How to Ask for Help with Depression and Anxiety: A Step-by-Step Guide

Often when depression or anxiety are bearing down on us, we lose the ability to ask for help. Something traps us in a void that excludes those who could help us. It is not that help is not there, it is that we lose sight of the fact that it is okay to ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Read that again, asking for help is not a sign of weakness.

Asking for help is a means to access to the help we need. It is unreasonable to believe that we can fight depression and anxiety alone even though these illnesses tell us that we are on our own. Asking for help leads to access to the very help we need. One of the most important reasons that it is okay to ask for help and that we need to ask for help is that depression and anxiety are real health conditions. They require the intervention of health care professionals. Mental health care professionals need to provide intervention, but often we need to start with physical health care professionals if we have not received help or a diagnosis before. 

How to Ask for Help When You're Struggling with Depression or Anxiety

Let’s back up a little. How do we ask for help? There are a few things we can do. 

·      Share what we are experiencing with a trusted loved one or friend – Let them know we are struggling and would like/need support. 

·      Reach out to a primary care provider – Often, our primary care provider is the one who can make initial mental health referrals. We can make an appointment to see our primary care provider. If we do not have one, we can go to an urgent care facility.

·      Find a support group – We can join a support group with or without a diagnosis. Support groups can offer support in finding the right help to deal with what we are going through. NAMI has a peer led support group that can be helpful. Check it out here: NAMI Connection.

·      Speak to a school counselor or reach out to an employee assistance program – These are often good first steps. If we are inclined, we could also reach out to a faith provider. All these have basic training in providing support and referring to the right mental health care provider.

What to Say When You Need Help for Depression or Anxiety

What if we do not have the words to ask for help? Here are some things we can say when we need help with depression or anxiety:

           If we do not have a mental health diagnosis:

·      I am struggling. I do not know how to put it in words, but I need help.

·      I feel depressed and I do not know what to do.

·      I feel very down. I need help making this feeling stop.

·      I feel anxious and I do not know what to do.

·      Life feels like it is too much right now. I need help.

·      I want to hurt myself. I need help.

·      I do not want to continue living. I need help.

·      I need someone to talk to about the thoughts I am having.

 

If we have a mental health diagnosis:

·      The depression is too much right now.

·      The anxiety is overwhelming me.

·      I feel like my medications are not enough right now.

·      Treatment is not enough right now.

·      I am struggling with depression.

·      I am struggling with anxiety.

·      I need an extra therapy session.

·      Life feels like it is too much right now. I need help.

·      I want to hurt myself. I need help.

·      I do not want to continue living. I need help.

·      I need someone to talk to about the thoughts I am having.

 

Notice that the last four are the same in each list. I did that because we can struggle with self-harm and suicidal ideation whether we have a diagnosis or not. In these moments it is especially important that we reach out for help. Asking for help in these moments is a sign of strength even it if we do not feel strong.

How to Prepare for a Mental Health Appointment

                  It helps to be prepared when you talk to a health care professional. Sometimes we are in so much need of help that all we can utter is “I need help.” It is okay. It is enough to just say that we need help. If we can prepare, here are a coup;e things we might want to have ready:

·      A short description of what we are feeling. This helps because when we are in the moment of receiving help, we can lose the words to describe what we are going through. 

·      Any past issues with our mental health or experiences with a mental health care provider. This would include any diagnoses we have had.

 

What Happens When You Talk to a Mental Health Professional

It can be difficult to talk to someone about our mental health. We might be embarrassed, or we might feel like we do not need the help. Being embarrassed by our mental health is common. Society has stigmatized mental health. It is important to remember that the health care professional is there to help us not judge us. Also, remember that if it is affecting us, we do need help. We need to be open and share what we are experiencing with the provider. It might help to tell the provider that we are not sure how to put what we are feeling into words. The health care provider knows what to ask and how to talk to us. If we are experiencing self-harm or suicidal thoughts it is important that we tell them.

We might be asked to fill out a mental health questionnaire or screening tool. This helps the health care provider assess our needs and provide the right care. Fill it out honestly. If we are unsure about a question, we need to ask for an explanation.

Why Seeking Help Early Can Make a Difference

                  It is important to remember that early support can make a difference. If we are struggling, it is important to get support as soon as possible. If we address symptoms early on, we can prevent them from becoming more serious. This can prevent the symptoms from significantly interfering with our lives. This true even if we already have a diagnosis and are receiving treatment. Sometimes changes are necessary. It is important that we share our experiences as soon as possible so that treatment can be adjusted to help us.

                  Another thing that is important to remember is that we do not need to figure out everything on our own. Mental health professionals are out there for a reason. They are there to treat our mental health when we are struggling and to maintain our mental health when we are doing well. Depression and anxiety can make it difficult to function. Anything from problem-solving to decision-making to coping can be hard when we are struggling with our mental health. That is why it is necessary for us to ask for help. When we talk with a mental health provider, we can receive assistance with problem-solving and decision-making. They can help us gain perspective. They can also provide us with coping strategies and support tools. 

