A Glimmer Jar for 2026

                  Watching the news has been truly anxiety provoking so far in 2026. It has also triggered depression in many of us. We are living in difficult times. I went into 2026 focusing my attention on my word for the year, “live”. (See the post: My Word for the Year) I intend to stick to this focus despite the noise around us even if it is hard. Maybe part of living means taking a stand and making my voice heard. This is my forum to share my thoughts and to bring some positives into the world. So, I am going to focus on something positive today.

                  I have created a glimmer jar for 2026. What is that? Let me start by explaining what glimmers are. I first heard about glimmers from Leigh Shulman, who leads the writers’ community I belong to. She introduced the practice of sharing our glimmers in the community each week. A glimmer can be anything that went well, made you feel good, or was positive. Glimmers can be successes. They can be moments when hope shines through. I love the practice of sharing our glimmers. It makes me focus on what is going well in my life. Reading the glimmers of our community members brightens my day because I feel the joy they are experiencing as I read their words. Martha Beck discusses glimmers in her book, Beyond Anxiety. In reading that book I learned about the importance of having time and space to focus our attention on the good things going on in our life.

                  How does a jar fit into the practice of recognizing glimmers? I find that I often struggle to see the positives in my life if I am not making a deliberate effort to recognize them. Some of this is a product of depression. The darkness created by my depression clouds my view of my life and the world around me. At times I get stuck in a tailspin and only remember the negatives or not so good aspects of my life. I found myself stuck in one of these tailspins as 2025 ended. Giving it some thought, I realized that the same thing happens every year. I look back and think, “Well, that year was a downer. I did not achieve anything. I was unproductive. I spent the year alone.” My thoughts take over. The end of the year is already tough for me because my depression always intensifies during the holidays. My negative end of year reflection worsens my depression.

                  I realized that I needed to find a way to break that cycle. I need a way to look back and see the glimmers. I am not going to remember all the glimmers when I am struggling with depression. To combat that I decided I should collect my glimmers and save them for the end of the year. I needed a place to collect those glimmers. A jar seemed like a good place to save glimmers. I did a paint pour over a jar. I selected shades of purple and green because those colors represent healing to me. When I am receiving esketamine treatment I usually see these two colors. I feel safe and calm when I see these colors. Those seemed like perfect feelings to represent my glimmers. 

                  Every week I am going to write down my glimmers for the week on slips of paper. I bought special paper for this. Maybe I will even do it more than once a week. The slips of paper will go into the jar. I am going to place the jar somewhere I can see it. When I am struggling, I will try to remind myself that I have a jar full of glimmers. Then on December 31, 2025, I am going to sit with the jar. Maybe play some music. I will read each glimmer. I will have at least 52 sheets with glimmers. As I read the glimmers, I will be reminded that good things really did happen during the year. My hope is that the glimmers are stronger than my depression. I hope that the glimmers replace the negatives that fill my head. I really believe this will work. I am going into this practice with the intention of allowing it to bring me a sense of healing. 

                  Next New Year’s Eve is going to be different for me. I am going to fight back against the negativity depression speaks into my mind. My glimmer jar will be filled with all the shining glimmers that filled my year. Some of those glimmers will be small things. Others might be rather large. Glimmers come in all shapes and sizes. I do not know what 2026 holds in store for me. I am hoping that intentionally focusing on glimmers will lead to improvements in my mental health. I realize my glimmer jar is not going to cure my depression or erase my anxiety, but it will give me reason to look back and feel positive about my life. My glimmer jar will help me see that I am truly living, which is my focus for this year. I encourage you to try creating a glimmer jar or find a way to capture the glimmers in your life that suits you. We all need to know that there are glimmers in our lives. 

 

My Word for the Year

                  There are only a couple days left in December. 2025 is nearing an end. Many people are posting their year in review on social media. These posts include mostly highlights. It is as if only positives happened. These posts are not the full reality. No one had a perfect year. The reality is most of us had struggles or not-so-good times in 2025. Positives are usually accompanied by the not-so-good moments. It is the same every year. Positives and negatives make up our lives. So, what is posted on social media, the glossy pictures and lively videos, the highlight reels, is not reality and we should not compare ourselves to these posts.

                  As the year ends, I find myself looking back on a series of ups and downs. My year had many changes. The year started off with me continuing to focus on my health, both mental and physical. I spent my days alternating between appointments and sitting at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf writing. As summer hit its stride, I decided that I was ready to return to work. It was not an easy decision. I worried that I was not healthy enough. I worried that as soon as I started working, cancer would resurface. My oncologist assured me that I was ready to return to work. I trusted her and made the decision that it was time to resume my teaching career. As I started searching for a new teaching position, I was disillusioned by the lack of interviews I was offered despite my years of experience. Eventually, I landed in a position that seems perfect for me. I am teaching special education in a continuation high school. I have been paired up with two amazing teachers who have quickly become friends. It feels like we were meant to be connected. I enjoy working with the students. Teaching actually feels good. It is much better than when I last taught. Sure, there are days when I struggle, but it is working out and I know I am in the right place. I hope to finish the final years of my career in this position.

