Components of Mental Health

                 In January many people focus on setting and maintaining resolutions for the new year. Usually, these resolutions are intended to improve some aspect of a person’s life. In other words, they are trying to fix something they do not like about their lives or focusing on a perceived flaw in their lives. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I do not set New Year’s resolutions anymore. I do not like the “fix me” aspect of these resolutions. That is why this year I selected a word for the year, which I shared in my post, My Word for the Year. 

                  According to information I found on Google, the average New Year’s Resolution lasts less than four months. Most people give up on their resolutions within a few weeks. There is even a “Quitter’s Day” on the second Friday in January.  Google cited a 2023 Forbes Health/OnePoll, that found that nearly 80% of resolutions are “abandoned” by February. So, I am not missing out on anything by foregoing a New Year’s Resolution. I would rather focus on aspects of my life that can help me be the person I want to be. That means focusing on my health and goals in life. To do that I think it is important to understand some of the components of mental health. Mental health affects all areas of our lives. That makes it a good focus point for the new year whether we have a diagnosed mental illness or not. Let’s look at components of mental health that lead to well-being.

                  The following components emphasize building resilience. A focus on these components can allow us to effectively deal with life’s struggles and help us build healthy relationships. These components come from the 5 Cs of mental health that are often taught in psychology courses. There are actually more than five and depending on what you are reading the components can vary. All these components help us navigate life and live healthy lives. Focusing on these components can be an excellent guide for us going into the new year.

                  One component is competence. This is a feeling of being capable and able to handle challenges. It takes time to develop competence. It can be difficult at times. One way to develop competence in mental health skills is through work with a therapist. Competence implies we have learned. So, trying new things and learning new skills is important. We never stop developing competence. Life is about learning. We stop growing when we become complacent. Unfortunately, that is a factor in mental illness. We sometimes do not have the ability to develop competence in new things because we are weighed down by our illness. When this happens, it is important to do little things. Maybe it is reading for five minutes or attending a support group once a month. The important thing is to make an effort, even if it is just something small.

                  Confidence is another component of mental health. By definition, confidence is believing in yourself and having a positive self-image. This is a tough one for many of us. I know I struggle with maintaining confidence. Confidence develops as we build competence. In other words, it takes some effort. Our level of confidence can vary depending on the situation we are in. For example, I am usually confident in my ability to express myself in writing, but when it comes to interpersonal conversations I often struggle. When we are confident, our mental health is usually in a better place. That does not mean that confident people do not struggle with mental illness. It is important to remember that mental illness can strike anyone.

                  A third component of mental health is character. When we have good character, we act ethically and responsibly. This should be an easy one to define. However, ethical behavior can depend on our viewpoint. The state of our nation right now is an example of how character can vary. I think character means acting in ways that help others and brings out the best in ourselves and those around us. Character is important for mental health because when we do good, we feel better. 

                  Connection is another component of mental health. When we have supportive relationships and a sense of belonging, we feel connected. This is one that I struggle with often. Many of us are alone or feel like we are not connected to others. For me this impacts my depression. The less connected I feel, the more intense my depression becomes. It is human nature to want to feel connected. When that connection is missing, we feel alone. It is important to try to make connections. Easier said than done. This is why support groups like NAMI Connections are so important. If you do not need a support group maybe you can get involved in an interest-related class or group. The sense of connection created in groups or interaction with others is important to our mental well-being.

                  A fifth component of mental health is compassion.  When we show empathy and kindness to ourselves and others, we are being compassionate. It is probably easier to show compassion to others than it is to show compassion to ourselves. The way depression and anxiety make my brain work results in me being hard on myself. I am not compassionate with myself. My guess is I am not alone in that. How do we show compassion to ourselves? The key is to treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would treat others with. We can learn to do this by practicing kind self-talk, accepting imperfection, acknowledging our feelings, setting healthy boundaries, taking care of our basic needs, and forgiving ourselves. That’s a lot and it is not easy to do these things. My suggestion is to focus on one at a time. I think practicing kind self-talk and forgiving ourselves are two key aspects of showing ourselves compassion. 

                  Clarity is another component of mental health. This involves thinking clearly and setting goals that are clear and attainable. This is another one that can be difficult when we live with mental illness. Often, we need the assistance of a therapist to think clearly. The world can be a confusing place. It is okay to need assistance figuring things out and making sense of our lives. When we set goals, we should try to remember the importance of SMART goals. This means goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. A quick internet search will provide information on setting SMART goals.  

                  Coping is a key component of mental health. We need to manage stress and difficult situations in healthy ways. Again, working with a therapist can help us develop good coping skills. If therapy is not your thing, or you want to develop these skills on your own, there are many self-help books that discuss topics related to coping skills. When we are working on the other components I have mentioned, our coping skills are strengthened.

                  In order to have good mental health, we need a sense of control. This means that we have a sense of agency over our lives. We need to feel like we are in control of the things that are happening in our lives. We need to possess the ability to make good decisions. Even if we sometimes make the wrong decision, we need to remember that it is the ability to make decisions that provides us with a sense of well-being and control over our lives. 

