 suicide deaths in the United States. These losses affect family and friends. Suicides also affect communities. The loss of any life to suicide is tragic and painful. That pain doesn’t go away. It may dissipate, but it is always present in some way. 

It is important that we discuss suicide and suicide prevention today and every day. We cannot ignore the fact that people are suffering and choosing suicide. We need to call for suicide prevention and mental health to be a priority in our communities, our country, and our world.

When I think about changing the narrative on suicide, I picture having discussions and sharing written works. I see social media posts and blog posts. I see people having conversations even when they are uncomfortable or painful. This is what needs to happen. We need to allow ourselves to be uncomfortable. People who are having suicidal thoughts are in pain. They are suffering. I think we can withstand some discomfort to work to prevent suicides and ease their pain.

Often, when someone dies by suicide, we hear people say that they didn’t know the person was thinking about suicide. They say there was no warning. But there are warning signs. This is why we need to talk more about mental health. We need to discuss mental health in our homes, in our schools, and in our workplaces. As a teacher I believe that mental health needs to be a part of school curriculums from a very young age. If we start talking about mental health with people when they are young, we normalize it. Hopefully, normalizing mental health will make it easier for people who are struggling with their mental health and those who are having suicidal thoughts to reach out for help. It will also, hopefully, lead to people be more comfortable asking someone if they are okay. Being willing to discuss mental health and suicide can make a difference.

I have lived with suicidal thoughts and been on the edge of taking my life throughout my life. For many years I did not know I could discuss how I was feeling or the suicidal thoughts I was having. It wasn’t until I learned to talk more openly that I found myself on the path to healing. This is how the narrative on suicide was changed for me. I hope that others can experience this change, which is why I use my voice now. If this blog encourages one person to reach out for help, it will have made a difference. That’s how we change the narrative, one life at a time. 

There is more help for people living with mental health disorders and suicidal thoughts now, but it is not enough. We need to work to create more avenues to provide support. We need to call on our governmental leaders to take action and fund mental health initiatives. Changing the narrative also means working to silence negative voices such as RFK, Jr. who is spreading damaging ideas. My personal action to change the narrative includes continuing to be voice for mental health action on this blog and with my involvement with groups like NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). I am going send emails to RFK, Jr. and others in the federal government explaining what mental illness is and is not. What can you do? Just reading this blog is an action step. Having one conversation about mental health is an action step. Think about what else you can do. 

I would like to end this post on a personal note. I share this in part to express gratitude and in part to demonstrate how conversations have changed and made a difference. 

As I have mentioned before back when I first started experiencing suicidal thoughts as a teenager there wasn’t much help. Mostly I dealt with it on my own. I discovered writing and wrote to help myself. But there was a counselor I owe a debt of gratitude to. She walked beside me at times. I realize now that she was strapped by the limited resources of the time. It wasn’t that my struggle with mental health and my suicidal thoughts were ignored as much as the help just didn’t exist back then. Conversations about mental health were not normal during that time. The counselor was there in the ways she could be.  Today the help I received would have looked much different. Still, somehow, I lived through those early years because the counselor did what she could. I would like to express my gratitude to her. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to find her now to say thank you. I guess I can only send my gratitude out into the universe and hope somehow in some way she feels it.

The narrative on mental health and suicide has changed in the nearly 40 years since I was a teenager living on the edge of the darkness. Thankfully, the narrative has made a positive change. But we need more. We have a lot of work to do. The number of deaths by suicide that WHO reports needs to be decreased. We need to make it okay to say, “I am not okay.” We need to make it okay to listen when others are struggling. We need to make it normal to discuss mental health. Together we can change the narrative on suicide.

 

If you are struggling, please reach out. You can call 988 or 911. 

 

Can Gratitude Change Your Life?

                  Gratitude is something that oftentimes gets lost in the world. We need to find a way to make it more present. Gratitude allows us to bring joy into our lives. It allows us to heal from the wounds that impact us. Gratitude lets us see the world and the happenings in our lives from a different perspective.

                  With a little research I found six ways that gratitude impacts mental health. Let’s take a look.

                  First, gratitude can reduce stress and depression. The practice of gratitude has been found to reduce levels of cortisol, a hormone that can increase anxiety and contributes to depression. Gratitude shifts focus away from negative thoughts, reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety. In people who regularly practice gratitude, there are reports of fewer symptoms of rumination.

                  Gratitude improves mood and emotional well-being. It boosts dopamine and serotonin which are neurotransmitters linked to happiness and well-being. Gratitude encourages a more positive outlook and helps people reframe challenging situations.

                  A third benefit of gratitude is enhancing relationships. Expressing gratitude strengthens social bonds and increases relationship satisfaction. Expressing gratitude fosters mutual trust and emotional intimacy. 

                  Gratitude increases resilience. When people are grateful, they tend to cope better with trauma and hardship. This comes from building a habit of focusing on what is going well even when times are difficult, which enhances emotional resilience.

                  A fifth way gratitude impacts mental health is by improving sleep. Research has indicated that the practice of gratitude journaling before bed is associated with better sleep and reduced insomnia. When positive thoughts fill the brain, it pushes out anxieties and helps the brain calm down. 

                  Finally, gratitude promotes self-esteem. One way it does this is by reducing social comparisons. Gratitude encourages people to shift their focus to what they have rather than what others have. The practice of gratitude leads to a stronger sense of self-worth and contentment. 

                  I try to recognize the things I am grateful for in life. When I am expressing gratitude, I feel a shift in my mood. Sometimes it is slight. Other times it is very moving. There are many ways to express gratitude. It can be done with words, both spoken and written. It can be done with gifts of appreciation. Gratitude can also take place in quiet reflection. I find myself reflecting on things I am grateful for in my journal. For me the written word holds my emotions and feelings. Placing my gratitude on the page immortalizes it. The words have become etched on the page. They are there for me to return to when I need a lift or a reminder of what is good in my life.

