It’s Okay to Feel

“You are allowed to feel however you feel.”

     -    Found on FredsFighters on Instagram

 

 

How many of us have been embarrassed by our mental illness? How many of us have tried to hide our depression or anxiety? It is common for those of us with mental illness to be embarrassed by the way our illness makes us feel. I know there have been many times when I have felt like I was weak because my depression dragged every bit of energy out of me or left me seeing only the negatives around me. I cannot tell you how many times I have said to myself, “I shouldn’t feel this way.” For some reason depression and anxiety seem to make me feel like I am less of a person. From conversations I have had with others living with mental illness and from mental illness posts on social media, I know feeling embarrassed by feelings is common.

When I read, You are allowed to feel however you feel, it felt like both a punch in the gut and a sigh of relief. The punch in the gut comes from recognizing that embarrassment or need to hide my feelings. The idea that I should not feel the way I do has weighed heavy on me for most of my life. When I am surrounded by the darkness of depression or when I my mind fixates on a worry, I often tell myself that there is something wrong with me. I look around and see someone else going about their day, and I think, “that person doesn’t get anxious,” or “that person is not thinking about giving up on life.” The reality of it is that person may very well be struggling with something I am unaware of. They may also just be having a good day after a bad one. 

The thought that we are allowed to feel however we feel also led me to a sigh of relief. As I read the words, I felt like I was being given permission to feel. Everything that goes through my mind, all the darkness created by depression and all the anxious thoughts are okay. I realized that feelings are just that, feelings. We cannot control our feelings. They happen. We respond to stimuli around us. For those of us with a mental illness, there is an illness dictating some of our feelings. A mental illness like depression causes us to feel emotions such as hopelessness, despair, and loneliness. It may cause us to feel like life is too much or that it is not worth living. Anxiety may cause us to feel on edge or to feel a sense of doom. It may cause us to worry intensely about things beyond our control. Yes, I understand that we think our own thoughts, but the illnesses take hold and control our thought processes and our responses. They hold power over our feelings.

You are allowed to feel however you feel. There is such power in that simple sentence. We are allowed to feel what we feel. If depression is strangling us at the moment, it is okay for us to retreat into whatever strategies help us through those times without feeling embarrassment or feeling like we are somehow less of a person. Of course, if we feel either of those ways or any other way, it is okay. We feel what we feel. 

Our emotions or feelings are valid simply because we are feeling them. We do not need to justify them. Feelings are what they are. There is no wrong feeling. Our feelings are not mistakes. They are valid representations of what we are experiencing. We do not need permission to feel. We do not need to justify our feelings. 

It is important to acknowledge our feelings. It does not matter what is causing the feeling. The feeling may be a result of something we see or do. It may be a result of how our mental illness is affecting us. Acknowledging our feelings can be the first step toward understanding, healing, and growth. We all need these as move through life. Some of us may need more healing than others. That is okay. We each are where we are in life. We each experience our feelings.

You are allowed to feel however you feel. This statement is an invitation to the realization that self-compassion matters. It encourages us to be kind to ourselves. We can let go of guilt or shame. We can stop suppressing our feelings. Self-compassion allows us to feel however we feel. There is no right way to feel. Feelings are real. Sometimes we need help dealing with our feelings. That is okay, too. If we remember that whatever we feel is okay, then we will be better able to reach out when we are struggling. The act of reaching out is at the heart of living with mental illness. Maybe more than that, it is at the heart of being human. We are sentient beings. We have feelings and emotions. The next time we think, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” let’s give ourselves permission to feel.