It’s Okay to Feel

“You are allowed to feel however you feel.”

     -    Found on FredsFighters on Instagram

 

 

How many of us have been embarrassed by our mental illness? How many of us have tried to hide our depression or anxiety? It is common for those of us with mental illness to be embarrassed by the way our illness makes us feel. I know there have been many times when I have felt like I was weak because my depression dragged every bit of energy out of me or left me seeing only the negatives around me. I cannot tell you how many times I have said to myself, “I shouldn’t feel this way.” For some reason depression and anxiety seem to make me feel like I am less of a person. From conversations I have had with others living with mental illness and from mental illness posts on social media, I know feeling embarrassed by feelings is common.

When I read, You are allowed to feel however you feel, it felt like both a punch in the gut and a sigh of relief. The punch in the gut comes from recognizing that embarrassment or need to hide my feelings. The idea that I should not feel the way I do has weighed heavy on me for most of my life. When I am surrounded by the darkness of depression or when I my mind fixates on a worry, I often tell myself that there is something wrong with me. I look around and see someone else going about their day, and I think, “that person doesn’t get anxious,” or “that person is not thinking about giving up on life.” The reality of it is that person may very well be struggling with something I am unaware of. They may also just be having a good day after a bad one. 

The thought that we are allowed to feel however we feel also led me to a sigh of relief. As I read the words, I felt like I was being given permission to feel. Everything that goes through my mind, all the darkness created by depression and all the anxious thoughts are okay. I realized that feelings are just that, feelings. We cannot control our feelings. They happen. We respond to stimuli around us. For those of us with a mental illness, there is an illness dictating some of our feelings. A mental illness like depression causes us to feel emotions such as hopelessness, despair, and loneliness. It may cause us to feel like life is too much or that it is not worth living. Anxiety may cause us to feel on edge or to feel a sense of doom. It may cause us to worry intensely about things beyond our control. Yes, I understand that we think our own thoughts, but the illnesses take hold and control our thought processes and our responses. They hold power over our feelings.

You are allowed to feel however you feel. There is such power in that simple sentence. We are allowed to feel what we feel. If depression is strangling us at the moment, it is okay for us to retreat into whatever strategies help us through those times without feeling embarrassment or feeling like we are somehow less of a person. Of course, if we feel either of those ways or any other way, it is okay. We feel what we feel. 

Our emotions or feelings are valid simply because we are feeling them. We do not need to justify them. Feelings are what they are. There is no wrong feeling. Our feelings are not mistakes. They are valid representations of what we are experiencing. We do not need permission to feel. We do not need to justify our feelings. 

It is important to acknowledge our feelings. It does not matter what is causing the feeling. The feeling may be a result of something we see or do. It may be a result of how our mental illness is affecting us. Acknowledging our feelings can be the first step toward understanding, healing, and growth. We all need these as move through life. Some of us may need more healing than others. That is okay. We each are where we are in life. We each experience our feelings.

You are allowed to feel however you feel. This statement is an invitation to the realization that self-compassion matters. It encourages us to be kind to ourselves. We can let go of guilt or shame. We can stop suppressing our feelings. Self-compassion allows us to feel however we feel. There is no right way to feel. Feelings are real. Sometimes we need help dealing with our feelings. That is okay, too. If we remember that whatever we feel is okay, then we will be better able to reach out when we are struggling. The act of reaching out is at the heart of living with mental illness. Maybe more than that, it is at the heart of being human. We are sentient beings. We have feelings and emotions. The next time we think, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” let’s give ourselves permission to feel.

 

What Is Anxiety? How Can We Cope with It?

                  I want to address a mental health condition that I struggle with on daily basis. I have generalized anxiety disorder along with my diagnosis of major depression. One mental illness is tough to deal with. Having two mental illnesses is even more challenging. There are a few different anxiety disorders. My focus in this blog will be on generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), but while each disorder has its specific characteristics and symptoms, there is overlap between the disorders.

                  What is anxiety? The American Psychological Association defines anxiety as “an emotion characterized by apprehension and somatic symptoms of tension in which an individual anticipates impending danger, catastrophe, or misfortune.”  Anxiety is more than just fear. We all feel anxiety at times in our lives. Work, illness, or school are examples of things that can cause us to feel anxiety. The difference for a person with an anxiety disorder is that the anxiety does not go away, and it can worsen over time. Anxiety disorders often interfere with daily living. For a person with generalized anxiety disorder, anxiety is ongoing. It is frequent and lasts for months or years. 

