Sharing What We Have

What we have is not for us to possess but to pass on. – Unknown

                  I heard the above quote when my co-teachers and I were showing a teen news show to our students. The host, Coy Wire, referenced the quote. It really resonated with me, and I found myself getting distracted in thought. My thoughts led me to think about my mental health journey. As I have shared over the past two and a half years, I have been through a lot with depression and anxiety. While I have suffered more than I would like, I have also learned a great deal. I think that is where this quote comes in. The lessons I have learned are not just for me. These lessons can help others as much as they have helped me. It is that sharing that is at the center of this quote. I have this blog as a platform to pass on the lessons I have learned. I hope I am doing that.

                  So much of living with mental illness, in whatever form it attacks us, is painful. I usually describe it as darkness. For me depression is my darkness. It clouds my world to the point where at times I have not wanted to live. You can look back over past posts to learn how the darkness of depression has impacted me. More than that you can look back and learn the lessons living with mental illness has taught me. That is the purpose of this blog. I want to share the lessons I have learned. 

                  It would be selfish of me not to share the insight I have gained through the darkness of depression and the stranglehold of anxiety. While the lessons have helped me, they will only serve their greatest purpose if I share them. I think the above quote means that possession has an inherent obligation to share what we have with others. That being said, the greatest lesson I have learned from my mental illness stems from the battle to beat it down. I have learned that life is worth living even when depression tells me it is not. Many times, depression has driven me to the edge. It has led me to believe that I did not want to continue living. Depression has shouted in my head that continuing to live is futile. Fortunately, I have learned that I need to talk back to that voice.

                  The great Mr. Rogers speaks about the “helpers”. (“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” – Mr. Rogers) I believe the helpers are the people who step into our lives when times are tough, the times when we are struggling. They help us to get through the tough times. I have been blessed with helpers in my life. I have named them on my blog before. So, I think they know who they are. These helpers have helped me learn that my life is worth living no matter how much depression tries to convince me otherwise. I have been given a gift by these helpers. I possess this gift, but it is not for me to keep to myself. I believe that I have an obligation to pass it on. I want others who struggling to know that life is worth living. I want others to know that the weight of mental illness can be lifted. 

                  How do we lift that weight? How do we find reasons to live in the face of the darkness? The first step is to reach out for help. It is okay to say, “I need help. I cannot get through this on my own.” Mental illness, no matter how it manifests, is difficult to live with. We need therapy, medication, and alternative treatments. We need a supportive ear. We need someone to hold our hand and say, “I hear you.” Others often do not know we are struggling if we do not tell them. Sometimes we need to ask for that help. One thing I know from experience is that this is a difficult thing to learn. Most of us are hesitant to ask for help whether it is because we do not know how or what to ask, we are afraid to ask, or we have been let down when we have asked before. What I have learned is that even if we need to push ourselves, we need to ask for help. Mental illness cannot be battled alone. We would not fight cancer or heart disease alone. So, why should we fight mental illness alone?

                  Another lesson I have learned is that mental illness is messy. It does not follow a linear tract. There are days when we feel like crap. There are days when we feel better. Then there is everywhere in between. I think of mental illness as a small child’s scribbling. It is messy and all over the page. Can you picture that image? Now, imagine trying to live like that. Are you starting to see it? That is mental illness. Many of you reading this understand what I am describing. The thing is even when life is messy, we can find our way through it. We may need help to get through the scribbled mess. That help might be in the form of a trusted mental health care provider or it may be a coping strategy or an activity from a self-care toolkit. We need to remember that even if mental illness is messy, we can be guided out of the mess.

                  Another lesson I would like to pass on is that we do not need to keep quiet about our mental illness. It is not attention-seeking to talk about it. There are others who understand. We can join support groups like NAMI Connection. (Check out the link to find a group near you.) There are other support groups. There are DBSA support groups in every state. You can also ask you mental health care provider or even your primary care provider for resources that can help you. I have found that talking about my mental illness has helped me feel less alone. It allows me to feel connected to others. That connection is healing. When we can share what we are going through, we often find it easier to deal with it. 

Each time I write a post on this blog, I feel connected to others. I also know that somewhere someone is listening to what I have to say. That connection gives me strength to keep battling my mental illness. It gives me power over my depression and anxiety. One suggestion you can try is finding mental health groups and individuals on social media who are talking about their experiences. You can find connection in those posts. I know that we need to be careful on social media, but I have found a lot of really supportive individuals. Two that I would recommend are Giving Voice to Depression (This is her podcast link, but you can find her on Instagram and Facebook.) and BC Mental Health Awareness Project (on Instagram). Most chapters of NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) have a social media presence. 

                  I have learned many lessons about my mental health and about life. I try to share as much as I can on this blog. It is my way of trying to make a difference and to give back to the helpers in my life. I think it is a great testament to the helpers in my life if I can be a helper to others. If this post helped you in any way, I ask that you help me pass on the lessons I have learned by sharing my blog with someone else who may benefit. Together we can make a difference.

