Choosing to Stay Alive When Depression Says Give Up

“And I won’t give up if you don’t give up”

 – Train, from the song, “Calling All Angels” 

One of the struggles that is a part of living with mental illness is that when things get tough, I sometimes feel like giving up. Living with depression is tough. Depression is always telling me negatives. Sometimes it whispers. Other times, it screams at me. It does not matter if is whispering or screaming. Either way, it hurts. Often, I have wanted to give up. Actually, feeling like giving up probably happens more than I like to admit. 

When I first heard the lyrics of the song “Calling All Angels” by Train, I was struck by the line “And I won’t give up if you don’t give up.” Music often speaks to me. I am a writer, and I am always thinking about words. When I hear certain lyrics or read something in a poem or book, I often find myself connecting to a piece of it. So, when I was first struck by this line, I tucked it away. However, every time I heard this song, (it is in one of my playlists) I was drawn to the line over and over again. It repeats in the song. So, it is easy to get hooked on the words. “And I won’t give up if you don’t give.” 

Why am I talking about this lyric? What does it have to do with depression or mental illness? The guys in Train probably were not thinking about mental health when they wrote it. So, why am I finding a connection? Simple. Not giving up is a sign of strength that so many of us who struggle with depression or other mental illness, possess. We are still alive. We are fighting our illnesses. We are choosing to live when the voice of depression often wants us to give up on life. 

Not giving up is a sign of strength. We may not always recognize it, but it requires strength to not give up. Even though, I did not recognize it in the moment, each time I walked away from suicidal thoughts, I was showing strength. Before I go on, I want to stress that dying by suicide is not a sign of weakness. It is symptom of an illness. Living with mental illness is not easy and sometimes it becomes too much. So, just because it takes strength to fight suicidal thoughts, it does not mean that a person who dies by suicide was weak. Believe me it takes strength to live each day with mental illness. 

Back to the lyric. “And I won’t give up if you don’t give up.” This lyric has me thinking of two ideas. First, I think as a person with mental illness, I say this line in some way or another to myself. I tell my inner self, the part of me that holds all the pain, all the negativity, all the hopelessness that depression pushes on me, not to give up. Together, this inner part of me and the part of me that the outside world sees, fight to not give up. We choose to live even though depression can be difficult. We choose to live even when depression is turning our world dark and tells us to give up. 

Even when I am in a downward spiral and feel the darkness all around me, deep down I know that I do not want to give up. In a recent post, Depression Told Me to Give Up - Why I Chose to Stay Alive,  I shared lyrics from Melissa Etheridge about choosing to survive and loving being alive. I think sometimes depression causes us to struggle. It becomes difficult to see that we want to live, that we want to survive. In those moments it is important to have people who won’t give up on you. That is the second idea this lyric brings up for me. Whether they are friends, loved ones, or mental health providers, It is important that we have people who won’t give up on us. I feel that commitment to not give up on me from all three of those categories of people. I am lucky. That luck is not lost on me. I am grateful for many people. I know I would not be here if it were for some of these people. 

I think as Mental Health Awareness Month draws to a close, it is important to stress that we need each other. We need people who won’t give up on us. Living with mental illness can be lonely and painful. That loneliness and pain can lead us to thinking that giving up is our only option. It is not, but it is hard to see that when depression has us cornered in a dark place. If we have people who won’t give up on us, we can walk back from suicidal thoughts. I promise you this is true. I am alive today because there have been people (they know who they are) who have not given up on me. 

If you have a loved one or friend living with mental illness, know that you can make a difference in their lives by being by their side, by letting them know that you won’t give up on them. If you are a mental health provider, know that being there for your patients allows them to live with their illness and not give up. I think that is one of the key takeaways of Mental Health Awareness Month. We need to be there for each other. Living with mental illness is tough, but if we if we are there for each other, if we don’t give up on each other, we can make a difference.

I love that in the song “Calling All Angels”, this line “And I won’t give up if you don’t give up” repeats so many times. It is as if it is echoing to ensure that we hear that message. I also love the title of the song, “Calling All Angels”. The people who don’t give up on those of us with mental illness, are truly angels.

 

 

 

 

Depression Doesn’t Change Who You Are: Challenging Mental Health Stigma

I am the same person I was before you found out I have a mental health disorder.