                  My anxiety reared its ugly head when I was about 20 years old and has persisted for over 30 years. There are times when it is worse than others. I have learned coping strategies, but sometimes those are not enough. Generalized anxiety disorder interrupts my life. It also embarrasses me. I do not like others to see my anxiety. Unfortunately, it is difficult to hide.

                  According to SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) the symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder include: a sense of restlessness, being on-edge or wound up, difficulty concentrating, irritability, being easily fatigued, headaches, muscle aches, stomachaches, or unexplained pains, trouble thinking, difficulty controlling feelings of worry, and sweating, nausea, or diarrhea. That is quite a list. Can you imagine living with those symptoms? Unfortunately, I live with many of these symptoms. 

                  My anxiety has been worse than usual lately. It hit a peak last week. In my experience anxiety ebbs and flows. There are times when I am doing well and able to cope with the anxiety. Other times, I struggle and often need help. So, what helps anxiety?

                  There are medications that can alleviate some of the anxiety experienced by people with generalized anxiety disorder. Since I am not a doctor, I do not want to discuss medication. One reason is that I do not want there to be an appearance of supporting a particular medication. Another reason is that medication has not been entirely helpful for me. I will leave discussions about anxiety medication to the medical experts. I am an expert in living with anxiety, but I am not a doctor. Lived experience is different than medical expertise.

                  Let’s look at coping strategies and non-medication approaches. We can break down anxiety coping strategies into a few categories: immediate “in-the-moment” techniques, mental and cognitive skills, lifestyle and behavioral approaches, and long-term support. As we go through these strategies, keep in mind that not all of them work for everyone. It is necessary to try different strategies and see what works for you. Do not just stop at one. It is important to have a bag of coping strategies to rely on.

                  Five strategies can be considered immediate “in-the-moment” techniques. Deep breathing can help calm anxiety. Try inhaling slowly for a count of four, hold the breath for four counts, and exhale for a count of six. This helps calm the autonomic nervous system. Another strategy is the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method. First, identify five things you can see. Then identify four things you can touch. Next, identify three things you can hear. Then identify two things you can smell. Finally, identify one thing you can taste. The intent of this strategy is to shift the focus of from your anxiety to the present moment. A similar coping strategy is the 3-3-3 rule. In this strategy you name three things you see, three sounds you hear, and move three parts of your body. Another strategy is the cold-water splash. Washing your face with cold water triggers a reflex that instantly lowers your heart rate. A strategy that I find helpful is progressive muscle relaxation (PMR). In this strategy you tense and release different muscle groups stating from the toes to the head, and then release the physical tension. Sometimes I incorporate this strategy into self-hypnosis. When I do this, I usually go in the opposite direction and start with my face and move toward my toes. 

                  There are four mental and cognitive skills that can help with anxiety. Cognitive reframing is when you challenge anxious thoughts by asking if they are based on evidence. Then replacing the anxious thoughts with a more balanced perspective. This can take practice. It might be helpful to write down different perspectives that focus on countering anxious thoughts. Practice reading them when you are not anxious to help commit them to memory so that it might be easier to retrieve them when you are anxious. Another strategy is brain dumping or journaling. In this strategy you write down anxious thoughts to help with processing emotions and gaining perspectives. This is a strategy that I find helpful, especially in the earlier stages of anxiety. Often, I need to use one of the immediate “in-the-moment” strategies first if my anxiety has reached a more intense level. Then I can work through my anxious thoughts in writing. A third strategy in this category is distraction/occupying the mind. When using this strategy try to engage in puzzles, counting, or reading to shift the focus away from racing thoughts. Another strategy that can be helpful is using positive affirmations. You can select a few positive, calming affirmations and then repeat these words to reassure yourself.