                  Community is another component of mental health. It is strongly related to connection. When we feel a sense of community, we feel connected. We feel like we are a part of something bigger. That community might be family, a work group, an interest group, a school group, or sport team. It is important to feel like we are a part of something outside of ourselves. This can be where we derive a sense of purpose. When we have a purpose, we feel better. 

                  The last component of mental health that I am going to discuss is contribution. When we make a contribution, we are making a positive impact. Our contribution can present in many ways. It does not have to be monetary. We can make a contribution just by being present. We can take action to help raise awareness for a special cause. We can do little things to make a difference. There are so many causes that we can get involved in. When we contribute, there are mental health benefits because we are gaining confidence, demonstrating character, feeling connected, and showing compassion. 

                  These components of mental health take time to develop. They also require consistent work to maintain them. As we move into the new year, I think it is a good idea to look at where we stand with these components. How can we further develop them? We should not focus on what is missing or what we may be doing wrong. Instead, we should focus on where we can go. How can we further incorporate these components into our lives? These components impact our mental health. Our mental health impacts all aspects of our lives. So, it is important to develop these components.

                  

Manifesting What You Want

                  As the year draws to a close many people are setting resolutions. I do not believe in resolutions. I never set them. I do, however, believe in setting a plan for the new year and determining what actions I am going to take to manifest what I want my future to contain. I often find it challenging to think about what I really want in life. My. depression and anxiety often get in the way. Figuring out what I want is something that I need to think about. I cannot make things happen if do not know what I want.

                  Last week I had a conversation with Brittany, the psychiatric nurse practitioner who leads my esketamine treatment. I was struggling and felt like I was going nowhere in life. I was telling her how I feel like I have missed out on so much in life. We discussed how being over 50 and alone makes it scary to think about my future. The high likelihood that my cancer will return adds to my anxiety over the future. I shared how I feel like I will always be alone and that I will have no one to help me as I age or fight cancer again. 

                  We discussed how I have given up a lot because of my mental illness. I never pursued dating or having a relationship because I feared my depression and anxiety would affect anyone I was in a relationship with and if I were to have a family it would have a negative impact on any children I might have. I have always believed that I did not deserve to have a relationship. As a result, I feel like I do not have a lot of things that I once wanted. Brittany was understanding and reframed things for me. We discussed what it meant to want something and how we can manifest the things we want. It was a deep conversation. I carried what she said into my esketamine treatment. As the effects of the esketamine were wearing off and I was returning to a conscious state, my pen took over. I wrote several pages in my journal as I sat there. My mind focused on how to determine what I want in life and what it means to manifest those things. It was a powerful writing session, and I now understand that the writing was part of my esketamine induced dissociation. It was also something that I truly needed.

                  It may seem that I have wandered off topic, but the conversation with Brittany and the writing I did after esketamine affect how I am approaching the new year. When you live with depression and anxiety, negatives are often in the forefront of your mind. I am trying to overcome those negatives and set a plan for the new year in which I manifest what I truly want for myself.

                  Depression and anxiety can make it difficult to see the big picture of life. So, as I go into the new year, I am focusing on identifying what I care about and the little steps I can take to bring those things into my life. It is not necessary to force a clarity I do not have for myself. Maybe instead of trying to figure out big things I want, I can ask myself, “What do I want less of?” or “What helps me feel a little better about myself?” By starting with these less intimidating questions, I can get a picture of what I want for myself. 

                  It is also important to be gentle with myself as I figure out what I want. I might ask myself what I would want if depression and anxiety were not a factor. Then I can look at ways to bring that into my life in small steps. I can take time to listen to the thoughts going through my head and try to identify common themes. This can give an indication of what is important to me and allow me to start setting goals. 

                  An example of something I know I want more of in my life is writing. I want time to really express myself through the written word. I would like to focus on the book I am currently writing. I would like this to be the year I finish the book. Also, I want that book to positively impact others and bring hope to people living with mental or physical illness, especially cancer. So, how do I manifest this and the other wants I identify?

                  Manifesting wants is not magical thinking. It is more like setting goals in a gentle, grounded way. It should be pressure free. As you consider how you will manifest your wants try redefining manifesting as direction, not control. Do not get trapped in the idea that manifesting a want or goal means you must make it happen. Instead, think of it as setting an intention and then taking small steps when you can. This is important for those of us with mental illness because it is easy to get overwhelmed when we have setbacks. So, taking smaller steps makes the process of manifesting a want more attainable. 

                  We can break our intentions into very small actions. Instead of trying to manifest something big, it is helpful to focus on small actions like what you will do for five minutes each day. It might be something as simple as “I will say one positive thing to myself today.” This can build confidence and lead to taking more small action steps. 

                  Visualization can help. Try imaging yourself coping rather than being perfect. Visualize what it looks like to be supported in pursuing your wants. If visualization makes you more anxious, do not force yourself to visualize your wants becoming reality. Instead, focus on the small steps. What can you do in the next moment to feel good about yourself? 

