We all have it. That voice inside our heads that tells us we can’t do something or that we are not good. Have you heard it? I am sure you have. That voice is our inner critic. Everyone has it, but when you live with a mental illness that inner critic’s voice often becomes louder and more persistent.
I hear my inner critic often. It has been with me all my life. When my depression and anxiety are at their worst, my inner critic seems to be at its nosiest. At times it feels like it is a scratched record, repeating over and over. This inner critic shows up in all areas of my life. My inner critic has affected my confidence. It has interfered with relationships and work. I wish it would just disappear, but I have learned that my inner critic will always be lurking. The key is to silence it. So, how do we silence our inner critics?
There are several things we can do to silence our inner critic. First, we must identify its voice. Once we have identified it, we need to separate it from ourselves. We can do this by giving it a name. By referring to it as a separate entity, we are giving ourselves the knowledge that the voice is not our voice. Once you have identified the inner critic, recognize the triggers that cause the inner critic to be active. Are there certain situations, people, or thoughts that provoke the inner critic? When I am working on this, it helps me to write down this information in my journal. This serves as a reminder to me and makes the information more concrete.
It is important to use compassionate self-talk with your inner critic. Respond to these thoughts as a friend would respond. If your inner critic criticizes you for making a mistake, you might respond with “I made a mistake and I am learning.” By doing this you are taking away the inner critic’s power. You are also being compassionate with yourself.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) offers a tool that can be helpful in dealing with your inner critic. This tool is called thought records. First, write the critical thought down. Then ask the following three questions: 1. What’s the evidence for and against this thought?, 2. Is it a fact or an opinion?, and 3. What would I say to a friend thinking this? Write the answers to these questions down. It will help you reframe the thought.
You can also use mindfulness and grounding to deal with your inner critic. Doing this requires you to observe the thought, not absorb it. Allow yourself to notice the thought without believing it. You might say to yourself, “There’s my inner critic again.” Noticing it takes away some of its power.
Another strategy is to create a “counter voice”. Write a list of affirming or neutral responses to common statements by your inner critic. Keep this list visible. Perhaps you can put them on sticky notes or in the note’s app in your phone. You might also write them in your journal and go back and read over them frequently. An example might be: Inner Critic: “You’re lazy.” Counter Voice: “Rest is not laziness. I am doing the best I can.”
Going to therapy is another important way to deal with our inner critics. I often share my inner critic’s statements with my psychologist, who helps me work through them. Different therapists use different approaches. Three common types of therapy that can help us in dealing with our inner critics are CBT, ACT, and IFS.
Medication can help if your inner critic is a part of a mental health disorder. It may quiet the noise enough to allow you to work on strategies to combat your inner critic. Talk to a psychiatrist about possible medications.
Journaling and creative outlets can help in dealing with our inner critics. These activities allow us to externalize the inner critic through writing, drawing, role-play, and other creative activities. You might try a dialogue journal. In this type of journaling your inner critic writes a line and then your wiser self responds.
One last way to deal with our inner critics is to rebuild our self-worth slowly. We can do this by celebrating small wins. Maybe we can track what we do each instead of focusing on what we didn’t do. When rebuilding our self-worth, we may have to start by being neutral. Our thought process might focus on just what we are doing and not giving it value either negative or positive. Then move on to self-compassion, where we tell ourselves positive things about who we are and what we are doing.
The inner critic is a powerful beast. It feeds off tearing us down. It develops over time and becomes stronger as time goes by. Since it grows stronger over time, it makes sense that it would take time to silence it. Give yourself grace as you combat your inner critic. It is not easy. I know and understand this because it is something I deal with. There will be good days and bad days.
We often hear that we need to be kind to others. I would add to that that we need to be kind to ourselves. Our inner critic does not like kindness. So, be kind to yourself.
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