Healing Brings Light

 Healing takes much time,

But brings with it a new light.

A light that shines bright.

 

                  As I have discussed in this blog many times, writing is healing for me. Sometimes I like to challenge myself with my writing. So, I have tried my hand at haikus. The above haiku is one I wrote the other day about healing. When I wrote it I was referring to healing from depression, but I think it applies to all types of healing.

                  I have been on a lifelong journey to find healing from depression and anxiety. It has not been easy. Healing takes effort. That can pose a problem when you live with depression and anxiety. Often, these illnesses steal my ability to exert the effort necessary to heal. Losing this ability makes it difficult to heal. I want to heal, but the depression tells me not to get out of bed. At times it tells me that it is not worth fighting for healing. Depression is a darkness with a loud voice. As depression tells me I cannot heal, it shrouds me in darkness. This darkness makes it impossible for me to heal on my own. Coping strategies are rendered useless as I sink further into the darkness. 

I need to reach out for help. I have found that help in therapy, work with my psychiatrist, TMS, and esketamine. These take time to work. Each requires me to tell the darkness that I want to heal. The effort required to engage in these treatments is difficult to summon, but I know I must try. I understand that healing takes time. Depression is not going to go away overnight. It has been a part of my life for too long. I trust that the treatments will bring me into the light of healing. That light will be bright. It will comfort me and provide hope. 

One thing I learned is that depression will always be a part of my life. It is just the way my brain is wired. Despite this I can experience times of light. This healing will last for different amounts of time. When the depression seeps back in, I need to remind myself that I have seen the light of healing. I need to remember that healing is possible. It has shined before and will again. I may need help remembering, but I have a mental health team who will remind me. 

What if you don’t have a mental health provider? How can you find help remembering that light exists? Maybe you can write reminders on a Post-it note and place in a place where you will see it each day. You can keep a journal and return to the where you have written during times of healing. Another strategy might be to ask a friend or family member to remind you when they see you slipping. You can join a support group through a mental health program. NAMI offers the Connections group to allow people living with mental illness to support each other in a safe environment. 

One of the things to remember is that the work doesn’t stop when the darkness of depression or other mental illnesses lifts. We must maintain the work when we are in times of healing. This will lay the groundwork for help when the darkness returns. In essence we are building a safety net with this work. It will allow us to return to the light when we are faced with darkness. 

I know I write a lot about darkness and light. These images allow me to understand my depression. It makes sense to me. I feel the darkness of depression and I have experienced the light of healing. I hope that others suffering from mental illness find hope in my description. We all have our own understanding of our mental illness. For me darkness and light describe depression and healing. I encourage others to find the image that works for them. If my image works for you, please use it. We all need to find whatever helps us heal.