The Silent Struggles of Depression: Be Proud of Yourself for Surviving

In this post I am going to offer advice to those of us living with depression, anxiety, or other mental illnesses. It is advice that can be beneficial to anyone, but I want to stress how important this is for those of us living with mental illness.  While I offer this advice, I recognize that it is not easy to follow. I struggle with this advice myself because of what depression and anxiety say to me. Still, this is important advice. It is simply: Be proud of yourself for surviving all the silent struggles you do not speak about. Let that sit for a minute. 

Whether we recognize it or not, we all have silent struggles. For some of us those struggles are magnified. These are the painful struggles. The ones that reverberate in our minds. But we are here. That is another statement we need to sit with for a moment. Depression has not taken us. It may not have been easy. We have battled silently, but that does not lessen all it has taken for us to still be here.

Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses are difficult to live with. These illnesses affect more than our mood. They affect every aspect of our lives. Depression and the other mental illnesses can get in the way of our work life. Often, we need to put on a front a work. We wear a façade that says, “I am okay.” We do not let our colleagues or supervisors know about our struggles. Instinctively, we know they would not understand. Some days it is difficult to work when our minds are full of the negativity of depression. I remember days when I was pushing through at work, keeping to myself as depression was telling me that my life was not worth living. That is an example of a silent struggle that we do not speak about. 

As I follow the advice I offered above, I need to be proud of myself for getting through those times. I stared suicidal thoughts in the face and kept working. I say that not for praise, but for my own realization that I should be proud of myself for the hard times I have made it through. I never told my colleagues. Some of them are good friends and maybe I could tell them now, but sometimes our struggles are very private. Our struggles are also painful. Can you imagine the pain that accompanies feeling like life is not worth living while going through the motions at work or in social situations? If you have never been in that moment, I can tell you that it hurts. It is painful. I need to remind myself that as painful as those moments were, I made it through them. There are people reading this post who can see themselves in what I have described. My message to you is to be proud of yourself for getting through the moments you do not talk about. 

Maybe it is in a different environment. Maybe we have sat through a family gathering while depression has told us we do not belong. Or anxiety has told us we are not good enough or that we have not lived up to the successes of other family members. For me anxiety berates me for being the only one without children and for just being a teacher. I find myself trying to push anxiety down. Then when I go home depression decides to pop in and tell me I am not good enough and that everyone in my family is better. It is a silent struggle. No one knows. Well, you know now. What I am getting at is that as safe as family gatherings should be, they can be a source of depression and anxiety for many of us. We need to be proud of ourselves for making it through those gatherings. It takes a strength that others do not see or understand. We silently make our way through situations that others find easy. 

Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses can impact any area of our lives. They can make getting through the day-to-day aspects of our lives difficult. Others do not always see what we are struggling with because we have learned that it is not safe to let others see our struggle. We may be embarrassed by how mental illness affects us. We need to let go of that embarrassment. Believe me, I know that is easier said than done. I still struggle with this, but I know it is important for us to believe that we are not our depression, anxiety, or other mental illness. Our silent struggles are real, but we have a strength within us that carries us through the tough times. We are still here. Mental illness has not won. For that we can be proud.  So, remember, be proud of yourself for surviving all the silent struggles you do not speak about.

 

How to Support Someone with Depression: The Power of Listening Without Judgment

         I recently read a sentence on social media (Fred’s Fighters) that I feel gets right to the heart of what it means to support someone with mental illness. 

One of the greatest gifts we can give another person is our presence.

                  Let that sit for a moment. To help someone who is struggling with depression, anxiety, or other mental illness, we can support them by simply being present. The “being there” matters more than what you say or even do. How do we do this? How do we allow ourselves to just be present for someone else? 

First, we need to recognize that we do not and cannot fix everything for the person who is struggling. This may look like just sitting next to the person and listening without interrupting. With that in mind, we need to listen to the person without trying to fix them. As a person living with depression and anxiety, there are times when I would like someone to just listen to me. In these moments I am not looking for answers or a fix to the depression and anxiety. I just want to be heard. I want what I am experiencing to be recognized. Sometimes just knowing a friend or family member is with me is enough to build that feeling of safety that I need to work through the depression and anxiety.

I see this modeled by my mental health providers when they listen without interrupting. They allow me to express what I am feeling or thinking before they speak. They allow moments of silence. These can be important because it allows processing time. When there can be silence and we still know we are not alone, it means the other person is really present for us. Of course, mental health professional needs to interrupt the silence and offer support and intervention, but they model being truly present. We can learn from this.

