The Silent Struggles of Depression: Be Proud of Yourself for Surviving

In this post I am going to offer advice to those of us living with depression, anxiety, or other mental illnesses. It is advice that can be beneficial to anyone, but I want to stress how important this is for those of us living with mental illness.  While I offer this advice, I recognize that it is not easy to follow. I struggle with this advice myself because of what depression and anxiety say to me. Still, this is important advice. It is simply: Be proud of yourself for surviving all the silent struggles you do not speak about. Let that sit for a minute. 

Whether we recognize it or not, we all have silent struggles. For some of us those struggles are magnified. These are the painful struggles. The ones that reverberate in our minds. But we are here. That is another statement we need to sit with for a moment. Depression has not taken us. It may not have been easy. We have battled silently, but that does not lessen all it has taken for us to still be here.

Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses are difficult to live with. These illnesses affect more than our mood. They affect every aspect of our lives. Depression and the other mental illnesses can get in the way of our work life. Often, we need to put on a front a work. We wear a façade that says, “I am okay.” We do not let our colleagues or supervisors know about our struggles. Instinctively, we know they would not understand. Some days it is difficult to work when our minds are full of the negativity of depression. I remember days when I was pushing through at work, keeping to myself as depression was telling me that my life was not worth living. That is an example of a silent struggle that we do not speak about. 

As I follow the advice I offered above, I need to be proud of myself for getting through those times. I stared suicidal thoughts in the face and kept working. I say that not for praise, but for my own realization that I should be proud of myself for the hard times I have made it through. I never told my colleagues. Some of them are good friends and maybe I could tell them now, but sometimes our struggles are very private. Our struggles are also painful. Can you imagine the pain that accompanies feeling like life is not worth living while going through the motions at work or in social situations? If you have never been in that moment, I can tell you that it hurts. It is painful. I need to remind myself that as painful as those moments were, I made it through them. There are people reading this post who can see themselves in what I have described. My message to you is to be proud of yourself for getting through the moments you do not talk about. 

Maybe it is in a different environment. Maybe we have sat through a family gathering while depression has told us we do not belong. Or anxiety has told us we are not good enough or that we have not lived up to the successes of other family members. For me anxiety berates me for being the only one without children and for just being a teacher. I find myself trying to push anxiety down. Then when I go home depression decides to pop in and tell me I am not good enough and that everyone in my family is better. It is a silent struggle. No one knows. Well, you know now. What I am getting at is that as safe as family gatherings should be, they can be a source of depression and anxiety for many of us. We need to be proud of ourselves for making it through those gatherings. It takes a strength that others do not see or understand. We silently make our way through situations that others find easy. 

Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses can impact any area of our lives. They can make getting through the day-to-day aspects of our lives difficult. Others do not always see what we are struggling with because we have learned that it is not safe to let others see our struggle. We may be embarrassed by how mental illness affects us. We need to let go of that embarrassment. Believe me, I know that is easier said than done. I still struggle with this, but I know it is important for us to believe that we are not our depression, anxiety, or other mental illness. Our silent struggles are real, but we have a strength within us that carries us through the tough times. We are still here. Mental illness has not won. For that we can be proud.  So, remember, be proud of yourself for surviving all the silent struggles you do not speak about.

 

Depression Recovery: Why Small Victories Matter More Than You Think

Depression is difficult to live with. Depression affects our motivation, our energy levels, our concentration, our decision-making skills, our self-care abilities, and our feelings of accomplishment. With any or all these things being affected by depression, it can be difficult to experience success in the way society tends to view it. For many of us with depression, it is important that we adjust how we define success.

Healing, or recovery, can be difficult to define because they can look different for each person. Healing can even look different for the same person at different times in their life. One thing we need to avoid when we discuss healing is absolutes. Healing does not mean the depressive symptoms are completely gone. Healing is a process. Since it is a process, we need to recognize the small victories in the healing process. 

