The Power of Not Giving Up on Someone with Depression (Part 2)

“And I won’t give up if you don’t give up” – Train, from the song, “Calling All Angels”

 

In my last post, Choosing to Stay Alive When Depression Says to Give Up, I discussed not giving up when you live with depression or other mental illnesses. Today I would like to expand on that discussion. The lyric, “I won’t give up if you don’t give up” (Train), can also be applied to daily life with mental illness. We face constant challenges. Knowing that there is someone, or even more than one person, who won’t give up on us makes a huge difference in our lives. 

                  One of the challenges is remembering to take our medication or sometimes just being willing to take our medication. This can be difficult, especially if we need to take one at time when we are occupied with other things. It can also be difficult if the medication has side effects or makes a feel a way we do not like. Taking medication can be difficult if we are not seeing quick enough improvement. It is easy to give up on medications. Frustration can lead to giving up on the medication. We may need a mental healthcare provider to encourage us and not give up on us. That mental health provider can show they are not giving up on us by helping us set up a strategy to remember to take our medication. They can help us deal with side effects. They can listen when we explain how those side effects are impacting us and offer solutions. 

                  Another challenge might be wanting to give up on doing things that are healthy for us. This might include engaging with others, self-care activities, or coping strategies. It might also include going to work or going on a vacation. There are times, sometimes frequent, when we want to give up on these activities. For example, when I am struggling with my depression and/or anxiety I often give up on self- care activities. I may not want to get out of bed or may not want to take a shower. I may under- or overeat. In moments like these having a friend who won’t give up on me is important. A friend can show they are not giving up on us by reminding us to engage in self-care activities or by doing one of our coping strategies with us. 

                  Let’s look at some other things a friend or loved one can say or do to show that they won’t give up on someone living with depression or other mental illness. Here are some ideas:

What You Can Say

                  “I’m no expecting you to be okay right now. I’m here for you however you need me.”

                  “I care about you even on the quiet or hard days.”
                  “What can I do for you?”

                  “I may not fully understand what you are going through, but I want to understand.”

                  “You don’t need to earn my support.”

                  “I’m not going anywhere just because things are difficult.”

                  “Would you like to talk, sit quietly, or be distracted together?’

                  “Do you need me to talk or listen?’

What Can You Do

·      Follow through on promises, even small ones.

·      Sit with them during difficult times. Just be present. You don’t need to try to fix anything.

·      Learn about your loved one’s or friend’s condition. This will help you understand what they are going through and let them know you care enough to learn.

·      Treat them like a whole person, not only as someone who is struggling.

·      Engage in a coping strategy with them. For example, if going for a walk is one of their coping strategies, offer to walk with them.

·      Stay in contact even if they withdraw. Don’t disappear until they feel better. Send a check-in text or make a quick call or stop by.

·      Offer specific help. This might be something like:

o   “I can drive you to your appointment.”

o   “I can put a reminder on my phone and text you to remind you take your medication.”

o   Offer to help them with something that might be causing anxiety or a sense of overwhelm.

 

Those of us with depression or other mental illness are more likely to feel supported when we are believed, when we are not judged for our symptoms, when we are not punished for struggling, and when we are allowed dignity and autonomy. This is how you show you are not giving up on us.

                  As you can see the challenges facing many of us with mental illness are not always suicidal thoughts. Sometimes the challenges are the day-to-day things. When we are struggling we need to know that there are people in our lives who won’t give up on us. Believe me it is easy to give up on ourselves when we live with depression. The depression we live with often speaks negatively towards us. It might say that medication or treatment won’t work. We start to believe it and don’t take the medication. We might not go to a treatment appointment or therapy appointment, if we find ourselves giving up on it and believing it won’t work. If one of these are happening, we might need reassurance from our mental healthcare provider. That reassurance is being told they won’t give up, if we don’t give up. It might be the psychiatrist saying, “Let’s try this. What do you think about that?” These words let us know that our psychiatrist is still trying. If we see them trying, it can help us not give up. 

                  The same is true with therapy. It may be as simple as the psychologist/therapist/counselor saying, “Let’s talk about this.” That shows interest. When we see someone is interested in us, it lets us know that they have not given up on us, which encourages us to not give up on ourselves. 

                  It is not just the mental health professionals who can show that they are not giving up on us. As I mentioned friends and loved ones can encourage us and show us they have not given up on us. It might be that extra call or text to see how we are doing. Maybe it is an invite to do something together. It can also be asking, “Do you need me to talk or listen?” (See my post:  How to Support Someone with Depression: What to Sat and How to Help). Just knowing that a friend or loved one is there lets us know they have not given up on us. 