– Unknown

 

                  The above quote popped up in my Facebook memories today. I posted it seven years ago. Just like when I first posted it, this quote struck me as meaningful today for a few reasons. One, I think it fits well with Mental Health Awareness Month. Another reason is that it points out that stigma still exists in our world. The third reason is more personal. Sometimes when I am struggling, I feel alone. At times it seems that my mental health isolates me. It shouldn’t because I am the same person whether I am struggling with my mental health, or I am doing well. Today, I would like to delve into the message of this quote and its relevance in our world.

                  It is Mental Health Awareness Month. It is a month where many of us put forth extra effort to make others aware of what it is like to live with mental illness and what resources are available. We try to provide an understanding of mental illness and how it affects people. There are efforts to inform people, to raise money, and to join in community. It is an important month for everyone, not just those of us affected by mental illness. This month provides a chance for everyone to learn about mental illness.

The theme NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) is using for Mental Health Awareness Month is “Turning Silence into Connection” as its theme for this year. I think this is a powerful statement. For me it also connects to the above quote. The other day I had an experience where someone asked how I was doing. I was really struggling. So, I said that I was “struggling with my mental health”. This was someone I am close to. Still, I was meant by silence. I am not trying to find fault with this person. The response was genuine. The person did not know how to respond to my comment or the fact that I was struggling. This shows the need for more awareness. We need to spread education about what it is like to live with mental illness. We need people to learn that it is not something to be afraid of or to shun because you do not understand. For my part, I could have told this person what I needed. Instead, I met the silence given toward me with silence of my own. To say the least, it made the conversation awkward until one of us changed the subject. Gone was my chance to feel supported. We did not allow silence to turn into connection. I do not want to use the word “fault”, but I think we both could have handle the situation differently. I could have asked if I could share what I was feeling and what I needed. The other person could have asked me what I was feeling and what I needed. Better conversations grow from awareness efforts. That is why educating people about living with mental illness and supporting someone with a mental illness is so important. 

Maybe one way I can turn this silence into connection is to find a time when I am feeling better to explain what I need when I say I am struggling with my mental health. I can share resources from organizations like NAMI. I can share this blog. What I am doing right now is a way to spread awareness. After I post this, I will add posts to my social media accounts to let people know what I posted on my blog and that my blog exists. I do this for every blog post. Will I get the number of reads necessary to make a huge difference? Probably not, but I might just reach the one person who needs to hear that they are not alone in their struggle with mental health. One of my blog posts might encourage someone to seek treatment. The effort is what matters during Mental Health Awareness Month. If we stay silent, we cannot help anyone. If speak about mental illness, we connect and when we connect healing happens.

I guess I just combined my first and third reasons. Mental illness is a lonely illness. When there was silence between the person I shared my struggle with and myself, I not only felt alone, I felt isolated. I think mental illness is a lonely illness. The lack of understanding leads us to isolate. Combined with the mental illness we are already living with, isolation pulls our mood down further, increases our anxiety, or exacerbates other symptoms of mental illness. This is why we need to raise awareness. Knowing we are not alone can help us find the strength to battle our illness.

Stigma is a huge issue when it comes to mental illness. Stigma is defined as negative attitudes, stereotypes, and prejudice directed a people with mental health conditions. It usually results in discrimination and shame. Sure, awareness has helped reduce stigma, but stigma is still there. Just look at our government. Robert Kennedy, Jr, the U.S. Secretary of Health and Human Services, has said, “We will no longer treat psychiatric medications as the default.” He is trying to limit the prescription of psychiatric medications. This angers me. He has no medical or psychiatric training/education. He is pushing for a reduction in the use of psychiatric medications. He has suggested links to violence with some psychiatric medications. This is stigma. He is basing his comments and decisions on stereotypes and prejudice, not medical and psychiatric research.

Conversations about psychiatric medications should be between the patient and their mental health team. Decisions about medication should be between a psychiatrist and their patient. Kennedy’s policies demonstrate the stigma that surrounds mental health. He is minimizing the struggles and pains we go through. People who take psychiatric medications need them. With his policies he is increasing the stigma we face. I should stop here before I get any more political. I leave it at this: Stigma allows policies like this to be put in place. Stigma allows a non-psychiatric professional to think he understands mental illness. This is a reason why we need mental health awareness.