                  I have a friend, Robert, who messages me his gratitude list every morning. His lists remind me to be grateful. His joy and appreciation for life are apparent in his list. This encourages me to search for joy and recognize what I am grateful for. I know I should make a daily list and send it to him. That is a goal I have set for myself. 

                  Let me share a few things I am grateful for in life. First and foremost, I am grateful to be alive. Cancer and mental illness have threatened to take my life, but they haven’t won. I am grateful to my mental health and physical health teams for keeping me healthy. I am grateful for my family and friends. I am grateful to be able to share with everyone on this blog. It gives my writing a purpose and gives me a place to freely express what I have learned about mental illness. I am grateful that I have been able to return to work and that the position I returned to has been so great. There are many more things I could share, but I think what I have shared illustrates how gratitude can change a life.

                  Bringing this post back to the theme of the month (Suicide Prevention Awareness) I am grateful that I have survived the darkest moments of my life, the moments when suicide seemed like the only answer. I am grateful to the people who have brought me back from that edge. These are the people who have embraced me in hope. I think they know who they are. 

                  Gratitude is a gift we give and a gift we receive when we give it. Let’s all take a moment to recognize what we are grateful for in life. We might just find there is more than we realize. Let’s try to give gratitude a chance to change our lives.

 

 

                  

A Mental Health Myth

                  There are a lot of myths surrounding mental health. These myths are harmful and further the stigma that surrounds mental health. Today I would like to address one myth. My plan is to periodically address other myths in future posts.

                  One harmful myth surrounding mental health is that talking about mental health is a sign of weakness. Just the opposite is true. Talking about mental illness is a sign of strength. It takes courage to discuss mental health. The fact that this myth is believed is proof of the strength it takes to talk about mental health.

                  As I have shared, I have lived with mental illness, depression and anxiety, for most of my life. It took me a long time to learn that it was okay to talk about my mental health. At times I was afraid of how I would be perceived. In all honesty, sometimes I still am. I believed that I would be ridiculed for my depression and anxiety. I didn’t think others would understand. I did not believe I deserved help with my mental health. So, I remained silent. 

                  I suffered silently with my illness for a long time before I had the courage to share my suffering. It took courage to share my story with someone other than my psychologist. Once I took that risk, I realized that I wasn’t alone. There are so many people living with mental illness. Like I did, many of these people believe they need to stay silent. Once I learned that I could share my mental illness with others, I felt a weight lifted off me. Despite the lifting of the weight, it still takes courage to share my story. Even today, after I have been sharing my experience with mental illness for many years, I sometimes hesitate. We never know how the illness we live with will be received. Thanks to groups like NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), there is more awareness surrounding mental health and more acceptance. Still, stigma and ignorance are present in the world. That is the reason it still takes strength to talk about mental illness.

                  One of the purposes of my blog is to provide an open space to discuss mental illness. It is a safe space. It is a place for me to share my experiences and thoughts. I welcome comments because that encourages open discussion. Whenever I post on this blog, I share it on my social media accounts. It takes strength for me to do that because I never know who is lurking on social media. The reason I do this is to reach as many people as I can. Occasionally, I will receive a negative reaction. I will be honest when that happens, it hurts, but I know that I am I getting far more positive than negative reactions. 

Talking about mental illness is how we end the stigma. Sadly, there are people who do not understand that mental illness is an illness. There are people who ridicule us. There are people who think that by talking about it we are seeking attention. Well, I am seeking attention, but not for myself. I am seeking attention to the fact that many people live with mental illness and that all of us deserve support and treatment. I am lucky to have a platform where I can discuss mental illness. It is a testament to the strength I have developed in my battle with mental illness. I have learned that I can use my voice to better myself and to help others. So, if that makes me an attention seeker or if it makes me weak, that is okay. I am doing my part to make life easier for those of us living with mental illness. 

I wish I could do more. One day I will. For now, I will use my strength to discuss mental illness with anyone who will listen. There are people who don’t want to listen. Sadly, it is their loss. 

I’m going to try a little experiment. I want to ask people who are reading this to comment. If you are living with mental illness, comment “I am here”. Maybe you don’t live with mental illness, but you are listening and believe we should discuss mental health, comment, “I am listening”. If appropriate, leave both comments. You can comment anonymously if you are uncomfortable leaving your name. I just want to show that there are people out there who believe it demonstrates strength to discuss mental illness. So, help me out. Leave a comment. Your comments also help spread my blog to others, which further breaks down this myth.

It is a myth that it is a sign of weakness to talk about mental illness. Let’s allow our voices to be heard. 

A Few Things I Wish Other People Knew About Depression

                  Living with depression is difficult. It is more than a daily struggle. It is a lifelong struggle for many of us. For that reason, I think it is important for those around me to have a some understanding of depression. This will allow them to better understand me. What are some of the aspects of depression that I wish others knew?

                  First, I think it is important to know that depression is not just being sad. Depression is an illness. Pervasive feelings of sadness can consume me, but it is more than the sadness. When my depression is in control, I feel a heavy weight bearing down on me. I often say I feel down. That may sound vague, but it makes sense to me. I feel like the weight bearing down on me is too heavy. 

Depression brings with it a blanketing darkness. I feel like I am sinking into a deep darkness. I do not see the colors of the world around me. I cannot experience joy or happiness. The darkness consumes me. At times I see no way out of the darkness. This is one of the most difficult aspects of depression because it brings with it suicidal thoughts. These thoughts are my longing for an escape from the grip of depression. 

A sense of hopelessness accompanies depression. It is difficult to feel hopeful when a heavy weight and a blanketing darkness are my reality. Depression is a loss of hope. It is painful to live without hope. Imagine what it is like to believe that life cannot get better. That is depression.

What I have described here is depression at its worst. I have been there. I know how painful depression can be. I know the heaviness, the darkness, and the hopelessness all too well. I also know that depression exists on a continuum. For me it is not always as intense as I describe. When my treatment is going well, my depression is lessened. There is still an underlying darkness, but I can function. I can interact with others. I can find joy in life. I caution that it is only with treatment and therapy that I can experience this lessening of the symptoms of depression. 

