A Safe Place for Healing

    As I have shared often, writing is healing for me.  Sometimes I write at night while I struggle with the insomnia brought on by depression.  At these times I usually write in my journal, filling the pages with thoughts and poems.  During the day I find that I need to write especially now that I am unable to work due my cancer diagnosis.  I can’t just sit at home and stare at the television or nap.  I know that it is good for my depression for me to get out of the house.  That leads me to the point of today’s post, having a comfort zone, a place that feels safe.  For me that place is the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, more specifically, store number 138 on Mednick in East LA.  I love to sit here and write.  Writing is healing for me and sitting at this Coffee Bean adds to that healing.

I have been writing at this Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf for several years.  I used to show up at 5:30 am and write before I would go to work.  I would sit there and write poems.  I was always very productive on these mornings.  When I walked in the baristas would greet me.  Often, they would start my drink before I even ordered.  I’d chat with them a bit.  It was a comforting start to my day.  It was also my escape from the depression driven insomnia that plagued me.  I would have been there earlier if they had been open.

I think having a place to spend time writing has been healing for me.  Feeling comfortable here allows me to let the darkness in my mind escape through writing.  I can just write without being reminded of the loneliness I feel in my house.  I feel connected to people even though I sit by myself.  The important thing is the environment.  The smell of coffee wafts through the air.  I hear people talking, laughing.  I can pretend I am not alone.  This allows me to get lost in my writing and it somehow lifts my depression.

                  Most of all five of my books were written in this Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. Now, I write my blog posts and work on my next book here with a caramel cold brew next to me. I feel comfortable here.  My writing flows.  The words have a freedom to fill the page of my journal or the document on my computer screen.

Struggling with depression makes being in public places difficult, but this place is a haven for me.  The baristas are always kind.  I chat with most of them. After I was diagnosed with cancer, I couldn’t come in to write and drink my coffee.  I was gone for a few months as I underwent chemotherapy.  I missed my writing spot.  I missed the baristas.  I lost the comfort of my favorite writing place, the spot that lets me block out the depression.  

                  Most of the time I was receiving chemotherapy I stayed at my aunt’s house in Santa Monica.  It was not possible to hang out at my Coffee Bean because of the distance and the fact that I had to protect myself from illness. On one of the rare days I was at home, my friend came to this Coffee Bean and ordered my drink.  She told the barista it was for me and that I was fighting cancer.  The barista knew she was talking about me and bought the drink for me.  That drink tasted so good.  It also made me feel good that I hadn’t been forgotten.  

It is strange to have a connection to coffee place, but because my depression keeps me from socializing a lot, this place is my social connection.  I believe we all need a place where we feel safe.  A place where our illnesses do not matter.  When I was able to return to sitting here daily, the baristas remembered me and my drink order.  I felt welcomed back.  I have resumed my daily writing practice.  My next book is well underway, a product of sitting here with my cold brew.  My blog posts get written while I am sitting here.  I am productive despite my illnesses as I sit at this Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf.

I would mention some of the baristas by name, but there are so many who have impacted me with their kindness over the years, I don’t want to miss anyone.  I have spent so much time here.  Sitting here is one of my strategies for coping with depression. I truly believe it helps me cope with my depression. Having a place that feels comfortable, a place where I feel connected allows me to stand up to my depression.  My depression can rest on the sidelines while I sit here sipping cold brew and writing.  

It seems strange that I am writing about a place in my depression blog. The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf has provided me with a space to cope with my depression and to continue healing from my cancer.  I believe sitting here writing is a part of my healing. I know that the time will come when the cancer gets worse, and I will not be able to sit here and write.  I will have to return to chemotherapy and keep myself out of public places.  Until then, I will sit here in my comfort zone and write.  I plan to finish my next book while I sit here.  I hope that the blog posts I write here attract more readers and help people.  Everyone needs a place where they feel comfortable and find healing. The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf is that place for me.  Thank you to everyone at store 138!

My intention in writing this wasn’t just to give a shout out to the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf.  I want to encourage people who are living with mental illness to find their safe space, a place where they feel comfortable. That place is going to be different for everyone.  You might even have more than one place.  For example, sometimes I need to walk on the beach. It is important to identify places where you feel comfortable because being trapped at home can make your mood worse.  I’ve shared my place. I encourage you to find your place.  

 

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