Stigma surfaces everywhere. It is in our pop culture. It is present in the television shows and movies we watch. It is present in our schools and workplaces. Stigma pushes us to hide our mental illness. It also leaves many loved ones and friends unable to understand those in their lives who live with mental illness. We see stigma in jokes people make and insults that are used. How many times have you heard someone use a mental illness as an insult or to describe a behavior that is consider negative? It happens more than any of us think because stigma has engrained in our lives. Awareness is how we fight back.

Awareness can mean different things. It can be as simple as wearing a green ribbon or putting a green ribbon on your car. It can be as challenging as asking a loved one who has a mental illness to explain what they live with. There is so much in between. Raising awareness can be checking out organizations like NAMI. It can be creating lessons for schools to use with students. Going to your local NAMI chapters events  NAMI Walks is a great way to get involved and learn about mental illness. It is also a fun event. My local NAMI chapters, united through NAMI Greater Los Angeles County, have their NAMI Walks this Saturday, May 16^th. You can attend mental health workshops. Reading mental health blogs or social media content is another way to raise awareness. Hey, look at you! You are raising awareness by reading this post!

The bottom line is that we need to work to make the world a better place for people living with mental illness. We are the same people we were before our diagnosis. Just as my cancer diagnosis did not change who I am, my depression and anxiety diagnoses do not change who I am. People with mental illness are capable of great things. Do a Google search and you will find many successful people who have lived with or are living with mental illness. Read through past posts on my blog. I have written about so many aspects of mental illness. You are bound to learn something. There is a search option on the right side of the post. Search for something related to mental illness, you will find a post that might interest you or even help you or a loved one.

Let me end by saying, we can live with mental illness. It may not be easy. We may face stigma, but we can live positive, productive lives. I hope this post encourages people to learn about mental illness. Even if you have a mental illness, there are things you can learn. I am constantly learning about mental illness, and I have lived with it for almost 40 years. This month and moving forward let’s challenge ourselves to make NAMI’s Mental Health Awareness Month’s theme, “Turning Silence into Connection” a reality and reduce the stigma surrounding mental illness. In doing so, we will make so many people’s lives easier.

 

 

 

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How Therapy Helped Me Survive Depression: Why Mental Health Treatment Matters

                  Therapy has been a part of my life for over three decades. That may seem like it has been ineffective. The opposite is true. Therapy is a lifeline and a changing force for me. I process my emotions and struggles in therapy. I work on life issues that arise. I receive support when my depression pushes me into wanting to harm myself. I know my psychologist will guide me into feeling better. Therapy is not a magic potion. It is workspace. Being in therapy requires a commitment. Sometimes it takes time develop that commitment, but it is worth the time it takes. 

                  Let’s look at why people go to therapy, how therapy can help, and what a therapy session might be like. Keep in mind that there are different types of therapy. Different people find certain types of therapy more effective than others. In a way it is similar to different medications working better for different people. We have a right to find the type of therapy and the therapist that works best for us. 

                  First, we should define therapy. Therapy is a structured form of treatment for mental illness. In therapy a trained mental health professional helps a person understand, manage, and improve their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and overall well-being. The goal of therapy is larger than just a temporary fix, although there are often times when the focus of a therapy session needs to be on the short-term, especially if the person is experiencing a crisis. One of the overarching goals of therapy is improve the quality of a person’s life over time. Embedded in this is learning how to live with depression or other mental illness and how to utilize forms of treatment and coping strategies.

Reasons Why a Person Might Go to Therapy

                  There are many reasons a person may choose to go to therapy. Therapy is an important part of most treatment plans for depression and other mental illnesses. For me it has been vital. I would not be where I am today, able to write this blog, or able to live my life, without therapy. 

                  Therapy can help a person learn about their mental illness and how it affects them. This is an important reason for going to therapy. Living with a mental illness is difficult. There is a lot we need to learn about our illness. Understanding our illness and how it affects us allows us to manage our illness more effectively. A good therapist will guide us through gaining this understanding.

                  Dealing with emotional distress is another reason to go to therapy. The therapist will help a person cope with the distress. There are many types of emotional distress. It might be suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, anxiety, persistent sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness. In therapy a person will receive support coping with depression, anxiety, mania, anger, or trauma. 

                  Therapy can address grief. A person might go to therapy to address low-self-esteem or feelings of worthlessness. A therapist might also address anger, mood swings, or emotional numbness. Therapy is an important part of dealing with thoughts of self-harm or suicide.  Substance abuse can be addressed in therapy. 