                  I consider myself lucky to have mental healthcare professionals who believe in me and who won’t give up on me. In all honesty, that is probably the main reason I am still here. It is the reason I have continued with therapy and treatment. Their suggestions and support are the reason I have so many coping strategies available when I am struggling. They let me know that they won’t give up on me. That encourages me to not give up. 

                  The way a person communicates with us both verbally and nonverbally can let us know that they are not giving up on us. Words matter. Words can encourage us. Unfortunately, words can also push us down. We need people in our lives who will encourage us whether they are mental healthcare providers or friends and loved ones. This does not mean that they need to agree with everything we say or do. Sometimes showing that they won’t give up on us means saying or doing the hard things. We may need to be told that we are hurting ourselves in some way. We may need to be told that taking our medication or being in treatment or going to therapy is non-negotiable. That is not to say that we do not have input, but sometimes we need to be reminded that we have an illness and require certain things to heal.

                  I have found that most mental healthcare professionals are going to be there saying “I won’t give up if you don’t give up.” As I said, I know that the mental healthcare professionals involved in my care and treatment won’t give up on me even when I am at my darkest points. While not every mental healthcare professional is as dedicated to their patients as mine are, I believe most are. Have I experienced ones that are not as committed to not giving up on us? Sadly, the answer is yes. I have experienced this with a former psychiatrist. I have also experienced it with an oncologist who didn’t give me much of a chance at survival So, it happens in physical healthcare, too.

                  One thing I have learned through having great mental and physical healthcare providers is that I have a right to that type of care. It should be the norm that they don’t give up on us. I had to learn this the hard way. When I discovered that a former psychiatrist had basically given up on me and was just overmedicating me, I struggled. I had to learn that there are psychiatrists who won’t give up on me. Luckily, after a couple of years I found one. The same with my psychologist, I know he will never give up on me. He may tell me things I don’t want to hear at times, but those words are shared to show me he is not giving up on me and to guide me in the right direction. I am lucky to also have two psychiatric nurse practitioners who I know won’t give up on me. 

                  I have a few friends and loved ones I now know I can turn to who won’t give up on me. That means the world to me. I wish that for everyone. That is why I talk to family groups and why I work to spread this blog to all who are willing to read. At some point in each of our lives we will encounter someone with depression or other mental illness. I hope I can educate people on what it is like to live with a mental illness and encourage them to not give up on those living with a mental illness.

As I said before, I know I am lucky to have all the care I have. I share my story in the hopes that it will help others. I hope others will see the type of care I have and understand that there are mental healthcare providers who won’t give up on us. I hope readers will take that understanding and reach out and demand the care I have.

I also hope that people understand that I won’t give up on them. You can always come to this blog for information, comfort, and understanding. My mental health is far from perfect. It is not where I want it to be at this point. Knowing this, I am working hard to keep myself from giving up on getting to where I want to be with my mental health. This requires me to not give up. Sometimes I need support in not giving up. When my mood drops or I have an anxiety attack, I often want to give up. In those moments I sometimes feel like I have done all I can do. In these moments I need to hear from someone on my mental health team or a friend or loved one that I am okay. I need them to say, “I won’t give up, if you don’t give up.” They may say this in different words or in actions, but the message is clear. I am not alone in this battle. And my friend, neither are you.

 

For part 1 see the May 25 post: Choosing to Stay Alive When Depression Says to Give Up https://depressionbentnotbroken.blogspot.com/2026/05/choosing-to-stay-alive-when-depression.html

 

 

 

 

 

How Therapy Helped Me Survive Depression: Why Mental Health Treatment Matters

                  Therapy has been a part of my life for over three decades. That may seem like it has been ineffective. The opposite is true. Therapy is a lifeline and a changing force for me. I process my emotions and struggles in therapy. I work on life issues that arise. I receive support when my depression pushes me into wanting to harm myself. I know my psychologist will guide me into feeling better. Therapy is not a magic potion. It is workspace. Being in therapy requires a commitment. Sometimes it takes time develop that commitment, but it is worth the time it takes. 

                  Let’s look at why people go to therapy, how therapy can help, and what a therapy session might be like. Keep in mind that there are different types of therapy. Different people find certain types of therapy more effective than others. In a way it is similar to different medications working better for different people. We have a right to find the type of therapy and the therapist that works best for us. 

                  First, we should define therapy. Therapy is a structured form of treatment for mental illness. In therapy a trained mental health professional helps a person understand, manage, and improve their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and overall well-being. The goal of therapy is larger than just a temporary fix, although there are often times when the focus of a therapy session needs to be on the short-term, especially if the person is experiencing a crisis. One of the overarching goals of therapy is improve the quality of a person’s life over time. Embedded in this is learning how to live with depression or other mental illness and how to utilize forms of treatment and coping strategies.

