Why We Must Stop Stigmatizing Suicide: Supporting Mental Health Professionals and Ending the Silence

Recently, I saw a psychiatrist share on Instagram that another psychiatrist had died by suicide. What disturbed me most was not only the news of her death, but the cruel and derogatory comments people left underneath the post. These were not people who knew the psychiatrist. They were people making jokes about a psychiatrist dying by suicide. They were insensitive and their comments demonstrate how stigma is alive in our society. I am both shocked and angered by the comments. I would like to share my thoughts on this matter. 

Suicide Is Not a Sign of Weakness

                  First, I want to say that when a person dies by suicide it is not a choice to give up. Suicide is a symptom of mental illness. It is a result of a combination of factors including overwhelming emotional pain, mental health difficulties, trauma, isolation, or crisis. As someone who has lived with suicidal thoughts and ideation, I can share that it is extremely difficult. The pain is overwhelming. Sometimes it becomes too much.

Mental Health Professionals Can Experience Suicidal Thoughts Too

                  I want to point out that no one is immune to suicidal thoughts or ideation. These can affect anyone, including mental health professionals. They are human and just as anyone can experience suicidal thoughts and ideation, so can a mental health professional. It is not a sign of weakness for a mental health professional to experience these. It is not something to make jokes about. The people who made derogatory comments and jokes about the psychiatrist who died are insensitive and ignorant. A mental health professional is not immune to the same struggles faced by the patient’s they provide with care. 

Who Takes Care of the People Who Care for Us?

My third point was shared by the original poster. Mental health professionals hold a lot of the pain that their patients carry. They listen. They work with patients to cope through painful thoughts and experiences. It seems natural that carrying this weight can be difficult. This weight can get heavy. Who helps them carry this load? How do mental health providers release the pain they carry for their patients? These are important questions. As a patient I cannot answer these questions. I can research some information and share it, but that will come in an upcoming post. Right now, I want to focus on something that we can do as patients. I am hoping that my readers who have a mental health provider or team will learn from what I share here.

The Emotional Burden of Caring for Patients        

When I read about the comments that were made, I immediately thought about my mental health team. I realized how much of my struggles they have listened to. They have listened to the hard things I carry because of my mental illness. Each of them has been there in moments when I did not think I could continue. They have heard my suicidal thoughts. They have all done this with so much care. They have been my strength when I felt that I did not have the strength to continue. My mental health team has been there when I did not know what to do, when I was at my weakest. 

How do they listen to all of that? And I am just one of many patients. I am realizing just how much a mental health provider must carry. That must be difficult at times. I wonder if I do enough to show my appreciation to my providers. I always try to show my gratitude. I am conscious of my gratitude for them, but is it enough? Mental health providers – psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, psychiatric physician’s assistants, therapists, and counselors – carry their patients’ struggles and emotions. They deserve appreciation. Just as importantly, they also deserve an outlet to share their reactions or feelings to what they carry. As I said earlier, I can research how they can find that outlet and share ways in a later post. I think I will dedicate an upcoming post to how mental health providers take care of themselves. 

The Harmful Impact of Suicide Stigma

                  Right now, I want to make sure that everyone reading realizes the importance of being grateful for our mental health providers. I also want to make sure that we all understand the ignorance and cruelty of the posts I mentioned earlier. No one who dies by suicide should be ridiculed. The psychiatrist who died was carrying things that none of us know about. They were in pain that no one else can really know. For commenters to make jokes about their death is disgusting. We should not have to bring this up today. There is so much information out there about mental health. We should not have this ignorance. Sadly, stigma exists and where stigma exists, ignorance and cruelty thrive.

A Personal Thank You to My Mental Health Providers

                  I know my mental health providers read this blog. So, I am going to be selfish for a second and address them:

                  Dr. K, Dr. S, S, and B – Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for carrying everything I share with you. I appreciate all the ways you support and carry me. I am grateful that you are always there for me. I know you have been there in my darkest moments, in the moments when I did not know if I could hold on. For that I am forever grateful. I hope that I can always share my appreciation. I also hope that you have the resources to acknowledge that you carry my load and the load of all your patients.  Thank you is not enough. 

How Patients Can Show Appreciation for Their Mental Health Providers

                  I encourage everyone who works with a mental health provider to find a way to say thank you. IT can be as simple as saying, “Thank you” or “I appreciate you.”  It may seem like something simple, but it is so important. Let’s make sure that there is not another psychiatrist or other mental health provider who is mocked the way the psychiatrist I mentioned was. 

If you or someone you know are experiencing suicidal thoughts or ideation, you can reach out to the suicide crisis line at 

https://988lifeline.org. If you are in immediate danger, please call 911.

 

Choosing to Stay Alive When Depression Says Give Up

“And I won’t give up if you don’t give up”

 – Train, from the song, “Calling All Angels” 

One of the struggles that is a part of living with mental illness is that when things get tough, I sometimes feel like giving up. Living with depression is tough. Depression is always telling me negatives. Sometimes it whispers. Other times, it screams at me. It does not matter if is whispering or screaming. Either way, it hurts. Often, I have wanted to give up. Actually, feeling like giving up probably happens more than I like to admit. 

When I first heard the lyrics of the song “Calling All Angels” by Train, I was struck by the line “And I won’t give up if you don’t give up.” Music often speaks to me. I am a writer, and I am always thinking about words. When I hear certain lyrics or read something in a poem or book, I often find myself connecting to a piece of it. So, when I was first struck by this line, I tucked it away. However, every time I heard this song, (it is in one of my playlists) I was drawn to the line over and over again. It repeats in the song. So, it is easy to get hooked on the words. “And I won’t give up if you don’t give.” 