 

 

 

 

 

The Importance of Support and Connection

                  Living with an illness, whether mental or physical is difficult. Despite our best efforts we often cannot get through it alone. We have doctors, therapists, family, and friends to help us. Sometimes that is not enough. There is something missing. We need the support of those who understand what we are going through. While family and friends will try, and many are there for whatever we need, there is a sense of understanding that is missing. This is where support groups can be valuable.

                  A support group is an organized group of people living with the same condition or situation. I have gone to support groups for my mental health and for cancer. These groups and the people in the groups have helped me and I hope I have helped others.  A support group is a safe space to talk about what we are going through. It is a place where we find understanding and connection. 

                  Currently, I attend a cancer support group for people with stage 4 cancer. It is led by two therapists. We are on Zoom, which makes attending easier. I have been struggling with something related to my cancer. I was hesitant to share what I had experienced and how it had affected me because I thought it was insignificant compared to what others are going through. I forced myself to share. I was met with understanding and connection. I was able to talk about the situation and hear the perspective of others. It was helpful for me. Perhaps understanding and connection are the gifts of support groups. 

                  The therapist who leads the group said that every story matters. That struck me. I think our stories are all connected in some way. In this group maybe it is that we all know the struggle to keep living despite our diagnoses. Maybe it is that we are all battling an illness and still need to deal with everything else life throws at us. Our stories are connected in some way. That connection is our humanity. 

                  I have felt similar connections in mental health support groups. I have attended support groups facilitated through NAMI. They have a group called Connections (NAMI Connections). These groups are for individuals living with a mental illness and are facilitated by trained peers who have a mental illness. These groups also thrive on connection. I feel safe in these groups. I can share what I am going through and listen to the stories of others. Together we can thrive. 

Sometimes you need to be ready for a support group or you might have to try a couple to find the right one. I remember years ago I attended a support group for depression. I was not in place where I was ready for that kind of sharing and connection. It wasn’t a good fit for me at that particular time. Maybe it was the group. Maybe it was me. Either way I wasn’t in a place where I could share with others. I was closed in, which isn’t healthy.

 Luckily, in time, I found NAMI and later the cancer support group I am a part of. I am able to be a part of the connection now. It benefits me even on the days when I don’t say much. Just listening helps me on some days.

Support groups don’t always have to be formal. I think about when I was teaching. Lunch time was our support group time. Of course, we thought we were just having lunch together. We were all teachers. We went through similar experiences. During this break in our day, we shared our stories Our day-to-day struggles as teachers were discussed and understood. This was our time for connection and support. My experiences lie in teaching, but I imagine there are similar experiences in other careers.

Finding connection when we are faced with struggle, especially illness, is crucial. It helps us maintain a sense of power over our struggle by letting us know we are not alone. Connection allows us to work through our struggles with the support of others who understand. I am grateful that support groups are a part of my healing process. While each of our journeys is unique, we all face similar challenges. Together we can work through them and live our best lives. 

 

Different Sides of Depression

            Often depression is described as low mood, sadness, being down, darkness, or low affect.  Those are all part of it, but there are other aspects of depression, too.  One I struggle with is irritability.  Sometimes when my mood is very low, the heaviness and darkness I feel transitions into irritability.  My mood continues to drop, but I also feel very agitated.  Little things set off negative thoughts in my head.  I feel a sense of anger building in me.  At these times I don’t want to be around anyone.  I fear I will be set off by something inconsequential.  I fear my anger will show at times it normally wouldn’t.

For me the low mood starts first.  Sometimes I feel really drained before the irritability starts.  The irritability courses through me. It is as if I can physically feel it. It is like a fire rising inside of me.  I feel it crawling through me.  I want it to stop, but I find it difficult to relax.  My thoughts are all negative.  I hear the voice in my mind saying that everything is too much.  At these times I want to escape the situation.

Unfortunately, that need to escape sometimes manifests in suicidal thoughts.  Those thoughts make the situation worse.  I know that I won’t make an attempt on my life.  Cancer has taught me to value the time I have.  Still, the thoughts are there.  It is in these moments that I need to write.  I try to let the thoughts pour out of my pen.  For me the problem is if I don’t start writing soon enough.  If the depression and irritability build, I struggle to ease their effects on me. At these moments crawling into bed is often my only option.  It is hard to talk to others about the way I feel.  That leaves me feeling isolated.  Depression is an isolating illness.  It has left me on the outside looking in most of my life.

I imagine others who are diagnosed with depression experience similar feelings.  There is nothing neat and orderly about depression.  We all have our own unique experiences with this illness.  At the same time, we are bonded by the manifestations of depression we experience.  Some days depression looks different than other days.  Some days my depression is low mood.  Other days, it is a discouraged outlook on life. It is still depression.  No matter how it manifests, depression is still a painful illness.  

Support groups can help ease the isolation that depression causes.  NAMI offers support groups and peer classes.  There are other places to find support groups.  You can try asking a therapist or inquiring at your local hospital.  Right now, I am not in a mental health support group.  I am attending a cancer support group.  That is what I need at this point, but I plan to go back to a depression support group.  I know it will help me.  I encourage anyone struggling with the effects of depression, however they manifest for you, to join a support group. 

 

Here is a link to NAMI to begin your search: 

https://www.nami.org/Home