Reasons Why a Person Might Go to Therapy

                  There are many reasons a person may choose to go to therapy. Therapy is an important part of most treatment plans for depression and other mental illnesses. For me it has been vital. I would not be where I am today, able to write this blog, or able to live my life, without therapy. 

                  Therapy can help a person learn about their mental illness and how it affects them. This is an important reason for going to therapy. Living with a mental illness is difficult. There is a lot we need to learn about our illness. Understanding our illness and how it affects us allows us to manage our illness more effectively. A good therapist will guide us through gaining this understanding.

                  Dealing with emotional distress is another reason to go to therapy. The therapist will help a person cope with the distress. There are many types of emotional distress. It might be suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, anxiety, persistent sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness. In therapy a person will receive support coping with depression, anxiety, mania, anger, or trauma. 

                  Therapy can address grief. A person might go to therapy to address low-self-esteem or feelings of worthlessness. A therapist might also address anger, mood swings, or emotional numbness. Therapy is an important part of dealing with thoughts of self-harm or suicide.  Substance abuse can be addressed in therapy. 

                  A person does not need a diagnosis to benefit from therapy. Sometimes people just need a little help. Therapy can provide support when a person is struggling.

                  If a person has a mental health condition, therapy, in some form, is often a part of the treatment plan.  These diagnoses would include major depressive disorder, anxiety disorders obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and other mental diagnoses. Therapy helps people learn to manage these disorders. 

A Look at a Therapy Session

                  In the first appointment the therapist will spend some time getting to know the person and their needs. First, the therapist will ask about the person’s needs and concerns. The first session is used to begin to establish trust. The therapist will likely take a history. They will ask about current symptoms, emotions, and struggles. The therapist will ask about past therapy experiences. A good therapist with explain how the therapy will work and explain their treatment approach. A plan for session frequency and goals for therapy will be established. 

                  Later appointments will vary depending on the type of therapy being provided. Many therapy sessions are centered around discussions between the therapist and the person receiving therapy. Usually, a focus is established to guide the session. This might look like the person expressing a need and the therapist guiding a discussion and providing support. Often, the therapist and person will talk through emotions, experiences, or challenges. Together they work on coping strategies and problem-solving skills. The therapist may assist the person in working through unhealthy thought patterns and behaviors. Work on interpersonal relationships might be a part of therapy. Sessions vary depending on the person’s need. Those needs can change over time. 

                  Therapy is a two-way process. It requires work from both the person receiving therapy and the therapist. Both need to be active participants. In this process the therapist provides guidance and expertise, while the person should do their best to be open and share what they are experiencing and what they need. When a person is struggling with depression or other mental illness this can be difficul. In these moments being present and doing the best you can is important. It is important for the therapist to create a safe, structured environment where discussions can take place. The therapist can provide support and guide the person. It is the therapist’s role to identify patterns in thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. They then provide coping skills, emotional regulation techniques, and communication strategies. The therapist can help the person practice these strategies. 

                  The person in therapy shares what they are going through. This would include experiences, symptoms, thoughts, and concerns. It is important for the person to be honest. No one needs to hide anything from a therapist. In therapy there is no judgment. A key to successful therapy is for the person to practice the coping skills, emotional regulation techniques, and communication strategies that are being taught. A person in therapy needs to consistently attend sessions, be willing to engage in sessions even if it takes some time to develop this ability, and be patient with the process. Healing takes time. It does not happen overnight.

                  As I mentioned it can time for the therapy to really feel like it is working. Both the therapist and the person receiving therapy need to build trust. Therapy is most effective when both sides have worked to build a trust and communication. It is important to remember that the person receiving therapy can say something to therapist if something feels uncomfortable or if they are not ready to discuss a certain topic. There is no one size fits all approach to therapy. This is why both sides need to work at develop the therapeutic relationship. The therapist may need to change certain approaches or provide different strategies.

                  Healing takes time and it takes work. Mental illnesses are rarely improved without effort. Mental illnesses are complex, but with effort the therapy experience can be healing. 

The Rights of a Person Receiving Therapy.

                  Just as a person in a physical health situation has rights, so does a person receiving mental health care. If something does not feel right in the therapy session, it is okay to make your thoughts known. It is also okay to look for the right therapist. Sometimes the fit is just not there. A person might not find the first therapist they see to be the right one. So, a person might need to try a few therapists to find the one they click with. That is okay. 