Why am I talking about this lyric? What does it have to do with depression or mental illness? The guys in Train probably were not thinking about mental health when they wrote it. So, why am I finding a connection? Simple. Not giving up is a sign of strength that so many of us who struggle with depression or other mental illness, possess. We are still alive. We are fighting our illnesses. We are choosing to live when the voice of depression often wants us to give up on life. 

Not giving up is a sign of strength. We may not always recognize it, but it requires strength to not give up. Even though, I did not recognize it in the moment, each time I walked away from suicidal thoughts, I was showing strength. Before I go on, I want to stress that dying by suicide is not a sign of weakness. It is symptom of an illness. Living with mental illness is not easy and sometimes it becomes too much. So, just because it takes strength to fight suicidal thoughts, it does not mean that a person who dies by suicide was weak. Believe me it takes strength to live each day with mental illness. 

Back to the lyric. “And I won’t give up if you don’t give up.” This lyric has me thinking of two ideas. First, I think as a person with mental illness, I say this line in some way or another to myself. I tell my inner self, the part of me that holds all the pain, all the negativity, all the hopelessness that depression pushes on me, not to give up. Together, this inner part of me and the part of me that the outside world sees, fight to not give up. We choose to live even though depression can be difficult. We choose to live even when depression is turning our world dark and tells us to give up. 

Even when I am in a downward spiral and feel the darkness all around me, deep down I know that I do not want to give up. In a recent post, Depression Told Me to Give Up - Why I Chose to Stay Alive,  I shared lyrics from Melissa Etheridge about choosing to survive and loving being alive. I think sometimes depression causes us to struggle. It becomes difficult to see that we want to live, that we want to survive. In those moments it is important to have people who won’t give up on you. That is the second idea this lyric brings up for me. Whether they are friends, loved ones, or mental health providers, It is important that we have people who won’t give up on us. I feel that commitment to not give up on me from all three of those categories of people. I am lucky. That luck is not lost on me. I am grateful for many people. I know I would not be here if it were for some of these people. 

I think as Mental Health Awareness Month draws to a close, it is important to stress that we need each other. We need people who won’t give up on us. Living with mental illness can be lonely and painful. That loneliness and pain can lead us to thinking that giving up is our only option. It is not, but it is hard to see that when depression has us cornered in a dark place. If we have people who won’t give up on us, we can walk back from suicidal thoughts. I promise you this is true. I am alive today because there have been people (they know who they are) who have not given up on me. 

If you have a loved one or friend living with mental illness, know that you can make a difference in their lives by being by their side, by letting them know that you won’t give up on them. If you are a mental health provider, know that being there for your patients allows them to live with their illness and not give up. I think that is one of the key takeaways of Mental Health Awareness Month. We need to be there for each other. Living with mental illness is tough, but if we if we are there for each other, if we don’t give up on each other, we can make a difference.

I love that in the song “Calling All Angels”, this line “And I won’t give up if you don’t give up” repeats so many times. It is as if it is echoing to ensure that we hear that message. I also love the title of the song, “Calling All Angels”. The people who don’t give up on those of us with mental illness, are truly angels.

 

 

 

 

Depression Told Me to Give Up—Why I Chose to Stay Alive

I often spend time thinking about my mental health. I have been through a lot in the near 40 years that I have been living with mental illness.  It has not been easy. My life is a series of ups and downs. Sometimes my mental health is in a good place. Other times I am near rock bottom. Then there are the in between times. Those in between times are probably where I dwell most often. The thing about mental illness is that it will teach you a lot if you listen. In all honesty, I do not always want to listen. Sometimes the pain is too much, but I have found that when I listen, I learn a lot about this journey I am on, who I am, and how I can help others who live with mental illness.

As I sit in front of my computer screen, I am not sure which lesson to start with. There are many. I think I will start with what might be the most important. Actually, the lessons are all important. This one just deals with the big picture. Simply put, I have learned that I love being alive. This knowledge is important because I have been to the edge where suicide seemed like my only option many times. There have been times when my mental health team or a loved one has had to reach out and gently pull me back from that edge. 

When I reflect on those moments, I realize that each time it was the depression screaming in my head that life was not worth living. It was not my own thoughts that were driving me. Recently, I heard a song that really got me thinking about all the times I have been on the edge and thought ending my life was the only way out. The song is “Bein’ Alive” by Melissa Etheridge. I think it is a new song. Let me share the part of that song that really hit me, although the whole song really speaks to me.

 

Then there were times I was down on my knees
Sayin', "This is gonna break me, this is gonna bleed for a while"
Then hours turned to days
And it all blew away
And I chose to survive
God, I love being alive

 

                  That line, “And I chose to survive” hits me. While my mental health team pulls me back from the edge of harming myslef, in the end I am the one who choose to survive. Yes. I need their support, but ultimately, I am the one who has decided I want to survive the pounding voice of depression. And you know what? When I am in a good place, and even during the in between times, “I love being alive.” I realize there are reasons to enjoy life. So, I think the lesson I can share from this is that there are going to be difficult times, but we can pull through those times and enjoy being alive.

                  Another lesson I have learned is that we do not need to be alone. I often feel alone. I do not have a partner in life. My friends are often busy with their own lives. A lot of my family is either spread out or has their own lives to live. So, I spend a lot of time alone. I understand loneliness. Depression likes to feed off that loneliness. Sometimes that is when its power over me gains strength. As part of the lesson that we do not need to be alone, it is important to recognize when we need to reach out for support. 