Why Small Wins Matter in Depression Recovery

                  Small victories are the little things we notice as depression is lifting. A victory might be getting out of bed in the morning. It might be going 24 hours without a suicidal thought. It might be engaging with a friend. Small victories are the steps that show depression is lifting. One way I know I am coming out of a depressive episode is that I see more color in the world around me. Another way I know I am healing is I isolate less. These are small things on their own, but when look at them through the lens of the healing process, they are important. 

                  There have been times when even the small things have seemed impossible for me. When depression is at its worse, I struggle to function. Simple self-care activities are difficult. Keeping my house clean becomes difficult. I set something down and don’t have the willpower to put it where it belongs. Making a meal for myself can be difficult. There have been times when just washing a couple dishes or washing a load of laundry is an accomplishment. It may seem silly to think of one of these activities as a victory, but it shows how difficult depression can make our lives. 

                  I have been lucky that despite depression ravaging my life, I have been able to work most of that time. Many people are not as lucky. There have been days when just walking in the door at work has been a success for me. Unfortunately, I cannot say that depression has not impacted me at work. The days, even the moments when I have been able to function enough to work effectively are successes.

A Simple Exercise to Recognize Your Progress

                  If you are reading this and you live with depression, I want you to try something. Look at your life. Write down five small things that are difficult for you because of depression. There may be more, but let’s start with five. You can add more later. Next to each one, write what it looks like when you accomplish it. Then I want you to write an equal sign (=) after each description. After each description write the word “victory”. Keep this paper where you can easily access it to remind that you can achieve victories. It does not need to be all five at once. Maybe it is just one today and a different one tomorrow. The important thing is recognizing the small victories over depression. 

                  If you are reading this and you do not live with depression, I want you to go back and read that last paragraph. Now, make a list of small things you do without thinking about it. These are your small victories. The difference is these do not require the same effort from you. What if you could not do these things? What if something as seemingly simple as taking a shower was difficult for you? What if returning a text message took effort from you? This is what life with depression is like. 

Small Victories Add Up

                  Small victories add up. They add up at different paces for each of us. We may have setbacks. We made do more on one day than another. We may have days when depression knocks us completely out and we do not do anything. All this is okay. It is part of the healing process. 

I think one of the important parts of healing is recognizing that it is a process. It is actually a lifelong process because depression is an illness. For most of us it is more than just passing episode. I try to remember that there are going to be times when I am doing well and there are going to be times when I struggle. To do this I need to remain focused on the small victories. For example, having a conversation with the techs when I receive TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) or esketamine, is one way I measure my small victories. If I can have a conversation, I know I am improving. I know I am less depressed. 

Depression makes life tough. Those of us who live with it must be tough. We may not recognize how tough we are. That is because depression screams the opposite it in our heads. The truth is we work hard to do the small things. We deserve to recognize these accomplishments. We also need to know that small victories add up. As we do the small things, we increase our ability to do harder things. By focusing on the small things, we can fight our way back into life. We can fight depression and be well. This does not mean we will not fall back into the darkness of depression at times, but if we focus on the small victories, we can keep ourselves on the healing journey. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Living with Depression Really Feels Like: A Personal Letter to Friends and Family

This post is written to raise awareness about living with depression by giving an inside look at depression and anxiety. 

 

Dear Friends, Family, and Those of You Reading This,

                  I think about my life, and I realize I have lived through a lot. Many you of know some of my struggles, but you don’t know all of them. I want to share with you how depression impacts my life.

On the surface I function fairly well most of the time. What you don’t see is the voice inside of me screaming words of self-doubt. It is the voice of depression. It tries to drag me down. It tells me I am not good enough. It reminds me of all I am not good at and demeans my abilities in other areas. Depression’s friend anxiety jumps in and makes things worse. Anxiety tells me things are not going well. It brings fear to the forefront of my mind. 

Depression dampens my view of the world. It blankets my life in darkness. The me you see is fighting on the inside. I need to push myself to reach through the darkness and function. Living with depression is a constant battle to find light in the world. Depression wants everything to seem negative and not worth doing. Depression wants me to hide in a corner and avoid the world.