                  If you have health insurance, you can ask for a list of therapists covered under your plan. One way to find a therapist is to look through therapist directories. You can do this online. Psychology Today Therapist Finder is one source you can use. Another source is SAMHSA Treatment Locator. You can also ask a trusted healthcare provider. Often, a primary care provider can help you get started. 

                  It is okay to interview a therapist before committing. Ask them about their experience with your condition. You can ask about their approaches with your condition. It is okay to ask any questions you might have. 

                  It is also important consider things like insurance coverage, cost, language and cultural competence, and gender or identity preference. You might also need to consider in-person versus telehealth options. These are all important considerations. You want to make sure that the therapist is right for you in every area.

Final Thoughts

                  Therapy is important when you live with mental illness. I have been in therapy for decades. For me, therapy is an integral part of my treatment. It is my lifeline. Over the years my therapist and I have developed a relationship that allows trust on both ends. I know that I can trust him with anything I am experiencing. I think he knows that I would reach out to him if I had thoughts of harming myself. In fact, there have been times when I have reached out to him when my depression has pushed me to the point of wanting to hurt myself. The fact that he has been there has saved my life. I know this may sound like I am overexaggerating, but having a therapist and a mental health team you can rely on is so important. It can be lifesaving. 

 

The Hidden Work of Living with Depression and Mental Illness

                  Living with mental illness is not easy. Most days it is downright hard. Even with treatment, there are days that are just difficult to navigate. Having hard days does not mean we are not trying to heal. In last week’s post, You Can't Just "Snap Out of Depression": Debunking Common Depression Myths (Part 4), I discussed how we cannot just wish depression away. Healing from depression requires work, but even though we are doing the work, we are still going to have times when we struggle.

                  As I have shared many times I have lived with depression and anxiety most of my life. I have done a ton of work to try to heal. There are many times when I benefit from that work. I experience times when my mental illness lifts. These times are a direct result of the effort I put into healing. I think many people with mental illness can relate to this experience. We put forth effort to heal. That may be through therapy, taking medication, receiving non-traditional treatments such as TMS and esketamine, and utilizing our coping strategies. When you live with mental illness, you become acutely aware of the fact it is not going to just go away. We need to work at it. 

                  To those on the outside it may not seem like we are working to get better. A lot of our work is done in private or with our mental health providers. While I am open about my mental health journey, others battle in silence. It is a personal choice. For a long time, I kept my battle behind closed doors. During that time, it was best for me to work on mental health that way. It is not easy to be open about mental health. I choose to share my journey in the hopes of helping others finding healing. Still, it is not easy. Despite my openness, there is a lot that I do not share outside of my mental health team. There is a lot of hard work that others do not see. 

                  We cannot see inside each other’s minds. That is where a lot of the hard work takes place. There is a lot of self-talk that goes on when we are fighting mental illness. My depression and anxiety “talk” to me. No, I do not mean I am hearing voices. Depression and anxiety control the thoughts in my head. These thoughts tear me down at times. They can be loud. These thoughts spew negativity at me. So, I need a plan to talk back to them. For me and many others talking back to depression and anxiety involves telling the thoughts to stop. We need to point out the lies and the falseness in the thoughts our mental illness hurls at us. This is hard work. Imagine having to always be aware of the lies your own mind is telling you. Not only do we need to be aware of them, but we also need to have responses ready to contradict what we are “hearing”. This is part of the hard work of living with a mental illness.

                  One of the ways we learn this skill is through therapy. My psychologist has been instrumental in guiding me through self-talk. I have learned that it is necessary for me to work at talking back to the thoughts depression and anxiety like to fill my head with. Therapy is an important part of the hard work we do to battle mental illness. The therapy experience is different for each one of us. For me, having a place where I can discuss what my depression and anxiety are telling me and being able to share how those words are affecting me is key to fighting my mental illness. I have been in therapy for a long time. It is part of the work I need to do. I know that therapy helps me and that I need consistent therapy sessions. 

 In addition to talking back to our thoughts, we need to manage medications or treatments. This requires commitment. We need to communicate with our psychiatrists. It is important to share how medications are affecting us and whether we are benefitting from our prescriptions. The same is true of treatments such as TMS, esketamine, or ECT. We need to let our providers know how we are handling the treatment and whether it is effective. Whether it is medication or non-traditional treatments, we need to be able to have discussions about how we are doing. That is not always easy. I find that sometimes I do not know how to explain what I am experiencing. At times I am too overwhelmed to clearly express what I am feeling or how treatment is working. That does not mean that I am not working hard. It just demonstrates how complicated living with mental illness can be. It helps to have a mental health provider or team who can help us when we struggle expressing all that we need to tell them.