                  There was a time when I did not have a support system. My pain was deep, but I did not know there was support out there. I did not know that I could reach out for the support I needed. I have since found that reaching out is important when you live with mental illness. We cannot fight this illness alone. That part of the lesson really hit home for me when I was diagnosed with cancer. I was never alone in my cancer fight. I had the support I needed. As I was going through that I realized how important that support was for my mental illness battle. 

                  The important thing about reaching out for help is it allows us to build a support system for those times when we cannot get through things on our own. Support systems will look different for each of us. My support system has grown over the years, but it started small. At first, I only had my psychologist. He “carried” me through a lot and is still walking with me on this journey. Now, I have others who are a part of my support system. They buoy me when I struggle. They ensure that my treatment plan is adjusted when it needs to be. They provide the treatment. Sometimes it is just talking or emailing with one of them. I would be lost if I did not know I have a support system I can reach out to when I am struggling. An important lesson I have learned about mental illness is that I cannot fight it alone. I need to know that I can reach out. I need to know when to reach out and to trust that my support system will be there for me. This requires me to be okay with reaching out. 

                  I know I am lucky to have the incredible support system that I have. What if you do not have a support system? How do you create one? Before you try to create a support system, it is important to understand that you have choices. You can choose who is a part of your support system. You get to be comfortable with these people. It may take some work to develop the connections with your support system that allows you to trust them. Let’s look at a few steps to take when developing a support system.

                  First, tell yourself that is okay to reach out. If you are in crisis, a good first step is to call the 988 lifeline. If you are in danger or feel you may hurt yourself, call 911. These calls can lead to connections with mental health care provider, and more importantly will keep you safe in these times.

                  What if you are not in crisis? There are few ways you can start building a support system.

·      Make an appointment with your primary care provider. Discuss the feelings and emotions you are dealing with. Ask for a referral to a mental health professional.

·      If you do not have a primary care provider, you can go to an urgent care facility. A medical practitioner there can refer you to a mental health provider.

·      Some medical insurance programs will provide you with list of mental health providers in their network. Ask for this list. Then select a few providers from this list and look them up online. You might be able to find information about the provider and their practice. There may be reviews that can help you. 

·      Contact groups such as NAMI. This organization has support groups, classes, and other programs to help people living with mental illness and their loved ones. 

 

Once you have found a mental health provider it is important that you are honest

with them. They need to know what you are going through if they are going to be able to provide the support you need. I realize that sometimes it is hard to talk about what our mental illness is doing to us. We might feel embarrassed or like we should not be struggling. It is important that we push these ideas behind us. Creating a support system requires honesty and a willingness to accept support.

                  So, two of the most important lessons I have learned while living with mental illness are that want to live and that I need a support system I can rely on. I believe these are two of the most important things for any of us living with mental illness. Life is worth living and it is okay if we need support to live fully. 

        I keep hearing those lyrics written and sung by Melissa Etheridge, “And I chose to survive/God, I love being alive”. When we realize that we want to live and that we really do love life, we need to do whatever is necessary to be alive. Support systems are part of being alive for some of us. That is okay. So, I guess mental illness has taught me important lessons. It has taught me that I love being I alive and that life is worth living even when mental illness tries to tell me it is not. I hope that if you are struggling, you can find the support to learn that you love being alive.

 

 

 

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It’s Not Just a Phase: Debunking Common Depression Myths (Part 3, Teen Mental Health)

                  March 2 was Teen Mental Health Day. Now seems like a perfect time to debunk myths surrounding teen depression. Teens face depression and they deserve support and care. Often, they do not get the care and support they need. Some causes for this include shame and stigma, not recognizing the signs of depression, fear of parents’ reaction, limited access to care, confidentiality concerns, the depression itself, cultural and identity factors, and past negative experiences. These are important issues that need to be addressed. Embedded in some of these issues are the myths that surround teenage depression. Today I would like to look at some of those myths.

                  One myth is that teen depression is just hormones, and they will grow out of it. All teens go through some mood changes, but those can be minor. When mood changes are persistent, it is not just hormones or a phase. Indicators of depression or other mental illness in teens include persistent sadness, anxiety, withdrawal, or behavior changes. Mental health research confirms that mental health challenges are common in teens. Teens can be depressed. Teens can be anxious. These are health issues, not just hormones.

                  Another myth is that “teens just want attention”. When teens are exhibiting distress or self-harm thoughts, it is indication that they need support. They should not be dismissed as seeking attention. Sometimes the behavior can seem dramatic. Even in these instances it should not be dismissed. The underlying emotions are real and need attention from mental health professionals.

                  Here is a myth that I find aggravating. “Good kids don’t get mental health problems.”  This is an asinine belief. Having mental illness is not about whether we are a good person or bad person. Depression and other mental illnesses affect kids across backgrounds and interests. It can affect athletes, high achievers, quiet kids, theater kids, musicians, popular teens, the teen that sits by themself, the class clown, or the teen that is always getting in trouble. Depression can affect any teen. Mental illness does not differentiate. It can affect teens of all races. Stress, trauma, genetics, and brain chemistry can affect anyone. Teens included. Having depression or other mental illness does not make you a bad kid.

                  I would like to raise an issue I have with the school system and mental health here. I am a special education teacher. I am used to seeing children and teens labeled. It is part of the paperwork and the placements. There is one label or type of disability that has always bothered me. Children and teens with mental illnesses or behavior disorders are often labeled emotionally disturbed. I hate that term. Disturbed has such a negative connotation. These kids are not disturbed. They have an illness that affects their emotions and behavior. Calling them disturbed is an insult. It perpetuates stigma and the myth that good kids do not get mental illness. I am an adult with mental illness. I am not referred to as emotionally disturbed by my health care providers, mental or physical. I do not believe we should be using this label on children and teens. 