                  A person does not need a diagnosis to benefit from therapy. Sometimes people just need a little help. Therapy can provide support when a person is struggling.

                  If a person has a mental health condition, therapy, in some form, is often a part of the treatment plan.  These diagnoses would include major depressive disorder, anxiety disorders obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and other mental diagnoses. Therapy helps people learn to manage these disorders. 

A Look at a Therapy Session

                  In the first appointment the therapist will spend some time getting to know the person and their needs. First, the therapist will ask about the person’s needs and concerns. The first session is used to begin to establish trust. The therapist will likely take a history. They will ask about current symptoms, emotions, and struggles. The therapist will ask about past therapy experiences. A good therapist with explain how the therapy will work and explain their treatment approach. A plan for session frequency and goals for therapy will be established. 

                  Later appointments will vary depending on the type of therapy being provided. Many therapy sessions are centered around discussions between the therapist and the person receiving therapy. Usually, a focus is established to guide the session. This might look like the person expressing a need and the therapist guiding a discussion and providing support. Often, the therapist and person will talk through emotions, experiences, or challenges. Together they work on coping strategies and problem-solving skills. The therapist may assist the person in working through unhealthy thought patterns and behaviors. Work on interpersonal relationships might be a part of therapy. Sessions vary depending on the person’s need. Those needs can change over time. 

                  Therapy is a two-way process. It requires work from both the person receiving therapy and the therapist. Both need to be active participants. In this process the therapist provides guidance and expertise, while the person should do their best to be open and share what they are experiencing and what they need. When a person is struggling with depression or other mental illness this can be difficul. In these moments being present and doing the best you can is important. It is important for the therapist to create a safe, structured environment where discussions can take place. The therapist can provide support and guide the person. It is the therapist’s role to identify patterns in thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. They then provide coping skills, emotional regulation techniques, and communication strategies. The therapist can help the person practice these strategies. 

                  The person in therapy shares what they are going through. This would include experiences, symptoms, thoughts, and concerns. It is important for the person to be honest. No one needs to hide anything from a therapist. In therapy there is no judgment. A key to successful therapy is for the person to practice the coping skills, emotional regulation techniques, and communication strategies that are being taught. A person in therapy needs to consistently attend sessions, be willing to engage in sessions even if it takes some time to develop this ability, and be patient with the process. Healing takes time. It does not happen overnight.

                  As I mentioned it can time for the therapy to really feel like it is working. Both the therapist and the person receiving therapy need to build trust. Therapy is most effective when both sides have worked to build a trust and communication. It is important to remember that the person receiving therapy can say something to therapist if something feels uncomfortable or if they are not ready to discuss a certain topic. There is no one size fits all approach to therapy. This is why both sides need to work at develop the therapeutic relationship. The therapist may need to change certain approaches or provide different strategies.

                  Healing takes time and it takes work. Mental illnesses are rarely improved without effort. Mental illnesses are complex, but with effort the therapy experience can be healing. 

The Rights of a Person Receiving Therapy.

                  Just as a person in a physical health situation has rights, so does a person receiving mental health care. If something does not feel right in the therapy session, it is okay to make your thoughts known. It is also okay to look for the right therapist. Sometimes the fit is just not there. A person might not find the first therapist they see to be the right one. So, a person might need to try a few therapists to find the one they click with. That is okay. 

                  If you have health insurance, you can ask for a list of therapists covered under your plan. One way to find a therapist is to look through therapist directories. You can do this online. Psychology Today Therapist Finder is one source you can use. Another source is SAMHSA Treatment Locator. You can also ask a trusted healthcare provider. Often, a primary care provider can help you get started. 

                  It is okay to interview a therapist before committing. Ask them about their experience with your condition. You can ask about their approaches with your condition. It is okay to ask any questions you might have. 

                  It is also important consider things like insurance coverage, cost, language and cultural competence, and gender or identity preference. You might also need to consider in-person versus telehealth options. These are all important considerations. You want to make sure that the therapist is right for you in every area.