My point in sharing this is that we can be doing all the work we need to do and still have hard days. Living with mental illness can be tough. It often is. The hard work is worth it, though. We will have days that are better than others. Not every day will be good. Struggle is a part of mental illness. Being frustrated with that struggle is understandable. So, it is important for us to recognize that even when we are doing the work, life can be hard. There are times when we are going to want to give up. I have been there many times. I know I will want to give up at times in the future. When we want to give up or when we feel like things are just too hard, we need to reach out to our mental health providers or join a support group. Remember, we are not alone. There is help. 

It is important to remember that healing is a process. There will be ups and downs. Some days will be harder than others. You can be doing the work and still have hard days. That is okay. Let’s make a promise to each other to remember that even when things are hard, there is hope. 

 

Update: 

In last week’s post, Women's Mental Health and Depression: Honoring the Invisible Load on International Women's Day, I mentioned the artist, Yayoi Kusama, who lives with mental illness. I was reading news headlines the other day when I came across an article about an art exhibit in Germany that is featuring this 97-year-old artist. I thought I would share the article for any of you who might be interested: German museum celebrates Japanese artist Kusama in vast new exhibit.

 

Thursday’s Post:

Check back Thursday, March 19^th, for the final post in my series: Debunking Common Depression Myths.

 

 

 

 

                                                

Depression and Alcohol

                 Today is a special day for me. It marks 23 years of sobriety. I haven’t had a drink since May 2002. It hasn’t been easy. At times it has been very hard to remain sober. For me drinking wasn’t a social thing. Drinking was a way of self-medicating. It is how I learned to cope with depression early on. I started drinking in high school to numb the pain depression caused. If I drank enough, I wouldn’t feel the depression. Most of the time I just passed out. When I started drinking my depression was still undiagnosed. I wasn’t seeing a therapist. I was a lost high school kid. Drinking followed me in varying degrees until I was 29 years old. At that point I couldn’t hide it anymore. It was making my depression worse. I needed help. I found that help in the psychologist I started seeing In May of 2002. Dr. K helped me quit drinking. Through the years he has been there when depression has brought the urge to drink back. Even today, 23 years later, there are times when that urge creeps back. Luckily, I now have coping skills and support to get me through those times.

                  I would like to explore how depression and alcohol lead to serious issues. Alcohol is a depressant. So, while its initial effects might be to reduce anxiety or emotional pain, that effect does not last. When this effect wears off, the mood is usually worse. In my case this led to increased drinking to relieve my mood. It is not uncommon for people with depression or anxiety to try to self-medicate with alcohol.  Increased drinking worsens mood. It leads to increased feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and fatigue. Alcohol disrupts the brain’s chemical balance, which is already impaired in individuals with depression. Alcohol use and depression can reinforce each other creating a vicious cycle. Even though depression can provide a temporary easing of depressive symptoms, it almost always worsens things in the bigger picture. If drinking is involved with depression, a mental health professional needs to address both issues. 

                  Alcohol can also lead to suicidal ideation. This can be a result of a lowering of inhibitions while under the influence of alcohol. There is evidence that a number of suicide attempts involve alcohol use. Looking back, I recognize that several of my suicidal behaviors occurred while I was drinking to ease the pain of my depression. I am lucky that I managed to get through those times. I am also lucky that I have learned how alcohol negatively impacted me. 

                  How can someone address struggles with alcohol and depression. The first thing is to recognize there is an issue. This is not easy. Our minds try to deny it. We need to reach out for help. That help will look different for everyone. For me working with a psychologist was the answer I needed. If you do not have a psychologist or therapist, make an appointment with your primary care provider. Share your concerns and what you are dealing with your provider. This provider can refer you to a mental health professional who can help. Another option is to go to an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meeting. A simple internet search can help you locate a meeting or click on the link.  You can find a sponsor at one of these meetings who can help you with the alcohol issues. If depression or other mood issues are involved, you should still seek out the assistance of therapist or psychologist. 

                  Reaching out for help is difficult. I drank for years before I reached out for help. It took me hitting really low before I reached out. To this day I am grateful I reached out. I needed a push to get me to reach out. For some reason at this point in my life I decided to listen. The coping skills I have developed as a result have saved my life. I know reaching out is difficult. It is hard to admit when we are struggling. Often, we do not want to admit when we have a problem, but we need to. Depression and alcoholism are not going to go away on their own. Professional help is necessary and effective.

                  If you feel that you are in crisis, please reach out to the 988 helpline or go to the nearest emergency room. If you have been drinking, take an Uber/Lyft or ask someone to take you. Don’t drive.