When depression shows its worst side, it pounds me with the idea that life is not worth living. Yes, even when you see me functioning, I may be battling to tell depression I want to live. You see, depression tells me just the opposite. Can you imagine for a moment what that might be like? 

What is weird is anxiety jumps in at times and expresses fear of dying. My cancer battle is an example. When I found out I had cancer, anxiety grew stronger. It told me I was going to die. In all honesty, I was very sick. The problem was anxiety took every pain and intensified it. It brought doom and gloom to every test. Depression told me I deserved cancer because I had believed my life was not worth living. Imagine what is like to be afraid of an illness that is trying to kill you while at the same time thinking that your thoughts brought on the illness.

The thing is I fought through all of this. You may not be aware of how much I fight or how difficult it is for me to navigate depression and anxiety. That is because I try to hide it from you. I do not want you to worry about me. I do not want you to see how much I struggle or how much pain I feel. 

I have support in dealing with depression and anxiety. I am not alone. I have a team I can rely on to provide the treatment I need to continue functioning in this world. They teach me how much life is worth living. They provide ideas for the coping strategies I use to cope with all that depression and anxiety challenge me with. They provide the treatment I need to overcome depression and anxiety.

I am actually doing well as I write this. I am in a safe space, but I know how fragile that space is. Depression and anxiety can take control. They can tear apart the safe space I am in at any moment. I need to believe I can cope with anything depression and anxiety throw at me. My team helps me. My experience strengthens me. I move forward, if not confidently, at least emboldened to try.

My hope in writing this is that you see what is underneath the persona I try to show to you. I do not do this to make feel sorry for me. There is no reason to feel that way. I do ask that you become an ally. I ask you to be someone who will sit with me in the darkness, not to try to fix me, but just to be with me. In being an ally, you can make others aware of what it is like to live with depression and anxiety. You will be raising awareness, which is how we create opportunities for people to get help when depression and/or anxiety become too much. I also ask that if you see any of what I have shared in yourself, that you reach out and ask for support. Depression and anxiety hurt, but when people support each other, we can ease the pain.

                                                                                                                                                                  Take Care,         

                                                                                                                                                                  Gina

 

How to Find Things to Look Forward to When You Have Depression: Small Steps That Build Hope

                  When you live with mental illness life is often very closed off. We isolate for various reasons. Sometimes it is because we do not feel up to engaging in activities. Sometimes people are so used to us canceling plans that they stop inviting us. Often, we mentally and physically cannot do things. Despite this we cannot give up. We need to engage.

                  In my last post How to Find Joy in the Little Things When You Live with Depression: Simple ways to notice hope, comfort, and small moments of happiness during difficult days I discussed finding joy in moments. Today, I would like to talk about the looking forward. There is a little mental health pick me up trick that can help improve our mood. Simply put, this pick me up is having something to look forward to. Sounds simple, right?. It probably is simpler than we think, but maybe we need a little help figuring out how we can focus on having something to look forward to each day. 

                  One of the reasons we need things to look forward to is that our minds need to know that there is more to life than being in survival mode. There is more to life than the darkness that depression throws on us. Having something to look forward to can break the grip depression or other mental illnesses have on us. Having something to look forward to tells us “Hey, you have this positive coming up!” 

                  Before I jump into ways to set up things to look forward to/things to anticipate, I would like to say that I think it is important to balance what we look forward to with noticing what we have already experienced. Those little joys that I discussed in my last post are equally as important as having something to anticipate. Living with mental illness is hard. Balancing these two is not easy. I recommend the balance because if we are caught up in only thinking about what has happened, we can miss what can happen. By the same token if we are always anticipating and not doing, we have no memories to make. Life, in general, requires balance. So, I just encourage all of us to balance what we anticipate with the joys we notice.

 

 

How do we gather things to anticipate?