                  A third category of anxiety coping strategies is lifestyle and behavioral approaches. Engaging in physical exercise can help ease anxiety. Daily activity such as walking, yoga, or running reduces endorphins and can reduce stress. Prioritizing sleep hygiene can be helpful. Try to get 7-9 hours of sleep. When we are fatigued, anxiety can increase.  So, getting adequate sleep can be helpful. It is important to limit stimulants. We need to reduce the amount of caffeine and/or alcohol we intake. These can trigger or worsen panic and anxiety symptoms. Social connection can also help reduce anxiety. Talking to a trusted friend or family member can help us ease our anxiety. This is especially true if this person is familiar with how anxiety affects you and knows your coping strategies. I have found this to be an important part of how I deal with anxiety. 

                  Finally, long-term support is important. This includes professional therapy. It is important that we do not try to deal with anxiety on our own. When we have an anxiety disorder, we need to recognize that it is an illness. This means we need help from professionals trained to work with people living with anxiety disorders. I talk to my psychologist and psychiatrist about my anxiety frequently. I have a team of mental health professionals I can reach out to when I am struggling. I think it is important that we develop support systems like this. We might also join a support group. There are different support groups available. You can ask your mental health professional for recommendations. You can also join NAMI Connections. This is a peer led support group through NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). Another long-term strategy is mindfulness or meditation. Practicing these can help us observe anxious thoughts without judgement. This can help us work through our anxiety.

                  Other strategies I have tried include using a weighted blanket and a weighted stuffed animal. There is research that indicates that a weighted blanket can help ease anxiety. I find it helpful. The weight feels soothing for me and as it soothes me, I find that I a m able to slow my thoughts. Engaging in art or listening to music might be helpful for some people. Maybe some of you reading this have found success with other strategies. I encourage you to share your strategies in the comments section.

                  Anxiety can be debilitating. I continue to struggle with anxiety. My strategies useful and I know when I need to reach out for help. It is important that we acknowledge that anxiety is a legitimate health disorder. We are not overreacting. We are not weak. Anxiety is real. So, if you struggle with anxiety, try some of the above strategies and reach out for help. If you do not have a mental health professional, I encourage you to talk to your primary care provider. This provider can refer you to a mental health professional. 

                  We can live with anxiety disorders. It requires us to work at overcoming anxiety. It is important to remember that we are not our anxiety. With the right help and the use of coping strategies we can develop the ability to work through our anxiety. If you struggle with anxiety, please remember that you are not alone and there is help.

The Time and Courage to Heal

Healing takes time, and asking for help is a courageous step. — Mariska Hargitay

                  There are so many quotes available online. Sometimes I like to read quotes on various topics. I find it encouraging to read the words of others. As a writer it is important for me to read the words of others and reflect on them. Even more so as a person with a mental illness, I think it is important to search for encouragement. I found the above quote in one of my searches. I thought I would share this quote and my thoughts on it with you.

                  Healing takes time. I see healing as a journey rather than a definitive destination. I have been on a healing journey most of my life. That may make it seem like I am not healing, but I believe I am healing. Each day, each moment I move forward is step toward healing, The thing about healing is that it is not linear. Sometimes there are steps backward or sideways. Healing is messy. There is no one path. 

                  Allowing healing to take its time is important. One way to do this is to focus on taking small steps. A small step might be scheduling a therapy appointment. It might be taking our medication. Employing a coping strategy can be a small step. Once we take one small step, we are more likely to continue taking steps in the direction of healing. As steps build, our relationship with healing grows. We learn to make the choices that allow us to grow. We find ourselves healing.

                  Another key point that provides healing is asking for help. Hargitay calls asking for help “a courageous step”. It takes courage to ask for help. Sometimes when we struggle with mental illness, we find it difficult to ask for help or find ourselves not knowing how to ask for help. Maybe we are embarrassed that we need help. Or maybe we are unsure who to ask. Whatever the reason, asking for help is not easy. That is where courage comes in. Mental illness shrouds us in darkness, but the ability to say, “I need help” or “I cannot do this on my own” is a flicker of light. That light is the presence of courage. It is a light that puts us back on the path to healing. 

                  It may seem easy for me to say that we just need to ask for help. However, I say it from a place of understanding. Asking for help is essential when we are struggling. I have been stuck in those dark moments when I feel like I have no way out and no one to help me. It is a painful place. I have had to learn to reach out. That does not mean I do not struggle with asking. In my darkest moments I questioned if I am worth receiving help from others. What I know is that if I had not asked for help in my dark moments, I may not be here today. 

