When we live with depression, we spend a lot of time surrounded by darkness. This is part of the nature of the illness. When depression is weighing down on us, it is hard to even imagine joy being possible. What if I told you there is a way to experience joy while living with depression? Would you believe me? Maybe you would be willing to give me a chance to share some ideas. I understand that finding joy in our lives is difficult, but maybe if we invited small bits of joy, we could find a glimmer of that joy.
The first thing to remember is that joy can come in small pieces. It can also be present for small amounts of time. It is these small pieces and smaller time frames that build up and lead to more embraceable joy. First, let’s define joy. According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, joy is “a feeling of great happiness or pleasure; a source or cause of delight.” The definition places joy on high ground. I think that as individuals with depression, we can take this definition and modify to fit our lives. Perhaps, joy is any moment that cause us to pause and say, “that felt good” or “I liked/enjoyed that.” It does not need to be something big. Joy can be found in little things: a joke that causes laughter, a perfectly made coffee, a favorite team winning a game, hearing a song on the radio that you haven’t heard in a while. These are little things that can bring a simple smile to our face. These are where we can start. If we can recognize joy in something little, we can gently move ourselves on to more joy.
When looking for joy, we can reach out to our senses. Maybe we smell something beautiful. It could be a garden rose or a scented lotion. Living with depression pulls us away from recognizing things with our full senses because it focuses on darkness and pain. Using our sense involves tiny pleasures. Maybe you find a sense of joy in the feel of a favorite blanket. It might be the warmth of a cup of tea. The key is to remember that these are not going to take the depression away. That requires much mor work. By noticing with our senses or noticing tiny joys, we are trying to feel slightly less weighed down.
Movement can be a source of joy. A key here is to move for the sake of moving, not to make it exercise. A walk around the block with no intentions can bring joy. We may notice things around us with our senses. Gardening, even for a few minutes gets us feeling joy. Maybe all we can do is stand in the sunshine for a few minutes. We can embrace the warmth of the sun or the softness of a cool breeze. Those bring brief moments of joy.
Finding ways to connect with others that are low pressure can bring joy. We can send a text or share a meme on social media. This can bring a smile or a little giggle because we are thinking about someone. We might join an online community centered around something we are interested. An example is the online writer’s community I belong to. There are always message threads and ways for to connect with people without the pressure of being in a social setting. I find that this keeps me connected to others. Another thing, I keep meaning to do is sit in the park with my dog. Just being in a safe area with others might make me feel good when I am struggling with depression. Where else could we sit?
Here is one that we often forget. We can return to things we once loved. We can try things we once loved without expecting great joy. If we start slowly engaging in something we once loved, we can gradually experience joy. For example, if depression has kept us from reading, we might say. “Okay, I am going to read three pages tonight.” It is just a small thing, but maybe the next night we read five pages. Gradually, we build up to the point where we experience joy. Another example might be if we loved to cook, but depression has us feeling like we cannot cook, we can try making something simple or small. If we see ourselves reading more or cooking more, we will gradually be allowing joy back into our lives.
Here is one that I particularly like. We can experience beauty. Maybe we step outside at sunset and watch the sun go down. We might listen to a favorite album and focus on either the lyrics or the musicality. Maybe we notice the architecture on a building. The idea behind experiencing beauty is recognize the beauty and goodness around us. We can let these envelope us.
Giving ourselves something to anticipate is a way to bring joy into our lives. The idea here is to have something soon to look forward to. This might be going to a movie on the weekend. It might be plans to have a lunch with a friend next week. It might be plans to listen to an album after work. When our present situation is filled with darkness, it is helpful to have points of light to look forward to. These points of life can bring joy.
A few reminders to consider:
· We do not need to earn moments of joy. We deserve to find happiness even if it is only small joys initially.
· In the beginning it can be hard to recognize the small joys. Even if we do not feel the joy while doing something that we think will bring us joy, we are making room for joy to enter our lives. We have not failed. We need to be patient and allow ourselves to experience moments for what they are.
· We do not need to search for moments of joy on our own. We can seek support from a therapist, a psychiatrist, a support group, a friend, or family member. No one needs to seek moments of joy on their own.
Final Thoughts
It is easy to get trapped in the idea that we need to find joy in big ways. We can get caught up in trying to find joy and not see the little moments of joy that serve as steppingstones. When this occurs, it can make the depression seem worse. We give up on finding the joy. To avoid this, it is helpful to think smaller. As an example, I might ask myself, “What can I do to make the next 10 minutes feel a tiny bit better?” I am more like to experience joy in tiny batches. Those tiny batches of joy will gradually build if we allow them to. The key is we are not trying to undo all the darkness at once. That is not likely to happen. What we are looking for are the steppingstones to joy. Each little joy will bring us that much closer to experiencing joy. Even when depression has a stranglehold on us, we can find little joys to help us be a bit gentler with ourselves.