Being present for another person means believing the person without questioning. This is where we remove judgement. If a person says something like “life doesn’t seem worth living”, do not judge them. This is a real feeling, a real experience. Instead, being present means listening to what the person has to say. We need to give the person our full attention. We can reflect on what they are saying. We might say something like, “It sounds like you are carrying a lot.” This lets the person know that are hearing that they are struggling or that things are difficult for them. Avoid phrasing it like a question. Someone who is really listening reflects on what the other person is saying without questioning or judging..

When we are being present, we also want to validate the other person’s words and feelings. As we listen, we might say, “That sounds very difficult” or “I can see why you feel that way.” We can validate without judging. It is important to let the person know we believe their thoughts and feelings are real. Being present means hearing what the other person is saying and then letting them know you are really hearing them and not judging them. This requires us to sit and just listen first. Give the person the time they need to express what they are experiencing. That is being present. As we validate someone’s thoughts or feelings, it is important that we do not minimize those thoughts. The feelings and thoughts are real. They feel heavy to the person. That heaviness should be respected, not minimized.

What about support? How do we support the person as we are being present?  First, we should offer support without taking over. We can do this by saying something like, “How can I support you right now?” or “What would be most helpful from me right now?” It is important to let the person have control over the support they are given. This means respecting that they know what type of support they need in the moment.

What if the person seems hopeless or is expressing a desire to hurt themselves or take their life? This is where being present means ensuring the person is connected to mental health professionals. One way to do this is to ask the person if there is away for them to contact their mental health professionals. Encourage them to reach out to trusted mental health professionals. If the person is in danger or if you think they are going to follow through on thoughts of self-harm or suicide, help them contact emergency services. This might be the 988 lifeline or 911. Always stay present with this person if they are in danger of harming themselves. Maintain the aspects of being present discussed above and keep the person safe until they can receive support from mental health or emergency professionals. 

When we are being present for a person with depression, anxiety, or other mental illness, it is important to remember that we do not need to have all the answers. We want to allow the person to feel heard, respected, and accepted while they are experiencing depression, anxiety, or other manifestations of mental illness. Being present for another person is a gift. On the surface it may sound like a difficult thing to do, but it really comes down to being kind. It is treating another person the way we would want to be treated. We can be present for each other if we let go of preconceived notions and accept the other person for who they are. This means letting go of judgement and replacing it with openness. None of us are going to be perfect at this, but the more we try, the better we will be at being present for others. Think about what a gift it is to simply be present with another. 

 

 

How Art Helps Depression and Anxiety: Ways Creativity Can Improve Mental Health

        I never thought of myself as being good at art. I am sure my I was terrible at art as a child. I do not remember having confidence in doing anything art related. My attempts at drawing were criticized. A strange thing has happened as I have learned to search for ways to cope with depression. I discovered art. 

                  As I have found art helping me cope with depression and anxiety, I have wanted to learn more about how art helps and different ways I can engage with art. I thought I would share what I have discovered. Art is a tool and a craft. It can be a passion and a distraction. Art can be anything we want it to be. 

                  Creating art and appreciating the arts can help us cope with depression and anxiety. It is important to note that art does not replace mental health treatment. Art can be a useful coping tool when we are struggling or even to keep us doing well. We can add art making and appreciating art to our mental health toolkits.

How Does Art Help with Depression and Anxiety

There are several ways that art helps with depression. Here are a few:

·      Provides Emotional Expression: Art, in its many forms can help us express our emotions when we cannot find the words. Often, expressing emotions can be difficult when we are struggling with depression or anxiety. Art can provide alternate ways to express emotions. Whether it is drawing, painting, sculpting, writing, music, dance, and other forms of art all invite us to express ourselves. Sometimes art allows us to express emotions that are difficult to express in words. 

·      Reduces Stress in the Moment: When we focus on doing art there is a shift in our attention. We can escape the emotions or stresses we are experiencing because of depression or anxiety. We can escape into a painting projects or lose ourselves in a drawing. The thoughts, worries, or feelings of depression or anxiety do not necessarily disappear, instead they take a backseat to whatever we are creating. 

·      Create a Sense of Accomplishment: When we complete even a small art project, we feel a sense of accomplishment. It might be something as simple as a quick drawing or pouring paint on a canvas. We can see what we have created, and this allows us to feel like we have done something. When our motivation is low, it can help to see ourselves making progress on something. 

·      Encourages Mindfulness: When we are engaging in artistic activities, we pay close attention to colors, sounds, textures, and movement. Focusing on these can interrupt thought patterns that are common with depression and anxiety, such as rumination and negative thought patterns. This is a part of mindfulness.

