Hair Loss

            As I mentioned in my last post, I have cancer.  It has been a difficult time.  I have had trouble writing.  Usually writing is healing for me.  I have found it hard to sit down and write.  Cancer and the treatment are taking a lot out of me.  However, I am determined to write because I know it provides me with an avenue to release what I am thinking.  

            In the past couple of days, I’ve written two poems.  I am going to share one with you today.  First, let me provide a little background.  I knew I was going to lose my hair.  To maintain some sense of control, I had my hair cut short.  I thought I’d get ahead of the hair loss.  I thought it would take some time before I my hair started falling out on its own.  Unfortunately, I was wrong. Hair is already coming out.  It has hit me hard.  Somehow, the hair loss makes the cancer more real.  I don’t know how to explain it.  So, I wrote about it.  

            Here is the poem:

 

Hair Loss

 

I have always hated my hair.

Tangled and frizzed,

Matted into hidden knots.

Curls others envied,

I looked upon as difficult to manage.

Now my brown locks are gone. 

My hair is falling out.

No more curls.

A glance in the mirror,

I appear different. 

My face no longer hidden by long curls.

I have lost a part of my identity.

I knew it would happen.

A side effect of the medication I need to live.

I understand,

The loss means the medication is at work,

But it reminds me how real this disease truly is. 

Hair loss should not bring such tears.

Still the tears flow.

My mind questions what is happening within my body.

On the outside hair falls out.

Inside medication and cells are at war.

A battle that will determine if I live or die.

My tears flow as my hair falls out.

Reminding me that a killer disease dwells within me.  

The hair is symbolic, but my tears are real.

Cancer has grabbed hold of me and

My hair loss will not allow me to forget.