                  Depression and alcohol are a terrible mix. On their own they can destroy a life. Combined they can have devasting effects. I am one of the lucky ones. I was given the help to stop drinking, While I continue to deal with depression, I am in a much better place. I have the mental health support from an amazing team to get me through the touch times. I am proud of my 23 years of sobriety. Even though it hasn’t always been easy, I have made it this far. Again, please reach out for help if you are struggling. There is help and there is hope.

 

Self-Care in the Mental Health World

             Today I would like to revisit self-care. I wrote about it last June (Self-Care Ideas for When You Are Struggling with Depression) but I think it is worth revisiting. At its very core self-care is doing things to take care of yourself. We all need to take care of ourselves. Unfortunately, in the hustle and bustle of life, caring for ourselves often gets lost. Self- care is important for everyone. Today I would like to focus on two groups of people. First, individuals with depression and other mental illnesses. Second, I will address the need for mental healthcare professionals to ensure that they are engaging in self-care.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, “self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health.” On the surface this seems like a simple task, but for many of us it is difficult to prioritize self-care. Living with mental illness can make engaging in self-care even more difficult. The depression tells us not to get out of bed. It tells us that self-care is not worth the energy it requires. Depression and other mental illnesses tell us that we are not going to get better even if we engage in self-care activities. We are up against a mountain of reasons not to take care of ourselves. But mental illness is a liar. If we can just get ourselves to start, we would find that we will do so much better. 

What does self-care include? Really there are no limits to what can be considered self-care. It depends on the individual. In general, self-care includes getting enough sleep, but not too much, regular exercise, eating healthily, engaging in relaxing activities, setting goals and priorities, thinking positively, and staying connected. Sounds easy, right? I wish it was. When you struggle with mental illness, these basic routines can become difficult. Try focusing on one to start with. 

There are times when I can only focus on one aspect of self-care. Those are the times when my depression is bad. At these times I need to pick one self-care routine to focus on. Maybe it is exercising regularly. For me that looks like taking walks several times a week. It can be difficult to drag myself onto the sidewalk when I am feeling down. I need to remind myself that I will feel better, even if only slightly, afterwards. This helps me get my feet going. I have found that linking exercise with goalsetting helps me. So, I use the notes app on my phone to track how many times I walk each week. This allows me to see that I am really doing it, which builds my self-esteem. That in turn helps lift my depression.

Self-care is important when you live with mental illness. It helps you climb out of the pit that so often we fall into. It allows us to feel positives. Sleep, healthy eating habits, exercise, and regular engagement are all things that can help us when we are struggling. Start small. Don’t pressure yourself to jump in and do everything. That is likely to result in failure. Starting small allows us to see the positives and experience the successes. Whatever self-care looks like to you, make an effort to do it for your mental health. 

What about mental healthcare professionals? Why is self-care so important for these individuals? According to an article by Posluns and Gall, there is a prevalence of stress, burnout, and professional impairment among mental healthcare professionals. These authors found that self-care is important for mental healthcare professionals. Think about it. Psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists (and other mental healthcare professionals) work with people who are often struggling. They see people at their lowest and help them cope with or overcome their mental illnesses. These professionals see a lot of struggle. They are expected to express caring in a relationship where the client is often not capable, or at least not expected to, return that care. That can take a toll on someone. 

According to Posluns and Gall a mental health practitioner must be well themselves in order to provide care to patients/clients. This obviously requires engaging in self-care. Posluns and Gall cite the Canadian Code of Ethics for Psychologists, which states that psychologists should “engage in self-care activities that help to avoid conditions (e.g., burnout, addictions) that could result in impaired judgment and interfere with their ability to benefit and not harm others”.

The same guidelines I provided above for self-care apply to mental healthcare professionals. Self-care may look different for mental healthcare professionals because they are not dealing with the difficulties of mental illness. The important thing is that the professional carves out time in their day for themselves. They need to make an active attempt to engage in self-care. Likely they are encouraging their patients/clients to engage in self-care. The mental healthcare professional needs to lead by example. This doesn’t mean they need to share what they are doing with their patients. The fact that they are engaging in self-care will be evident from their overall well-being and lack of burnout. 

Self-care is part of healthy living for everyone. People with mental illness may need more support to engage in self-care. We can all take small steps to improve our lives through self-care. Take a moment to examine what you are doing. Can you take a step to engage in a self-care activity?  If you are already engaging in self-care activities, can you add to what you are already doing? 

We are all worthy of care. It starts with us. We need to take steps to care for ourselves. That is how we all can become healthier. 

For tips on self-care activities see my previous post, (Self-Care Ideas for When You Are Struggling with Depression).

