Semicolon – Continue Living

                  The other day was World Semicolon Day.  Let’s look at what the semicolon represents.  In grammar a semi-colon represents a sentence an author could have ended but chose not to.  From a mental health perspective, the semicolon represents a continuation of life, a decision to keep moving forward and not giving up.  

                  The use of the semicolon in association with mental health was started in 2013 by Amy Bleuel.  She selected the semicolon as a symbol of hope.  She intended for it to be a symbol of hope after her father died by suicide.  The semicolon is a representation of persevering in the face of mental illness. She founded Project Semicolon. Bleuel stated, “In literature, an author uses a semicolon to not end a sentence but to continue on.  We see it as you are the author, and your life is the sentence.  You are choosing to keep going.”  Bleuel battled mental illness herself and died by suicide in 2017.  She left the legacy of the semicolon to help others.  

                  The idea behind the semicolon is that your story isn’t over.  That is Project Semicolon’s reminder to people struggling with mental illness.  Even when you struggle with self-harm and suicidal thoughts, your story isn’t over.  Many people get the semicolon tattooed on their wrist as a reminder that their life isn’t over, that it is worth fighting for.  

                  As someone who has lived with self-harm and suicidal thoughts since my teenage years, the semicolon has become significant for me.  It is a reminder to keep fighting the thoughts.  It is a reminder that my life is worth living.  As a writer I understand the use of the semicolon.  That strengthens its significance for me.  When I see a semicolon whether on a tattoo or on a social media post, I am reminded that I can fight mental illness.  I can pause and then keep going.  

I am not trying to trivialize the mental illness fight.  The semicolon itself is not enough to stop a person from dying by suicide.  Rather, it serves as a reminder that continuing your story is possible.  The semicolon can provide a pause that allows a person to receive help.  

                  I have thought about having the semicolon tattooed on my wrist.  I am too much of a chicken to sit for the tattooist needle, though.  I do have a bracelet with a semicolon on it.  Maybe someday I will go through with the tattoo. 

                  Symbols are powerful.  The semicolon is a symbol of hope.  When a person is living with suicidal or self-harm thoughts, it is difficult to break that train of thought.  Sometimes words are too much.  A symbol, such as the semi-colon, can be the image that interrupts the thoughts even if just long enough to get help or step away from whatever was going to be used for self-harm.  The reminder to keep living is vital.  Mental illness is powerful.  We need reminders that we can live with mental illness.  

                  The semicolon also serves to raise awareness about mental health.  It can be a discussion starter.  I have seen it frequently on social media.  Every time it sparks discussion.  For every person that learns about the semicolon, awareness about the seriousness of mental illness is raised.  That is what we need, increased awareness.  Bringing mental illness into discussions will lead to normalizing treatment for mental health disorders. It will make it easier for a person to choose to get help. 

                  The next time you see a semicolon, take a moment to think about its meaning.  Think about how difficult it can be for some people to keep their story moving forward.  That will help you understand that self-harm and suicidal thoughts are symptoms of an illness.  The semicolon is a reminder that we each have a story to live.  The story needs to keep going.  Use a semicolon to pause, when necessary, but then continue your story.  

                  

Talking Back to Depression

                  Depression brings with it many difficulties.  One difficulty that can be particularly troublesome is negative thoughts.  I have struggled with negative thoughts my whole life.  The depression takes control, and it tells me things that are either not true or are overexaggerated.  These negative thoughts can easily take control and put me in a tailspin.  The tailspin can lead to suicidal thoughts, which then puts me in crisis.  I know I am not alone in this process.  People with depression struggle with negative thought patterns.  We need strategies to stop these thoughts.  

                  Over the years I have had a lot of help learning how to tell the thoughts to stop or to talk back to the thoughts.  Therapy has played a key role in teaching me these strategies.  I have learned these strategies from each of the members of my mental health team.  I am not perfect at using them.  Knowing the strategies is not enough.  They must be utilized in time to avoid a downward spiral.  I would like to share some of the ways I talk back to the negative, depression-fueled thoughts.  I would caution you that this is just what I have tried.  Sometimes I still struggle with it.  Depression is an illness.  It doesn’t just go away because we tell it to or because we want it to.  It requires constant effort.  Sometimes there will be failure.  That is okay.  As with any illness, depression requires constant care.  If one of these phrases doesn’t work, try another.  Remember there will be times when you need to reach for support either from loved ones or mental health professionals.  That is okay.  I can’t stress this enough.  It is okay to reach out when you are struggling.  