Back to the idea of what I wish people knew. I wish they knew that the severity of my depression varies. Sometimes I need support. I need help climbing out of the darkness. I may even need help believing that I want to climb out of the darkness. There are other times when my depression will not be noticeable. I may seem like I am not impacted by depression. I may seem happy. That means my treatments are working. So, I would want others, especially those who also live with depression, to know that the right treatments can help lift depression. There is no one right treatment. Each of us is different. Depression strikes each of differently and we each respond to different treatments. It is important to know that the right treatment is out there for each of us.

I want people to understand that those of us with depression are valuable members of society. We can contribute to the world around us. We may struggle and our paths may not be easy, but we are valuable members of society. I have heard talk from a member of the government dismissing those of us with depression and other mental illnesses. He seems to think that our medications and other treatments should be taken away. He has stated that we belonged on work farms.  As an American with depression and anxiety, this disgusts me. It also scares me. We all know what this harkens back to. People with mental illness deserve better. In fact, we demand better. I wish more people understood this.

I would venture to say that depression has given me gifts despite how painful it has been. One gift is my ability to write about my struggle and to use that writing to help others. Another gift is the ability to be empathetic. I know what it is like to fight illness. This enables me to understand others who are facing mental illness. From this I hope others will understand that people with depression have a lot to offer others. 

Finally, I want others to understand that those of us with depression are doing the best we can. We are everywhere. You will interact with us. Sometimes you will not know that another person is living with depression. So, be kind to everyone. You never know what someone else is going through.

 

 

 

 

                  

Same Tree, Different Season

 “Same tree, different season. Remember, everything is temporary.” - Unknown

 

                  Our lives are composed of different seasons. As we go through life seasons change. Sometimes we are in a season of struggle. Other times we are in a season where life is bountiful. There are in between seasons, too. I saw a picture of a tree in different seasons. Despite being the same tree, it looked very different in each season. I think we are like that.

                  In winter a tree loses its leaves. Often, it is bare. The tree is just branches without green leaves. As humans our winter is when we are struggling. Our struggle may be apparent. We may appear without the vibrant life of green leaves on a tree. 

                  My winter is when I struggle with depression and anxiety. It is a time when suicidal thoughts take hold. My winter is when life becomes too much. I feel as if I am a shell of what my life is supposed to be. I am like a barren tree. It is a time that hurts. It is my winter.

                  Springtime brings green leaves to a tree. The tree is full of life. We can compare that to when we are doing well. Our spring is when the trials of mental illness are not filling our lives. We are engaged in life. Just as the leaves of a tree bring color into the world around it, we exude a sense of wellbeing.

                  For me spring emerges when my treatments are working. It is when therapy leads me into a positive frame of mind. Life can be seen in the smile on my face. The green leaves are seen in my willingness to engage in life and to live more fully. 

                  There are times in between these two extremes. These are the summer and fall of our lives. We may not be full of life, but we are engaged with life. In these times we are trees with leaves of different colors. Some of our leaves are just sprouting. Some of our leaves have fallen. Our mental health may not be the best, but we are getting by. Maybe we have some help or maybe we are employing the self-care strategies we have learned.  In summer and fall our struggles may be visible, but we are living productively with them. 

                  Seasons change. So too, does our mental health. I believe this is true of all people, not just those of us with a mental illness. All people go through seasons. There are times when we struggle, times when we flourish, and times that are a little of both. Life mirrors nature. As we live, we go through different seasons. The important part is that we remember seasons change. Our lives are not always winter. Likewise, they are not always spring. We need to remind ourselves that in depths of winter we are being prepared for the new life of spring. It may be difficult to remember that there are other seasons when we are struggling through winter. We need to hold on. Seasons pass. Our mental health unfolds like the seasons. We may need treatment and therapy to move us into spring, but we can make it. 

                  I think I will try to paint this idea of our lives mirroring the seasons. If I manage to paint something that captures what I am envisioning, I will share it in a future post. As we move through our lives, I wish all of us more springs than winters.

Signs Depression Is Resurfacing

            I have lived with depression long enough to know it has cycles.  There are times when I am doing better, like when I am receiving esketamine treatment or transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS).  During these times I must be alert for signs that the depression is resurfacing.  It is best to act early when it does.  Even during my better times, I continue with therapy and employing my coping skills.   These allow me to stay on top of my mental health and continue to heal. 

            One way I know the depression is starting to resurface is I feel myself dragging to do things.  I feel a heaviness weigh down upon me.  The thoughts in my head turn negative and become louder.  The running dialogue in my head is negative.  I tire easily but can’t sleep.  I become easily frustrated.  Another thing I tend to do is disengage.  I back out of plans with friends.  I feel a need to be alone.  

            Often, I can tell my mental health team when I realize that depression is coming back.  When I do this, treatment gets underway quickly.  However, there are times when I go into denial.  I try to push myself through the resurfacing depression until it is too late.  I hate that I do this.  I’ve gotten better about not doing it.  Depression has taught me that it is an aggressive foe.  Sometimes it comes on too quickly for me to see the warning signs.  When that happens, I am in for a difficult episode.  I know I must rely on my mental health team when the depression gets like this.  I must remember, though, that I am a member of that team.  The treatment works best when we fight as a team.  

            If you notice any signs of depression in your life, I urge you to act quickly.  Don’t be afraid to seek help.  If you have never experienced depression before, you may want to start with your primary care provider.  He or she can screen for depression and provide you with a referral to a therapist or psychiatrist depending on your situation.  Be aware that some primary care providers are not good with mental illness.  I am lucky. Mine is great.  However, I have seen others who just do not care.  If you run into one who is not taking your needs seriously, be assertive.  Request to see someone else or demand a referral.  Depression is an illness and everyone who suffers from it deserves treatment.  