                  Since asking for help can be very difficult, I believe it is important for those of us living with mental illness to have a safety plan. What is a safety plan? Simply put a safety plan is map of what to do when you find yourself struggling to a point where you need help or at a point where you might hurt yourself. For more on safety plans you can read my article Creating a Safety Plan for Times of Suicidal Crisis on Recovery.com.  A safety plan gives you a concrete plan of action for when you are struggling. You do not need to be in suicidal crisis to benefit from having a safety plan. 

Sometimes we just need assistance asking for help. As an example, I was struggling the other day. My anxiety had taken me into a spiral. I could not get the anxious thoughts to stop. I was not going to hurt myself, but I knew I was going to continue spiraling if I did not get help. I reached out to a member of my mental health team. She helped me find a way out of the anxiety spiral by reminding me of how I could reach out to one of my oncology providers to ease the anxiety that was building. Left on my own, I would have continued to struggle with the growing anxiety. The interaction with this person was brief, but it made a difference. It took courage for me to ask for help. I had to let go of the thought that I should be able to cope with my anxiety on my own. I needed to understand that it is okay to say, “I am not okay, and I need help.”  Once I reached out and heard back from my oncology provider my anxiety eased and I felt better.

                  Asking for help is part of the healing journey. While asking for help is difficult, it shows a commitment to healing. When we are committed to our healing, we are able to move forward on our healing journey. Asking for help is a sign of courage. I believe that everyone living with mental illness has courage. We live with struggle but continue to fight. Even when it seems like we are not moving forward or that the darkness is consuming us, our strength is there.  Sometimes it is just that little flicker, but we can develop the courage to ask for help and to believe that we deserve that help. Courage is that flickering light that continues to burn despite the darkness.

A Glimmer Jar for 2026

                  Watching the news has been truly anxiety provoking so far in 2026. It has also triggered depression in many of us. We are living in difficult times. I went into 2026 focusing my attention on my word for the year, “live”. (See the post: My Word for the Year) I intend to stick to this focus despite the noise around us even if it is hard. Maybe part of living means taking a stand and making my voice heard. This is my forum to share my thoughts and to bring some positives into the world. So, I am going to focus on something positive today.

                  I have created a glimmer jar for 2026. What is that? Let me start by explaining what glimmers are. I first heard about glimmers from Leigh Shulman, who leads the writers’ community I belong to. She introduced the practice of sharing our glimmers in the community each week. A glimmer can be anything that went well, made you feel good, or was positive. Glimmers can be successes. They can be moments when hope shines through. I love the practice of sharing our glimmers. It makes me focus on what is going well in my life. Reading the glimmers of our community members brightens my day because I feel the joy they are experiencing as I read their words. Martha Beck discusses glimmers in her book, Beyond Anxiety. In reading that book I learned about the importance of having time and space to focus our attention on the good things going on in our life.

                  How does a jar fit into the practice of recognizing glimmers? I find that I often struggle to see the positives in my life if I am not making a deliberate effort to recognize them. Some of this is a product of depression. The darkness created by my depression clouds my view of my life and the world around me. At times I get stuck in a tailspin and only remember the negatives or not so good aspects of my life. I found myself stuck in one of these tailspins as 2025 ended. Giving it some thought, I realized that the same thing happens every year. I look back and think, “Well, that year was a downer. I did not achieve anything. I was unproductive. I spent the year alone.” My thoughts take over. The end of the year is already tough for me because my depression always intensifies during the holidays. My negative end of year reflection worsens my depression.

                  I realized that I needed to find a way to break that cycle. I need a way to look back and see the glimmers. I am not going to remember all the glimmers when I am struggling with depression. To combat that I decided I should collect my glimmers and save them for the end of the year. I needed a place to collect those glimmers. A jar seemed like a good place to save glimmers. I did a paint pour over a jar. I selected shades of purple and green because those colors represent healing to me. When I am receiving esketamine treatment I usually see these two colors. I feel safe and calm when I see these colors. Those seemed like perfect feelings to represent my glimmers. 

