Women’s Mental Health and Depression: Honoring the Invisible Load on International Women’s Day

              March 8 was International Women’s Day. On this important day, I tried to take time to think about the women who have been instrumental in my life. There are so many, too many to name here. I think they know who they are. So, to the instrumental women in my life, thank you. 

                  In this post I would like to recognize women who carry heavy loads. We all carry our own loads and at times those loads can get heavy. There are women who struggle mentally, women who struggle physically, women who have been hurt, women who are doing it alone, women who are navigating their way through trauma, women who are trying it to hold it together, and women who need extra love. There are also women who feel unseen and women who go the extra mile for others. There are women who are battling addictions. There are women who cannot share their struggles. 

                  One thing all these women have in common is that they keep going. Of course, we get derailed at times, but women everywhere get up each morning and make the most of their day. At a time when we see women’s rights being attacked by politicians and others, we need to recognize all that women are and all that we do even when our loads are heavy.

                  How can we acknowledge women who continue while carrying their loads? First, we can acknowledge the mental and emotional loads many women carry. So often these loads go unnoticed. One thing we can do is acknowledge what the women in our lives are doing. I think International Women’s Day is about more than recognizing the achievements of women. It is about honoring the unseen work of women everywhere and the loads women carry on a daily basis.

                  Let’s look at some women who have carried loads associated with mental and emotional struggles.

                  Janet Frame was a New Zealand novelist and poet. She was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia and as a result spent years in psychiatric facilities. She barely avoided a lobotomy when her first book won a major literary prize. She faced trauma but carried her load. She became one of New Zealand’s most important literary figures. You can learn more about her life in the film, An Angel at My Table.

                  Charlotte Perkins Gilman was a writer who suffered from postpartum depression. Her short story, The Yellow Wallpaper, shares her experience with a restrictive treatment. She lived with recurring depression but continued writing about women’s rights. Her writing helped people understand how women’s mental health was misunderstood and controlled in the 19^th century. 

                  Unica Zurn was a German writer and Surrealist artist. She lived with severe mental illness that included psychosis. Despite her struggles and institutionalizations, her work was influential in the field of creativity and mental states. 

                  Yayoi Kusama is a Japanese artist who uses her art to transform her psychological experiences into powerful visual worlds. She lives near a psychiatric facility in case she needs support. She has been open in discussions about her hallucinations, obsessive thoughts, and other mental health struggles. Kusama is now 96 years old and continues to be active in the art world/

                  Elyn Saks is an advocate for humane mental health care. She is a legal scholar and professor at USC Law School while living with schizophrenia. She works in mental health law and ethics .She wrote a memoir titled, The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness. 

                  Lindsay Riddoch was a Scottish mental health activist. She wrote poetry about her struggles with mental health. Riddoch worked to improve mental health services. She created a youth platform called 1000 Voices, which helps teenagers speak openly about mental illness. Sadly, Lindsay Riddoch died by suicide at age 24. She carried a heavy load while helping others in her short life. 

                  These are just a few women who have lived with the load of mental illness and made an impact on others. Each of us knows women who live with struggles. Some of these struggles involve mental health. Others involve societal or family pressures. Each of these women is battling to do their best. In addition to all those that we know about, there are countless others who struggle in silence. These women deserve acknowledgement, too. Let’s make sure all women know that they are seen and appreciated.

I encourage each of us to send a letter, text, or email to a woman we know who is carrying a heavy load while getting up each morning to do their best. This is a simple act that can mean so much. We never know just how much a kind word can help a person. We can do this for International Women’s Day, but I think it would be even better if we did this more often. Perhaps, we can send a note once a month to a woman who is doing their best despite the visible or invisible load they are carrying. Maybe with this simple act, we can make a difference.

 

Come back this Thursday, March 11th, for the next post in my series Debunking Depression Myths.

 

                  

                  

 

A Heavy Load and a Smile

Because I carry it well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy. – Unknown

                  There are so many people who live with mental illness. It is a heavy load. It is difficult to carry. It weighs us down. Yet you may not notice when someone is carrying that heavy load. The reason for that is that we are used to carrying the load of mental illness and have learned to disguise it. 

                  Oftentimes I wear a smile on my face even though I am struggling with my depression or anxiety. It is not because I am having an easy time carrying it. Rather it is because I do not want anyone to know I am struggling. I do not want to be asked questions. I do not want to hear platitudes. Hiding mental illness is often easier than explaining what I am going through. As a result, I have learned to carry my load well. If you do not know me, you will think I am fine. You will not recognize that underneath the smile I am struggling. 

                  How do we learn to cover up our heavy load? It is not easy. It comes from years of practice. First, we recognize that others do not understand what we are living with daily. We ask ourselves, “how can we protect ourselves from the judgement of others?” The answer comes to us. We need to pretend we are okay. That is the answer we arrive at because we are in pain. We cannot let others know that we are struggling with depression or other mental illnesses. Instinctively, we know that most people will not understand. Our load is heavy, but we cannot risk ridicule or misguided attempts to cheer us up. 

                  Mental illness is heavy. It is difficult to rise out of the depths of the darkness that heavy load wraps around us. Still, many of us have learned how to disguise the illness that plagues us. We smile. We go to work or school. We run errands. All while feeling the pain of mental illness. I have done this most of my life. I could not risk letting my depression and anxiety be noticed at work. I could not explain what I was going through to family and friends. I knew colleagues, family, and friends who did not live with depression and anxiety would not understand. So, I learned to wear a fake smile. I learned to blame physical illnesses such as colds and the flu for the days I just could not  bear to be around others. 

On the surface I carry the heavy load of mental illness well. Many of us do. Underneath it is struggle. I wish that I did not need to hide my depression and anxiety. There are times when I share it. I can share with my mental health team. With them I am honest about my struggles. I know that they will understand. I know that they will not judge me. I am safe. I wish I could be safe in other areas of my life. I do feel safer now than I did a few years ago. I have learned that I can be honest with certain people and in certain environments. There is a sense of relief when I can allow my load to be seen. 

We all carry different loads. Some are heavier than other loads. That is why kindness, which I wrote about in a post last week, is so important. If we are kind, we make it easier for others to share their loads. Kindness makes a difference. When someone is kind, I am less likely to disguise my load. If I know I am going to be treated with kindness and understanding, I am more willing to be open about what I am going through. I think most of us who carry heavy loads are looking for understanding and kindness. We do not need others to know everything about what we are struggling with. We just need an effort to understand and be kind. The understanding we are looking for is just an acknowledgement that what we are going is difficult. It is a heavy load that not everyone experiences. It is enough for someone to just be kind. Maybe sit with us or offer a word of support. 

Even the person who looks like they are fine might be carrying a heavy load. The holiday season is a time when some people’s loads grow even heavier. I know for me my depression and anxiety usually increase during the holidays. So, as we enter the holiday season, remember that others may be carrying a heavy load. Be kind and understanding. Your kindness and understanding might just make a difference for someone.