                  Another myth surrounding teen mental health is that talking about suicide puts ideas in their heads. There is research that shows that asking directly about suicidal thoughts does not increase risk. It actually opens the doors to conversations that can allow the teen to receive the help they need. Talking openly about suicide reduces isolation and encourages teens to seek and accept help. 

                  I would like to share a personal experience related to this. I was a teen decades ago, but I still remember being chastised for having suicidal thoughts. I distinctly remember a counselor threatening me because I had expressed thoughts about wanting to take my life. There was no support. Rather, I was made to feel like I was a bad person. Not being able to talk about my suicidal thoughts caused me to shut down. The thoughts did not go away. Hurting myself did not stop. A lot of has changed since then. A counselor would not treat a teen like that today. We know that talking openly with teens allows them to receive the support and help they need. We know that openness leads to dialogue, which leads to treatment.

                  Another myth is that therapy is only for serious cases. Therapy can help teens at all levels of need. It can help with everyday stress, identity questions, relationship issues, peer pressure, school pressure, and athletic pressures. It is not just for crises. Talking to a counselor or therapist can help teens navigate tough issues as well as everyday issues. There is nothing wrong with going to therapy. We can all benefit from it at times.

                  There is a myth that medication will change a teen’s personality. If medications are taken appropriately and under the care of a psychiatrist or other doctor, they reduce the symptoms of depression or anxiety. They do not erase a person’s personality. Often, a teen will feel more like themselves once a medication has started managing their symptoms. 

                  We talked about this next myth in Smiles and Appearances, The Masks We Wear: Debunking Common Depression Myths (Part 2). It is a myth that if a teen is laughing or getting good grades, they’re fine. Just as adults can mask the symptoms of depression and other mental illness, a teen can mask what they are struggling with. High-functioning depression and anxiety are just as real in teens as they are in adults. Just because a teen appears to be doing well on the outside does not mean they are not living with depression. We need to check in on the teen who smiles as much as we need to check in on the kid who is isolating themself. 

                  I am sure there are more myths out there. It seems that myths about mental health pop up all the time. Many people do not want to believe that depression is real. People want to believe that all kids are happy. Sadly, the ignorance perpetrated by the myths we have discussed harms teens every day. There are so many teens out there who are struggling and who need support. It is important that we break down the myths surrounding depression and other mental illnesses. We should be reaching out to teens. We should be listening to them. 

                  If there are teens in your life, I encourage you to listen to them. Listening means more than just hearing their words. It means paying attention to their actions. It means monitoring their moods. It means being aware of changes. Our teens need us. There are too many statistics that show teens are suffering and even dying from depression and mental illness. If we work to break down these myths and pay attention to our young people, we can make a positive impact in their lives. 

                  If you suspect a teen may be struggling with their mental health or feel unprepared to talk to your teen about mental health, reach out for support. You can talk to your teen’s pediatrician or a school counselor. You can contact organizations such as NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). You can call the 988 Lifeline. Whatever you do, don’t stand by silently. Any teen can suffer from depression and other mental illnesses and every teen deserves support.

 

 Check back next Thursday, 3/12, for another part in this series on Debunking Depression Myths.

Sharing What We Have

What we have is not for us to possess but to pass on. – Unknown

                  I heard the above quote when my co-teachers and I were showing a teen news show to our students. The host, Coy Wire, referenced the quote. It really resonated with me, and I found myself getting distracted in thought. My thoughts led me to think about my mental health journey. As I have shared over the past two and a half years, I have been through a lot with depression and anxiety. While I have suffered more than I would like, I have also learned a great deal. I think that is where this quote comes in. The lessons I have learned are not just for me. These lessons can help others as much as they have helped me. It is that sharing that is at the center of this quote. I have this blog as a platform to pass on the lessons I have learned. I hope I am doing that.

                  So much of living with mental illness, in whatever form it attacks us, is painful. I usually describe it as darkness. For me depression is my darkness. It clouds my world to the point where at times I have not wanted to live. You can look back over past posts to learn how the darkness of depression has impacted me. More than that you can look back and learn the lessons living with mental illness has taught me. That is the purpose of this blog. I want to share the lessons I have learned. 

                  It would be selfish of me not to share the insight I have gained through the darkness of depression and the stranglehold of anxiety. While the lessons have helped me, they will only serve their greatest purpose if I share them. I think the above quote means that possession has an inherent obligation to share what we have with others. That being said, the greatest lesson I have learned from my mental illness stems from the battle to beat it down. I have learned that life is worth living even when depression tells me it is not. Many times, depression has driven me to the edge. It has led me to believe that I did not want to continue living. Depression has shouted in my head that continuing to live is futile. Fortunately, I have learned that I need to talk back to that voice.

                  The great Mr. Rogers speaks about the “helpers”. (“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” – Mr. Rogers) I believe the helpers are the people who step into our lives when times are tough, the times when we are struggling. They help us to get through the tough times. I have been blessed with helpers in my life. I have named them on my blog before. So, I think they know who they are. These helpers have helped me learn that my life is worth living no matter how much depression tries to convince me otherwise. I have been given a gift by these helpers. I possess this gift, but it is not for me to keep to myself. I believe that I have an obligation to pass it on. I want others who struggling to know that life is worth living. I want others to know that the weight of mental illness can be lifted. 

                  How do we lift that weight? How do we find reasons to live in the face of the darkness? The first step is to reach out for help. It is okay to say, “I need help. I cannot get through this on my own.” Mental illness, no matter how it manifests, is difficult to live with. We need therapy, medication, and alternative treatments. We need a supportive ear. We need someone to hold our hand and say, “I hear you.” Others often do not know we are struggling if we do not tell them. Sometimes we need to ask for that help. One thing I know from experience is that this is a difficult thing to learn. Most of us are hesitant to ask for help whether it is because we do not know how or what to ask, we are afraid to ask, or we have been let down when we have asked before. What I have learned is that even if we need to push ourselves, we need to ask for help. Mental illness cannot be battled alone. We would not fight cancer or heart disease alone. So, why should we fight mental illness alone?