                  Every week I am going to write down my glimmers for the week on slips of paper. I bought special paper for this. Maybe I will even do it more than once a week. The slips of paper will go into the jar. I am going to place the jar somewhere I can see it. When I am struggling, I will try to remind myself that I have a jar full of glimmers. Then on December 31, 2025, I am going to sit with the jar. Maybe play some music. I will read each glimmer. I will have at least 52 sheets with glimmers. As I read the glimmers, I will be reminded that good things really did happen during the year. My hope is that the glimmers are stronger than my depression. I hope that the glimmers replace the negatives that fill my head. I really believe this will work. I am going into this practice with the intention of allowing it to bring me a sense of healing. 

                  Next New Year’s Eve is going to be different for me. I am going to fight back against the negativity depression speaks into my mind. My glimmer jar will be filled with all the shining glimmers that filled my year. Some of those glimmers will be small things. Others might be rather large. Glimmers come in all shapes and sizes. I do not know what 2026 holds in store for me. I am hoping that intentionally focusing on glimmers will lead to improvements in my mental health. I realize my glimmer jar is not going to cure my depression or erase my anxiety, but it will give me reason to look back and feel positive about my life. My glimmer jar will help me see that I am truly living, which is my focus for this year. I encourage you to try creating a glimmer jar or find a way to capture the glimmers in your life that suits you. We all need to know that there are glimmers in our lives. 

 

Components of Mental Health

                 In January many people focus on setting and maintaining resolutions for the new year. Usually, these resolutions are intended to improve some aspect of a person’s life. In other words, they are trying to fix something they do not like about their lives or focusing on a perceived flaw in their lives. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I do not set New Year’s resolutions anymore. I do not like the “fix me” aspect of these resolutions. That is why this year I selected a word for the year, which I shared in my post, My Word for the Year. 

                  According to information I found on Google, the average New Year’s Resolution lasts less than four months. Most people give up on their resolutions within a few weeks. There is even a “Quitter’s Day” on the second Friday in January.  Google cited a 2023 Forbes Health/OnePoll, that found that nearly 80% of resolutions are “abandoned” by February. So, I am not missing out on anything by foregoing a New Year’s Resolution. I would rather focus on aspects of my life that can help me be the person I want to be. That means focusing on my health and goals in life. To do that I think it is important to understand some of the components of mental health. Mental health affects all areas of our lives. That makes it a good focus point for the new year whether we have a diagnosed mental illness or not. Let’s look at components of mental health that lead to well-being.

                  The following components emphasize building resilience. A focus on these components can allow us to effectively deal with life’s struggles and help us build healthy relationships. These components come from the 5 Cs of mental health that are often taught in psychology courses. There are actually more than five and depending on what you are reading the components can vary. All these components help us navigate life and live healthy lives. Focusing on these components can be an excellent guide for us going into the new year.

                  One component is competence. This is a feeling of being capable and able to handle challenges. It takes time to develop competence. It can be difficult at times. One way to develop competence in mental health skills is through work with a therapist. Competence implies we have learned. So, trying new things and learning new skills is important. We never stop developing competence. Life is about learning. We stop growing when we become complacent. Unfortunately, that is a factor in mental illness. We sometimes do not have the ability to develop competence in new things because we are weighed down by our illness. When this happens, it is important to do little things. Maybe it is reading for five minutes or attending a support group once a month. The important thing is to make an effort, even if it is just something small.

                  Confidence is another component of mental health. By definition, confidence is believing in yourself and having a positive self-image. This is a tough one for many of us. I know I struggle with maintaining confidence. Confidence develops as we build competence. In other words, it takes some effort. Our level of confidence can vary depending on the situation we are in. For example, I am usually confident in my ability to express myself in writing, but when it comes to interpersonal conversations I often struggle. When we are confident, our mental health is usually in a better place. That does not mean that confident people do not struggle with mental illness. It is important to remember that mental illness can strike anyone.

                  A third component of mental health is character. When we have good character, we act ethically and responsibly. This should be an easy one to define. However, ethical behavior can depend on our viewpoint. The state of our nation right now is an example of how character can vary. I think character means acting in ways that help others and brings out the best in ourselves and those around us. Character is important for mental health because when we do good, we feel better. 

                  Connection is another component of mental health. When we have supportive relationships and a sense of belonging, we feel connected. This is one that I struggle with often. Many of us are alone or feel like we are not connected to others. For me this impacts my depression. The less connected I feel, the more intense my depression becomes. It is human nature to want to feel connected. When that connection is missing, we feel alone. It is important to try to make connections. Easier said than done. This is why support groups like NAMI Connections are so important. If you do not need a support group maybe you can get involved in an interest-related class or group. The sense of connection created in groups or interaction with others is important to our mental well-being.