·      Builds Connections: When we engage in art sometimes, we are drawn to share our art or take art classes. This can reduce isolation. We might go to a Paint Nite or go to the local craft store. We might find enjoyment and connection in going to an art exhibit or a concert. 

·      Helps People Understand Themselves: We may find that we understand aspects of our emotions when we look at our art. We may find patterns that help us understand something about ourselves. We may recognize emotional patterns, personal strengths, or changes in mood that we do not recognize in our day-to-day routines. 

 

Process of Creating

                  Using art to help with mood or anxiety is not about the finished product. It is more about the process. It is about how we feel as we are creating. We might simply create art for the sake of creating it. We can focus on how a particular art medium feels in our hands or what it feels like to doodle on a page. 

                  I have a sketchbook that is just for drawing circles in different patterns when I am feeling anxious or need to calm myself. I focus on drawing the circles in a set pattern. This takes away pressure to have a perfect finished product. 

                  Simple activities such as doodling, taking pictures, molding a piece of clay, or practicing an instrument can be calming and distracting. The practice is the important thing is engaging in an art activity. Let’s look at some simple ways we can engage in the process of creating.

                  Simple Ways to Create

·      Doodling for ten minutes

·      Coloring in a coloring book

·      Make a collage using magazine pictures and stickers

·      Journaling – maybe add some sketches

·      Work with clay or play dough

·      Take photos of things you find interesting

·      Pour paint over a glass jar (there are pouring paints for this)

·      Paint a paint by number canvas

·      Crochet or knit

·      Embroider a small square every day

 

We may need to learn some of these forms of art. That is a good thing. Learning a new skill helps us build confidence and encourages us to engage in something. If there is an art form we would like to learn, we can probably find a video or tutorial on YouTube to guide us. We can also venture out to our local craft store if we are up to it.

No Judgement

You do not have to be great at art to benefit. The process is the important part. We are not looking for masterpieces. We can just enjoy the act of making. As we enjoy the process, we will gain benefits from the art. It can be relaxing, distracting, or just fun. The important thing is not to stress over the art. We want to enjoy what we are making. No one is going to judge our art. We can decide if we share it with others. Our art is for us. 

 

Personal Experience

                  As I mentioned, in my younger years, I did not feel like I was good at art. I avoided most art activities. The exception would be writing, but I did not realize writing was art until much later. 

                  My introduction to art came a few years ago when a friend took me to a Paint Nite. I was not sure I would like it, but I wanted to spend time with my friend. So, we went. I followed the teacher’s instructions. It was fun. At the end of the night, I had a painting I was proud of. Slowly, I started trying painting on my own. Eventually, I discovered paint pouring and fell in love with it. Watching the colors mix soothes me and helps ease the anxiety. Now, I try to find time to paint whenever I can. Sometimes it is hard to motivate myself when I am feeling depressed, but I try. I actually enjoy the practice of art, and I am improving. I am branching out into drawing and coloring. Maybe I will try other art forms. I do not create masterpieces in any way, but I enjoy the practice of making art. I like gifting my art even if my art does not meet masterpiece standards.

                  I recognize the benefits of art in my life. It is now a tool in my coping strategies toolkit. I encourage you to give art a try. You may find that you like it and can add it to your coping strategies toolkit.

 

What Living with Depression Really Feels Like: A Personal Letter to Friends and Family

This post is written to raise awareness about living with depression by giving an inside look at depression and anxiety. 

 

Dear Friends, Family, and Those of You Reading This,

                  I think about my life, and I realize I have lived through a lot. Many you of know some of my struggles, but you don’t know all of them. I want to share with you how depression impacts my life.

On the surface I function fairly well most of the time. What you don’t see is the voice inside of me screaming words of self-doubt. It is the voice of depression. It tries to drag me down. It tells me I am not good enough. It reminds me of all I am not good at and demeans my abilities in other areas. Depression’s friend anxiety jumps in and makes things worse. Anxiety tells me things are not going well. It brings fear to the forefront of my mind. 

Depression dampens my view of the world. It blankets my life in darkness. The me you see is fighting on the inside. I need to push myself to reach through the darkness and function. Living with depression is a constant battle to find light in the world. Depression wants everything to seem negative and not worth doing. Depression wants me to hide in a corner and avoid the world.

When depression shows its worst side, it pounds me with the idea that life is not worth living. Yes, even when you see me functioning, I may be battling to tell depression I want to live. You see, depression tells me just the opposite. Can you imagine for a moment what that might be like? 

