Today I want to discuss a topic that is close to my heart. It is something I relate well to because I have dealt it for most of my life. I want to talk about passive suicidal ideation. The word passive is misleading. It doesn’t feel passive. Passive suicidal ideation is a serious problem and one that needs to be discussed.
Passive suicidal ideation is when someone wishes they were dead or has thoughts about killing themselves without making a direct plan. (source: GoodRx.com) Even though the person does not have a plan, passive suicidal ideation needs to be taken seriously. It requires the attention of a mental health professional.
Thoughts that a person with passive suicidal ideation might have include:
· “I can’t do this anymore.”
· “I don’t want to wake up tomorrow.”
· “Everyone would be better off without me.”
· “I wish I could just disappear.”
· “I hope I get in a car crash.”
· “I just want to sleep and never wake up.”
These thoughts may include a desire to die or not exist. The person may feel
hopeless. They may also feel trapped. Giving up seems to be the answer. The person may talk of feeling numb to everything around them.
The difference between passive suicidal thoughts and active suicidal thoughts is that with active suicidal thoughts there is an intent and a plan to die. Even though there is no plan with passive suicidal thoughts, it is important to get help. Those thoughts can become active. Passive suicidal thoughts become overwhelming. There seems to be no escape from the pain they cause. Without help passive thoughts can become active.
I don’t want to get too personal with my passive suicidal thoughts, but I have struggled with them. I have a safety plan for when they enter my mind. One key is recognizing their presence. When I can identify the thoughts, I am better able to reach out for help. One thing I have noticed is that I need to reach out for help early. If I allow the thoughts to fester, they become more difficult to fight. I think having a safety plan is important. It allows me to get help when I need it. My designated friend knows what to do if I share with her that I am having these thoughts. The safety plan provides an opportunity for my mental health team to intervene.
Passive suicidal thoughts are difficult to share with others. When these suicidal thoughts enter our minds reaching out can be the last thing we want to do for many reasons. These include embarrassment, fear of hospitalization, feelings of being a burden on others, and frustration. I have learned that these feelings are normal. Just as important, these feelings are okay. Passive suicidal thoughts are a part of the illness. Not everyone experiences them, but those of us that do, need to know that it is not our fault. Creating a safety plan and having conversations with our mental health providers are keys to fighting passive suicidal ideation. For more on creating a safety plan see my article at: https://namiglendale.org/how-a-safety-plan-can-ease-a-mental-health-crisis/
I know that at times my mind is going to go there. It is something that my mind has been doing for as long as I can remember. It took a long time to learn how to deal with these thoughts and how to trust others to help me. If you only take away one thought from this post, I hope that you take away that the thoughts are not your fault and that you deserve help. Knowing this is not going to stop the thoughts, but it will make the battle easier.