                  Here are a few ideas that can help us start anticipating things that will bring us joy even as we battle depression:

    Create Little Things: When we are looking at the future it is often easier to keep things small. We can get lost in the big goals. So, let’s start by creating a “Little Things” List. This can include things like:

o   Going for a walk tomorrow morning

o   Meeting a friend for lunch

o   Watching the season finale of a favorite television show

o   Picking up our favorite coffee on our way to work

o   Carving out time for reading a book by a favorite author or in a favorite genre

    Be Intentional in Our Anticipation: We can allow anticipation to be part of our experience. We might 

o   Read reviews of a movie we plan to see

o   Check out the menu of a restaurant we plan to eat at

o   Watch a YouTube video about a place we plan to visit

o   Talk to a friend about something we plan to do together.

    Decrease the Effort Needed to Say Yes to Something: Enjoyable activities often require a bit of effort. I am talking about the little things that people who do not live with depression might not think about. Here are some examples:

o   Lay our clothes out the night before we plan to do something. This can take the planning and decision making out of preparation.

o   Keep the book we want to read next to our reading spot.

o   Have the friend or family member we are doing something with pick us up.

o   Create a hobby space. This will make it easier to engage in a hobby.

    Create a Future Interest List: Sometimes we do not do things or anticipate something because we do not know what we want to do. Maybe our mind gets overwhelmed when we try to think about what we want to do. Having a list of activities we are interested in doing, allows us to “pick one off the list” and plan it. These lists help up find things to do without being overwhelmed trying to think of something from scratch. We might have a set of lists. Including:

o   Movies we want to watch

o   Restaurants we want to eat at

o   Areas we want to walk in

o   Books we want to read

o   Places we want to visit

o   Hobbies we would like to try

    Set Up Recurring Events: Sometimes it helps if we have a few things that we do every week or at set times. Recurring events take the process of thinking of new things out of process. The predictability also makes things easier when we live with depression. Our mind does not have the added pressure of deciding what to do. Examples of recurring ideas include:

o    A set time to talk to a friend

o   A daily walk with our pet time

o   A set night to go to a restaurant or pick up food

o   A monthly movie day

o   A regular day or two to get coffee from our favorite coffee shop

 

        All of the above show how important structure can be for us. When we can plan things in advance, we are more likely to engage. Notice that most of these things are smaller things. It is important to have these small things to look forward to. It is easier to follow through on small things. When we plan something that we know we are likely to follow through on, our brains are more likely to help us follow through. This develops hope because our brains start to learn that we follow through on doing the small, planned things. Doing these activities allows us to feel joy. 

                  Going back to my previous post (mentioned above), we can “keep evidence” of what we have done, especially if we enjoyed it. Maybe we do this by keeping a list on our phone of the things we have done. We might write about what we have done in a journal. We can keep evidence without words by taking pictures. We might set up a folder on our phone to keep pictures of the things we have engaged in. Whatever way we keep evidence, the important thing is that we have a way to remember that we can engage, and we have engaged. We can look back on this evidence when we are struggling. Seeing our evidence can provide the little push we need to re-engage. 

                  Living with depression often leads us to isolate. This isolation is not healthy mentally or physically. We need to find ways to engage in life. If you do not have anyone to engage in activities with or you just need a little help, I would suggest finding a NAMI Connections support group. Click on the link to find a group near you. Once we start engaging, we will find ourselves doing more. We just need to take one step at a time. We just need one thing to look forward to. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Find Joy in the Little Things When You Live with Depression: Simple ways to notice hope, comfort, and small moments of happiness during difficult days

    Have you ever had an experience where everything felt good even for a brief moment? I am not talking about something big. I am talking about the little things - the taste of great cup of coffee, the feel of the ocean breeze, the compliment from a colleague, an unexpected thank you. These are the moments when things unexpectedly go our way. They are the moments we could miss if we are not paying attention. Take a second to think about the times you have experienced one of these moments. It may seem hard, but we all experience these moments.

There are rare moments in our lives when we experience things feeling right. Actually, they may not be as rare as they seem. Two questions come to mind: how do we spot these moments? and how do we look back and spot the moments that have already occurred? Both are important. From a mental health perspective, it is important to embrace the moments when things feel right. These moments are the moments that give us hope. Those of us living with mental illness know that hope can be illusive. So, if we can start with the little moments, we can build toward embracing hope and living with joy.