 

Source: Posluns, K., & Gall, T. L. (2020). Dear Mental Health Practitioners, Take Care of Yourselves: a Literature Review on Self-Care. International journal for the advancement of counseling, 42(1), 1–20. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10447-019-09382-w

 

 

                  

A Winding Road

                  Struggling with depression is difficult. I have been through a rough section of the road that is depression recently. Often during the last few weeks, I have found myself headed downhill. At times I have been stuck in the road. I have not known where to turn. The GPS in my head has been confused about which way to turn and how to find my way back to my baseline mood. This is depression.

                  I think a road is an apt description because with depression we are often in different places. The darkness feels different depending on our mental location. I have lived with this monster for almost 40 years now. Despite the length of time I have known depression, it still has the ability to sneak up on me and the ability to confuse me. At times I don’t know where the depression is taking me. I know I am in the darkness, and I still frequently find myself on unfamiliar roads. 

                  Right now I know I am headed towards healing, but still I struggle. It takes time and patience to get through a depressive episode. When I don’t know where to turn or where I am headed, I need maps. I need to be able to rely on an outside guide to lead me through darkened roads. Luckily, as I have mentioned many times, I have a mental health team to support me through the depression. They talk to me; give me advice. Their support provides a map to guide me on my road to healing. Even with their help, it takes time to maneuver along the winding road of depression. Despite this, a part of me knows I will make it. That is what keeps me going.

                  Depression is a road. We are never in one place for long. Our tires may get stuck in a muddy patch, but we eventually move on if we don’t give up. Sometimes we need a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist to give us a push in the right direction. That is okay. It is the reason they are there for us. 

                  For me the last few weeks have been a struggle and there have been moments when I wondered if I would find the right road. I wondered if the depression was too much this time. Fortunately, I know from experience that I will get through these times. Actually, I’m not sure “fortunately” is the right word. I wish I had never been through those times, but they are my reality. I have gotten through them. I am still on the road. I am still traveling toward healing. The road of depression is difficult. It is part of an illness that tries to tear us down. I know I am not on the road I need to be on yet, but I am nearing it. With a little help, I will make the correct turn and head toward the light. My wish is that if you find yourself lost in depression that you will reach out to mental health care professionals and allow them to direct you onto the right road. 

 

Signs You Might Need to Talk to a Therapist

                Therapy.  The word conjures up many misleading ideas   There is stigma attached to therapy.  Often, people hide the fact that they go to therapy because of this stigma.  We need to break down the stigma.  Going to therapy should be as normalized as going to the gym or a yoga session for physical health.  Seeing a therapist should be seen as just as important as seeing a doctor for physical health. 

                  I have been in therapy all my adult life.  You may wonder if it works why do I have to continue to go.  I have a mental illness.  It needs to be treated.  Therapy is part of my treatment.  I work on different things with my psychologist.  As my journey with depression continues, I find that I need support with different things. Therapy provides that support.  It is a vital part of my treatment.  

                  What are some signs that seeing a therapist might be beneficial to you?  Having a mental health diagnosis is one sign.  Although not everyone with a mental illness finds it necessary to work with a therapist.  As with physical illnesses, mental illness is individualized, and treatment plans can vary from person to person.  

Some reasons to consider therapy include:

 

·      Depression

·      Anxiety

·      Feeling overwhelmed

·      Overwhelming emotions

·      Loss of interest in activities

·      Anger

·      Relationship issues/struggles

·      Mood affecting relationships and/or work

·      Grief

·      A specific phobia

·      Isolation

·      Destructive behaviors

·      Substance abuse

 

 

The above are just some reasons a person might need to consider therapy.  People

go to therapy for many reasons.  Sometimes it is short-term.  Other times it can be for longer periods.  Again, it is based on the individual.  

                  How do you get in to see a therapist?  One way is to talk to your primary care provider and ask for a referral.  You can also do a Google search for therapists in your area and start making calls to see who has openings for new patients.  It might be necessary to call your insurance provider and ask for a list of therapists in their network.  If you don’t have insurance, there are many therapists who don’t deal with insurance.  You can also contact NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) for help finding a therapist.  If you are in a crisis situation, call 988, the mental health hotline.

 

                  What should you look for in a therapist?

 

                  I consider myself lucky because I have a great therapist. He is a psychologist.  Some therapists are psychologists.  Some are MFTs.  See my post my March 7^th post – Different Types of Mental Health Professionals for more information on the different types of therapists.  

                  A good therapist will listen to you.  They will give you the space to talk.  Therapists use different strategies to help you work on what you need.  You want a therapist you feel comfortable with. You should feel safe with your therapist.  Setting goals is an important part of therapy.  It is also important to have a therapist who is willing to work as part of a team, especially if you also have a psychiatrist or if your primary care provider is involved in your mental health.  I have found the team approach to be vital to my journey.  