What is weird is anxiety jumps in at times and expresses fear of dying. My cancer battle is an example. When I found out I had cancer, anxiety grew stronger. It told me I was going to die. In all honesty, I was very sick. The problem was anxiety took every pain and intensified it. It brought doom and gloom to every test. Depression told me I deserved cancer because I had believed my life was not worth living. Imagine what is like to be afraid of an illness that is trying to kill you while at the same time thinking that your thoughts brought on the illness.

The thing is I fought through all of this. You may not be aware of how much I fight or how difficult it is for me to navigate depression and anxiety. That is because I try to hide it from you. I do not want you to worry about me. I do not want you to see how much I struggle or how much pain I feel. 

I have support in dealing with depression and anxiety. I am not alone. I have a team I can rely on to provide the treatment I need to continue functioning in this world. They teach me how much life is worth living. They provide ideas for the coping strategies I use to cope with all that depression and anxiety challenge me with. They provide the treatment I need to overcome depression and anxiety.

I am actually doing well as I write this. I am in a safe space, but I know how fragile that space is. Depression and anxiety can take control. They can tear apart the safe space I am in at any moment. I need to believe I can cope with anything depression and anxiety throw at me. My team helps me. My experience strengthens me. I move forward, if not confidently, at least emboldened to try.

My hope in writing this is that you see what is underneath the persona I try to show to you. I do not do this to make feel sorry for me. There is no reason to feel that way. I do ask that you become an ally. I ask you to be someone who will sit with me in the darkness, not to try to fix me, but just to be with me. In being an ally, you can make others aware of what it is like to live with depression and anxiety. You will be raising awareness, which is how we create opportunities for people to get help when depression and/or anxiety become too much. I also ask that if you see any of what I have shared in yourself, that you reach out and ask for support. Depression and anxiety hurt, but when people support each other, we can ease the pain.

                                                                                                                                                                  Take Care,         

                                                                                                                                                                  Gina

 

Why Structure Is Essential for Managing Depression: How routines can help you stay grounded, reduce anxiety, and protect your mental health during vacations, holidays, and other periods of downtime.

        Vacation! Sounds like just what we need. Whether it is a week off in the middle of the year, time off for a holiday, or the summer off for students and teachers, a break seems like just what we need, especially when we live with mental illness. Time off can be a relief. It can be time to get away from the stressors in our lives. Unfortunately, for many with mental illness, a break can take us away from the routines that ground us and provide a sense of security despite the stress they cause. 

I am a teacher. Many of my friends are teachers. We all look forward to winter break and are even more excited for the longer summer break. Many people look forward to a long weekend. The reality is that as much as we look forward to these breaks, they can disrupt the routines that we come to rely on. There is structure in getting up to an alarm at the same time every day. Our work routines allow us to shift into autopilot. For me this autopilot often prevents me from thinking. The thoughts depression fills my mind with can be ignored because I am focusing on the requirements of my job. We know our day will be filled with work until a certain time. Then it will be time to handle all the home chores that need to get done. 

This raises the question, how does structure help people with mental illness? Let’s look at some of the ways. First, I think it is important to note that while structure is important for many of us, that structure works best when it is flexible rather than rigid. Structure helps us manage symptoms and maintain healthy lifestyles and behaviors. It also provides a better sense of stability. 

There are several ways that structure can help us. Here are a few:

·      Reduces stress and uncertainty - When we know what to expect during the day, our anxiety levels are often lower. Stress is also reduced by having fewer decisions to make during the day. As an example, if a person knows which tasks they need to complete and at what time they need to complete them, it is often easier to be prepared to complete the task. 

·      Supports healthy habits – We can improve our mental health or keep it stable when we have a structure that allows us to maintain healthy habits. When we have a schedule to follow, we can insert meal breaks, time for hydration, and we can include time to destress. That time to destress might be after the workday, but when we are working, we know when that time will be. An example of being healthy when we are working is having to meal plan and prep to make sure we eat healthy. I tend to eat more regularly when I am working. 

·      Builds a sense of accomplishment – When we are working or going to school, we often accomplish things that are noticeable. This can increase confidence, which can improve our mood. We can do this in our downtime, but even then, it requires establishing a routine. 

·      Encourages social connection – When we are working or going to school, being around people is necessary. It is harder to isolate, which those of us with depression tend to do. I know I am alone a lot more when I am not working. Being around people can boost our mood. 

