November is National Family Caregiver’s Month. I probably should have written about this earlier in the month because family caregiving has been important in my life during the last two years. So, before the month ends, I want to recognize the amazing people who care for ill, aging, and otherwise struggling family members.
National Caregivers Month was first proclaimed by the president in 1997. The idea for this month goes back to 1986 when the president declared, Family Caregivers Week. Recognition of family caregivers is something that I do not think gets enough attention. So many family members step forward to care for loved ones.
As I discuss the importance of family caregivers, I would like to share a model of this type of caregiving. My Aunt Holly stepped forward when I was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. Holly made sure I did not face my battle with cancer alone. She was at every appointment with me. She sat by my side during chemotherapy. She brought me into her home while I battled cancer. Holly sat by my side as I laid in bed sick from the chemo treatments. She supported me when my depression weighed heavy on me and made fighting cancer difficult. I could go on and on about all she did for me and continues to do. Aunt Holly is the epitome of a family caregiver. I would not have won my cancer battle without her.
Family caregivers do so much. A basic definition of a family caregiver is someone who gives unpaid care and support for a family member who is aging, ill, or living with a disability or chronic illness. The caregiver takes on many areas of support including tending to the medical, emotional, and physical needs of their family member. This can include personal care assistance, such as bathing, toileting, eating, mobility, and medication. They provide and monitor medication and schedule medical appointments. The caregiver often takes their family member to appointments and coordinates medical care. They monitor symptoms and communicate with doctors and other medical personnel. A family caregiver provides emotional support to their loved one. Often, they help reduce aloneness and support mental and emotional health. The presence of a family member can provide conversation and a sense that the person is not alone in their health battle. The family caregiver also tends to household chores, such as preparing meals, doing laundry, shopping, and managing transportation. A family caregiver often provides financial and legal support. They may pay bills and/or handle legal documents.
The family caregiver often is an advocate for their family member. My Aunt Holly and my cousin, Sara, were involved in this way. Without them I would not have received the excellent medical care I received. They spoke for me when I couldn’t. They supported me when I had to speak up for myself. When a person is sick having a family member as an advocate is vital. I am grateful I had Holly and Sara.
A part of family caregiving that is particularly difficult involves end-of-life support and decisions. When I needed to create an advanced directive in case I could not make decisions for myself or my cancer battle was going to take my life, my cousin, Sara, held my hand through that process. She explained things and assisted me in creating the document. I now have an advanced directive in place. I am not sure I would have been able to do that on my own especially as the possibility of death loomed over me.
Also, involved in end-of-life support is the coordination of palliative care and hospice. When these are necessary having family step in is important, but it can be very difficult on the family member.
Family caregivers have needs that are often overlooked because they are being selfless. Stress, burnout, and anxiety can arise, making it difficult for the family member to provide care. They may also experience guilt and think they are not doing enough. Another emotional issue for the family caregiver is grief. Often, they are watching their loved one struggle and face death. It is important that family caregivers receive mental and emotional health support. This can be found in conversations with other family members and friends, talking to a mental health provider, and/or participating in a caregiver’s support group.
Financial issues can arise. The family caregiver may need to take time off work and lose salary. The costs of caregiving are high. There are medical and practical expenses. Health insurance does not cover everything.
Family caregivers are vital when someone is ill. I have immense respect for family members who take on the challenge of caring for a loved one. My Aunt Holly took amazing care of me. I see her continue to care for others in need. She is currently assisting a friend who needs care. It amazes me how much my gives to others. Another example of a caregiver I am grateful for is my brother, Tony. My mother can no longer care for herself. She has cancer and Alzheimer’s. Tony has stepped in to coordinate her care including all the medical and financial needs. I would not have known where to start, but Tony has taken on the challenge. I am grateful that he is doing all that he is doing.
So, as Family Caregivers Month comes to a close and Thanksgiving is in a few days, let’s take a moment to be grateful for all of the family members who care for a loved one. These family caregivers are indispensable. Without them so many people would suffer. I know I would not be here without the care Aunt Holly provided. I do want to acknowledge that my aunt and uncle, Chris and David, provided a break for Holly when it was needed. They stayed with me for a week during chemo and took me to appointments. Even my mom stepped in for a weekend. She also talked to me every day during my cancer battle. I try to be there for her now that she is battling debilitating illness. I take her to lunch every weekend and call her every day.
Family caregivers are amazing people and deserve more than just a month of recognition. If you know someone who is providing care for a family member, let them know they are doing a great job, provide them with a break, or just be a listening ear for them. Thank you to all the family caregivers who selflessly care for their loved ones.
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