Hope and a Plan

        This month I have focused on suicide. I realize that it is a heavy topic. However, as I said on Monday, we need to talk about suicide. We cannot close our eyes and expect people to be okay. We can’t just send good wishes and have the suicide rates decrease. As September nears a close, I am not finished writing about suicide. It will be a topic on my blog periodically because I know the importance of talking about suicide. 

                  There is a saying that is shared frequently on mental health social media posts: It’s okay not to be okay. I think this saying is something we all need to internalize. There are going to be times for all of us when we are not okay. It is not limited to people with mental illness. That is a key thing to remember. We all go through difficult times. We can all feel hopeless. In those moments we need to remember that it is okay to not be okay and know that there is help available.

                  Suicidal ideation is a sign that a person is suffering. The person needs help. We have come a long way in finding ways to provide support. World Suicide Prevention Month provides attention to that support. Being aware in September is great, but it is not enough. There are many groups out there providing support year-round. Organizations such as NAMI and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention  work diligently to provide support and raise awareness. Check out the links for more information on these organizations and how you can get involved.

                  Turning this personal, I know the pain of suicidal thoughts. I have been on the edge where I have needed support. I am grateful to the people who have been there for me. They showed me there is hope. Knowing there is hope is not enough on its own. It is important that we know what resources are available. If you have a mental illness, it is a good idea to have a safety plan. You can read about safety plans in my article Creating a Safety Plan for Times of Suicidal Crisis. Safety plans can save a life. My safety plan has saved my life. 

                  Hope combined with the presence of a safety plan can save lives.  Add to those open discussions about suicide and we can make a real difference in people’s lives.  It is the willingness to break down the stigma surrounding suicide that will allow hope and safety plans to be their most effective. 

When you are on the precipice, when life seems to be too much, I hope you will hear the whisper of hope. It is there in our darkest moments. Unfortunately, it’s really hard to hear, but trust me it is there. I have heard the whisper of hope. It is different for each one of us, but hope is there. So, when life is at its bleakest call out to hope. Whisper, scream. Whatever you can do. Know that hope is there. It may not be easy as you climb down from that precipice, but I believe you can. I know it is difficult. Hanging onto hope is worth it. You have an unfinished story within you. Allow that story to be written.

 

If you are having suicidal thoughts or contemplating suicide, please reach out to a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. If you do not have one, you can reach out to 

988

911

Or go to the nearest emergency room.

 

 

World Suicide Prevention Day 2025

        September 10^th is World Suicide Prevention Day. The theme for this year is “Changing the narrative on suicide”. This theme is intended to address harmful myths and stigma. It calls for more open and compassionate conversations about suicide. Suicide is something people are often uncomfortable talking about. That is precisely why we need to talk about it. The World Health Organization (WHO) states that “Changing the narrative on suicide” is “…about shifting from silence and misunderstanding to openness, empathy, and support — creating environments where people feel able to speak up and seek help.”

 According to WHO, suicide claims the lives of 720,000 people every year. The CDC reported that in 2023 there were 49,316 suicide deaths in the United States. These losses affect family and friends. Suicides also affect communities. The loss of any life to suicide is tragic and painful. That pain doesn’t go away. It may dissipate, but it is always present in some way. 

It is important that we discuss suicide and suicide prevention today and every day. We cannot ignore the fact that people are suffering and choosing suicide. We need to call for suicide prevention and mental health to be a priority in our communities, our country, and our world.

When I think about changing the narrative on suicide, I picture having discussions and sharing written works. I see social media posts and blog posts. I see people having conversations even when they are uncomfortable or painful. This is what needs to happen. We need to allow ourselves to be uncomfortable. People who are having suicidal thoughts are in pain. They are suffering. I think we can withstand some discomfort to work to prevent suicides and ease their pain.

Often, when someone dies by suicide, we hear people say that they didn’t know the person was thinking about suicide. They say there was no warning. But there are warning signs. This is why we need to talk more about mental health. We need to discuss mental health in our homes, in our schools, and in our workplaces. As a teacher I believe that mental health needs to be a part of school curriculums from a very young age. If we start talking about mental health with people when they are young, we normalize it. Hopefully, normalizing mental health will make it easier for people who are struggling with their mental health and those who are having suicidal thoughts to reach out for help. It will also, hopefully, lead to people be more comfortable asking someone if they are okay. Being willing to discuss mental health and suicide can make a difference.

I have lived with suicidal thoughts and been on the edge of taking my life throughout my life. For many years I did not know I could discuss how I was feeling or the suicidal thoughts I was having. It wasn’t until I learned to talk more openly that I found myself on the path to healing. This is how the narrative on suicide was changed for me. I hope that others can experience this change, which is why I use my voice now. If this blog encourages one person to reach out for help, it will have made a difference. That’s how we change the narrative, one life at a time. 