            You may not fit with the first mental health provider you see.  Do not be afraid to “shop around”.  It is important to find a therapist or psychiatrist who is a good fit for you.  Be honest with him or her about your symptoms.  I would recommend writing your symptoms and what you are feeling down so that you don’t forget anything.  

            Depression affects everyone differently.  I have shared my warning signs, but these may be different for you.  Even though we have different symptoms, it is still depression and needs to be treated. If you feel overwhelmed and can’t explain your symptoms to the provider, try giving him or her your list.  That way they know what you are experiencing and are better able to ask questions to evaluate your illness.

            Sadly, depression is an illness that often requires us to advocate for ourselves. As I have said before there is a stigma surrounding depression.  Know that depression is an illness, and you deserve treatment. There are organizations out there to help you.  One that I support and believe in is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). They have chapters throughout the United States and offer great support and programs. I encourage you to check out NAMI. 

            Be aware of your mental health.  If something doesn’t seem right, trust your instincts, and ask a doctor.  Depression is an illness, but with the right help, it can be battled.

 

 

 

 

Healing Waters

                  When my depression is heavy and/or my anxiety is high I often need an escape. I need to get away from the environment I am in and find an environment where I can find some bit of healing. A while back I shared that the forest can be that environment for me. (Forest Bathing) Today I want to explore another environment I find healing, the ocean.

                  Water can be soothing. Research suggests that the ocean can help with sensory restoration, mindfulness and presence, physiological relaxation, and increased physical activity. The sound of crashing waves is rhythmic. It can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps calm the body and mind. I find this to be true. I do not need research to tell me the effects of ocean waves, although there is plenty of research out there. 

I listen to ocean waves on a sound machine as I am receiving esketamine treatment. The sound of the waves puts me in a more relaxed state, a state which I believe allows the esketamine to be more effective. I love to stand on the beach and listen to the waves. Even better than a sound machine is standing on a sandy beach and listening to and watching waves crash. There is something healing about this that I cannot explain. I just know I feel it. 

                  A marine biologist, Wallace J. Nichols, came up with the term “Blue Mind Effect”. It describes the mildly meditative state we enter when we are near water. This state is linked to reduced anxiety and improved focus. 

                  Being present is a key component of mindfulness, which has been shown to help with mental health conditions. People often feel more present when surrounded by water. As I think of times when water has been healing for me, I remember being more mindful and more present. The beach in Trinidad, CA, Oceanside, CA, and the ocean waters in Tropea, Italy all have brought me a sense calm. In those settings I can find a way to let go of some of what plagues my mind. I can allow the depression and anxiety to just be while I feel a sense of freedom from its clutches. Honestly, I do not understand how it works or why the ocean waters and sandy beaches are so soothing. They just are. I do not really need science to explain it to me. I will just take it at face value. I wish I could spend more time at the beach. Maybe I need to make more time for beach trips in my life. 

                  Back to some scientific thoughts. Water is linked to symbolic renewal. It can be seen as cleansing and renewing. As a result, people often find they can experience an emotional release or feelings of renewal when they are near water. In my experience this is true. One way I capture this is by writing in my journal. I love to sit on the beach and allow words to flow onto the pages of my journal. I find that I am often more poetic at these times. I can capture my emotions and feelings in words that flow as freely as the water. 

                  If I had it my way, I would live near the beach. I would walk on the sand allowing the water to flow over my bare feet every day. I would breathe in the salty air and exhale my depression and anxiety. 

                  Of course, I am not saying that water can heal mental health conditions on its own. All other treatments are still necessary, but water can be beneficial and is worth incorporating into our mental health toolkits. 

 

 

 

                  

Noticing Thoughts

                Today I was participating in the cancer support group that I am a part of. One of the other members said something that really struck me. She said when we have thoughts, they are just that, thoughts. They are not necessarily reality. She went on to say that our role is to notice the thought and then move on. In a nutshell this is mindfulness. As I processed her words, I realized that I often get trapped in my thoughts. I need to do a better job of noticing a thought or emotion and then moving on. I think I notice thoughts when I am journaling, but I cannot journal every moment of the day. I need to work on noticing a thought as it occurs and acknowledging it for what it is. Then I should move on to whatever is next. 

                  In the past I have read about mindfulness. Noticing thoughts is a part of mindfulness. Since I was still trying to decide on a topic for today’s post, I thought I would do a quick search on noticing and share what I found.

                  Noticing thoughts is sometimes called meta-cognitive awareness. It has been proven to help reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, and rumination. It does this by activating the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for regulation. By activating the prefrontal cortex, it avoids the amygdala, which would be responsible for reactivity. So, noticing thoughts and then moving on helps with thought regulation.

                  There is a practice known as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), which was developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn, that teaches people to notice thoughts and feelings without judgement. The main idea with this practice is that we are not our thoughts. 

                  Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) uses “noticing” to create cognitive defusion, which is seeing thoughts as separate from oneself. This practice teaches people to respond to thoughts by saying “I’m having the thought that…” instead of “This thought is true.” In this way we take a step back from our thoughts and see them as just thoughts not reality.

                  The key to noticing thoughts is bringing awareness to our thoughts. We need to shift from being inside the thought to seeing it as a mental event. We want to try to observe the thought to avoid being consumed by it. 

                  If I were to apply this to my life I could work on noticing anxiety. Instead of saying “I am anxious”, I could work on saying “I am noticing anxiety in my thoughts.” Recognizing the difference between these two statements can help me avoid being consumed by my anxiety. The same process could be used for depression. I would notice that I am feeling depression rather than stating that I am depressed. This separation may seem slight, but it can have a major impact on how I respond to the thought. Noticing thoughts reduces my reactivity to the thoughts. People tend to employ an automatic response to certain thoughts. I know I have this tendency. By noticing thoughts, we can interrupt the automatic responses we have developed. Noticing a thought allows us to pause, reflect, and engage in an intentional response. 

                  I am sure I am not the only one who mistakes thoughts for truths. When we pause to notice a thought, we can recognize that it is just a thought. Thoughts are not commands, predictions, or truths. If we can notice our thoughts, we can weaken the hold negative thoughts have on us. 

