Pulling Yourself Out of the Darkness

                  Usually, people who do not live with depression do not realize how difficult it is to pull yourself out of a dark place. It is difficult to understand something you have never experienced. The dark place depression drops us into is cavernous. It is painful yet at the same time numbing. When we are in this place, it is difficult to see a way out of it. As someone who has been there, I often find myself fearing the next trip into the darkness. I know it is always lurking, waiting to swallow me into the abyss.

                  Fortunately, I have been able to climb out of the dark depths when depression has taken over. It is never an easy climb. I usually need help to make the ascent. There are often setbacks along the way. Sometimes it takes longer than other times. If you have never struggled with depression, it is hard to comprehend how difficult it is to climb out of a deep depression. Think of it as being like falling into a well. You are surrounded by darkness. The walls are closing in around you. There is no ladder or rope to climb up. You know you need to escape, but it seems impossible. That is depression. 

                  So, how do we get out of the well? How do we climb out of depression? One thing we must do is remind ourselves that there is hope. There is a light waiting for us. We need to ask for help. This might be reaching out to a therapist or psychiatrist. It will often include medication or other treatments. Relying on the coping skills we have learned over time is valuable. We need to recognize that we are not going to climb out without help. Depression does not just shut off. It takes effort. Sometimes we do not have the strength to make that effort. In those times we may find ourselves trapped longer in the darkness. It is a difficult place to be.

                  If you have pulled yourself out of a dark depression, give yourself a pat on the back. You have accomplished something very difficult. If you know someone who has pulled themselves out of a dark depression, give them credit for the work they have done. It is hard work. It takes a strength that many people do not realize they possess. Living with depression requires strength. Some days just getting out of bed takes effort. Going through the motions of life takes strength. I honestly believe that when we live with depression, we possess a strength that we do not realize.  That strength allows us to fight the depression. 

                  Strength also means understanding when we need help. We cannot fight depression alone. Depression is an ugly illness hellbent on tearing us down. It is usually not possible to fight it on our own all the time. Asking for help is okay. It is a sign of strength not weakness. As alone as we feel in the darkness of depression, there is help. We can climb out of it. We do not have to remain trapped in that well of darkness. 

 

 

 

 

 

                   

We Are Not Our Thoughts

“You are not your thoughts; you are the observer of your thoughts.” – Amit Ray

 

                  At times depression fills my mind with thoughts. Many of these thoughts are painful and negative. They hurt. They are difficult to deal with and at times require the help of a mental health professional to overcome them. One thing I have learned as I have battled depression is that I am not my thoughts. The thoughts are depression’s way of seeking control and breaking me down. 

Before reading the above quote, I had not thought of myself as an observer of my thoughts. I have had the sense that they are a separate entity, but after reading this quote I have an image of myself watching the thoughts in my head on a screen, like watching a movie. In many ways it is a powerful image. First, if the thoughts depression puts in my head are like a movie, then I need to tell myself they are a work of fiction. These thoughts are not my reality despite feeling real. When we are watching a movie, we can turn it off or walk out of the theater. How can we do the same when the thoughts start streaming in our heads? Self-talk can become our “stop” button. Perhaps we can work on self-talk in therapy. With the help of therapist, we can learn to tell depression’s thoughts to stop. We can stop “observing” when the thoughts are negative or hurtful. It is not my intention to make stopping the thoughts sound like an easy task. It is not. It takes work to develop this skill. 

There will likely be times when we cannot just stop the thoughts. If we remind ourselves that we are observers of the thoughts maybe we can allow ourselves to separate ourselves from the thoughts. Observers generally don’t engage in whatever they are observing. A true observer should remain separate from what they are observing. How can we apply this idea to depression’s thoughts? I admit this is a hard one and one that I have not mastered yet. Visualization can play a role here. Perhaps we visualize a screen. Depression’s thoughts are on that screen. They are separate from us. They cannot reach through the screen. Our job is to keep them on that screen. By visualizing the thoughts on a screen, we are giving them a place to reside that is outside of us. Again, it is like a movie. We can watch a movie, see the screen, but we are separate from that screen. 

Remaining observers and not allowing depression’s thoughts to consume us is part of the battle with depression. It is not easy. This is a real struggle. The thoughts will seem real. They will consume us at times. In those times we need to practice self-talk and visualization. We need to share these thoughts with our mental health provider. They can help us build a screen. They can help us separate ourselves from the thoughts. By sharing what we observe with our mental health provider, we can gain a better understanding of depression. This will lead us to the path of healing. Thoughts will pop up throughout our lives. Depression is a persistent jerk. It wants our attention. We cannot give it our attention. That is easier said than done. There will be times when we do not succeed at being just an observer. That is okay. Depression is an illness. There are going to be times when we are not well; times when we need help. That is where therapy, antidepressants, and other treatments such as TMS, esketamine, or ECT play a role. There are many facets to living with depression. Stepping back and observing depression’s thoughts is one of those facets.