·      Supports treatment adherence – It is often easier to stick to a treatment plan when we have structure in our lives. We might set an alarm for medication or schedule appointments right after work. These things become routine when we are working or going to school. When we are not, taking medication can be easily forgotten. Remembering when our appointments are might become harder because they are at different times. 

 

These ways that structure help us can be achieved when we are not working or in school, but the structure of regular routine is beneficial. When we are not working or in school, it is often best if we set up some type of routine. Each of us is unique in our needs. Some people with mental illness require more structure than others. I know when the depression and anxiety I face are more intense, I need more structure. If I don’t have that structure, I am likely to retreat into nothingness, which worsens my symptoms. 

It is easy to see how being away from a work or school environment can lead to less structure. When we are in a good place with our mental health, we may be able to do well in the freedom of time off. There are those of us who may not be able to do well. One way I have approached this is discussing what I will do with my time off with my mental healthcare providers. I think having a plan is good for anyone with a mental health disorder who is looking at time off. This doesn’t mean we won’t have some freedom. I have a plan, but within that plan I am free to decide what time I get out of bed or when I will make plans with a friend. What is important is that we decide how much structure we need and what that structure looks like for us. We build a plan from there. I am a big proponent of including our mental health providers in this. They can provide feedback and advice. They can also help us be accountable. 

I know I struggle with time off. My mood will drop if I just sit around my house with no plan. One way I keep things structured is by adding activities to the calendar on my phone. I check the next day’s activities the night before. This allows me to plan. It also provides me with the ability to look forward to things. I try to do more in the morning and early afternoon because I know if I get my day started in a positive way, I am more likely to find ways to be positive the rest of the day. This is a little trick that works for me. 

If you are looking at time off and wondering how you will manage it or you have found yourself with downtime and feel like you are struggling, I encourage you to look for ways you can put some structure in your day. While structure will look different for each one of us, we can start by breaking the day into parts. Decide one thing you will do in the morning and one thing you will do in the afternoon. Put it on your calendar. Share what you are doing with someone. This can be a friend, family member, or our mental health care provider. If we do these things, we have provided ourselves with structure, we have given ourselves things to look forward to or expect, and we have provided for some accountability. 

Dealing with downtime can be difficult when we live with mental illness, but we can learn to make the best of our time. We can learn to alleviate the stress downtime can bring. We can keep ourselves from being absent from life. The key is creating our own structure. It is important to remember that we are not going to figure this out overnight. We will make mistakes. We will struggle. So, we need to remember that each day is a new day to figure things out. If with ease structure into our lives, we will find that we can cope with our mental illness in a healthier way. 

How to Show Up When You Have Depression (Even When You Don't Feel Like It)

When you live with depression it can be hard to show up in the ways we might want to show up. It is not that we do not want to be fully present or participate some moments. There are times when we just cannot. Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses can overtake our desire to be a part of moments or to do things. 

                  Let me explain a little. There are times when depression can make us feel drained or even dead inside. We might be holding pain that we fear will pour out of us if we engage with others. Anxiety can put us on an edge and make us feel like we are going to dive right off it. These feelings are hard to cope with when we are just sitting in our homes. Can you imagine trying to engage with others at these times? 

                  There are times when we do it. Times when can put our mental illness on the backburner, so to speak. It is by no means easy. Nothing is when you live with mental illness. So, how do we do it? How do we show up when we do not have it in us to show up? 

                  Let’s look at some ways to make showing up a bit more doable. First, we should focus on making our involvement smaller. We can be present in less demanding ways. We can prepare ourselves for the involvement. 

                  Here are some things we can try:

·      Redefine what involvement means: We do not need to be fully involved in everything. Maybe instead of being at an event or commitment for the full time, we set a goal of saying for a quarter of the time or half the time depending on what we can do. If it is something we are trying to do for ourselves like clean our house, maybe we commit to washing three dishes or vacuuming one room. If it is going out with friends, maybe we commit to only an hour or two rather than the whole evening.

·      Choose one priority: If we have more than one commitment, choose one to make a priority. Let others know what we are committing to do and be sure to make it known that we will only do what we can.

·      Let others help: If there is someone we can trust involved, we can let them know what we think we handle. Ask them to help us stick to that. We can say something like, “I am having a hard time today. I may need a little help with X or Y?” 

·      Check In Support: If we are going to be out somewhere and think we might have difficulty getting away, we can ask someone ahead of time to give us a call to check in and give us an out. We can also ask someone who is with us to suggest leaving at a set time to help us be able to leave before we become overwhelmed.

