There are only a couple days left in December. 2025 is nearing an end. Many people are posting their year in review on social media. These posts include mostly highlights. It is as if only positives happened. These posts are not the full reality. No one had a perfect year. The reality is most of us had struggles or not-so-good times in 2025. Positives are usually accompanied by the not-so-good moments. It is the same every year. Positives and negatives make up our lives. So, what is posted on social media, the glossy pictures and lively videos, the highlight reels, is not reality and we should not compare ourselves to these posts.
As the year ends, I find myself looking back on a series of ups and downs. My year had many changes. The year started off with me continuing to focus on my health, both mental and physical. I spent my days alternating between appointments and sitting at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf writing. As summer hit its stride, I decided that I was ready to return to work. It was not an easy decision. I worried that I was not healthy enough. I worried that as soon as I started working, cancer would resurface. My oncologist assured me that I was ready to return to work. I trusted her and made the decision that it was time to resume my teaching career. As I started searching for a new teaching position, I was disillusioned by the lack of interviews I was offered despite my years of experience. Eventually, I landed in a position that seems perfect for me. I am teaching special education in a continuation high school. I have been paired up with two amazing teachers who have quickly become friends. It feels like we were meant to be connected. I enjoy working with the students. Teaching actually feels good. It is much better than when I last taught. Sure, there are days when I struggle, but it is working out and I know I am in the right place. I hope to finish the final years of my career in this position.
So, as the year ends and I reflect on how far I have come, I am filled with gratitude. My mental and physical health teams buoyed me through illness over the last few years. I can move forward in my career and in life because of these incredible providers. My Aunt Holly and cousin, Sara, encouraged and supported me. My dancing queen (Cindi) cheered me on. Friends and other family were there for me. This may sound like one of those social media posts I referred to earlier. That is not my intention. I am just reflecting on where I have been and where I am headed. 2025 was not all good. There were times of depression. At these times the darkness consumed me. I have had some health concerns that have required attention. I have dealt with my mom’s serious illness. Loneliness and fear have overwhelmed me at times. Despite all of this I am here. I made it through 2025.
As 2026 approaches I know that more changes are in store for me. One thing I am doing is selecting a word of the year for 2026. The idea of a word for the year comes from Leigh Shulman. She leads the writers’ community I belong to. I found the idea of a word of the year intriguing and spent time selecting the word. My word is “live”. This word carries a lot of significance for me. In the past few years depression and cancer threatened my life. I had to fight to live. Now, I am focusing my attention on living. What does it mean to live?
First, I think living requires knowing what I want in life. Figuring that out will require some thought. There is so much to life. What do I want? I am planning on using my journal to figure out what I want. A few things I know I want include improving my mental and physical health, finishing and publishing the memoir I have been working on, growing this blog, and traveling. I know there is more to living and I hope to discover what those things are for me. I will spend time determining what living means for me and work to manifest those things in my life. See my recent post Manifesting What You Want for a discussion on determining wants and manifesting those wants.
My mental health plays a role in how I define living. Often, my depression clouds my view of life. This is difficult. I know I am not alone in this. It is a part of the illness. At times depression tells me that life is not worth living. Fortunately, the last few years have taught me that despite depression’s voice, I want to live. In 2026 I intend to not only figure out what living means for me, but also value life. Living with depression for as long as I have has led me to want to end my life on many occasions. As I heal, I have learned that I want to live. I think that is why my selection of the word “live” for 2026 is so important.
Since I have never chosen a word for the year, I find myself wondering if I selected wisely. I guess it does not matter what anyone else thinks. It is my word. It is also my year. Depression and cancer be damned. I am going to live despite my health fears. I know I will always battle depression. Right now, the cancer is being held away. I am confident in that knowledge, even if fear creeps in at times. The important thing is knowing that my mental and physical health do not define me and therefore, cannot define my life or how I live. That means I get to decide to how I live. So much of my life has been spent living in ways that I either did not want or ways that no longer suit me. I need to figure out how to ensure that I am living in ways that suit me. I do not know what I will decide beyond caring for my health, writing, and traveling. I do know that I will figure it out. My journal will hold my ponderings. I will discuss my wants with my psychologist and other members of my mental health team.
2026 will be a year of discovery for me. It is my time to figure out what it means to live. Once I have it figured out, I intend to live. Actually, I plan to live while I am figuring it out. No more just going through the motions. Every past year has played a role in my discovery. The lessons I have learned from my past have created my desire to live. I am moving forward determined to make “live” more than just a word. It will become a way of life for me.
