We Are Not Our Thoughts

“You are not your thoughts; you are the observer of your thoughts.” – Amit Ray

 

                  At times depression fills my mind with thoughts. Many of these thoughts are painful and negative. They hurt. They are difficult to deal with and at times require the help of a mental health professional to overcome them. One thing I have learned as I have battled depression is that I am not my thoughts. The thoughts are depression’s way of seeking control and breaking me down. 

Before reading the above quote, I had not thought of myself as an observer of my thoughts. I have had the sense that they are a separate entity, but after reading this quote I have an image of myself watching the thoughts in my head on a screen, like watching a movie. In many ways it is a powerful image. First, if the thoughts depression puts in my head are like a movie, then I need to tell myself they are a work of fiction. These thoughts are not my reality despite feeling real. When we are watching a movie, we can turn it off or walk out of the theater. How can we do the same when the thoughts start streaming in our heads? Self-talk can become our “stop” button. Perhaps we can work on self-talk in therapy. With the help of therapist, we can learn to tell depression’s thoughts to stop. We can stop “observing” when the thoughts are negative or hurtful. It is not my intention to make stopping the thoughts sound like an easy task. It is not. It takes work to develop this skill. 

There will likely be times when we cannot just stop the thoughts. If we remind ourselves that we are observers of the thoughts maybe we can allow ourselves to separate ourselves from the thoughts. Observers generally don’t engage in whatever they are observing. A true observer should remain separate from what they are observing. How can we apply this idea to depression’s thoughts? I admit this is a hard one and one that I have not mastered yet. Visualization can play a role here. Perhaps we visualize a screen. Depression’s thoughts are on that screen. They are separate from us. They cannot reach through the screen. Our job is to keep them on that screen. By visualizing the thoughts on a screen, we are giving them a place to reside that is outside of us. Again, it is like a movie. We can watch a movie, see the screen, but we are separate from that screen. 

Remaining observers and not allowing depression’s thoughts to consume us is part of the battle with depression. It is not easy. This is a real struggle. The thoughts will seem real. They will consume us at times. In those times we need to practice self-talk and visualization. We need to share these thoughts with our mental health provider. They can help us build a screen. They can help us separate ourselves from the thoughts. By sharing what we observe with our mental health provider, we can gain a better understanding of depression. This will lead us to the path of healing. Thoughts will pop up throughout our lives. Depression is a persistent jerk. It wants our attention. We cannot give it our attention. That is easier said than done. There will be times when we do not succeed at being just an observer. That is okay. Depression is an illness. There are going to be times when we are not well; times when we need help. That is where therapy, antidepressants, and other treatments such as TMS, esketamine, or ECT play a role. There are many facets to living with depression. Stepping back and observing depression’s thoughts is one of those facets.