                  Manifesting our wants and goals does not need to be something we do on our own. When we live with mental illness, support is a major part of our lives. We can discuss what we want to manifest with our mental health providers. They can provide guidance and encouragement. We can also share our wants with people we trust and allow them to give us ideas for making our wants become reality. We do not need to face things on our own. Isolating ourselves is common for those of us with mental illness. So, maybe one of our wants can be to isolate less and reach out more. 

                  As we decide what we want to manifest in our lives as the new year begins, it is important to think about how we will measure success. For example, success might be trying again after a rough day. It might be getting back up after feeling down or not meeting a small goal we have set for the day. Success might mean saying “no” to things that do not feel right to us or things that do not improve our mental health. 

Another important part of manifesting our wants is staying curious instead of giving up. This can be a hard one, but it is important. I am reading “Beyond Anxiety” by Martha Beck. She discusses staying curious and trying to be creative. We can look at our lives as dark places or we can ask ourselves, “What if?” Perhaps by asking this question we can become more willing to take risks that will lead us toward making our wants a reality. This requires us to be patient, flexible, and caring with ourselves. Curiosity can help us identify new things that can make us feel good about ourselves. It can lead to new ideas. By being curious we open ourselves to a whole new world. That might allow us to pursue our wants and manifest those wants.

The new year both scares and intrigues me. I do not know what the year will hold for me. I know that in the coming days I will be thinking about what I want. I will try to allow my curiosity to guide me. That will allow me to figure out the small steps I need to take to make my book become a reality. It will allow me to set other goals. Maybe travel is in my future. Maybe I will find ways to not be as alone. I may find that my past life choices were not as bad as I think they were. Those choices created the present me. Just maybe the future me needed those choices to manifest what is to come in 2026 and beyond. 

My wish for everyone reading this is that you discover what you want in life and that you can take the small steps necessary to manifest those wants. And if there are setbacks, I wish you the strength and grace to know that those setbacks are okay. You are still worthy, and you will find your way to attaining your wants.

                  

Saying Goodbye to 2024 and Hello to 2025

                  As 2024 nears a close, many people are looking back over the last year. I have mixed feelings about looking back on the year. Doing so can show how far I have come, but it can also show all I didn’t achieve. My depression will latch onto what was missing in 2024.  Saying goodbye to one year and hello to the next can unleash a mixture of feelings. 

                  In 2024 I experienced ups and downs. Health concerns, both mental and physical, occupied a lot of space during the past year. Really, the past two years have been a roller coaster with my health. Entering 2023 I was struggling with my mental health. That struggle took me on an interesting ride that continued through 2024. I found myself struggling in a new way. Suicidal thoughts were hushed by the desire to fight for my life brought on by cancer. Despite finding the desire to live, depression still impacted me during the past year. At times it doesn’t make sense. I am alive. I am winning my battle with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. Shouldn’t that be enough to hush the depression? Unfortunately, it is not. Depression tries to quash the good things. It wants to ruin the wins in my life. I am blessed with a support team that keeps fighting the depression and allows me to focus on healing. 

                  During the past year I have had a few pet scans that continue to show that cancer no longer has the upper hand. The tumors are gone. As January approaches, another pet scan awaits, which makes me anxious. Scanxiety is now a part of my life. As if I didn’t deal with enough anxiety already. Scan anxiety is that part of my new normal that worries about what the next scan will tell my oncologist. It worries that the next scan will lead to more chemo. Scanxiety is a word that is not found in the dictionary but is very real to anyone living with a cancer diagnosis.  I lived with scanxiety in 2024 it will follow me into 2025. Thankfully, I have learned that I am not alone in dealing with this type of anxiety. I’ve had conversations about it with my oncologist, with my mental health team, in my cancer support group, with my aunt, and perhaps most effectively with my Dancing Queen (you know who you are). As the new year begins, I know I will face anxiety over my cancer diagnosis, but I know I have support to get me through it.

                  In October I took my dream trip to Italy. I explored the country my family once called home. The artisans in Venice, bookmakers, mask-makers, and glass blowers, gave me an appreciation for their arts. The history and art in Rome was amazing. I walked in the same small towns where my ancestors once lived. I stood at the Church altar where my great-grandparents, Pasquale Tropea and Josephina Cappello, were married. I floated in the waters of the Tyrrhenian Sea off the coast of Calabria. My worries seemed to wash away as I floated in this water. It was the trip of a lifetime and made 2024 memorable for all the right reasons.

                  New writing opportunities arose this past year. Writing is filling my life. It is not enough to make a living, but it is providing me with opportunity. My writing is reaching a greater audience. I will admit that I wish my audience would grow faster, but I remind myself that it just takes one person being impacted by something I have written to make a difference.

                  Perhaps the most important lesson I learned began in 2023 and stretched through 2024. I learned a four-letter word that impacted my life in a very positive way. HOPE. It is a simple word that carries so much power. My mental health team instilled hope in me as I was struggling with depression. My oncologist strengthened hope in me with her belief that I would win the battle with cancer. The oncology nurse navigator who taught me to dance atop cancer showed me how to make hope a part of my life. Hope is guiding me now. I do not know where it will lead me, but I am holding onto hope as I enter 2025. My hope is that healing follows me.