                  As I was searching online for information on noticing, I came across a practice that seems like it would be effective. It is called “Name it to tame it”. It is a simple practice. When a thought arises, first pause. Then silently say, “I’m noticing the thought that…” Then return your attention to the present moment. This may be your breath, your surroundings, or whatever you were doing. These steps may not come naturally, but with practice we can get better at it.  I am going to commit to trying this practice. I am hopeful that it will help me especially as I am navigating some difficult times right now. 

                  I encourage everyone to work on noticing their thoughts. We just might find that we can improve our mental health in this way.

 

The Effects of Music on Mental Health

                  I have always found solace in music. In some of the darkest times of my depression I have turned to music to cope with all that I was struggling with. I’ve written before about Grace Slick’s song “Let It Go” and how it saved my life when thoughts of suicide overwhelmed me. To read that post click here: Hope After Suicidal Thoughts

                  I use music as a companion when I am depressed. There are playlists set up on iTunes on my phone. These lists include songs that speak to me and songs that comfort me. I also really enjoy live music. Being at concert calms me. I get lost in the music, especially when the featured act is one of my favorite bands. 

                  Thinking about how music helps me led me to research the effects of music on mental health. Let’s look at the information about music and mental health.

                  Both scientific and clinical research have found that music supports mental health. Areas where music can have an impact include stress reduction, mood enhancement, improved sleep, emotional expression and processing, social connection, mindfulness and presence, cognitive benefits, and depression and anxiety relief. 

                  Music promotes relaxation and stress reduction by lowering cortisol, which is a stress hormone. Research shows that listening to slow, instrumental music reduces heart rate and anxiety by activating parasympathetic nervous system. The song “Weightless” by Marconi Union has been scientifically shown to reduce anxiety by up to 65%. This was found in a 2011 study by Radox Spa and Mindlab International. While this study was not peer reviewed, it has been widely cited in sound therapy circles.

                  Another way music impacts mental health is by stimulating the release of dopamine, which is the “feel-good” neurotransmitter. Mood can be improved by listening to upbeat music. Listening to melancholic music can assist in processing sadness in a healthy way. Listening to “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles is a good mood lifting song. There are many others.  

                  Sleep is important to mental health. Listening to calming music before going to bed can lead to improvements to sleep quality. It reduces insomnia and helps a person fall asleep faster. Classical music or nature sounds are good options for improving sleep. I use meditative sleep music to help me fall asleep and stay asleep. I find that when I put this music on, I relax and fall asleep faster.

                  Often, we find it difficult to express our emotions. Music can provide an outlet for expressing emotions. Sometimes when we cannot talk about an emotion, music can do it for us. Whether it is writing lyrics or listening to lyrics that we relate to, music helps us process emotions. For me the lyrics of “Let It Go” provide an opportunity to process emotions. Other songs that provide that outlet for me include “Landslide” by Stevie Nicks, “Crystal Ball” by Styx, and “All I Know So Far” by P!nk. What songs help you? Share in the comments. 

                  Music can lead to social connection when we play music in groups or listen to music with others. Choirs and drum circles are examples of how people can come together to share in music. The act of shared music reduces loneliness and promotes bonding.

                  Music can be a component of mindfulness and presence. During a meditation a person can use music as a focal point. Often, guided meditations use ambient music to enhance focus and inner awareness.  

                  Music can impact our cognitive abilities. Whether you are listening to music or playing music there are benefits such as enhanced memory, attention, and problem solving. Early in my teaching career I read research that showed how listening to the music written by Mozart improved mathematical skills. When I taught math, my students benefitted in many ways from the music. Music can also improve the cognitive functioning of people with dementia or brain injuries. 

                  When music is tailored to the individual, it can reduce the symptoms of depression and anxiety. My own experiences show this to be true. I imagine it is different from person to person. I have a friend who seems to disappear into the music of the Grateful Dead. You can actually see her mood lifting as the music plays. When I am depressed the music of Jefferson Airplane and Styx often envelops me in comfort, which lifts my mood. 

                  I thought about listing songs that can help with mental health. I even did an online search. As I thought about it, I realized we are each going to find different music powerful in our lives. We all have different taste. I think the key is exploring music to find what works for us. In college I knew a guy who lifted his mood by listening to hardcore metal music. That would not work for me, but it worked for him. I like a good classic rock song. Young people today listen to music that many of us older people would never consider listening to. But the music works for these young people. I encourage you to listen to music with the intent to find songs that are comforting to you and songs that have lyrics that are meaningful to you. We all have different music tastes. The song “Let It Go” saved my life because the lyrics spoke to me. Someone else might be turned off by that song. 

                  What’s your song? Share in the comments so we all can listen and possibly find new music that might be helpful to our mental health. 

 

Masks

                “People don’t fake depression. They fake being okay…Remember that. Be kind.”

– Robin Williams

 

                  The above quote by Robin Williams means a lot to me. I remember where I was when I heard that Robin had died by suicide. I was in my psychologist’s office waiting for my appointment. A little television on the receptionist’s desk had the local news on and they announced that he had died. I remember being sad and wondering what had led this man who seemed so happy and spent his life making others laugh to take his own life. 

                  None of us ever really know the pain others go through. We all hold parts of lives inside of us. We all have things we do not share with others even those closest to us. I believe that at times we all consider putting a mask on so that others do not see what we are going through. That mask is often a false positive mask. In other words, we often fake being okay when really, we are struggling. I know I have worn a mask disguising my depression and anxiety often. As I have grown in my understanding and acceptance of my depression, I need that mask less often, but it is still nearby and at the ready. 

