What Is Depression?

        Before we can undertake a journey into the world of depression, we must understand what depression is and what it isn’t.  There is a psychiatric definition.  Let’s start there and then get into the reality that those of us who live with depression understand. 

       The DSM- 5 defines depression as “Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day. Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day. Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide”. (August 26, 2022).  

            As a person living with depression, I would agree that all of that is true. Yet depression is so much more.  I usually describe depression as darkness.  It is like being trapped without light.  There is a weight bearing down upon me.  My thoughts are consumed by negativity.  Thoughts of dying overtake me.  I feel worthless.  Depression makes me feel like life is not worth living. I feel alone even in crowded places.  

            Like many people with depression, I have heard the well-meaning, but painful comment, “Just smile.”  Or even better, “You have so much to be happy about.”  When you are shrouded in depression happiness doesn’t exist.  On an intellectual level, I can understand that certain aspects of my life should make me happy.  I can understand that life is worth living.  Yet, the depression argues with that knowledge.  Depression’s voice is much louder than my surroundings.  I feel the darkness.  Depression’s words become my reality.  The happiness becomes unreal.  All I feel is the weight of depression.  

            I have lived with depression most of my life.  We are intimate companions on life’s journey.  I know depression is real.  Forced smiles may mask the depression at times, but they cannot make it go away. Depression is always there.  This is not to say that healing is not a possibility.  There are amazing practitioners out there making great strides in the treatment of depression.  I have been helped by some of them.  So, I know I can heal. 

            Depression isn’t the occasional blues.  It isn’t being sad over a loss.  Depression is all-encompassing and long-term.  It is an illness.  As a mental illness, depression requires health care.  Its impact is not just mental.  There are physical aspects. Weight loss, weight gain, physical pain, lethargy, sleeplessness, concentration difficulties, memory issues.  Depression needs to be addressed as a health issue.  More about that in later posts.

            Depression is a lifelong illness.  It can vary in intensity at times, but its darkness is all-encompassing.  We cannot take depression lightly.  It is an illness that can end in death.  Depression steals hope away from its sufferers.  I know.  I’ve been left hopeless. I’ve been on that edge where life didn’t seem worth living.  Still, I fight.  Determined not to let depression win.  The battle is a huge undertaking.  It is a battle that cannot be fought alone.  Depression is real.  Depression is painful.