                  Only you can determine if the therapist is right for you.  There is nothing wrong with deciding you need a different therapist if you feel one isn’t right for you.  It is important that you feel comfortable enough to open up to your therapist. If you can’t be open with your therapist, you won’t receive the benefits you need from therapy.  

                  I would be lost without my psychologist.  The therapy relationship is an important aspect of my treatment.  I know that I can talk to him about anything.  My comfort level allows me to trust, which in turn allows me to heal.  I know I can contact him when I am n crisis. Trust is key to the patient/therapist relationship.  

                  As I mentioned at the beginning, there is a stigma attached to therapy.  The more we normalize going to therapy, the more we can break down that stigma.  If you find yourself in need of therapy, please reach out and find a therapist.

 

Benefits of Therapy for Depression

         Depression is a real illness.  It requires treatment. Therapy is an important part of that treatment.  There are different types of therapy.  Some of types of therapy include cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, humanistic therapy, integrative therapy, and interpersonal psychotherapy. In this post I will speak about therapy in general terms.  I will be referring to forms of psychotherapy or talk therapy.

The purpose of psychotherapy is to help a person identify and change troubling emotions, thoughts, and behaviors.  This is usually done in a one-on-one setting.  The provider is a licensed mental health provider such as a therapist or psychologist.  Therapy can take place in group settings as well.

I have engaged in therapy most of my adult life.  Psychotherapy has helped me develop coping skills and allowed me to better understand the shifts in my mood that are beyond my control.  I find that my mood improves when I am able to discuss the events and emotions that lead to my depression.  In therapy I am guided to understandings of my thoughts.  When I have a better understanding of what my thoughts are telling me, I can cope better.  I find that just having an open and safe space to talk is beneficial.  

So, what are the benefits of psychotherapy?  There are many benefits.  These benefits depend on the person and what he, she, or they need.  Some common benefits include:

·      Improving overall mental health

·      Increasing self-awareness

·      Developing coping strategies

·      Developing healthier communication strategies

·      Confronting anxiety

·      Getting through a crisis

·      Developing healthy relationships

·      Navigating trauma

·      Easing of symptoms

 

All these benefits are important.  Improved overall mental health will lead to

improved quality of life and easing of symptoms. When we increase our self-awareness, we better understand what triggers us and what leads to changes in our mood.  Developing coping strategies is important because it teaches us how to function when our mood is trying to drag us down.  Healthy communication strategies allow us to express what we are going through, which can help loved ones understand us and offer help.  Developing healthy relationships is tied to this communication skills.  When we experience depression, it is difficult to maintain relationships.   Therapy can help in this area by providing us with communication skills and self-awareness. 

                  Therapy is especially important when we are in crisis or trying to navigate trauma.  Having a psychologist or therapist gives a person someone to reach out to in times of crisis.  In therapy we can learn strategies to take when we are in crisis.  For example, I have learned how identify that I am crisis and how to contact my psychologist in moments of crisis.  I have also learned that resources such as 988 are available as well.  Being in therapy has allowed me to develop an understanding that reaching out for help, whether it be from my mental health team or 988 is not only important, but it is okay.

The benefits of therapy can be instrumental when living with depression.  We cannot overcome depression on our own.  Therapy is a key part of healing.  Some people benefit from short-term therapy.  Others need it throughout their lives.  For me therapy is as necessary as my blood pressure medication.  I need therapy as a routine part of my life.  It is a part of my healthcare.  I don’t miss my therapy sessions because I know it affects my healing. 

                  People often say just deal with it, buck up and be strong.  There are social media posts that encourage people to just push through.  We are told to smile or just get through it.  Depression does not respond to that mentality.  It is not possible to just grin and bear it.  People with depression need treatment and part of that treatment is therapy.  Going to therapy needs to be normalized.  We go to the doctor when we have the flu or other illness.  In the same way that going to the doctor is normal, we need to make it normal to go therapy.  The stigma that exists around going to therapy needs to be lifted.  It is okay to go to therapy.  Therapy is necessary treatment for people with mental illnesses such as depression.  

                  Today there are avenues to therapy that didn’t exist a few years ago. Many therapists are available for online sessions.  There are therapists’ groups who advertise on social media.  In addition, primary care providers can refer you to a therapist.  If you are affected by depression, therapy can provide you with many benefits. There is no shame in going to therapy. I wouldn’t be able to write posts or maintain this blog if it were not for therapy.  Therapy has improved my quality of life.  I encourage anyone who is struggling or even just needs some help to seek out therapy.