There is more help for people living with mental health disorders and suicidal thoughts now, but it is not enough. We need to work to create more avenues to provide support. We need to call on our governmental leaders to take action and fund mental health initiatives. Changing the narrative also means working to silence negative voices such as RFK, Jr. who is spreading damaging ideas. My personal action to change the narrative includes continuing to be voice for mental health action on this blog and with my involvement with groups like NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). I am going send emails to RFK, Jr. and others in the federal government explaining what mental illness is and is not. What can you do? Just reading this blog is an action step. Having one conversation about mental health is an action step. Think about what else you can do. 

I would like to end this post on a personal note. I share this in part to express gratitude and in part to demonstrate how conversations have changed and made a difference. 

As I have mentioned before back when I first started experiencing suicidal thoughts as a teenager there wasn’t much help. Mostly I dealt with it on my own. I discovered writing and wrote to help myself. But there was a counselor I owe a debt of gratitude to. She walked beside me at times. I realize now that she was strapped by the limited resources of the time. It wasn’t that my struggle with mental health and my suicidal thoughts were ignored as much as the help just didn’t exist back then. Conversations about mental health were not normal during that time. The counselor was there in the ways she could be.  Today the help I received would have looked much different. Still, somehow, I lived through those early years because the counselor did what she could. I would like to express my gratitude to her. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to find her now to say thank you. I guess I can only send my gratitude out into the universe and hope somehow in some way she feels it.

The narrative on mental health and suicide has changed in the nearly 40 years since I was a teenager living on the edge of the darkness. Thankfully, the narrative has made a positive change. But we need more. We have a lot of work to do. The number of deaths by suicide that WHO reports needs to be decreased. We need to make it okay to say, “I am not okay.” We need to make it okay to listen when others are struggling. We need to make it normal to discuss mental health. Together we can change the narrative on suicide.

 

If you are struggling, please reach out. You can call 988 or 911. 

 

Hope After Suicidal Thoughts

                 The pain of suicidal ideation is difficult to bear. It shrouds you in darkness. The pain is indescribable. I have been there several times. Each time I believe I won’t be able to escape the pain. Dying seems like the only viable option. I want the pain to end and can’t find any other way. During these times I struggle to let others into my thoughts. I believe no one else can understand. Hopelessness fills me. This is the pain of suicidal thoughts/ideation.

                  I have been lucky. I have found a way back from the edge of death each time. Hope has returned to my life. As I mentioned in an earlier post, the song “Let It Go” by Grace Slick (not the Frozen song) brought me back from the edge of suicide several times as a teenager. I had the opportunity to meet Grace Slick a few years ago. I thanked her for saving my life. She said something I will never forget. With a smile she looked at me and said, “you did that. You were strong.” That was an empowering statement. It made me realized that a part me has wanted to live even in the moments when life seemed to be at its bleakest. I’m still grateful to Grace Slick because her song guided me to find that strength.

                  Suicidal thoughts have followed me throughout my life. I often still turn to “Let It Go” in these times. You can listen to it here: "Let It Go". A song alone is not enough to defeat suicidal thoughts. I need help from mental health professionals. I now have a safety plan that includes reaching out to my mental health team when I am in crisis. They talk to me and help me fight the suicidal thoughts. They ensure that I am safe. They provide the support I need to get through the crisis. I also have a friend I can reach out to when I feel I need support. This is why I have a safety plan. It reminds me of what to do when I am fighting the suicidal thoughts. For more on safety plans read my article How a Safety Plan Can Ease a Mental Health Crisis on the NAMI Glendale website.

                  So, what happens when the crisis is over. How do you continue living after a suicidal crisis? It’s hard to explain how I come back from one of these episodes. It involves hope. Part of returning from the edge of suicide requires hope that I can heal. I think this is something that anyone fighting suicidal thoughts /ideation needs in order to overcome the thoughts. For me hope doesn’t emerge on its own. My mental health team provides me with hope. Often, I have held onto their hope for me as that hope develops in me. Wanting to die is the absence of hope. Therefore, when battling suicidal thoughts/ideation you need hope. Hope is the belief that there is light in our world. Hope is the belief that the suicidal thoughts are lying. Hope is the belief that you can get better. It is important to remember that suicidal thoughts/ideation are symptoms of an illness. With the right treatment we can get better. We need to trust in our care. That requires hope. 

                  Hope does not develop easily. That is why I have relied on the hope my team has for me to give me a push. Once I have held onto their hope it becomes easier to find hope for myself. Having others to help us makes it easier to climb out of the darkness of suicidal thoughts/ideation. When we latch onto their hope for us, we are better able to develop hope on our own. 