                  So, as the year ends and I reflect on how far I have come, I am filled with gratitude. My mental and physical health teams buoyed me through illness over the last few years. I can move forward in my career and in life because of these incredible providers. My Aunt Holly and cousin, Sara, encouraged and supported me. My dancing queen (Cindi) cheered me on. Friends and other family were there for me.  This may sound like one of those social media posts I referred to earlier. That is not my intention. I am just reflecting on where I have been and where I am headed. 2025 was not all good. There were times of depression. At these times the darkness consumed me. I have had some health concerns that have required attention. I have dealt with my mom’s serious illness. Loneliness and fear have overwhelmed me at times. Despite all of this I am here. I made it through 2025. 

                  As 2026 approaches I know that more changes are in store for me. One thing I am doing is selecting a word of the year for 2026. The idea of a word for the year comes from Leigh Shulman. She leads the writers’ community I belong to. I found the idea of a word of the year intriguing and spent time selecting the word. My word is “live”. This word carries a lot of significance for me. In the past few years depression and cancer threatened my life. I had to fight to live. Now, I am focusing my attention on living. What does it mean to live? 

                  First, I think living requires knowing what I want in life. Figuring that out will require some thought. There is so much to life. What do I want? I am planning on using my journal to figure out what I want. A few things I know I want include improving my mental and physical health, finishing and publishing the memoir I have been working on, growing this blog, and traveling. I know there is more to living and I hope to discover what those things are for me. I will spend time determining what living means for me and work to manifest those things in my life. See my recent post Manifesting What You Want for a discussion on determining wants and manifesting those wants.

                  My mental health plays a role in how I define living. Often, my depression clouds my view of life. This is difficult. I know I am not alone in this. It is a part of the illness. At times depression tells me that life is not worth living. Fortunately, the last few years have taught me that despite depression’s voice, I want to live. In 2026 I intend to not only figure out what living means for me, but also value life. Living with depression for as long as I have has led me to want to end my life on many occasions. As I heal, I have learned that I want to live. I think that is why my selection of the word “live” for 2026 is so important. 

                  Since I have never chosen a word for the year, I find myself wondering if I selected wisely. I guess it does not matter what anyone else thinks. It is my word. It is also my year. Depression and cancer be damned. I am going to live despite my health fears. I know I will always battle depression. Right now, the cancer is being held away. I am confident in that knowledge, even if fear creeps in at times. The important thing is knowing that my mental and physical health do not define me and therefore, cannot define my life or how I live. That means I get to decide to how I live. So much of my life has been spent living in ways that I either did not want or ways that no longer suit me. I need to figure out how to ensure that I am living in ways that suit me. I do not know what I will decide beyond caring for my health, writing, and traveling. I do know that I will figure it out. My journal will hold my ponderings. I will discuss my wants with my psychologist and other members of my mental health team. 

                  2026 will be a year of discovery for me. It is my time to figure out what it means to live. Once I have it figured out, I intend to live. Actually, I plan to live while I am figuring it out. No more just going through the motions. Every past year has played a role in my discovery. The lessons I have learned from my past have created my desire to live. I am moving forward determined to make “live” more than just a word. It will become a way of life for me. 

Manifesting What You Want

                  As the year draws to a close many people are setting resolutions. I do not believe in resolutions. I never set them. I do, however, believe in setting a plan for the new year and determining what actions I am going to take to manifest what I want my future to contain. I often find it challenging to think about what I really want in life. My. depression and anxiety often get in the way. Figuring out what I want is something that I need to think about. I cannot make things happen if do not know what I want.

                  Last week I had a conversation with Brittany, the psychiatric nurse practitioner who leads my esketamine treatment. I was struggling and felt like I was going nowhere in life. I was telling her how I feel like I have missed out on so much in life. We discussed how being over 50 and alone makes it scary to think about my future. The high likelihood that my cancer will return adds to my anxiety over the future. I shared how I feel like I will always be alone and that I will have no one to help me as I age or fight cancer again. 

