Grateful Despite Cancer and Depression

           The past year has been very different for me.  It has been a difficult year to say the least.  Still, I have a lot to be grateful for this year.  As Thanksgiving is upon us, I would like to reflect on what I have to be grateful for.  Illness cannot prevent my gratitude.

            2023 started with me in a deep depression.  It was a battle that lasted months and impacted my ability to function.  It was one of the worst periods of depression that I have had in my lifetime.  That being said, I am grateful for my mental health team.  Dr. K, Dr. S, and Stephanie got me through a very difficult time.  My primary care, Cristina, also helped.  I am grateful to all four of them.  I know that not everyone has a mental health care team that they can rely on in difficult times.  In my darkest times they are there, supporting me, helping me through suicidal thoughts.  This past year I have really needed them.  They continue to be by my side as I battle cancer.  Having a mental illness and a physical illness is not easy.  I need their support and healing touch.  So, as I think about what I am grateful for this year, these four people are right there. 

            In addition, to my mental health difficulties, I am now facing cancer.  I am grateful that Cristina made sure I had the tests needed to diagnosis my cancer.  I am grateful that she made sure I am receiving the best care for my cancer.  That brings me to my oncology team.  Dr. St is amazing.  She gives me hope that I can beat stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. In addition to Dr. St., C has been inspiring.  She is the nurse navigator that encourages me with her dancing and words of encouragement.  Jackie, the nurse practitioner, helps by ensuring that I am prepared for chemo.  I also appreciate all the chemo nurses who provide such tremendous care.  They make sure I am taken care of and that everything goes smoothly during chemo.  I have hope that I can beat cancer because of this great team.

            As I reflect on what I am grateful for I must recognize my family and friends.  First, my Aunt Holly has been by my side through all my cancer journey.  She also understands the mental health side of what I am going through.  I am grateful for her care and encouragement.  My cousin, Sara, has helped me with so much.  I am grateful to have her by my side on this journey.  I remember us as kids, and I feel lucky that she is still in my life.  My mom and brother have been helping me.  They check on me and send supportive words.  I didn’t realize how much they understood about what I am going through until a recent conversation with my brother.  It has changed my perspective.  I feel grateful that they want to be an integral part of my healing journey.  My Aunt C and Uncle D check on me and encourage me.  They are coming to help me next week.  My Uncle A always texts to check on me and encourage me. 

            My friends have been great.  I want to mention them all here, but I am afraid I will leave someone out.  I’ll try.  Know that if I miss you, I still appreciate you.  Thank you, Pam, Shannon, Carol N, Sarah, Maria, Gus, Nancy, Jessica, Bernie, and Sharon.  I am grateful to the friends I went to school with over the years who have reached out.  It means a lot that even though we have been separated by time, you are still care.  Others have reached out including Sue, Robin, and Meg. Thank you to all of you.

            My colleagues have been wonderful.  I am touched by their generosity in helping me in my time of need.  I am grateful that so many of them reach out to me.  It means a lot. I appreciate my colleague, Robert, who sends me a gratitude list every morning.  It reminds me to be grateful.   Thank you to my former students who are wishing me well.  Your support means so much to me.  

            I know I have a battle with mental and physical illness.  It is not easy.  I have a lot of fighting left to do.  I am choosing to focus on the fact that I am lucky to have the ability and the opportunity to fight.  My battle is overwhelming, but my health care team, my family, my friends, my colleagues, and my former students give me the courage and strength to keep fighting.  I don’t know how my battle will end, but I am confident that I have wonderful people surrounding me in this battle.  For that I am grateful.  Cancer and depression chose me.  What they didn’t realize was they chose a fighter with a great support team.  I know it won’t be easy and some days are going to be hard.  At times I may want to give up.  That is okay.  It is part of the fight.  Good days and bad days will come together.  I will rely on my support team.  Each day I fight is another day to be grateful for.  So, thank you to everyone.  Please stay by my side and help me beat these illnesses.  

            I encourage everyone to reflect on what they are grateful for as Thanksgiving approaches.  It helps put life in perspective.  Even though I have to serious illnesses, I have a lot to be grateful for.  I have learned not to take life for granted.  Illness has given me that perspective. 

            I wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I’ll be back next week.