Having lived with depression for over three decades, I have come to realize that there are different ways to view my depression. My most common view is that it is a terrible, unwanted illness. I think that is probably a perspective that I share with many people who suffer from depression. It is fair to say that depression causes pain and leaves us with a hopelessness that can prevent us from living our best lives.
Is there more to living with depression? Do I ever view it from a different perspective? Asking these questions makes wonder if there is a positive side to depression. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that depression can be a good thing or that I am glad I suffer from this illness. I’ll be the first to say depression sucks. Despite this I think depression has given me some gifts.
Depression has taught me to be reflective. The negative thoughts that fill my mind need to be explored for me to understand them. I can’t cope with thoughts I don’t understand. My psychologist has provided guidance here. He has led me through reflective processes that allow me to talk back to my depression and to recognize when depression is in control. As a result, I have learned to be reflective. I don’t think I would possess these reflective skills if I didn’t struggle with depression.
Compassion is another outgrowth from my depression. This compassion shows itself in how I interact with others who live with mental illness. I can relate to others who live with this illness. My compassion played a role in my career as a special education teacher. I was usually able to recognize when a student was struggling with their mental health. I could relate to students who expressed suicidal ideation and provide support that led to getting them the help they needed. My memories of being in high school and contemplating suicide, gave me a perspective that allowed me to connect with students who were struggling in a similar way.
My self-reflection skills and my compassion allow me to connect with others when I share my story. I am able to say, “I get it” when others share their story. The connection created allows me to help others see that we can live with mental illness. It is not something we need to hide. I can share that there is no shame in mental illness when I am able to connect with others.
As I write this, I am contemplating depression in my life. It is a weight that I wish I didn’t have to bear. Depression has haunted me for most of my life. It is a stretch to say that I have received gifts from depression, but I have received something. I am just not sure what to call it. I am glad that I have the ability to be reflective. This skill allows me to share my story and relate to others who suffer from mental illness. My ability to reflect allows me to write this blog and has helped me write the poetry and books I have written. I hope I have helped others through my reflective abilities.
As for compassion, that is an important trait for all of us to have. At times I think we have lost some compassion in this country. We need to be able to care for and understand others. My suffering with depression allows me to understand others who suffer. I’m not going to say that makes my suffering worth it, but it at least gives it some meaning.
Depression affects each of us differently. My perspective on it changes depending on how it is affecting me in a given moment. I am by no means glad I live with depression. I wish it would go away. However, if I have to live with it, I am grateful that it is has provided me with self-reflection and compassion and I hope that I use those for the betterment of others.