What to Say to Someone with a Mental Illness

                  We usually know what to say to someone who has a physical illness.  Even if we don’t have the words ourselves, Hallmark is there to help with a greeting card.  What do we say when someone is struggling with a mental illness?  It is often hard to find the right words.  

The first thing to remember is that the person has an illness.  The person is not feeling well and can benefit from comforting words.  Recognize that they have an illness and be empathetic.  You can ask the person how he, she, or they are doing?  Follow this by asking if there is anything you can do to help them.  This lets the person know you are interested in how they are doing and that you recognize that they have an illness.

Things you can say include:

 

                  “I am sorry you are going through this.”

                  “I am here for you.”

                  “Would you like to talk?

                  “That sounds really difficult.”

“I can see you are feeling low.  Would you like to talk about what you are feeling?

“I am here to listen, if you would like to talk.”

“How can I help you?”

“It sounds like you are dealing with a lot right now.”

 

                  These are just a sampling of what you can say to someone who is struggling with a mental illness. It is important to remain nonjudgmental.  Avoid telling the person what they should do.  It is more helpful to ask them what they would like you to do to help them than for you to assume what they need.  

                  I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts that sometimes it is beneficial to just be present.  Sit with the person and be available to them.  Sometimes this will be talking to them.  Other times it might just be listening.  

                  It is important to remember that what the person is going through is a symptom of an illness.  They are not choosing to be “sad” or “negative”.  They are not trying to get attention through their tears.  Mental illness is causing them to feel and act the way they are.  Just like a physical illness causes various physical symptoms, mental illness causes various mental and physical symptoms.  Be considerate of this.  Their symptoms are real.

                  You can let the person know that while you may not have experienced what they are going through, you want to help.  If the person is able, they can tell you what they need.  If it is a person you are close to, it can be beneficial to talk about how you can help when they are feeling better.  Try to establish a plan with them for those times when they need support.  It can be as simple as things you can say, or it can be more formal safety plan. For example, some of my friends know things that they can say to me when I am struggling.  I also have a friend I feel comfortable sharing my safety plan with for times when I cannot help myself.  Ask the person, what they would like from you.  They might want to tell you who to contact when they are really struggling.  

                  It is also important to recognize that the person may need some time alone.  If this is the case, give them that space, but check back in on them.  There are times when I just need to be alone.  During these times nothing anyone says is going to lift my mood.  I just need to have my own space and be able to use my coping strategies.  It is okay if a person needs that.  Just remember to check back in with them to ensure they are okay.

                  There may be times when the person’s personal safety is in danger.  It helps to have a plan ready in advance for these moments.  That is easier if you are close to the person.  If you do not know the person’s safety plan, but you are concerned that they may hurt themselves, you can contact 988 or 911.  I would recommend 988 because it is answered by mental health professionals and will lead to the proper help quicker.  You should be aware that in the moment the person may be upset with you.  That is okay.  Once they have received the help and are safe, they are likely to appreciate your actions.  

                  On a lighter note, if you have a friend or loved one who struggles with mental illness, you can send them a card or note.  You may have trouble finding a pre-written card in stores, but you can always write something comforting and supportive in a blank card.  Just let the person know you are thinking about them.  Let them know you care.  Use one of the messages from above or write your own.  By letting the person know they are not alone and that you care, you are helping them cope with their illness.  Don’t worry if you don’t have the perfect words.  Trust me the person will be grateful that you cared enough to try. Caring about the person is the most important aspect of helping a person with mental illness.