                  Another lesson I have learned is that mental illness is messy. It does not follow a linear tract. There are days when we feel like crap. There are days when we feel better. Then there is everywhere in between. I think of mental illness as a small child’s scribbling. It is messy and all over the page. Can you picture that image? Now, imagine trying to live like that. Are you starting to see it? That is mental illness. Many of you reading this understand what I am describing. The thing is even when life is messy, we can find our way through it. We may need help to get through the scribbled mess. That help might be in the form of a trusted mental health care provider or it may be a coping strategy or an activity from a self-care toolkit. We need to remember that even if mental illness is messy, we can be guided out of the mess.

                  Another lesson I would like to pass on is that we do not need to keep quiet about our mental illness. It is not attention-seeking to talk about it. There are others who understand. We can join support groups like NAMI Connection. (Check out the link to find a group near you.) There are other support groups. There are DBSA support groups in every state. You can also ask you mental health care provider or even your primary care provider for resources that can help you. I have found that talking about my mental illness has helped me feel less alone. It allows me to feel connected to others. That connection is healing. When we can share what we are going through, we often find it easier to deal with it. 

Each time I write a post on this blog, I feel connected to others. I also know that somewhere someone is listening to what I have to say. That connection gives me strength to keep battling my mental illness. It gives me power over my depression and anxiety. One suggestion you can try is finding mental health groups and individuals on social media who are talking about their experiences. You can find connection in those posts. I know that we need to be careful on social media, but I have found a lot of really supportive individuals. Two that I would recommend are Giving Voice to Depression (This is her podcast link, but you can find her on Instagram and Facebook.) and BC Mental Health Awareness Project (on Instagram). Most chapters of NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) have a social media presence. 

                  I have learned many lessons about my mental health and about life. I try to share as much as I can on this blog. It is my way of trying to make a difference and to give back to the helpers in my life. I think it is a great testament to the helpers in my life if I can be a helper to others. If this post helped you in any way, I ask that you help me pass on the lessons I have learned by sharing my blog with someone else who may benefit. Together we can make a difference.

 

 

 

 

 

A Letter to Anyone Contemplating Suicide or Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts

To Anyone Contemplating Suicide or Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts: 

I see you. I understand you. At times I am you. I cannot say that I know exactly what you are feeling or thinking. Each of our experiences are our own. I can say that I have felt the pain of suicidal thoughts, the pain of feeling there is no other way. I know it is a pain that is difficult to explain to others. It is a pain that is difficult to endure. I have been helped in my moments of crisis. There is help for you, too. If you feel that you do not have someone to reach out to, call or text 988, go to the emergency room, or tell a loved one. There is help. There is hope. The pain will get better. This world needs you and all you have to offer. I know right now you may not believe this. I did not believe it, but I have learned that it is true. Your life is worth living.

                                                                    Sincerely,

                                                                    Someone Who’s Been There 

 

Suicide Prevention Month is a time when we focus on saving lives. It is a time to encourage conversations about suicide. Talking about suicide is important. By talking about suicide, we remove the stigma that so often prevents people from getting help. If we can help people to understand that they do not need hide their suicidal thoughts in shame, we can encourage them to reach out for help. It is okay to have suicidal thoughts. These thoughts are not a sign of weakness. They are symptoms of mental illness. Just as with any illness, someone with suicidal thoughts deserves treatment. I hope that as Suicide Prevention Month draws to a close, we can continue have conversations about suicide and normalize seeking help. 

This month I have focused on suicide prevention because I feel strongly about it. If you have not read the other posts, I encourage you to look back over the past month. Share with others. It is through caring enough to talk openly about suicide that we can save lives.

If you are having suicidal thoughts or contemplating suicide, please reach out to a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. If you do not have one, you can reach out to 

988

911

Or go to the nearest emergency room.

Hope and a Plan

        This month I have focused on suicide. I realize that it is a heavy topic. However, as I said on Monday, we need to talk about suicide. We cannot close our eyes and expect people to be okay. We can’t just send good wishes and have the suicide rates decrease. As September nears a close, I am not finished writing about suicide. It will be a topic on my blog periodically because I know the importance of talking about suicide. 

                  There is a saying that is shared frequently on mental health social media posts: It’s okay not to be okay. I think this saying is something we all need to internalize. There are going to be times for all of us when we are not okay. It is not limited to people with mental illness. That is a key thing to remember. We all go through difficult times. We can all feel hopeless. In those moments we need to remember that it is okay to not be okay and know that there is help available.

                  Suicidal ideation is a sign that a person is suffering. The person needs help. We have come a long way in finding ways to provide support. World Suicide Prevention Month provides attention to that support. Being aware in September is great, but it is not enough. There are many groups out there providing support year-round. Organizations such as NAMI and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention  work diligently to provide support and raise awareness. Check out the links for more information on these organizations and how you can get involved.

                  Turning this personal, I know the pain of suicidal thoughts. I have been on the edge where I have needed support. I am grateful to the people who have been there for me. They showed me there is hope. Knowing there is hope is not enough on its own. It is important that we know what resources are available. If you have a mental illness, it is a good idea to have a safety plan. You can read about safety plans in my article Creating a Safety Plan for Times of Suicidal Crisis. Safety plans can save a life. My safety plan has saved my life. 