                  In the past I had to wear the mask in attempt to hide my depression so that I could function at work or get through family gatherings. Unfortunately, when we live with depression, sometimes we feel like we need to deny it to get by. I have masked my depression when people insinuated that I could “snap out of depression”. Many times, it was easier to escape under the mask than to explain that I could not just snap out of my depression. Of course, this was a bad habit to get into for many reasons. First, it forced me to deny what I was feeling and experiencing. It also gave others a false impression of who I am and what I live with. Another thing wearing a mask did was to perpetuate mental health stigma. Each time I put that mask on I am denying that depression is a legitimate illness. For the most part I no longer use that mask even though it is within reach. I am not ashamed of my depression. It is an illness. People can either accept me with my illness or they can move on. 

                  When we wear a mask to hide our depression, we are faking being okay. No matter how long we wear that mask or how hard we try to mask our depression, it is going to find its way out. The depression will become worse the more we try to hide it. 

                  Back to Robin Williams. Since his death I have read many stories about him. I have learned that he suffered, but did not want his suffering to affect others. He spent his life making people laugh with his movies and other entertainment ventures. What I like best about him is what he did when no one was watching. He would quietly go to hospitals and spend time making kids with serious illnesses smile and laugh. There were never any cameras when he did this. He did not want cameras. He wanted to be fully present for the children. Doctors, nurses, and parents knew the true gift of Robin’s visits. Yes, he was wearing a mask when he made these visits because inside, he was also suffering, but I think making people, especially children, brought him joy. Maybe these visits also brought him some healing. We likely will never know because he kept these visits quiet and did not talk about them. He didn’t need the attention. His sole purpose was to bring joy to children who needed it most. 

                  I have been affected by a few celebrities’ deaths by suicide. It is not the fact that they are celebrities. It is the death; the end of a life that didn’t need to end. We often don’t hear about a suicide unless it makes the news, or it is someone we know. When I hear about someone dying by suicide or struggling with suicidal thoughts, I feel a strange connection. Perhaps because I have been on that edge. Depression has taken me to that edge more times than I would like to admit. I know I have been lucky that I have not fallen off that edge. I think about that when I hear that someone has died by suicide. I wonder if they had worn a mask. I wonder if that mask prevented them from receiving help. 

                  Masks only help others avoid dealing with someone who is struggling. Masks do not help the person with depression. We may feel like we need to wear the mask to get by or to protect ourselves, but in the bigger picture masks prevent us from getting help. 

If others could find it in themselves to be kind to people living with depression life would be easier. More people could reach out for help. Just as important, more of us could be honest about what it is like to live with depression. If we do that, just maybe people could live an easier life with depression and not attempt to end their lives. 

Remember to be kind to others. You do not know what they are going through. Each of us deserves to be treated with kindness. 

Mental Health Maintenance

                   A lot of times when we discuss mental health we focus on the difficult times or the times when the struggle is intense. It is important to focus on these times, but there are other times we should also give attention to in our discussions about mental health. One important aspect of mental health that comes to mind is maintenance. How do we maintain our moods at a stable or good level? 

                  Maintenance of a stable mood is important. Afterall, that is one of the goals of treatment. We receive treatment so that our symptoms improve. Many treatments can get us to this level. So, let’s take a moment to discuss how we can maintain our moods at a stable or even good level. 

                  First, it is important to recognize when we are stable or even in a good place. Sometimes it can be hard to recognize this state because we can get caught up in the bad times. We can even become so used to the hard times that we do not notice a change. That is where mental health providers or loved ones can help us. They might notice a change in us before we do. 

                  Once we acknowledge that we are doing better it is important to create habits that support our mental health with respect to our emotional, psychological, and physical well-being. Let’s look at some strategies we can try.

                  First, we should prioritize sleep and eat balanced meals. Lack of sleep can negatively impact our mood and how we regulate our emotions. Most recommendations I have read say that we should get 7-9 hours of sleep each night. I know this is not easy when we have other responsibilities, but it is a goal to strive towards. Nutrition affects our brains. It is important to eat healthy foods, avoid processed foods, and stay hydrated. These help our brain health, which in turn helps with our mood and emotional regulation.

                  Another area that we should include in our wellness routine is exercise or movement. Depression and anxiety are improved by exercise. That would indicate that when we are stable, exercise can help us maintain that state.  There are many types of exercise we can engage in to find benefits. It can be as simple as walking or stretching. Maybe aim for 20-30 minutes a day a few times a week. I know walking helps me. I feel at my best when I incorporate walking into my daily routine. Is there a type of movement that makes you feel better? Try making it a part of your routine. 

                  Meditation or breathing exercises can also help maintain a positive state of mental health. I struggle with meditation. I have never been able to free my mind in that way. My psychologist taught me a form of self-hypnosis that I find helps me. Self-hypnosis allows me to focus on my breathing and relax my body. There are many mindfulness activities that can help with maintaining our mental health. Maybe there is something you can try.

                  Along the lines of meditation and breathing, I find that journaling and making art also help maintain my mental health. These activities give my brain something else to focus on. Even when I am journaling about my thoughts, I find that written in my journal the thoughts are more concrete and less painful. There is a lot of research that demonstrates the benefits of writing and art on our mental health.

                  Setting boundaries is another way to maintain our mental health. For example, if work is a stressor that impacts our mental health, we can set work time boundaries. Maybe we set a boundary that keeps us from working outside of our contractual time. Or perhaps, we leave work at work and do not bring home work-related tasks. We might also need to set boundaries with the people in our lives. Think about what boundaries will make you feel the most comfortable. Try to set those boundaries. 

                  It is important not to isolate. This is a tough one for me. If left without support, I will self-isolate. I am not great in social situations. Consequently, I will avoid these situations. I know I need to reach out to others to maintain my mental health. As much as I struggle with social situations, I do not do well when I isolate. Isolation can lead to depression. Not isolating is a delicate balance. Despite my difficulties with self-isolating, I know that human connection is important, and we need to be connected to others to maintain our mental health.

                  Another thing that is important is monitoring our mental health. This can be through journaling, discussions with our mental health provider, and/or mood-tracking apps. These are important because they allow us to be on the lookout for changes in our mental health. We need to recognize when our mood is slipping, or our anxiety is increasing so that we can address these changes as soon as possible. We do not want to wait for the crash in our mood to seek help. We should seek help at the first signs of a downward turn. 