·      Prepare in advance: If we know we have something to show up for we can take a few steps to prepare that will make showing up easier. This can range from laying out our clothes the night before to checking out a location in advance. There are many ways we can prepare for things in advance. These are as varied as the activities we show up for. 

     It is important to remember that part of showing up is taking care of ourselves. We cannot show up if we are not taking care of ourselves. This is why being in tune with our mental health is important. To be in tune with our mental health we need to keep appointments with mental health providers. We need to take our medications and receive our treatments. We need to practice our coping skills. We need to ensure we are getting rest and exercise. Basically, we need to take responsibility for our mental health. This is tricky because doing this involves showing up. So, to show up we need to show up. Does that make sense? What I am trying to say is showing up takes making an effort to care for ourselves. We may not always feel like doing this, but if we can just put a little effort into it, only as much as we can give, we can show up.

The thing about showing up is that we are allowed to define what showing up means for us. No one else gets to define it for us. This may sound easier than it is. I know I struggle with showing up and often need reminders. Sometimes I can remind myself. Sometimes I need reminders from my mental healthcare team or others who are close to me. Perhaps, that is the key. We need to have conversations with those who support us. They need to know what we feel we can show up for and how we are able to show up. Of course, our ability to show up is going to vary based on how we are doing. Building a support system is crucial to being able to show up however we can.

Remember mental illness does not need to prevent us from showing up. We need to define what showing up means and then take the steps that will help us show up in our own way.

Checking In: Why Men's Mental Health Matters

Yesterday I realized that I have neglected to post about Men’s Mental Health Month. June became has grown into Men’s Mental Health Month after Congress established and President Bill Clinton signed into law Men’s Mental Health Week in 1994. That’s a long time ago. I am not sure we have made the progress we should have by now.

                  I realized that I had missed posting about this month when I felt like I was adding stress to my brother’s plate. He does not have a mental illness, but he has stressors right now, including my mother’s health and care. Men often deal with stressors that can affect their mental health without any support. Men’s Mental Health Month works to change that as well support men who live with mental illnesses. There is an effort to raise awareness of the mental health challenges men face and to encourage access to support, treatment, and community.

Reducing Stigma

                  I could start this discussion in many ways, but I think reducing stigma can be encompassing of a lot of the issues surrounding men’s mental health. Traditionally, men are seen as the strong ones, the providers. Men are expected to be tough. Often, it is assumed that men can take care of things. This perception can lay a heavy burden on any man, but especially on a man who may have a mental illness. We need to change this perception. Men do struggle emotionally. Men need support. They cannot do everything alone. 

                  As we look to reduce stigma, we need to recognize that it may be difficult for men to talk about emotional struggles. This is just not something that has been a part of the traditional norm in many countries. What if we can provide spaces for men to discuss what they are feeling openly and with the knowledge that it is safe to do so? That seems doable. If not, it should be. 

Along with this we need to normalize men seeking to go to therapy. This is crucial. Therapy is an important part of treating mental illness. Access to therapy is for the most part there, although it could be improved. One of the remaining issues is reducing the stigma. There is this false idea that it is sign of weakness to go to therapy. There is also the misconception that men can just “suck it up” and deal with emotional issues or mental health issues. This is why awareness efforts are important. We can share information about what therapy or counseling really is and how it can help men. 

Discussing Symptoms

                  Mental illnesses have symptoms that are identified as typical of each illness. However, at times symptoms can look different in men. We need to be willing to discuss this and, again, raise awareness. For example, men with depression and/or anxiety might exhibit anger or irritability, risk-taking behaviors, substance abuse, social withdrawal, or excessive work or avoidance. If we can have open discussions about these symptoms, it can lead to men getting the help they need. It goes back to awareness. Friends and loved ones need to be able to recognize these symptoms so that they can offer support or encourage their loved one to seek help. 

Acknowledging the High Suicide Rate Among Men

                  As we are raising awareness about men’s mental health, we need to remember that there is a high rate of suicide among men. Awareness efforts should recognize the suicide rates. Efforts should also be centered on prevention. This includes providing easy access to mental health services. Recognizing warning signs can help with this. 

Direct Suicide Warning Signs

• Talking about wanting to die or kill oneself
• Expressing feelings of hopelessness or having no reason to live
• Saying they feel trapped or that things will never get better
• Talking about being a burden to others
• Looking for ways to die, such as researching suicide methods or obtaining means

    There can also be emotional or behavioral changes including withdrawing from family, friends, and activities they previously enjoyed, loss of interest in work, activities, or hobbies, being noticeably depressed, anxious, or emotionally numb, increased irritability, anger, or aggression, dramatic mood swings, and risk-taking behaviors.