                  Hope combined with the presence of a safety plan can save lives.  Add to those open discussions about suicide and we can make a real difference in people’s lives.  It is the willingness to break down the stigma surrounding suicide that will allow hope and safety plans to be their most effective. 

When you are on the precipice, when life seems to be too much, I hope you will hear the whisper of hope. It is there in our darkest moments. Unfortunately, it’s really hard to hear, but trust me it is there. I have heard the whisper of hope. It is different for each one of us, but hope is there. So, when life is at its bleakest call out to hope. Whisper, scream. Whatever you can do. Know that hope is there. It may not be easy as you climb down from that precipice, but I believe you can. I know it is difficult. Hanging onto hope is worth it. You have an unfinished story within you. Allow that story to be written.

 

If you are having suicidal thoughts or contemplating suicide, please reach out to a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. If you do not have one, you can reach out to 

988

911

Or go to the nearest emergency room.

 

 

Let’s Talk About it, Suicide Prevention Awareness

                  Suicide Prevention Month reminds us that we need to be able to have conversations about suicide. Many people are hesitant to talk about suicide. There is a stigma surrounding suicide. Some fear talking about it will lead to more deaths by suicide. People are afraid that even mentioning suicide might lead someone to take their life. In some cultures, it is considered taboo to talk about suicide. Others fear they will say the wrong thing. Still others, are uncomfortable with the topic of suicide because of personal discomfort or emotional pain. Sadly, many of us were taught not to discuss suicide. 

                  In my own life I avoided discussing suicide for a long time despite dealing with suicidal ideation. There were two main reasons. One was being raised in a religion that taught that suicide was a sin. That teaching led me to believe that my suicidal thoughts were sinful. I hid my thoughts and suffering. I was afraid of judgement. I know I am not alone. Even if the fear is not based on religious teachings, a fear exists that we will be judged critically and/or harshly whether by religious leaders, God, or society. 

                  The second reason revolves around my personal experiences. As a teenager I dealt with suicidal ideation and made attempts. These thoughts were not met with empathy or the help I needed. It took years to overcome this. Even today the anxiety that arose from how I was treated during those times surfaces. That fear of not receiving the help I need returns to my mind.

                  With help from my mental health team, I have learned that it is okay to openly discuss suicide. It is okay for me to share when I am struggling. This does not mean I tell just anyone, but I know there are people who will listen and support me. Not everyone has the support that allows them to talk about suicide. That is why I talk about mental health and suicide. We need to normalize these discussions. 

                  We need to break the silence surrounding suicide. How we talk about suicide matters. We should have compassionate and responsible conversations. These conversations should be direct and maintain hope and avoid sensationalizing or glamorizing suicide. When we talk about suicide with someone who is experiencing suicidal thoughts, we need to show them that they are not alone, open doors to help, and provide connection to help. When talking about suicide we need to avoid passing any judgement. Do not interrupt them as they are speaking. It is important to remember that you are not expected to solve everything. Be sure to take the person seriously. 

                  If you do not know how to connect the person to the appropriate help,  988 is a way to start. 988 provides support and can connect the person to additional services.  If the person is in immediate danger, you should call 911. Emergency rooms can also provide immediate help. It is important to not leave the person alone if there is an immediate risk. 

                  World Suicide Prevention Month provides an opportunity to spread information and knowledge that can make it easier to have conversations about suicide. Let’s have these conversations throughout the year, not just in September. If we reduce the stigma surrounding suicide, we can help people be more willing to reach out for help when they are dealing with suicidal thoughts. Being willing to talk about suicide can save lives. 

 

If you are having suicidal thoughts or contemplating suicide, please reach out to a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. If you do not have one, you can reach out to 

988

911

Or go to the nearest emergency room.

 

 

Keep Writing Your Story

You have so many beautiful chapters left to write. Keep going. – Unknown

 

                  I have read the above quote many times. It pops up on mental health social media posts frequently. As someone who has lived with suicidal thoughts and ideation and as a writer it is a very powerful sentiment to me. 

                  Our lives are stories that we are constantly writing. Every thought, every action is a part of the story that is our life. The beauty of viewing our lives as a piece of writing is that we are the author, and we can write and rewrite as we choose. Of course, this is not always easy. Sometimes when things get difficult or seem dark, we may lose the inner drive to continue writing our story. It is in those moments that we need to be reminded, even if that reminder comes from within ourselves, that we can take our story in any direction we want.

                  Writing our story is not always easy. In fact, it can be downright difficult at times. I try to remind myself that my story is worth living. To be honest there are times when that is difficult to believe. It is in those moments that we need to keep the reminders repeating in our minds. When an author writes a story, they keep their pen (or keyboard) moving. They understand that chapters will need to be revised or rewritten. To the author that is part of the beauty of writing. It is also the beauty of our lives. We can always get back up when a chapter of our life does not go as we want. We can rewrite those chapters by moving forward. 

Our stories do not end when we struggle. Within each of us resides the seeds of resilience. We may not always be aware of that resilience, but it is there holding the pen that will allow us to write the stories that make up our lives. Each chapter is different. Some chapters carry pain and darkness. Other chapters reveal contentment or even joy. It is in the writing of these chapters that we find beauty. We also find hope. That is why we need to keep writing, to keep living. I am not going to sugarcoat life. I know life is not always easy. At times it is a struggle to keep going. But if we keep going, we will find that it is worth it. We will find this even if our minds tell us it is not. In my last post I reflected on hope. I believe there is hope in the writings of our stories. Even if we need to fight to do it, we can choose our narrative if we believe we have hope. That is why we need to support mental health programs. These programs along with mental health professionals bring hope into our lives. Maybe part of our story is needing therapy, medication, or an alternative treatment. That’s okay. Our stories are not over when darkness sets in. There is hope. I urge each one of us to pick up the pen and forge ahead in the writing of our stories, in living our lives. As we continue on, resiliency and hope lift us.