                  Here is a step that can be hard in today’s world. We need to limit overstimulation from tech devices. Whether it is social media or television, too much tech can damage our mental health. Too much input from technology can increase anxiety or decrease mood. One way I know my mood is slipping is I start doomscrolling on my phone. When I recognize this is happening, I know it is time to reach out to my mental health team and reach for my journal. I try to take tech breaks by grounding myself in my senses. Sometimes it is lighting a candle and focusing on my breathing. Other times it is listening to music. Another way to disconnect is to create art. You can also go for a walk in nature. I keep telling myself that I am going to get a membership to the Arboretum, so I have a place to head to when I need to disconnect from technology and connect with nature. I also need to make more trips to the beach.

                  Having something to look forward to is another way to maintain our mental health. When we look forward to something we feel good. Looking forward to something gives us hope. When I was looking forward to my trip to Italy, my mood improved. It does not need to be something big. Just looking forward to little things can make a difference. Something as simple as looking forward to a concert or lunch with a friend can help me. Think about what you can look forward to that will help lift your mood.

                  Maintaining our mental health is as important as improving it when we are struggling. As you have read, there are things we can do to maintain our mental health. If you are unsure how you can incorporate these things into your life, talk to a mental health professional. Just as importantly, remember if your mental health starts to slip, reach out for support and help.

 

                  

 

                  

You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup

                 Today’s post is a bit selfish. In all honesty I am writing it for two reasons. One, I need the reminder that I cannot pour from an empty cup. Two, I need the distraction writing provides me. I ask that you indulge me in this post. My hope is that even though I am writing for myself, the post will also help others.

                  The phrase “You can’t pour from an empty cup” popped into my head the other day when I was sending an email to someone I know has a lot on her plate. I included the phrase to give her a reminder to take care of herself, too. Since then, the phrase has been in my head. I looked online and couldn’t find anyone to attribute it to. From what I read, it may come from ancient times. 

                  This phrase breaks down to an important message: You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first. That is a powerful statement. So often, we get caught up in what we are doing for others that we forget to take care of ourselves. I would guess that parents often get caught up in taking care of their children and forget to take time to care for themselves. The same is likely true for other caregivers. 

                  I am reminded of when a flight attendant tells passengers flying with young children that in the event of an emergency, they need to put their oxygen mask on first. Then they can tend to their child. It is the same idea. Our cups need to be full before we can help others. We need to be functioning well. We need to be healthy, both mentally and physically when we are faced with caring for others. 

                  You can’t pour from an empty cup is a reminder to practice self-care, to set boundaries, to allot time to rest and recharge, and prioritize your own well-being. When I was teaching, I struggled to do these things. I was always focused on what my students needed. I was working more than I was not working. Long hours and little reward, led to burn out. I was not taking care of myself. I was not setting boundaries. I was not resting and recharging. I was not prioritizing my own well-being. Burnout was the result. My cup was empty. I reached a point where I hated teaching. Now, as I am considering whether it is time to go back to teaching, I need to ensure that I if and when I go back, that I prioritize myself. My own self-care must be a central to all I do.

                  I think the same is true when caring for a loved one who is ill. The tendency is to place all our focus on the one who requires care. That will likely not end well. You can’t do it alone. You need to take time to rest and recharge. You need to accept help and understand that you can’t do it alone. Just as importantly, you can’t put your life on hold. I think this is true in any situation where you are assisting or caring for others, such as parenting, teaching, caring for an ill family member, or being in charge in the workplace. 

                  There are some simple things you can do to “fill your cup”. These include getting enough sleep, eating nourishing meals, moving your body (i.e. go for a walk), setting and respecting boundaries, doing something you enjoy or that relaxes you, spending time with people who uplift you, and unplugging form technology and the news. These are simple things that can be done to fill our cups. Whether we are in a helping or healing profession or we are responsible for loved ones, it is important that we fill our cups. We cannot be of service to others if our cups are empty.

                  This is a difficult lesson to learn. I think I have struggled with it all my life. I poured from an empty cup too often in my teaching career and now I am struggling to return to it. I am dealing with it in other ways, too, but they are too difficult to share here. Perhaps we all are in some way. I think it is easy to get stuck with an empty cup in today’s world. Let’s all take some time this weekend to try one or more of the steps above to fill our cups. It can’t hurt to try, and it just might lay the groundwork for healthy lives. 

 

 

 

Men’s Mental Health Month

                  June 1994 was established as Men’s Mental Health Month in the United States. The purpose was to raise awareness about mental health issues affecting men as well as to encourage open discussions about mental well-being. Organizations involved in Men’s Mental Health Month promote access to resources, support, and open conversations. 

                  Men’s Mental Health Month is especially important due to concerns about high rates of suicide among men, untreated depression and anxiety in men, substance abuse and addiction, and the reluctance of men to seek help due to stigma, cultural norms, and lack of access. Each one of these increasing rates is cause for concern on their own. Combined they show a serious need to address mental health in men.

                  The stigma surrounding mental health in men starts when they are just boys. Too often boys are discouraged from showing their emotions. They often hear that “boys don’t cry.” This statement is so damaging. It discourages boys from showing emotions, especially difficult or painful emotions. 

                  Boys and men frequently hear the phrase “man up”. This is another damaging idea taught to boys. They are taught that men don’t show their emotions. Again, this is damaging and can lead to mental health issues later in life.

Boys who grow up afraid to show their emotions become men who do not know how express their emotions in a healthy way.  Often these boys learn to deny, ignore, or bury their emotions, especially emotions like sadness, fear, or vulnerability. This can lead them to become disconnected from their own feelings. They may also be unable to name or express their emotions. When emotions are repressed in this way, it often results in numbness or outbursts. When sadness, shame, or fear are repressed, they may resurface as aggression, irritability, or violence toward themselves or others. 

When boys are taught to suppress their emotions, they do not develop the skills to understand or regulate those emotions. This can lead to a lack of ability to emphasize deeply with others. 