                  My go-to word when I notice the negative thoughts is simply, “stop”.  I say it in my head.  I try to tell the thought to stop.  I don’t try to argue with it or persuade it to be different.  I simply say “stop”.  This is an interruption strategy.  I am trying to interrupt the negative thought to get it to stop.  This is most effective if I catch the thought early.  When this works, I then try to replace the thought with something more positive or at least something neutral.  

                  The single word “stop” is sometimes not enough.   This is when I try to tell my thoughts that I know it is the depression talking and I am not going to listen.  This is a little harder than just saying “stop”.  I find myself saying something like, “I hear you telling me that life isn’t worth it, but I am not going to listen this time.”  I usually need to repeat it a few times to get the message across.  Sometimes I pair it with the word “stop.”  I may repeat that I am not listening.  At times I say, “Depression, I know you are trying to take control, but I am not going to allow that to happen.”  This is by no means easy.  It is often frustrating.  The voice of depression is loud.  It is also strong.  

                  Another phrase I use in my head is “Hey, Depression, I know you want control, but I can’t let you have control.  This is my life.”  I know it sounds strange to have conversations in my head. I am not talking out loud.  These are my thoughts talking back to the depression in my head.  It is a strategy that can be employed when the thoughts get strong.

                  When these phrases don’t work, I try writing.  If I can write my thoughts in my journal or on my computer, I can give them a sense of control.  I can also get the negative thoughts out of my head and make them concrete.  Sometimes just getting them out on paper is enough for me.  Other times I need to share what I have written with someone.  I usually share these written thoughts with one of the members of my mental health team.  If this strategy sounds good to you, know that you could also share your written words with a trusted loved one.  However, if the thoughts turn suicidal, I would recommend reaching out to a mental health professional.

                  There are times when talking back and writing are not enough.  Remember, depression is an illness.  It can vary in its strength from day to day or even moment to moment.  Another strategy I try is distraction.  For me music is a solid distractor.  When I am listening to music to distract myself from depression’s voice, I focus on listening to the lyrics.  Usually, I choose songs that I know resonate with me.  If I can get my mind to focus on the words of the song, those words can replace the thoughts in my head.  When I use this strategy, I like to lie in bed and close my eyes.  Other times I listen to the music while walking in my neighborhood.  I only do this when I feel safe enough to leave my house.  If the thoughts are too overwhelming or they are getting into that suicidal territory, I prefer to keep myself in my bedroom, where I have established a safe zone.  

                  Depression is often a solitary illness.  There is a lot of aloneness to it.  Despite this, it is important to remember that depression cannot be defeated alone.  So, when the thoughts get to be too much for me to handle on my own, I know I need to reach out.  For example, if I am having thoughts of hurting myself and they don’t respond to my initial attempt to stop them, I know I need help.  It is at this point that I will call my psychologist and leave him a voicemail, which I know he will receive because we have talked about this as a safety plan.  Depending on your situation, you might want to reach out to your mental health provider, a loved one, or to the 988 helpline. If the person you plan to reach out to is a loved one, you should create a plan in advance that lets the person know how to respond.  A simple safety plan might include what that person should ask you or say to you and who he or she should contact if necessary.  The plan should also include an explanation of when the person needs to reach out for professional help.  I have a plan and have shared it with the people in my life, who I would reach out to in if the self-harm or suicidal thoughts are in control.  

Reaching out is a sign of strength.  It took me a long time to realize that.  It is a lesson I needed to learn.  Often when we suffer with depression, we believe no one else understands.  To some extent it is true that people who don’t live with depression don’t understand, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to understand or that they aren’t willing to help.  That is perhaps one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in recent years.  Even in our darkest moment, those moments where the depression has taken complete control, there are ways to get help.  I encourage you to make plans for these times when you are not in the midst of depression’s stranglehold.  Discuss it with someone when you are in a place where things aren’t as bad.  This will allow you to have a plan for those darkest moments.  On the other side of the darkness, you will be glad you had a plan. 

Living with the thoughts depression creates is never going to be easy.  We need to make plans.  Think of it as a prescription for living with depression.  Not all prescriptions are for medication.  Knowing how to talk to depression and how to reach out are important parts of our treatment.  You might need to practice talking back to your thoughts with a mental health professional.  That is okay.  It is normal.  Your provider will understand and will help you.  Don’t allow depression to gain complete control.  Make a plan for dealing with the varying stages of the illness.  Ask for help.  Depression is an awful illness, but we can fight back.

I will leave you with this thought.  Depression is an awful illness, but it is one we can fight when we make plans and have strategies for dealing with it.  I encourage you to talk to your loved ones and mental health professionals about how you will talk back to depression and how you will reach out when necessary.