Living with depression is difficult. It is more than a daily struggle. It is a lifelong struggle for many of us. For that reason, I think it is important for those around me to have a some understanding of depression. This will allow them to better understand me. What are some of the aspects of depression that I wish others knew?
First, I think it is important to know that depression is not just being sad. Depression is an illness. Pervasive feelings of sadness can consume me, but it is more than the sadness. When my depression is in control, I feel a heavy weight bearing down on me. I often say I feel down. That may sound vague, but it makes sense to me. I feel like the weight bearing down on me is too heavy.
Depression brings with it a blanketing darkness. I feel like I am sinking into a deep darkness. I do not see the colors of the world around me. I cannot experience joy or happiness. The darkness consumes me. At times I see no way out of the darkness. This is one of the most difficult aspects of depression because it brings with it suicidal thoughts. These thoughts are my longing for an escape from the grip of depression.
A sense of hopelessness accompanies depression. It is difficult to feel hopeful when a heavy weight and a blanketing darkness are my reality. Depression is a loss of hope. It is painful to live without hope. Imagine what it is like to believe that life cannot get better. That is depression.
What I have described here is depression at its worst. I have been there. I know how painful depression can be. I know the heaviness, the darkness, and the hopelessness all too well. I also know that depression exists on a continuum. For me it is not always as intense as I describe. When my treatment is going well, my depression is lessened. There is still an underlying darkness, but I can function. I can interact with others. I can find joy in life. I caution that it is only with treatment and therapy that I can experience this lessening of the symptoms of depression.
Back to the idea of what I wish people knew. I wish they knew that the severity of my depression varies. Sometimes I need support. I need help climbing out of the darkness. I may even need help believing that I want to climb out of the darkness. There are other times when my depression will not be noticeable. I may seem like I am not impacted by depression. I may seem happy. That means my treatments are working. So, I would want others, especially those who also live with depression, to know that the right treatments can help lift depression. There is no one right treatment. Each of us is different. Depression strikes each of differently and we each respond to different treatments. It is important to know that the right treatment is out there for each of us.
I want people to understand that those of us with depression are valuable members of society. We can contribute to the world around us. We may struggle and our paths may not be easy, but we are valuable members of society. I have heard talk from a member of the government dismissing those of us with depression and other mental illnesses. He seems to think that our medications and other treatments should be taken away. He has stated that we belonged on work farms. As an American with depression and anxiety, this disgusts me. It also scares me. We all know what this harkens back to. People with mental illness deserve better. In fact, we demand better. I wish more people understood this.
I would venture to say that depression has given me gifts despite how painful it has been. One gift is my ability to write about my struggle and to use that writing to help others. Another gift is the ability to be empathetic. I know what it is like to fight illness. This enables me to understand others who are facing mental illness. From this I hope others will understand that people with depression have a lot to offer others.
Finally, I want others to understand that those of us with depression are doing the best we can. We are everywhere. You will interact with us. Sometimes you will not know that another person is living with depression. So, be kind to everyone. You never know what someone else is going through.
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