                  Our life is a series of chapters. Each chapter is different. The important thing is we can always move on to the next chapter. Even the darkest chapter can be followed by a beautiful chapter. Often, the semi-colon (;) is used as a symbol to mental health. The semi-colon represents a sentence the author could have ended but chose not to. This can be applied to our lives. When it seems like we cannot keep going in life, when suicidal thoughts are consuming us, we need to remember to keep going. Our story is not over. There are beautiful chapters yet to be written.

                  Just a reminder: It is Suicide Prevention Month. If you are struggling, please reach out for help. 

 

If you are having suicidal thoughts or contemplating suicide, please reach out to a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. If you do not have one, you can reach out to 

988

911

Or go to the nearest emergency room.

 

 Hope Amongst Us

 

Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it and to work for it, and to fight for it. – Barack Obama

 

This past Saturday I attended and presented at the Los Angeles Suicide Prevention Network Summit. While there I was reminded of hope. Every time I am involved in a mental health activity or program, I am reminded that despite the darkness of mental illness, there is hope. 

It may seem odd that I found hope at a gathering centered on suicide. The thing is everyone here is focused on preventing suicide and that includes bringing hope to those dealing with suicidal thoughts and/or those who are contemplating suicide. We are gathered here to make a difference in people’s lives. As someone who has struggled with suicidal thoughts and contemplated suicide, being able to talk openly about my struggle is healing. At events like this I realize that I am not alone. I also see that there are people who care. These realizations go a long way into helping me heal. I am guessing that others find similar healing.

In the quote above, President Obama speaks about hope being inside of each of us. That is a powerful statement. Sometimes it does not feel like I have any hope. Many people with mental illness also experience this lack of hope. Sometimes it is hard for us to feel that hope, but President Obama is right. The hope is inside of us. As he mentions, there is a lot that tells us there is no hope. Our illness speaks loudly. It tries to force us to latch on to the contrary evidence. We need to rely on the courage that we do not always know we possess and push ourselves to work to allow the hope to take its presence. We need to fight to rise above our mental illness. We need to fight to overcome suicidal thoughts. 

Once we start fighting, we will learn that there are people out there ready and willing to help us. Days like today, when I am surrounded by people who are trying to erase the stigma surrounding suicide and to help people battle their suicidal thoughts, hope enters my heart. My mind recognizes that hope is a reality. All these people are working, fighting, to support people who are experiencing suicidal thoughts and/or contemplating suicide. Knowing these people care and are willing to give up their time to support people like me, grows that hope inside of me and others. 

I also gain hope from my ability to share my experience and knowledge with others. I presented as part of a panel with three women from a suicide loss support group, SOLACE. Being able to share with these women and present our experiences with others strengthens me. It lets me see that my experiences have brought me to not only a place of healing for myself, but to a place where I can try to bring healing to others. Isn’t that what hope is about? Being able to find hope within myself and share that hope with others, demonstrates that I am fighting to keep hope alive. It shows that my journey, despite having reached some deeply dark places, is making a difference.

 

If you are having suicidal thoughts or contemplating suicide, please reach out to a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. If you do not have one, you can reach out to 

988

911

Or go to the nearest emergency room.

 

        As painful as life can be, there is hope. Reach for it, work for it, fight for it!

                                               Kenzii, Me, Dorothy, Anne-Marie

    before our panel presentation

 

World Suicide Prevention Day 2025

        September 10^th is World Suicide Prevention Day. The theme for this year is “Changing the narrative on suicide”. This theme is intended to address harmful myths and stigma. It calls for more open and compassionate conversations about suicide. Suicide is something people are often uncomfortable talking about. That is precisely why we need to talk about it. The World Health Organization (WHO) states that “Changing the narrative on suicide” is “…about shifting from silence and misunderstanding to openness, empathy, and support — creating environments where people feel able to speak up and seek help.”

 According to WHO, suicide claims the lives of 720,000 people every year. The CDC reported that in 2023 there were 49,316 suicide deaths in the United States. These losses affect family and friends. Suicides also affect communities. The loss of any life to suicide is tragic and painful. That pain doesn’t go away. It may dissipate, but it is always present in some way. 

It is important that we discuss suicide and suicide prevention today and every day. We cannot ignore the fact that people are suffering and choosing suicide. We need to call for suicide prevention and mental health to be a priority in our communities, our country, and our world.

When I think about changing the narrative on suicide, I picture having discussions and sharing written works. I see social media posts and blog posts. I see people having conversations even when they are uncomfortable or painful. This is what needs to happen. We need to allow ourselves to be uncomfortable. People who are having suicidal thoughts are in pain. They are suffering. I think we can withstand some discomfort to work to prevent suicides and ease their pain.

Often, when someone dies by suicide, we hear people say that they didn’t know the person was thinking about suicide. They say there was no warning. But there are warning signs. This is why we need to talk more about mental health. We need to discuss mental health in our homes, in our schools, and in our workplaces. As a teacher I believe that mental health needs to be a part of school curriculums from a very young age. If we start talking about mental health with people when they are young, we normalize it. Hopefully, normalizing mental health will make it easier for people who are struggling with their mental health and those who are having suicidal thoughts to reach out for help. It will also, hopefully, lead to people be more comfortable asking someone if they are okay. Being willing to discuss mental health and suicide can make a difference.