Final Thoughts

                  Therapy is important when you live with mental illness. I have been in therapy for decades. For me, therapy is an integral part of my treatment. It is my lifeline. Over the years my therapist and I have developed a relationship that allows trust on both ends. I know that I can trust him with anything I am experiencing. I think he knows that I would reach out to him if I had thoughts of harming myself. In fact, there have been times when I have reached out to him when my depression has pushed me to the point of wanting to hurt myself. The fact that he has been there has saved my life. I know this may sound like I am overexaggerating, but having a therapist and a mental health team you can rely on is so important. It can be lifesaving. 

 

Mental Health Awareness Month 2025

                 It is Mental Health Awareness Month. The theme this year is “Turn Awareness into Action”. What a great theme! For those of you who have been reading my blog or those of you who are aware of mental health and the needs it presents it is time to take the next step. It doesn’t have to be a big step. Just a small step will make a difference. It is time to move from awareness into action.

                  Allow me to provide a little background before we discuss taking action. Mental Health Awareness Month was started by Mental Health America (MHA) in 1949. You read that correctly. 1949! That is over 75 years ago It makes me wonder why we are not in a better place with mental health. We need to do better raising awareness. In 1949 the purpose of this month was to raise awareness of mental health conditions and the importance of well-being. That continues to be the purpose.

 

                  The goals of Mental Health Awareness Month are:

1.        To reduce the stigma surrounding mental illness.

2.        Encourage open conversations about mental health.

3.        Promote mental wellness and preventive care.

4.        Educate the public on signs, symptoms, and support systems.

5.        Advocate for better access to mental health services.

 

                  So, what can we do to take action regarding mental health? Those of you reading this blog are acting by reading and increasing your knowledge about mental illness. Maybe an action step for you would be to share this blog with someone, or even multiple people. That would bring mental health awareness to others. It would also help me in my action as a mental illness blogger because it would grow this blog. Even one share by each of you reading this blog would help.

                  Maybe you can bring mental health up in a conversation. Tell others what you know or have learned about mental health. You could encourage your workplace to build mental health awareness into their structure. Mental wellness programs are vital in the workplace. Maybe you could encourage your employer to start a program. 

                  You can share personal stories or share the stories of others (with their permission) in conversations or on social media. Sharing our stories is an amazing way to raise awareness about mental health. You will be surprised at how many people can relate to your story and have stories of their own. If you don’t have a story to share, you could share a post from my blog that you found interesting or important. 

                  A simple way to raise awareness is to wear green, which is the official color of mental health awareness. Don’t forget to tell people why you are wearing green.

                  You can attend local events, webinars, or workshops. NAMI Greater Los Angeles County has its NAMI Walks this Saturday, May 10 at LA Historic Park. You could attend, raise money, or support a walker by donating to their efforts. I will be there. If you want to support my efforts, you can donate here: Gina's NAMI Walk Page. Donating can be difficult, and a lot of people have supported my efforts to raise money for another cause that is dear to me, breast cancer research. So, I am not publicizing my efforts anywhere other than here. I will be helping at the NAMI Long Beach/Whittier table. You might also find me at the NAMI Glendale table, where the chapbook we created as a part of our Writing as a Healing Tool Writers’ Group last year will be available.

                  That reminds me of another way you can get involved. Join a group or attend a workshop/class. We are doing the writers’ group again. There is still time to join this free group NAMI Glendale Writers' Group Registration.  NAMI offers great classes and programs. Check out your local NAMI chapter’s website for information. 

                  Mental health awareness involves taking care of our own mental health. Another way you can promote awareness is to take a mental health screening. It is important to be aware of your own mental health. Your primary care provider should have a screening tool available. Mental Health America offers free screening tools. You may find that your mental health could use attention. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have a mental health disorder. You might just benefit from some self-care. The more aware we are of our mental health, the better we can address our needs. Mental health awareness involves taking care of our own mental health. 

                  Advocating for policies that improve mental health services and access is another way to raise awareness. There are many advocacy needs. NAMI does important work in this area. Considering things going on in our government, advocacy is important. For instance, we need people to speak out against the cuts that are being made by the Trump administration to mental health services in K-12 public education. These cuts will prevent our young people from getting the mental health assistance they so desperately need. I hope to write a post soon to address this issue.

This month I will try to raise awareness about mental health both on my blog and in my interactions with others. I encourage you to try to do at least one thing to raise awareness. Maybe you can share that one thing in the comments section of this post. 

Thank you for reading my blog. You are helping me do my part to raise awareness and turn that awareness into action.