Support Systems That Can Help

                  Providing systems to support men with their mental health is crucial. We cannot leave this to just Men’s Mental Health Month.  It is important to work to provide access to therapy and counseling year-round. Encouraging the creation of more peer support groups for men is important. We also need to encourage men to join these groups. Doing this requires normalizing participation in these groups. Employee assistance programs can be an important support system. 

                  We have more crisis support systems than we have had in the past. It is important that we continue to advocate for funding of crisis support systems. Normalization is needed here as well. Men need to know that it is okay to reach out for help. They need to know that if they are in crisis they can call 911 or 988. They need to know that they can ask a family member or friend to help connect them to crisis support. 

                  Another important part of developing support systems involves education. We need to reach families with education about mental health. It is important to get education and resources in schools and workplaces. This goes back to one of the keys of mental health awareness. We need to make it okay to talk about mental health. We need to let men know that it is okay to talk about mental health.

Final Thoughts

                  Going back to the situation I opened this post with. I am realizing that I have failed at supporting my brother. I spend so much time talking about mental health. Maybe once in a while I need to ask my brother if he is okay. I cannot just talk about mental health without putting what I talk about into practice. I am not saying my brother has a mental illness. I just think maybe he might appreciate being checked in on. I ask you to do the same. Check in on the men in your life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Cope with Depression and Anxiety: 5 Practical Strategies That Help Me Every Day

                  The third anniversary of this blog just passed on June 16. I missed it. Let’s look forward, though. With depression we absolutely need to look forward. I have shared different ideas for dealing with depression. We need to remember that there are always things we can try to ease our depression. Today, I am going to share a few things I am trying to help with my depression and anxiety. Often, both depression and anxiety hit me at the same time. So, some of my strategies help me with both. 

Interrupting the Depression Loop with a Playlist

                  Listening to music can help break the negative loop depression goes on. Many of us with depression experience negative thoughts or ideas running through our minds. It may seem like these thoughts are on a loop because they happen so frequently. I find that if I focus on lyrics when listening to music, I can interrupt the depression loop or anxiety spiral.  What the lyrics are saying is not as important as just syncing into those lyrics, although there are some great lyrics out there to connect to. I try to learn the lyrics of songs I like. Even if it is only for the brief moments the song is playing, I can distract myself with the lyrics. 

                  I have several playlists on my phone. They are for different moods and meet different needs. Creating the playlists is another way of disrupting the depression loop or stopping the anxiety spiral. Deciding on music that meets certain needs or helps certain moods can help us find hope in addition to the distraction. Let me give you an example of a mood lifting playlist. A few years ago, I worked at a school where the environment was contributing heavily to my depression and anxiety. I created a “Morning Work Drive” playlist. The songs played long enough to fill my commute. The lyrics of these songs spoke to me, and they were all by some of my favorite musicians. This playlist gave my mood a boost before I arrived at work, which helped with my mood once I was there. In all honesty, I still had to leave that position at the end of the school year, but the playlist helped me reach the end.

                  If music is something you find comforting or soothing, try making playlists and tuning into the lyrics of your favorite songs. Those lyrics might be able to replace that depression loop or anxiety spiral.

 

Walking and Noticing

                  Walking is known to help improve mood. There is a lot of research out there about this. Rather than go through the research I will just share my experience. 

Walking is the exercise I lean into. I used to walk by myself. I would often combine listening to music with my walks. Being alone and just walking without purpose helped me. Somehow it cleared my head. Some days it worked better than others. That is something to remember with anything you try to ease depression and/or anxiety. Some days they work better than others. 

                  Now, I walk with my dog. Getting a dog and having to walk her has given me a way to escape from my thoughts. I try to follow what my dog is doing. Like all dogs she stops to sniff. I try to follow her lead. No, I do not sniff, but I do stop and notice my surroundings. I try to notice what I see, smell, and hear. As I am noticing my surroundings, I am taking my mind away from the depression loop or the anxiety spiral. I try to name what I am noticing. That gets my mind using words other than what depression and anxiety want me to hear. It is an interruption. That interruption is important. When there is an interruption in the depression loop or anxiety spiral, it keeps them from pulling us in. 

                  I find that if I walk at a good pace in between the stops to notice (and for my dog to sniff), I get my heart rate up. This makes me feel better physically. Depression causes a feeling of being physically drained and heavy. Noticing as I walk makes me feel a little lighter. When I feel better physically, I can let my mind relax. That sounds easier than it is. One walk is not going to change things. It is the practice of committing to walking that makes the difference. You do not need a dog. Just get out there and take a few steps. Maybe the first walk is only five minutes or just to the corner. That is okay. Just get out there and walk. 

