Mental Illness Week and World Mental Health Day

                  In 1990 Congress established the first full week October as Mental Illness Awareness Week (MIAW). This designation was greatly influenced by the advocacy efforts of NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), This year the theme of Mental Illness Awareness Week is “Building Community: Supporting Mental Well-Being Together.”  October 10^th is recognized as World Mental Illness Day. This day is an invitation to raise awareness and advocate for mental healthcare worldwide.

                  Mental Illness is a topic that is obviously close to my heart. I would not be writing this blog if I did not feel strongly about mental health. I am very open about the fact that I live with mental illness. I have often been asked why I am so open about it. When I pause to think about that question, I find a very important answer. Too often mental illness is hidden in shame or banished behind stigma. I have experienced both the shame and stigma. Most of us living with mental illness have. We need to eliminate the shame and break the stigma. That is why I speak up. 

                  Shame and stigma have impacted me at times. I have hidden my mental illness at work afraid to let my colleagues and bosses know about my illness. I felt the sting of embarrassment when anxiety attacks with chest pain landed me in emergency rooms only to be dismissed by doctors who did not understand. Jokes are made about mental illness. Insensitive words are thrown around without thought as to how they make those of us living with mental illness feel. It is for these reasons that a week like this is important. Mental Illness Awareness Week is an opportunity to spread awareness and understanding. It is through these that we reduce the stigma and shame surrounding mental illness.

                  I am open about my mental illness, although I admit there are times when I remain quiet. One of the reasons I can be open is that I have seen how differently mental and physical illnesses are treated by others.  When I was diagnosed with cancer, I was met with well wishes and concern. While I appreciated that care greatly, it allowed me to see the unequalness between mental and physical illness. When we are unable to do something because of depression or anxiety, others often do not understand. But if we are in bed because of a physical illness or even a broken leg, we get cards or well wishes.

                  Another reason I share my mental illness is to help people understand that it truly is an illness. It is not something to hide in shame. It is not something to make jokes about. I believe I have an obligation to use my experiences to spread awareness about mental illness. Not everyone who lives with mental illness is able to do this. Often, mental illness is debilitating to the point where it is difficult to function. There have been times in my life when I was not able to speak up about mental illness. Right now, I am able. So, I am going to use my voice as much and as often as I can.

                  Back to the theme of this year’s Mental Illness Awareness Week. We need to work together to support mental well-being. It takes all of us working together to break the stigma and shatter the shame. People living with mental illness need support and resources. It is my hope that the words I write here reach other people. For each post I write here, I share the link on social media. It is my attempt to draw more attention to mental illness. Sometimes the social media efforts bring readers to this page. Other times I need to rely on my loyal readers to share the blog posts. Either way, my posts get attention. Even if I help just one person, I have accomplished my goal. I do not want to stop there. I want this blog to reach as many people as possible. So, one action you can do to support mental illness awareness during this week is to share the link to my blog with one other person.  If you can share with more than one, that would be amazing. Together as a community, we can support people living with mental illness and end the shame and stigma. 

 

Shame in Mental Illness

           I have spent a lot of time thinking about the changes I have gone through since my cancer diagnosis.  It has allowed me to reflect on my depression and how it has shaped my entire life.  I have come to some interesting conclusions.  Depression has engrained many thoughts within my mind.  I can’t speak for other mental illnesses, but I do have a better understanding of how depression and anxiety have shaped me.

            In the beginning I was too young to understand what was happening with the depression.  I didn’t have a diagnosis.  I didn’t have much support.  I had a high school counselor, who didn’t really understand and tried to fill my head with “happy” platitudes.  In hindsight she was doing the best she knew how, but I never believed her well-intended words.  This set the stage for depression’s negative voice.  This voice took control and has not let go.  It has been chirping in my head for almost 40 years.  

            Over the years the voice has provided several messages. Many of these messages have led me to feel shame for my mental illness.  Sometimes the depression is mimicking the words it hears from society.  They are those well-intended phrases like, “You should just cheer up,” “You have so much to be happy about,” “Just smile,” and “You shouldn’t be sad. Others have it worse.”  Depression uses these words to make me feel shame.  It makes me feel like I should have better control of my feelings and emotions.  There is this sense that I am causing the depression and not valuing my life.  It has taken me a very long time to realize that the thoughts and shame they create are not true.  

The thoughts are a part of an illness.  They are not my fault.  These thoughts drive me down into a deep darkness.  They have led me to the edge of suicide.  I do my best to fight the thoughts.  I work with my mental health team.  I practice talking back to my thoughts.  I practice self-care by writing, listening to music, painting, and walking.  Even with all this self-care depression makes me feel shame. I am learning talk back to the shame.  The understanding that my depression is an illness was deepened by my cancer diagnosis.  I began to see parallels between the two.  One illness affects my mind.  The other illness affects my body.  Both have taken a toll on me.  

So much of society hasn’t figured out that depression is an illness.  I believe this is true for most mental illnesses.  The lack of understanding makes it difficult to live with mental illness. It increases the shame.  At times I question why I feel so down.  I question why my thoughts are so dark.  I don’t understand why at times I consider taking my own life.  Being diagnosed and treated for cancer has provided some clarity.  I have gained an understanding of illness in general terms. I have been able to apply what I am experiencing with cancer to what I experience with depression. They are both illnesses.  They both have symptoms that I have no control over.  Depression and cancer are both illnesses. 

I wish it did not take a cancer diagnosis to allow me to arrive at this understanding. I am grateful for the understanding.  People with mental illness often live with shame.  The message we hear is that our illness is just in our heads and that is we can snap out of it.  That is not true. I can more snap out of depression than I can snap out of cancer.  I have two illnesses. I will continue to battle both, but I do not have to be ashamed of either one of them.