I am not naïve enough to believe that noticing the little positives is going to make our mental illnesses disappear. It is not going to take away all the pain we live with. It will, however, allow us to learn to experience joy when it appears.

 

How Do We Spot the Little Joys in Our Lives

                  There are different ways we can spot the little joys in our lives. These may not be easy, but nothing is easy when you live with mental illness. So, give these a try. Pick one or two as a starting point. See where it takes you.

 

·      Lower the bar for what counts as joy – Joy isn’t always happiness, excitement, or gratitude. It can be little things. Consider the following as joy:

o   Your pet cuddling up against your leg

o   Your favorite song being played on the radio

o   A good cup of coffee

o   Finishing a task

o   Sunlight coming through your window

·      Pay attention to what interests you – Sometimes joy can come from curiosity. Ask yourself questions as you go about your day. It can be hard to be positive all the time, but maybe we can still be curious. We might ask:

o   What do I find comforting?

o   What was interesting about the show I just watched?

o   What color combinations in nature interest me?

o   What places make me feel comfortable?

·      Allow yourself time to take in good moments – It can take time to realize that something makes us happy or brings us joy. What we can do is give things an extra bit of time to evolve. This can involve:

o    Noticing the sensations we are experiencing. I mean really noticing them.Don’t leta sensation just pass. As you are experiencing the sensation, allow yourself to really experience it. Maybe ask yourself what you are experiencing. If we speak it (even in your mind), it becomes more real and it becomes a part of your memory.

·      Keep evidence – Take notes on the experiences that bring you joy, even if it is

something small. Our phones can be a great tool for this. Keep a list on your phone of the little things that allow you to feel a bit of joy. It does not need to be long. It could just be something like “saw a beautiful sunset”, “my coffee had more flavor today”, “friend texted me”, or “finished a work task.” The purpose is to keep evidence that the little joys did occur. It is evidence that it can happen. Sometimes when we are struggling, going back and seeing the evidence can be helpful.

·      Notice when you feel relief – Noticing is a skill that is important to develop. Sometimes things slip by us. We do not notice when we feel better or when something has improved. What if we tried to notice relief. Relief can be a joy. We can recognize that the absence of suffering is a good thing. We can recognize:

o   A backache that eases

o   Sitting on a sofa quietly after a rough day

o   Something we worried about not happening

·      Do not force yourself to be grateful – We do not need to be filled with gratitude all the time. Sometimes we just need to notice what is around us and let that be enough. Not everything in our lives is a positive or worthy of remembering. Gratitude is important, but we do not need to force it upon ourselves. 

 

What Do We Do with the Little Joys

                  As I mentioned, keeping evidence of the little joys is important. We can use our lists to remind us that good things do happen when we are struggling. Right now, I am at a point where I am working on noticing the little things. Yesterday I noticed that the barista put a squeeze more caramel in caramel cold brew. Sometimes I notice colors in nature. That is a little thing that is really big for me because color means a lot to me. Other times a favorite song plays on the radio.

                  What have I done with these little things? With my caramel cold brew, I sipped a little slower. I gazed at the mountain where the colors stood out to me. I stayed in my car to listen to a favorite song. These are little things, but in the moment, they make me feel better. The feeling may only last for a bit, but while it lasts, it feels good.

                  I searched online but did not really find much on how to embrace these little moments, at least not from the perspective I was searching for. So, I have shared what I do with a few little things. I am by no means an expert. I am just a person with lived mental illness experience who is trying to use my experience to help others. If you have read this far, I hope you found something here that helps. 

                  Here is to embracing the little, good things in our lives. Take a moment now and allow yourself to find one thing. If you are up to it, share what you find in the comments.