 

Journaling

                  I share a lot about how writing helps me heal. It is a major part of how I cope with depression and anxiety that barrels down on me. Journaling is only one form of writing I use. With journaling I tend to write whatever I am feeling or thinking in the moment I have my pen poised over my journal. I use journaling to brain dump. Is that a legitimate term? I do not know, but I am going to use it because it aptly describes what I am doing. I am letting everything flow out of me. I journal to free my mind. I journal to process the thoughts and feelings in my head. My journal gives me a space to store everything. Once my words are stored in my journals, I can choose if or when I go back and reread them. Rereading can be a form of processing. It can also allow us to see where we have come from. 

                  Other times when I use prompts that I find online or in books. Prompts can help guide our writing, which can prevent us from getting stuck on a specific idea. This can be important if we have been journaling about something painful and need a break. Trust your gut as to whether you should be writing whatever you need to get out of your head or whether you need the distraction of a prompt. 

 

Meditative Drawing

                  Again, I am using a term that I made up for something I am doing. I did not look up whether this is a real thing or if this term is already in use. For me meditative drawing started from two conversations with mental health professionals. First, my psychologist mentioned I could try drawing when I did not want to deal with words. It was an alternative to journaling. I quickly bought a sketchbook, drawing pencils, and ink pens. The problem was I knew I was not good at drawing. So, the sketchbook and drawing implements sat untouched even though I meant to give it a try and kept telling myself I would.

                  Then the psychiatric nurse practitioner who leads my TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) treatment suggested I try creating a pattern that I drew repeatedly when I was struggling with depression or anxiety. She suggested using circles. Somehow that made drawing seem easier. I pulled out the sketchbook and have been drawing simple designs, mostly variations of the same one. I use different colors to express different emotions or feelings. I always title the drawing at the bottom. The title reflects whatever I was thinking or the purpose the drawing was meant to serve. 

                  Drawing circles helps me. It slows my anxious thoughts, and it quiets my depressive thoughts. I do not know how this is working. I can just tell you that it is working. I am benefiting from drawing. 

 

Breathing

                  Breathing practice is something I struggle with, but I wanted to include here because I am trying it. I know it benefits many people. I am confident that if I keep it simple, I will improve at using breathing practices. 

                  Breathing practice helps us relax when we are agitated or anxious. This happens when the breathing practice slows our heart rate down. Breathing practices can help us bring our focus to something when we are struggling with depression. It does this by shifting our focus within in our brain by decreasing activity in certain areas of the brain and increasing it in others.

                  There are many ways to focus on our breathing. I think the simplest way might be inhaling for a count of four and then exhaling for a count of eight. 

Let’s take a quick look at a few breathing practices:

·      Box Breathing (also known as the 4-4-4-4 Technique)

o   Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds

This can help calm acute panic, lower immediate stress, and sharpen focus.

 

·      Diaphragmatic Breathing 

o   Focus on deeply breathing into the stomach instead of the chest. 

This type of breathing can reduce physical tension and stabilize our baseline mood.

 

·      4-7-8 Breathing

o   Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale forcefully for 8 seconds

This can help manage anxiety, stop racing thoughts, and can help us fall asleep faster.

 

·      Physiological Sigh

o   Two quick inhales through the nose followed by one long exhale through the mouth

This can stop stress. It also lowers heart rate.

 

·      Alternate Nostril Breathing (also known as Nadi Shodhana)

o   When breathing alternate blocking one nostril at a time during inhalations and exhalations. 

This can help balance the nervous system. It also reduces mental clutter and eases mild depression.

 

Final Thoughts

                  Living with depression, anxiety, or other mental illness is not easy. In addition to the work we do with our mental health care professional, medication, therapy, and treatment, we need to find ways that we can manage our mental health. We need to engage in practices that help us live with our illness. We cannot leave all our healing up to our mental health care professionals. They are important in treating us and supporting us, but we share in the work to bring healing. In this post I have shared some ways we can improve our mental health. The practices are meant to bring some relief. They are meant provide support. They are not meant to cure us or replace our treatment. These practices help us become active in our own healing. I caution that there will be ups and downs. Still, I encourage you to try whatever strikes you as something you would be able to do or would like to do. 

                  When we live with mental illness, we need to be willing to work on our mental health. We need to be willing to give things a try. We need to be active in trying to heal.