                  A fifth component of mental health is compassion.  When we show empathy and kindness to ourselves and others, we are being compassionate. It is probably easier to show compassion to others than it is to show compassion to ourselves. The way depression and anxiety make my brain work results in me being hard on myself. I am not compassionate with myself. My guess is I am not alone in that. How do we show compassion to ourselves? The key is to treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would treat others with. We can learn to do this by practicing kind self-talk, accepting imperfection, acknowledging our feelings, setting healthy boundaries, taking care of our basic needs, and forgiving ourselves. That’s a lot and it is not easy to do these things. My suggestion is to focus on one at a time. I think practicing kind self-talk and forgiving ourselves are two key aspects of showing ourselves compassion. 

                  Clarity is another component of mental health. This involves thinking clearly and setting goals that are clear and attainable. This is another one that can be difficult when we live with mental illness. Often, we need the assistance of a therapist to think clearly. The world can be a confusing place. It is okay to need assistance figuring things out and making sense of our lives. When we set goals, we should try to remember the importance of SMART goals. This means goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. A quick internet search will provide information on setting SMART goals.  

                  Coping is a key component of mental health. We need to manage stress and difficult situations in healthy ways. Again, working with a therapist can help us develop good coping skills. If therapy is not your thing, or you want to develop these skills on your own, there are many self-help books that discuss topics related to coping skills. When we are working on the other components I have mentioned, our coping skills are strengthened.

                  In order to have good mental health, we need a sense of control. This means that we have a sense of agency over our lives. We need to feel like we are in control of the things that are happening in our lives. We need to possess the ability to make good decisions. Even if we sometimes make the wrong decision, we need to remember that it is the ability to make decisions that provides us with a sense of well-being and control over our lives. 

                  Community is another component of mental health. It is strongly related to connection. When we feel a sense of community, we feel connected. We feel like we are a part of something bigger. That community might be family, a work group, an interest group, a school group, or sport team. It is important to feel like we are a part of something outside of ourselves. This can be where we derive a sense of purpose. When we have a purpose, we feel better. 

                  The last component of mental health that I am going to discuss is contribution. When we make a contribution, we are making a positive impact. Our contribution can present in many ways. It does not have to be monetary. We can make a contribution just by being present. We can take action to help raise awareness for a special cause. We can do little things to make a difference. There are so many causes that we can get involved in. When we contribute, there are mental health benefits because we are gaining confidence, demonstrating character, feeling connected, and showing compassion. 

                  These components of mental health take time to develop. They also require consistent work to maintain them. As we move into the new year, I think it is a good idea to look at where we stand with these components. How can we further develop them? We should not focus on what is missing or what we may be doing wrong. Instead, we should focus on where we can go. How can we further incorporate these components into our lives? These components impact our mental health. Our mental health impacts all aspects of our lives. So, it is important to develop these components.

                  

Facing Illness

                  Often, we become accustomed to our lives as they are and cannot imagine things being different. Even though I have battled depression for decades, I took my health for granted. I knew what it was like to battle mental illness and to feel like crap, but my physical health had generally been okay. I had a couple operations in my 40s, but within a few months of each, I recovered. It was not until a major illness struck me that I realized how fragile life is and how difficult it is to live with illness. For me that major illness was cancer. It changed my life and taught me how to fight and how to live.

                  Today as the new year starts, I would like to share what it is like to fight illness and how we can find our way through it. I am lucky that I had a healthcare team that included amazing doctors (an oncologist, a psychiatrist, and a psychologist), a physician’s assistant, nurse practitioners, nurses, and techs. I also had my aunt, a retired nurse, who stayed by my side throughout my battle and the support of my cousin. As you can see, I had a large team. We all do when we are open to help. In this post I will share my healing story. I do so with the intent of encouraging others who are struggling with illness and are discouraged by what their health is doing to them. I also want to remind people that even if you do not have a diagnosed mental health condition, your mental health will likely suffer when you are facing a physical illness. There is no weakness in admitting this. It is in acknowledging that we are struggling that we find help.