  

 

 

 

I Am Not My Mental Illness: Separating Your Identity from Depression and Anxiety

                  I discuss my mental illnesses a lot. I am not embarrassed to admit that I live with depression and anxiety. I understand these are illnesses. They are as much illnesses as the cancer I battled and still receive treatment for. I receive treatment for depression and anxiety in the same way. The treatments are different. For me mental health treatment involves therapy, a couple medications to keep things under control, TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation), and esketamine. (I receive the last two at different times.) This is how I deal with my illnesses. My mental and physical illnesses both receive treatment because they are illnesses. 

 

Why I Stopped Saying "My" Depression and Anxiety

 

                  Recently, my aunt asked me why I always say, “my depression”, “my anxiety”, and “my mental illness.” At first, I did not understand what she meant. I did not catch the way I use the word “my”. So, Aunt Holly said. “Why don’t you use ‘the’ instead of ‘my’?” You give away too much power when you say ‘my.’” Wow! Talk about power. Aunt Holly’s words struck me like a lightning bolt. Of course, while I am not afraid to admit that I live with these illnesses, they are not who I am. Why was I claiming ownership by using the word “my”? In that moment, I made a commitment to start saying “the” depression I live or “the” anxiety I experience. Just as I am not my cancer, I am not my depression or my anxiety. I have these illnesses, but they are not who I am. They do not define me.

 

Living with Depression and Anxiety Without Letting Them Define Me

 

                  Words have power. I am writer. I know the power of words. Despite this knowledge and all the writing I have done, I missed how much power I was giving to that two-letter word and how much of my own power I was losing. Yes, I live with depression and, but I do not want to own them. They are not who I am. Perhaps, the best way to say it is that I live with depression and anxiety, but I am not depression or anxiety. They are illnesses. They are not who I am.

                  Making this separation is not easy. I understand it and I want the separation, but I have lived with these two illnesses for so long. They have shrouded me in their darkness. I have suffered. For anyone who has never lived with depression or anxiety, we do suffer when we live with these illnesses. Life is not all doom and gloom. Life is not always being on edge. However, depression and anxiety cause a person to struggle. 

 

Your Identity Is More Than Your Mental Illness

 

One way I can make the separation is to acknowledge that depression and anxiety make my life difficult, and they affect my life in a significant way, but they are not the entire story of who I am. There is a lot more to me. I am a writer, artist, teacher, friend, daughter, niece, cousin, sister, aunt, sister-in-law. All of these are unique parts of who I am. They make up the whole me. At times each of these is affected by the depression and anxiety I live with. In the same way, during the time I was the sickest with cancer, each of those unique parts of me was affected by the cancer. I can be each of these in full and life affirming ways and still live with depression and anxiety. The important thing for me to remember is that the depression and anxiety are not the “star” (Yes, stars can be negative.) of that role. Not all my writing is about depression and anxiety. Most of my art is about the beauty I can capture with paint. As a teacher, for the most part, I hide the depression and anxiety. In this role I am a special education teacher, who tries to do what is best for my students. As a friend, I want to enjoy good times with my friends. I have unique parts of my identity. Depression and anxiety may be along for the ride, but they are not who I am. 

 

How to Separate Your Identity from Mental Illness

 

                  As I am writing this, I am realizing that while everything I have said is true, these things are not easy. A challenge I face is separating myself from the depression and anxiety that push so hard to overtake my life. It is not easy is to always allow myself to be that unique identity. How do I separate myself from illnesses that have been present in my life for almost 40 years? I think the fact that I am asking this question shows that I see the distinction? I think I can help others do that, too. 

Let’s look at some ways to distinguish ourselves from mental illness. I say mental illness here because I believe this applies to more than just depression and anxiety.

 

·      Name the Illness Without Becoming the Illness – It is important to name our illness. “Don’t say I feel like crap,” or “I’m in a bad mood.” Instead, say something like “Depression has me feeling like being alone today, “The level of anxiety I am experiencing today is high.” Speaking like this puts a name on the illness and separates it from you. It also allows you to frame how you are feeling in a more positive way, which is a step toward feeling better. We can recognize the illness without becoming the illness. 

