The Importance of Giving Yourself Grace

                 As someone with a mental illness I am often inundated with negative thoughts. My depression and anxiety know how to talk to me to bring me down. I know I am not alone in this. It is not just those of us with mental illness who are faced with negative thoughts or mental put-downs. Everyone faces these thoughts at times. I am sure even the most confident people sometimes have negative thoughts. 

                  In a recent post I discussed the inner critic. (Silencing Your Inner Critic) It is important to talk back to the inner critic. However, that is not the only thing we need to work on. We need to give ourselves grace. The dictionary defines grace as a disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency. When we treat ourselves with grace, we are kind and courteous to ourselves. We are lenient with ourselves. Sounds like it should be easy, right? For many of us, it is not. 

                  How do we develop the ability to show ourselves grace? It requires practice. We are not going to be able to treat ourselves with grace overnight. Many of us have had years of practice with the inner critic in our ear. Our minds have told us all that is wrong with us or all that we cannot do. Many of us have been told these same things by others. As a result, our minds are accustomed to the negative. Hearing a kind word comes as a shock. 

                  One way to start giving ourselves grace is to practice saying affirmations. We need to continuously affirm ourselves. Some affirmations that are helpful in providing grace include:

·      I’m learning to be gentle with myself.

·      It’s okay to be a work in progress.

·      I release the need to be perfect.

·      I give myself permission to feel, heal, and move forward.

·      I am worthy of love and compassion, even when I stumble.

·      I treat myself with the same kindness I offer to others.

·      I honor myself, even if the results aren’t perfect.

·      Every step forward, no matter how small, is progress.

·      My best today is enough.

 

These affirmations carry a lot of weight and can help us in many ways. They canremind us that growth takes time and kindness. They encourage patience and acceptance of where we are at the present moment. These affirmations allow us to let go of unrealistic standards. When using these affirmations our emotions are validated. They reinforce unconditional self-worth. That is key. So often we lose our sense of self-worth, especially when we are struggling. When we have unconditional self-worth, we can practice self-compassion.

                  Grace is a little word, but it contains so much power. If we can learn to give ourselves grace, we are better able to face life and all that it places in front of us. We need to practice being kinder to ourselves. I have always struggled with giving myself grace. The negative thoughts always seem to be on standby, ready to attack. What if I could answer those thoughts with one of the above affirmations? What if you could? How much better would we feel? 

                  Giving grace to others often comes naturally. Maybe not for everyone, but for most of us giving grace to others is something we are able to do. I have often heard it said that we need to treat others as we would treat ourselves. Unfortunately, that is a misleading statement. So many of us do not treat ourselves well. We would not want to treat someone else with the negativity and harsh comments that we hurl upon ourselves. Maybe that statement could be rewritten to say, “Treat yourself and others with grace.” I thought about adding “that you deserve” to that statement, but I think that would lead many of us into thinking we do not deserve grace. 

                  Take a moment to repeat one of the above affirmations in your head five times. How did that feel? For me it felt a bit strange, but also soothing. It will take practice to get used to treating ourselves with grace, but it is important that we develop this ability. I encourage you to use these affirmations. You can also find others online by doing a search for positive affirmations. Practice saying them. Write them down if that helps you. Put them on sticky notes and place them somewhere you will see them every day. 

                  I leave you with this thought: We are all worthy of grace. We are all worthy of kindness, courtesy, leniency, and compassion.