Boys and men need permission and encouragement to feel all emotions, even emotions that they have traditionally been taught to repress. They need role models who demonstrate that strength includes vulnerability. (See my last post "Being Vulnerable" for a discussion on vulnerability.) Boys and men also need safe environments in which they can express emotions without judgement. Another important thing to provide boys and men with is access to mental health education and support from a young age.

As you can see there is a definite need for Men’s Mental Health Month. Since the needs for mental health education and support are developed early and boys often are faced with stigma in comments such as “Boys don’t cry” or “Man up”, perhaps we should call it Men’s and Boys’ Mental Health Month. Both men and boys need to have access to help.

Let’s take a moment to understand the goals of Men’ Mental Health Month. One is to break the stigma around talking about emotions and mental struggles. A second goal is to encourage men to seek help when they experience mental distress. Promoting preventative care is another goal of Men’s Mental Health Month. A fourth goal, which is similar to the promoting preventative care is educating communities about the signs of mental health issues in boys and men. As someone who has spent close to three decades in education, I believe we need to do more in the school system. I think there should be a mandatory mental health class at both the later elementary and high school levels. In addition to this, mental health lessons should be part of the middle school health curriculum. It is not enough to teach it once. Our young people need to learn about mental health often. Another goal of Men’s Mental Health Month is to support marginalized groups, such as BIPOC men, LGBTQ+ individuals, and veterans. These groups might face additional barriers to mental health care and need the additional support. 

While June is a month dedicated to men’s mental health, we need to be focused on the mental health needs of men all year long. Mental health needs of all people need to be addressed year-round. When we dedicate a month to something like men’s mental health, the purpose is to draw increased attention. The focus of this month should shift into our everyday lives. It should be a part of overall mental health advocacy. 

Everyone should feel safe expressing their emotions. It is okay to cry, no matter who you are. It is okay to seek help. It is okay to be vulnerable. Emotions are a part of who we are. We need to give our emotions an outlet. Don’t stifle your emotions or force someone else to repress theirs. These are important steps to ending the stigma surrounding mental health in men and in everyone. 

 

Being Vulnerable

                  When you live with illness whether mental or physical, life can be difficult. I have struggled my whole life with depression and anxiety. A couple years ago cancer joined the fray. As a result of these illnesses, I think I have a fairly good idea of what it is like to live with illness. Most of my life I have tried to deal with my illnesses, especially the depression and anxiety, mostly alone. I have had my psychologist for quite a while, and I have leaned on him. I have had the same psychiatrist for several years, which has been helpful. A work with a psychiatric nurse practitioner and have a primary care provider and oncologist who are always there. But it has taken time to learn to trust all of them. 

                  There is one thing that I have learned more recently that I think is vital to living with illness. I have learned that it is okay to be vulnerable. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines vulnerable as being “capable of being physically or emotionally wounded”.  When dealing with illnesses being vulnerable means being open, honest, and exposed, often in deeply uncomfortable ways. Vulnerability can manifest emotionally, relationally, bodily, and in terms of identity.

                  With emotional vulnerability, a person often faces fear and uncertainty. It can be uncomfortable to admit when you are in pain, scared, or not coping well. This vulnerability means acknowledging things like feelings of depression, anxiety, or intrusive thoughts. It also means admitting limitations and acknowledging a fear of mortality. 

                  With respect to relational vulnerability, it is necessary to let loved ones and/or friends see you struggling. It also means being honest with doctors, therapists, and caregivers about symptoms. We need to be honest even when we are feeling stigmatized or embarrassed. This is not easy.  We need to learn to rely on others. Many of us are not used to that. I know I wasn’t. 

                  When our bodies are affected, we may need assistance with basic tasks or need to undergo invasive procedures. Accepting this loss of privacy can be embarrassing and difficult to accept. 

                  Being vulnerable can also impact our identity. With mental illness we might fear the labels that are so often placed on people with mental illness. We don’t want to be seen as unstable or crazy.  If it is a physical illness, we may be faced with feeling weak or disabled. 

                  Vulnerability is important because if we deny our illnesses, whether mental or physical, we cannot be treated. Even though it may feel like we are being weak, expressing vulnerability is a sign of personal strength. Vulnerability allows us to accept the help we need. 

                  As I think about my own illnesses, it wasn’t until I learned that it was okay to be vulnerable that I started to heal. My mental health improved when I was vulnerable enough to share that I lived with depression and anxiety. When I allowed others to know what I was going through, I discovered compassion. I was also better able to work with my mental health care providers. This vulnerability was the first step toward getting the treatment I needed to improve my mental health. It hasn’t always been easy, and there are still times when I hesitate to admit I am struggling with depression. Being able to tell a member of my mental health team that suicidal thoughts are entering my mind requires me to be vulnerable. I have learned that it is safer for me to let them know what I am experiencing. If I want to get through those times, I need to speak up. Fortunately, I have learned that I am stronger when I allow myself to be vulnerable.

                  Being diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer forced me to be vulnerable. There were a lot of things I could not do for myself. I had to be vulnerable to accept help. I am lucky that my aunt stepped in made it safe for me to be vulnerable. I had to accept that I could not take care of myself on my own. I needed help. I was probably most vulnerable with my aunt. I could admit my fears to her, and I could accept her care. Being stripped of my ability to care for myself was scary. My mental health journey had taught me that it was okay to be vulnerable. I was able to cry when I thought about my mortality. Early on I didn’t know how my fight would turn out. Would I live or would I succumb to the cancer raging within in me? I had to turn myself over to my medical team. I had to allow my aunt to care for me. In short, I had to be vulnerable. That vulnerability led to an ability to fight cancer. I learned that it was okay for me to be scared. It was okay for me to need help. 

                  Vulnerability means been willing to be seen as you are. What you are might be a mess. It might be painful and scared. It might be a person on the edge of life. But when we are seen as we are, we can be ourselves. We can accept the help we need. Most importantly, we can heal.