Suicidal Ideation and Suicide Are Not Signs of Weakness

                   At times there is a misconception that suicidal ideation and/or suicide are signs of weakness. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Suicidal ideation and suicide attempts are symptoms of an illness. Several mental illnesses can include suicidal ideation/attempts as symptoms. They result from the intense pain caused by mental illness.

                  I have been suicidal on several occasions. It is a very painful experience to feel that life is not worth living. This pain stems from the thoughts and emotions caused by mental illnesses. My personal experiences with suicidal ideation are a result of depression. So, as I write this post I am speaking from that experience, but other mental illnesses can lead to suicidal ideation and attempts. I can only speak from my perspective, but I want to emphasize that other mental illnesses are just as painful.

                  My suicidal thoughts began when I was a teenager. I didn’t understand what I was experiencing. I had not been diagnosed with depression at this point. So, I was struggling to get by on my own. Back then there were few, if any, resources for people experiencing suicidal thoughts. 988 didn’t exist. School personnel were not trained to provide assistance and resources. As result, I was left to live with my thoughts of ending my life. I came close several times. I credit a song by Grace Slick with getting me through those times. I used to play “Let It Go”, on my record player. I felt as if Grace Slick was singing to me, calling me back from the edge. I share this story in detail in my book Traveling the Healing Journey: Finding the Light in Mental Illness(available from your local bookstore or Amazon). 

                  When I look back on those times, I remember feeling alone, isolated. I remember having no hope for my life. I felt as if the emotional pain I was feeling would never end. I would “hear” thoughts in my head telling me I would be better off dead. All of this was too much for me as a teenager with no professional support. I believed that suicide was my only escape. I wrote a lot about dying. Most of my writing was poetry. It was very dark and filled with the pain I felt. My suicidal ideation was not a sign of weakness, though. It was a symptom of an illness that I had not yet been diagnosed with. Fortunately, I managed to get through those years without taking my life. I’m not sure how, but I am still here.

                  Being diagnosed with major depression at age 20 did not end my suicidal thoughts. These thoughts don’t magically disappear once our illness has a name. The thoughts are part of the illness for many of us. I still struggle with the thoughts at times 35 plus years after they first emerged. Thankfully, I have learned a lot about my illness since then and I have had the support of mental health professionals. Still, the thoughts can pop into my head without warning. With the help of my mental health team, I created a safety plan for when those times occur. I wrote about safety plans in an article on NAMI Glendale’s website, How a Safety Plan Can Ease a Mental Health Crisis. My safety plan includes when I need to seek help, who I need to reach out to, how I can reach out, and how my contact person can reach those who can provide professional help. 

                  My last major crisis with suicidal ideation was 16 months ago. The thoughts became loud in my head. Those thoughts were not a sign of weakness. They were a verbal expression of the emotional pain I was experiencing at the time. They were a cry for help. The thoughts were also plea for escape. I needed help. Thankfully, I knew to reach out for help. I was provided with the mental health help I needed to ease the symptoms of my illness. I was not treated as if I was weak. I was treated with respect and understanding. I was provided with the treatment I needed.  I was lucky. Not everyone has the resources to get the help needed. The lack of resources leads to high numbers of suicide in the world today. It is important to raise awareness and increase support for mental health resources so that we can provide help.

                  Mental Health First Aid is an important resource. People can be trained in Mental Health First Aid. Click on the link for more information about this important training. I went through the training. I would encourage others to get trained. You never know when you might need to use that training. I saw recent social media posts where singer Jon Bon Jovi and another woman were able to talk a woman out of jumping off a bridge. I don’t know what they said, but they showed that they cared and were able to get this woman safely off the bridge. Would you be prepared if you were in a similar situation? Mental Health First Aid can help you be prepared.

                  When a person considers taking their life or is attempting to take their life, they are not weak. Living takes strength when you have a mental illness. We are strong people who reach a point at which the weight we bear becomes too heavy. Death seems like the answer, but it is not. One person reaching out can make a difference. I am grateful that I have never been able to follow through on my thoughts of suicide. Those thoughts may be something I deal with throughout life, but I want to live. So do most, if not all people, who struggle with suicidal ideation. We just need a little support. Suicide is not a sign of weakness. It is a symptom of a mental illness. It shouldn’t be looked on with derision. Rather, we need people to reach out and provide help. Call the 988 crisis line. Be that person who listens. You may save a life.