 

·      Observe Your Thoughts and Challenge Mental Illness Symptoms – When we have a mental illness, thoughts are a part of the illness. It is important that we observe our thoughts and distinguish the thoughts for what they are. When we have thoughts such as “I can’t deal with this anymore,” or “I’ll never get better,” we can ask ourselves if this is true or if it is a symptom of the mental illness we live with. When we observe our thoughts and question those thoughts in this way, we are better able to recognize the separation between who we are and the illness we have. We start to acknowledge that our thoughts are frequently a symptom of mental illness, not an indication of who we are. For example, depression can cause me to think, “I want to die,” but I really want to live and feel better. The thought is the depression making its voice heard. It is important to talk back to that voice. Think of it like talking back to someone who is saying something negative to you.

 

·      Remember the Parts of Yourself That Never Disappear – While mental illnesses, such as depression and anxiety, can affect different aspects of who we are, they do not take them away. Those parts that make us who we are still reside in us. Things such as our interests, our abilities and skills, our creativity, our technical abilities, the relationships that we have built, our philosophical and spiritual beliefs, and many other aspects of our lives are still there even when mental illness is making life difficult for us. These aspects of our lives may be obscured by the depression, anxiety, or other mental illnesses we live with, but they cannot fully take them away. By no means is it easy, but we can maintain the parts of us that make us who we are. We might have to be those parts in smaller ways at times, but they remain a part of us. 

 

·      Separate Symptoms from Your Character – This is similar to what I have already mentioned. It is important to remember that just as we are not the mental illness, we are not the symptoms. For example, the low energy and the difficulty functioning we may suffer from, do not mean we are lazy. When we have difficulty concentrating because our mind is being talked to by anxiety, we are not dumb. Another symptom that people who do not live with mental illness often do not understand is that just because we express suicidal ideation, we are not obsessed with death. Symptoms are thoughts, feelings, and actions caused by the mental illness. They do not define us or our character.

 

Mental Illness Is an Illness, Not an Identity

 

                  It is important to remember that when we are diagnosed with a mental illness, we are being told that we have an illness. We are not being given a new identity. I did not suddenly become “Depressed Gina” when I was diagnosed with depression. Instead, I was being given a reason for my symptoms. I had the symptoms of an illness. That illness is depression. Who I am as a person, my identity, is separate from that illness. We are not heart disease or cancer, or diabetes when we are diagnosed with one of these illnesses. It is not different when we are diagnosed with a mental illness.

 

Why Separating Yourself from Depression and Anxiety Matters

 

                  It is important to separate ourselves from depression and anxiety is important because we are so much more than our illnesses. We are unique individuals with interests, talents, and skills that transcend the illnesses that we cause us to suffer. If we want other to see us for who we really are, we need to separate ourselves from depression and anxiety. We can live with these illnesses and not become them. Of course, it is not easy. The stigma that surrounds us wants us to be our illnesses. Stigma stains these illnesses and attempts to stain anyone who lives with them. By separating ourselves from these illnesses, we are defining ourselves as unique individuals who are a valued part of society.

 

Final Thoughts: You Are More Than Depression, Anxiety, or Any Diagnosis

 

I have shared a few ways we can distinguish ourselves from the mental illnesses we live

with. When we live with any illness, mental or physical, that illness can consume our thoughts, feelings, and actions, as well as how you feel physically. Our identity can get caught up in any illness we face. I experienced this when I was fighting cancer. My life became consumed by cancer in so many ways. It was difficult to see myself as anything other than a cancer patient. Well, actually I saw myself as a depressed, anxious cancer patient. I have worked hard to separate myself from these illnesses. It is not easy, but it is important that we make the effort to separate. The work may be hard, but the result is worth it. 

                  There will be times when we slip. Even in writing this post I caught myself typing that damn two-letter word in front of the words: depression, anxiety, mental illness, and cancer. I am work in progress. We all are. That is okay. I think of it like this all the great works of art, all the great pieces of literature, all the great songs were once works in progress.