Carrying Depression and Anxiety

                  As I have shared, I have lived with depression and anxiety for most of my life. Starting in my teenage years, depression has been a constant companion. Anxiety joined in a few years later. These two mental illnesses have been a heavy load. Somehow, I have learned to live with them. I owe a lot to therapy and treatment for my ability to function. Despite being able to function, my illnesses still make life difficult. 

                  Most days I can carry depression and anxiety. They impact my life, but I still live my life. On these days I have functioned. I have worked and socialized. I appear “normal”, as if nothing is wrong. I hesitate to use the word “normal”. What I mean by using this word is illness-free. These are the days when I appear to be like everyone else. No one would know that depression is whispering in my ear or that anxiety is causing a tightness in my chest. I have learned strategies that help me cope with the day-to-day effects of my mental illnesses. These are the days when I carry my depression and anxiety well.

                  As I heal and learn more about coping with depression and anxiety, the more I can function as if they were not present. It is a bit strange to say that I am still learning. Depression and anxiety have been present in my life for close to 40 years now. I don’t think I will ever stop learning. I see that as a positive. It means I am working on living with my illnesses. 

                  Even with continually being open to learning, there are days when the depression and anxiety are very heavy. They drag me down on these days. I feel like I don’t have control of what I am feeling. Depression and anxiety are in charge on these days. On these days I am unable to function as I would like. I find myself hiding, unable to interact. Depression feels like a heavy blanket darkening my world. Anxiety becomes a pressure and an antsy sensation that consumes me. These days happen more frequently than I would like, but most people would have no idea that I am experiencing this. I have learned to hide it. These are the days when I cannot carry my depression and anxiety. I am weighed down by their heaviness. I cannot see because of their darkness. 

                  This is mental illness. This is depression and anxiety. Some days I can live and carry them well. Other days I am crushed by their weight. I have good days and bad days. There are also the in between days. Those days when people who know me might pick up on how I am feeling, but I am able to hide it from others. 

                  I have learned that when the weight of depression and anxiety becomes heavy, it is time for treatment. I know I need the help of my mental help team. I have learned that needing both treatment and support are okay. Learning this is part of living with mental illness. The image that comes to mind for me is of rocks on a chain. On the good days I am dragging the chain of rocks behind me. The rocks are with me, but I can carry them. On the bad days those rocks are on top of me. In these moments they are a weight I cannot lift. 

                  Depression and anxiety are illnesses. These illnesses never leave me. I am just able to carry them better at some times than at other times. For me mental illness is not static. It weighs on me differently in each moment. I need to be able to identify how it is affecting me. I need to acknowledge the times when I can push myself. I need to recognize the times when I need to take a step back and protect myself. Most importantly, I need to give myself the grace to accept that what I am experiencing is an illness. 

                  

Affirmations for Anxiety

                  Anxiety affects many people.  It can show up in different ways and at any time.  It is more than just a temporary nervousness.  Anxiety interrupts a person’s ability to carry out daily activities. It is a diagnosable mental illness.  Anxiety impacts a person’s functioning. 

There are emotional and physical symptoms.  Common emotional symptoms include feelings of apprehension or dread, feeling tense or jumpy, restlessness or irritability, anticipating the worst and being watchful for signs of danger.  Common physical symptoms include pounding or racing heart and shortness of breath, upset stomach, sweating, tremors, twitches, headaches, fatigue, insomnia, frequent urination, and diarrhea.  A person will not necessarily experience all these symptoms.  Anxiety can manifest differently for different individuals.  

                  I first experienced anxiety when I was around 20 years old.  I remember a sense of doom coming over me and feeling like the world was closing in on me.  I didn’t know what was happening.  That feeling still occurs sometimes.  I experience chest pain associated with my anxiety.  It is important if you experience chest pain to have it checked so cardiac issues can be ruled out.  Another symptom of anxiety I experience is overbearing and intrusive thoughts.  It is one of the emotional symptoms of anxiety.  A dialogue will start in my head that is hell bent on telling me everything that is wrong or could go wrong.  It is a negative dialogue.  Another symptom I experience is being antsy.    Often, I feel as if I am on edge.  Combined with my depression, anxiety makes it difficult to function.

                  There are different types of anxiety disorders.  The most common are generalized anxiety disorder, phobias, panic disorder, and social anxiety.  I would recommend that if you experience any of the symptoms mentioned above that you see a professional.  

                  In this post I want to focus on affirmations for dealing with anxiety.  An affirmation is a statement that is true.  Affirmations are intentional.  When using them, you have a purpose. You are saying them with the intention of easing your anxiety and reminding yourself about a truth. 

You can use affirmations in different ways.  You can say them to yourself silently or whisper them to yourself.  It might be helpful to write them on Post-Its and keep them where you can easily see them.  You can try writing them in a journal. Perhaps write a particular affirmation repeatedly.  Another way to use affirmations is to record yourself repeating them and play them back.

I try to use affirmations in an attempt to talk back to my anxiety.  In all honesty, sometimes I need more than an affirmation.  That is because anxiety is an illness.  You can’t just wish it away.  The affirmations do help, though.  I find they are most useful when I catch the anxiety early in its attack.  

                  Here are examples of some affirmations you can use:

 

·      I am okay.

·      I am safe.

·      I have done this before. I can do it again.

·      I trust myself to get through this.

·      I can reach out to others. (Possibly use someone’s name)

·      I breathe in calm and breathe out worry.

·      I can take things one at a time.

·      I love and accept myself.

·      I forgive myself and let go.

·      I am doing my best and that is enough.

·      Even when I struggle, I am strong.

·      I have hope. 

 

 

Incorporating affirmations into your daily life can help ease anxiety.  Affirmations can be used in conjunction with treatments such as therapy and medication.  You do not have to handle anxiety on your own.  There is help.  If you have never been diagnosed, you might want to start by having a conversation with your primary care provider.  These providers can refer you to the right mental health professional.  It is important to remember that anxiety is an illness, and it requires health care.  

                  If you are struggling with anxiety, know that you are not alone.  It can feel like you are alone.  It can feel like the anxiety is too much to handle. I have often felt this way.  I need to remind myself to use affirmations.  With the help of my mental health team, I have developed a toolbox of coping strategies for anxiety.  Many of the coping strategies are the same as or similar to ones I use for depression.  Affirmations are a part of that toolbox. I encourage you to try some of these affirmations.  You can write some of your own if there is a specific statement you want to remind yourself of.  I will leave you with an affirmation:

 

                  I am stronger than my anxiety.