                  Stage 4 breast cancer struck me out of nowhere. Well, I guess it had been growing inside of me, but it surprised me. I had a mammogram that was normal just a couple months before being diagnosed. I clearly remember my primary care provider, Cristina, saying that word. Cancer. I still hear it echoing in my mind at times. From that moment Cristina and her nurse, Henri, encouraged me. They arranged for the care I would need. They were always positive with me. Their encouragement helped me battle cancer. This was especially important because my mental health was not in great place when I was first diagnosed. I needed their encouragement to help me know that I wanted to fight.

                  When we face illness, we face a lot of questions. Why me? Why is this happening? Will I get through this? How can I fight this illness? Am I strong enough? Will I make it back to the life I knew before illness? Will others understand what I am going through? How much help will I need? What if I cannot get through this on my own? All these questions and I have not even touched on the illness specific questions. If you are ill right now or ever have been, I bet you can relate to some, if not all these questions.

                  As I faced illness, I needed to make some changes. Outside of my mental health team, I really had not relied on anyone to help me. I was used to being on my own. I took care of myself. There was no one else. I had to learn to accept the help of others. I had to let family, friends, and colleagues into my life. I had to admit that I could not face this illness on my own. I had to accept their offers of help. If you are going through an illness right now, you might be able to relate to needing to accept help but being hesitant or even resistant to accepting that help. My advice to you is to accept those offers. It does not matter who that help is coming from. Know that you are not alone. If someone is reaching out to you, it is because they care about you and want to be there for you. They know that you would be there for them. 

                  I dealt with a lot of emotions as I battled cancer. Anyone who battles a serious illness is going to be faced with intense emotions. I went through it all. Anger, fear, grief, and hopelessness. These are real emotions. You will find yourself asking yourself, “Why me?” Then one day you will be struck by the realization that serious illness can strike any of us. 

I remember an old television show, “House”. One of the main characters is an oncologist. He saves the lives of his patients. Then one day he is struck with terminal cancer. Ironic? I do not think so. I think it is just life. We never know what life has in store for us. Now, this character made a choice I would not have made. He chose not to go through treatment. I think in most cases we owe it to ourselves to fight. Maybe I learned that from those who have been supporting me in my health battles. For years my mental health team has been supporting me in a fight against depression and anxiety. They then joined in with my physical health team to lead me in a fight against cancer. I learned that my life was worth fighting for from these amazing individuals. Even though the character on “House” rode off into the sunset on a motorcycle, I would like to think that he changed his mind after riding for a while and fought the cancer.

                  Illness is usually difficult. Just because you know what lies ahead is going to be tough, does not mean you stop fighting. Instead, you increase the fight. Back to the television show, “House”. There is something else I learned from the final scene. As that oncologist rides off, his friend, the rogue doctor who is the main character, joined him. The lesson there is that we do not need to go through illness alone. It may be difficult on many levels, but we can accept help and fight. So, whatever illness you are facing, whether it is mental or physical illness, or something else, do not try to go through it alone. There is always someone even when it does not seem like there is. I feel alone a lot. Sometimes I find myself believing that I need to go through everything alone. Cancer showed me that is not true. I have support. I just had to be open to allowing that support into my life.

                  I remember every bit of encouragement I have received in my battle. I would like to share that encouragement with you. However, there is too much to relate in this post. So, I will sum it up in five words, “Life is worth fighting for.” I learned this from nurses, nurse practitioners, my primary care provider, and my oncologist, from my psychologist and psychiatrist, and from my aunt and cousin. The battle may not be easy. That is okay. There is strength within each of us that we do not know we possess. Others see it, but often we need to be shown that we have that strength. As I said earlier, let others be there for you. They truly want to help you. If they did not, they would not offer. Reach out when you need support. I know it is hard. Allowing others to help was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn. So, I ask you to learn from my experience. We cannot fight illness alone. It takes a team. Healthcare providers, family, friends, and colleagues are all part of that team. No one should fight illness alone. I am grateful to everyone who helped me learn that lesson, to everyone who helped me fight and beat cancer. 

If you need help, reach out. Even if you do not think you need help, reach out. If you feel like you do not have anyone to reach out to, reach out to me. We are human. Humans are not solitary creatures. We need each other.