                  We discussed how I have given up a lot because of my mental illness. I never pursued dating or having a relationship because I feared my depression and anxiety would affect anyone I was in a relationship with and if I were to have a family it would have a negative impact on any children I might have. I have always believed that I did not deserve to have a relationship. As a result, I feel like I do not have a lot of things that I once wanted. Brittany was understanding and reframed things for me. We discussed what it meant to want something and how we can manifest the things we want. It was a deep conversation. I carried what she said into my esketamine treatment. As the effects of the esketamine were wearing off and I was returning to a conscious state, my pen took over. I wrote several pages in my journal as I sat there. My mind focused on how to determine what I want in life and what it means to manifest those things. It was a powerful writing session, and I now understand that the writing was part of my esketamine induced dissociation. It was also something that I truly needed.

                  It may seem that I have wandered off topic, but the conversation with Brittany and the writing I did after esketamine affect how I am approaching the new year. When you live with depression and anxiety, negatives are often in the forefront of your mind. I am trying to overcome those negatives and set a plan for the new year in which I manifest what I truly want for myself.

                  Depression and anxiety can make it difficult to see the big picture of life. So, as I go into the new year, I am focusing on identifying what I care about and the little steps I can take to bring those things into my life. It is not necessary to force a clarity I do not have for myself. Maybe instead of trying to figure out big things I want, I can ask myself, “What do I want less of?” or “What helps me feel a little better about myself?” By starting with these less intimidating questions, I can get a picture of what I want for myself. 

                  It is also important to be gentle with myself as I figure out what I want. I might ask myself what I would want if depression and anxiety were not a factor. Then I can look at ways to bring that into my life in small steps. I can take time to listen to the thoughts going through my head and try to identify common themes. This can give an indication of what is important to me and allow me to start setting goals. 

                  An example of something I know I want more of in my life is writing. I want time to really express myself through the written word. I would like to focus on the book I am currently writing. I would like this to be the year I finish the book. Also, I want that book to positively impact others and bring hope to people living with mental or physical illness, especially cancer. So, how do I manifest this and the other wants I identify?

                  Manifesting wants is not magical thinking. It is more like setting goals in a gentle, grounded way. It should be pressure free. As you consider how you will manifest your wants try redefining manifesting as direction, not control. Do not get trapped in the idea that manifesting a want or goal means you must make it happen. Instead, think of it as setting an intention and then taking small steps when you can. This is important for those of us with mental illness because it is easy to get overwhelmed when we have setbacks. So, taking smaller steps makes the process of manifesting a want more attainable. 

                  We can break our intentions into very small actions. Instead of trying to manifest something big, it is helpful to focus on small actions like what you will do for five minutes each day. It might be something as simple as “I will say one positive thing to myself today.” This can build confidence and lead to taking more small action steps. 

                  Visualization can help. Try imaging yourself coping rather than being perfect. Visualize what it looks like to be supported in pursuing your wants. If visualization makes you more anxious, do not force yourself to visualize your wants becoming reality. Instead, focus on the small steps. What can you do in the next moment to feel good about yourself? 

                  Manifesting our wants and goals does not need to be something we do on our own. When we live with mental illness, support is a major part of our lives. We can discuss what we want to manifest with our mental health providers. They can provide guidance and encouragement. We can also share our wants with people we trust and allow them to give us ideas for making our wants become reality. We do not need to face things on our own. Isolating ourselves is common for those of us with mental illness. So, maybe one of our wants can be to isolate less and reach out more. 

                  As we decide what we want to manifest in our lives as the new year begins, it is important to think about how we will measure success. For example, success might be trying again after a rough day. It might be getting back up after feeling down or not meeting a small goal we have set for the day. Success might mean saying “no” to things that do not feel right to us or things that do not improve our mental health. 

Another important part of manifesting our wants is staying curious instead of giving up. This can be a hard one, but it is important. I am reading “Beyond Anxiety” by Martha Beck. She discusses staying curious and trying to be creative. We can look at our lives as dark places or we can ask ourselves, “What if?” Perhaps by asking this question we can become more willing to take risks that will lead us toward making our wants a reality. This requires us to be patient, flexible, and caring with ourselves. Curiosity can help us identify new things that can make us feel good about ourselves. It can lead to new ideas. By being curious we open ourselves to a whole new world. That might allow us to pursue our wants and manifest those wants.

The new year both scares and intrigues me. I do not know what the year will hold for me. I know that in the coming days I will be thinking about what I want. I will try to allow my curiosity to guide me. That will allow me to figure out the small steps I need to take to make my book become a reality. It will allow me to set other goals. Maybe travel is in my future. Maybe I will find ways to not be as alone. I may find that my past life choices were not as bad as I think they were. Those choices created the present me. Just maybe the future me needed those choices to manifest what is to come in 2026 and beyond. 

My wish for everyone reading this is that you discover what you want in life and that you can take the small steps necessary to manifest those wants. And if there are setbacks, I wish you the strength and grace to know that those setbacks are okay. You are still worthy, and you will find your way to attaining your wants.