What if you don’t have someone to share hope with you? Unfortunately, this is a reality for some people. If you don’t have someone you can turn to, please know that I have hope for you. Know that you can turn to organizations like NAMI. You can call 988 and speak to a trained counselor. If you don’t have a mental health professional, reach out to your primary care provider. They can refer you to a provider who can help. It is important to know that you are not alone. You can find hope even in your darkest moments. 

                  Those of us with suicidal thoughts/ideation are not alone. Too many people suffer with these thoughts. Too many people act on these thoughts. That is why I am spending so much time writing about suicide this month. I know what it is like to be in the darkness. I have been on the edge of taking my life. I don’t want to go back to that edge, and I don’t want others to be on that edge. I encourage you to reach out. There is help and there is hope. 

 

 

 

Suicidal Ideation and Suicide Are Not Signs of Weakness

                   At times there is a misconception that suicidal ideation and/or suicide are signs of weakness. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Suicidal ideation and suicide attempts are symptoms of an illness. Several mental illnesses can include suicidal ideation/attempts as symptoms. They result from the intense pain caused by mental illness.

                  I have been suicidal on several occasions. It is a very painful experience to feel that life is not worth living. This pain stems from the thoughts and emotions caused by mental illnesses. My personal experiences with suicidal ideation are a result of depression. So, as I write this post I am speaking from that experience, but other mental illnesses can lead to suicidal ideation and attempts. I can only speak from my perspective, but I want to emphasize that other mental illnesses are just as painful.

                  My suicidal thoughts began when I was a teenager. I didn’t understand what I was experiencing. I had not been diagnosed with depression at this point. So, I was struggling to get by on my own. Back then there were few, if any, resources for people experiencing suicidal thoughts. 988 didn’t exist. School personnel were not trained to provide assistance and resources. As result, I was left to live with my thoughts of ending my life. I came close several times. I credit a song by Grace Slick with getting me through those times. I used to play “Let It Go”, on my record player. I felt as if Grace Slick was singing to me, calling me back from the edge. I share this story in detail in my book Traveling the Healing Journey: Finding the Light in Mental Illness(available from your local bookstore or Amazon). 

                  When I look back on those times, I remember feeling alone, isolated. I remember having no hope for my life. I felt as if the emotional pain I was feeling would never end. I would “hear” thoughts in my head telling me I would be better off dead. All of this was too much for me as a teenager with no professional support. I believed that suicide was my only escape. I wrote a lot about dying. Most of my writing was poetry. It was very dark and filled with the pain I felt. My suicidal ideation was not a sign of weakness, though. It was a symptom of an illness that I had not yet been diagnosed with. Fortunately, I managed to get through those years without taking my life. I’m not sure how, but I am still here.

                  Being diagnosed with major depression at age 20 did not end my suicidal thoughts. These thoughts don’t magically disappear once our illness has a name. The thoughts are part of the illness for many of us. I still struggle with the thoughts at times 35 plus years after they first emerged. Thankfully, I have learned a lot about my illness since then and I have had the support of mental health professionals. Still, the thoughts can pop into my head without warning. With the help of my mental health team, I created a safety plan for when those times occur. I wrote about safety plans in an article on NAMI Glendale’s website, How a Safety Plan Can Ease a Mental Health Crisis. My safety plan includes when I need to seek help, who I need to reach out to, how I can reach out, and how my contact person can reach those who can provide professional help. 

                  My last major crisis with suicidal ideation was 16 months ago. The thoughts became loud in my head. Those thoughts were not a sign of weakness. They were a verbal expression of the emotional pain I was experiencing at the time. They were a cry for help. The thoughts were also plea for escape. I needed help. Thankfully, I knew to reach out for help. I was provided with the mental health help I needed to ease the symptoms of my illness. I was not treated as if I was weak. I was treated with respect and understanding. I was provided with the treatment I needed.  I was lucky. Not everyone has the resources to get the help needed. The lack of resources leads to high numbers of suicide in the world today. It is important to raise awareness and increase support for mental health resources so that we can provide help.

                  Mental Health First Aid is an important resource. People can be trained in Mental Health First Aid. Click on the link for more information about this important training. I went through the training. I would encourage others to get trained. You never know when you might need to use that training. I saw recent social media posts where singer Jon Bon Jovi and another woman were able to talk a woman out of jumping off a bridge. I don’t know what they said, but they showed that they cared and were able to get this woman safely off the bridge. Would you be prepared if you were in a similar situation? Mental Health First Aid can help you be prepared.

                  When a person considers taking their life or is attempting to take their life, they are not weak. Living takes strength when you have a mental illness. We are strong people who reach a point at which the weight we bear becomes too heavy. Death seems like the answer, but it is not. One person reaching out can make a difference. I am grateful that I have never been able to follow through on my thoughts of suicide. Those thoughts may be something I deal with throughout life, but I want to live. So do most, if not all people, who struggle with suicidal ideation. We just need a little support. Suicide is not a sign of weakness. It is a symptom of a mental illness. It shouldn’t be looked on with derision. Rather, we need people to reach out and provide help. Call the 988 crisis line. Be that person who listens. You may save a life. 