                  Asking for help is a sign of self-awareness. It is not a sign of weakness. When we ask for help, we are acknowledging that we know we are struggling. When we are able to recognize and acknowledge our struggles with mental health, we are demonstrating a commitment to our own well-being. It takes insight to ask for help. We do not even need to be aware of the insight or the commitment to well-being. We just need to recognize that it is okay to ask for help.

How Mental Health Treatment Can Help You Heal

                  When we seek support, we find healing. We find that we are not alone. Mental health providers provide insight and understanding. They provide treatment. Through working with a mental health care provider, we gain hope that the struggles we are having with our mental health are not permanent. We gain hope that we can heal. We realize we are not alone, and that treatment exists. This allows us to move forward. 

You Don't Have to Face Depression or Anxiety Alone

                  We do not need to wait until our symptoms of depression and anxiety are severe to seek help. It is okay to ask for help at any stage of our mental health journey. We might recognize early warning signs. That is a good time to seek help. That help might just be an extra therapy session or a quick conversation with a mental health provider. It might be a conversation with a trusted friend. The important thing is that we understand that seeking help is not only necessary, but also okay.

If you are struggling with your mental health, please seek help. 

** Important**

If you are experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or if you are in immediate danger, please reach out to your local emergency service or crisis center. This can be the 988 lifeline or 911. For immediate danger, you should call or have someone call 911. 

988 can provide connection to quick services and has people answering the phone who are trained to talk to those who are struggling and make referrals.

It is always okay to ask for help.

 

 

The Silent Struggles of Depression: Be Proud of Yourself for Surviving

In this post I am going to offer advice to those of us living with depression, anxiety, or other mental illnesses. It is advice that can be beneficial to anyone, but I want to stress how important this is for those of us living with mental illness.  While I offer this advice, I recognize that it is not easy to follow. I struggle with this advice myself because of what depression and anxiety say to me. Still, this is important advice. It is simply: Be proud of yourself for surviving all the silent struggles you do not speak about. Let that sit for a minute. 

Whether we recognize it or not, we all have silent struggles. For some of us those struggles are magnified. These are the painful struggles. The ones that reverberate in our minds. But we are here. That is another statement we need to sit with for a moment. Depression has not taken us. It may not have been easy. We have battled silently, but that does not lessen all it has taken for us to still be here.

Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses are difficult to live with. These illnesses affect more than our mood. They affect every aspect of our lives. Depression and the other mental illnesses can get in the way of our work life. Often, we need to put on a front a work. We wear a façade that says, “I am okay.” We do not let our colleagues or supervisors know about our struggles. Instinctively, we know they would not understand. Some days it is difficult to work when our minds are full of the negativity of depression. I remember days when I was pushing through at work, keeping to myself as depression was telling me that my life was not worth living. That is an example of a silent struggle that we do not speak about. 

As I follow the advice I offered above, I need to be proud of myself for getting through those times. I stared suicidal thoughts in the face and kept working. I say that not for praise, but for my own realization that I should be proud of myself for the hard times I have made it through. I never told my colleagues. Some of them are good friends and maybe I could tell them now, but sometimes our struggles are very private. Our struggles are also painful. Can you imagine the pain that accompanies feeling like life is not worth living while going through the motions at work or in social situations? If you have never been in that moment, I can tell you that it hurts. It is painful. I need to remind myself that as painful as those moments were, I made it through them. There are people reading this post who can see themselves in what I have described. My message to you is to be proud of yourself for getting through the moments you do not talk about. 

Maybe it is in a different environment. Maybe we have sat through a family gathering while depression has told us we do not belong. Or anxiety has told us we are not good enough or that we have not lived up to the successes of other family members. For me anxiety berates me for being the only one without children and for just being a teacher. I find myself trying to push anxiety down. Then when I go home depression decides to pop in and tell me I am not good enough and that everyone in my family is better. It is a silent struggle. No one knows. Well, you know now. What I am getting at is that as safe as family gatherings should be, they can be a source of depression and anxiety for many of us. We need to be proud of ourselves for making it through those gatherings. It takes a strength that others do not see or understand. We silently make our way through situations that others find easy. 

Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses can impact any area of our lives. They can make getting through the day-to-day aspects of our lives difficult. Others do not always see what we are struggling with because we have learned that it is not safe to let others see our struggle. We may be embarrassed by how mental illness affects us. We need to let go of that embarrassment. Believe me, I know that is easier said than done. I still struggle with this, but I know it is important for us to believe that we are not our depression, anxiety, or other mental illness. Our silent struggles are real, but we have a strength within us that carries us through the tough times. We are still here. Mental illness has not won. For that we can be proud.  So, remember, be proud of yourself for surviving all the silent struggles you do not speak about.