I have lived with suicidal thoughts and been on the edge of taking my life throughout my life. For many years I did not know I could discuss how I was feeling or the suicidal thoughts I was having. It wasn’t until I learned to talk more openly that I found myself on the path to healing. This is how the narrative on suicide was changed for me. I hope that others can experience this change, which is why I use my voice now. If this blog encourages one person to reach out for help, it will have made a difference. That’s how we change the narrative, one life at a time. 

There is more help for people living with mental health disorders and suicidal thoughts now, but it is not enough. We need to work to create more avenues to provide support. We need to call on our governmental leaders to take action and fund mental health initiatives. Changing the narrative also means working to silence negative voices such as RFK, Jr. who is spreading damaging ideas. My personal action to change the narrative includes continuing to be voice for mental health action on this blog and with my involvement with groups like NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). I am going send emails to RFK, Jr. and others in the federal government explaining what mental illness is and is not. What can you do? Just reading this blog is an action step. Having one conversation about mental health is an action step. Think about what else you can do. 

I would like to end this post on a personal note. I share this in part to express gratitude and in part to demonstrate how conversations have changed and made a difference. 

As I have mentioned before back when I first started experiencing suicidal thoughts as a teenager there wasn’t much help. Mostly I dealt with it on my own. I discovered writing and wrote to help myself. But there was a counselor I owe a debt of gratitude to. She walked beside me at times. I realize now that she was strapped by the limited resources of the time. It wasn’t that my struggle with mental health and my suicidal thoughts were ignored as much as the help just didn’t exist back then. Conversations about mental health were not normal during that time. The counselor was there in the ways she could be.  Today the help I received would have looked much different. Still, somehow, I lived through those early years because the counselor did what she could. I would like to express my gratitude to her. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to find her now to say thank you. I guess I can only send my gratitude out into the universe and hope somehow in some way she feels it.

The narrative on mental health and suicide has changed in the nearly 40 years since I was a teenager living on the edge of the darkness. Thankfully, the narrative has made a positive change. But we need more. We have a lot of work to do. The number of deaths by suicide that WHO reports needs to be decreased. We need to make it okay to say, “I am not okay.” We need to make it okay to listen when others are struggling. We need to make it normal to discuss mental health. Together we can change the narrative on suicide.

 

If you are struggling, please reach out. You can call 988 or 911. 

 

Can Gratitude Change Your Life?

                  Gratitude is something that oftentimes gets lost in the world. We need to find a way to make it more present. Gratitude allows us to bring joy into our lives. It allows us to heal from the wounds that impact us. Gratitude lets us see the world and the happenings in our lives from a different perspective.

                  With a little research I found six ways that gratitude impacts mental health. Let’s take a look.

                  First, gratitude can reduce stress and depression. The practice of gratitude has been found to reduce levels of cortisol, a hormone that can increase anxiety and contributes to depression. Gratitude shifts focus away from negative thoughts, reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety. In people who regularly practice gratitude, there are reports of fewer symptoms of rumination.

                  Gratitude improves mood and emotional well-being. It boosts dopamine and serotonin which are neurotransmitters linked to happiness and well-being. Gratitude encourages a more positive outlook and helps people reframe challenging situations.

                  A third benefit of gratitude is enhancing relationships. Expressing gratitude strengthens social bonds and increases relationship satisfaction. Expressing gratitude fosters mutual trust and emotional intimacy. 

                  Gratitude increases resilience. When people are grateful, they tend to cope better with trauma and hardship. This comes from building a habit of focusing on what is going well even when times are difficult, which enhances emotional resilience.

                  A fifth way gratitude impacts mental health is by improving sleep. Research has indicated that the practice of gratitude journaling before bed is associated with better sleep and reduced insomnia. When positive thoughts fill the brain, it pushes out anxieties and helps the brain calm down. 

                  Finally, gratitude promotes self-esteem. One way it does this is by reducing social comparisons. Gratitude encourages people to shift their focus to what they have rather than what others have. The practice of gratitude leads to a stronger sense of self-worth and contentment. 

                  I try to recognize the things I am grateful for in life. When I am expressing gratitude, I feel a shift in my mood. Sometimes it is slight. Other times it is very moving. There are many ways to express gratitude. It can be done with words, both spoken and written. It can be done with gifts of appreciation. Gratitude can also take place in quiet reflection. I find myself reflecting on things I am grateful for in my journal. For me the written word holds my emotions and feelings. Placing my gratitude on the page immortalizes it. The words have become etched on the page. They are there for me to return to when I need a lift or a reminder of what is good in my life.

                  I have a friend, Robert, who messages me his gratitude list every morning. His lists remind me to be grateful. His joy and appreciation for life are apparent in his list. This encourages me to search for joy and recognize what I am grateful for. I know I should make a daily list and send it to him. That is a goal I have set for myself. 

                  Let me share a few things I am grateful for in life. First and foremost, I am grateful to be alive. Cancer and mental illness have threatened to take my life, but they haven’t won. I am grateful to my mental health and physical health teams for keeping me healthy. I am grateful for my family and friends. I am grateful to be able to share with everyone on this blog. It gives my writing a purpose and gives me a place to freely express what I have learned about mental illness. I am grateful that I have been able to return to work and that the position I returned to has been so great. There are many more things I could share, but I think what I have shared illustrates how gratitude can change a life.

                  Bringing this post back to the theme of the month (Suicide Prevention Awareness) I am grateful that I have survived the darkest moments of my life, the moments when suicide seemed like the only answer. I am grateful to the people who have brought me back from that edge. These are the people who have embraced me in hope. I think they know who they are. 

                  Gratitude is a gift we give and a gift we receive when we give it. Let’s all take a moment to recognize what we are grateful for in life. We might just find there is more than we realize. Let’s try to give gratitude a chance to change our lives.