Suicide Warning Signs

                  One way to take action during Suicide Prevention Month is to learn the warning signs that someone may be at risk for attempting suicide. Often, warning signs are overlooked or not seen because suicide is something most people would rather not think about. Sometimes people treat the warning signs as being attention seeking and don’t realize the seriousness of these signs. It is important to know that these signs are not attention seeking and must be taken seriously.

                  Let me start by saying that people who are experiencing suicidal thoughts are not seeking attention. I have been there. I have sat in the depths of suicidal thoughts and in those moments, I have never been seeking attention. I have been suffering and feeling alone, isolated from the world around me to the point that I wanted to escape. So, please don’t believe for one moment that a person who is expressing the warning signs of suicide is just seeking attention. They are in crisis and need help.

                  I defined suicide in my last post (World Suicide Prevention Day Post). “Suicide is when a person harms themselves with the goal of ending their life, and they die as a result.” (the National Institute of Mental Health). A suicide attempt is when a person harms themselves with the intent of dying, but do not die.  

                  The National Institute of Mental Health lists the following as warning signs of suicide:

                  “·  Talking about wanting to die or wanting to kill themselves

·      Talking about feeling empty or hopeless or having no reason to live

·      Talking about feeling trapped or feeling that there are no solutions

·      Feeling unbearable emotional or physical pain

·      Talking about being a burden to others

·      Withdrawing from family and friends

·      Giving away important possessions

·      Saying goodbye to friends and family

·      Putting affairs in order, such as a will

·      Taking great risks that could lead to death, such as driving extremely fast

·      Talking or thinking about death often

·      Displaying extreme mood swings, suddenly changing from very sad to very calm or happy

·      Making a plan or looking for ways to kill themselves such as searching for lethal methods online, stockpiling pills or buying a gun

·      Talking about feeling great guilt or shame

·      Using alcohol or drugs more often 

·      Acting anxious or agitated

·      Changing eating or sleeping habits

·      Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.”

 

It can be difficult to know if a person is suicidal, but these warning signs give an

indication that the person is considering it or may be ready to act. A change in behavior or a new, concerning behavior is an indication that there is need to get help as soon as possible.

                  Sometimes it is difficult to know if a person is engaging in some of these behaviors. For example, you may not know someone is stockpiling pills.  I stockpiled pills until I had significant amount, and no one knew. That is why it is important to have conversations with the person if you suspect they might be considering suicide. No one knew about my pills until I felt safe enough to tell one of my mental health providers. In the same way, you may not know a loved one has made a plan to attempt suicide. For that reason, it is important to watch for other signs. Noticing some of the other signs may lead you to finding out that they have made a plan. It is okay to ask a person if they are thinking about or planning to attempt suicide. Some people fear that bringing it up will put the idea in someone’s head. Research shows that it won’t. It is better to have honest conversations if you notice one or more of the warning signs. That will get the conversation started and lead to intervention. 

                  The times I have been asked if I was thinking about attempting suicide, I have been honest. That has led to getting me help. It did not make my thoughts worse or increase my likelihood of acting on my thoughts. Just asking is not enough. You need to get the person help. How do you do that?

                  First, stay with the person. Do not leave them alone. It is important not to tell the person you will keep their thoughts a secret.  You need to get help. Calling 988 for support is a first step. 988 is the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. If there is an immediate, life-threatening situation you should call 911. Be sure to tell the person who answers that this is a mental health crisis and involves a possible suicide attempt. 

                  If there is not an immediate threat, 988 is the best option. You can call or text 988. You can also log on to https://988lifeline.org/. The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline provides 24-hour, confidential support to anyone involved in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. You will be connected to a trained crisis counselor.

                  Today’s world has changed a lot. It is possible that you may learn someone is suicidal on social media. Some of the social media sites have a process to get the person help. You can find information on how to get help on the different social media platforms on the 988 Lifeline website at https://988lifeline.org/help-someone-else/support-on-social-media/.

                  If you are young person reading this, please never keep a friend’s suicidal thoughts a secret. It is important to reach out to a trusted adult if a friend expresses suicidal thoughts or intentions. Even if you are unsure of your friend’s intent, tell a trusted adult. 

                  I am not a professional. I am a person with lived experience. I have lived with suicidal thoughts. I have been in crisis. As I reflect on those instances, I don’t think I really wanted to die as much as I wanted to escape the emotional and mental pain I was experiencing. I needed help. I couldn’t do it on my own. Suicide often seems like the only escape, but suicide is not the answer. There is help available. I am grateful to those who have ensured that I received help over the years. 

                  So, if you see any of the warning signs in someone, take action. Stay with the person and reach out for help.