Signs Depression Is Resurfacing

            I have lived with depression long enough to know it has cycles.  There are times when I am doing better, like when I am receiving esketamine treatment or transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS).  During these times I must be alert for signs that the depression is resurfacing.  It is best to act early when it does.  Even during my better times, I continue with therapy and employing my coping skills.   These allow me to stay on top of my mental health and continue to heal. 

            One way I know the depression is starting to resurface is I feel myself dragging to do things.  I feel a heaviness weigh down upon me.  The thoughts in my head turn negative and become louder.  The running dialogue in my head is negative.  I tire easily but can’t sleep.  I become easily frustrated.  Another thing I tend to do is disengage.  I back out of plans with friends.  I feel a need to be alone.  

            Often, I can tell my mental health team when I realize that depression is coming back.  When I do this, treatment gets underway quickly.  However, there are times when I go into denial.  I try to push myself through the resurfacing depression until it is too late.  I hate that I do this.  I’ve gotten better about not doing it.  Depression has taught me that it is an aggressive foe.  Sometimes it comes on too quickly for me to see the warning signs.  When that happens, I am in for a difficult episode.  I know I must rely on my mental health team when the depression gets like this.  I must remember, though, that I am a member of that team.  The treatment works best when we fight as a team.  

            If you notice any signs of depression in your life, I urge you to act quickly.  Don’t be afraid to seek help.  If you have never experienced depression before, you may want to start with your primary care provider.  He or she can screen for depression and provide you with a referral to a therapist or psychiatrist depending on your situation.  Be aware that some primary care providers are not good with mental illness.  I am lucky. Mine is great.  However, I have seen others who just do not care.  If you run into one who is not taking your needs seriously, be assertive.  Request to see someone else or demand a referral.  Depression is an illness and everyone who suffers from it deserves treatment.  

            You may not fit with the first mental health provider you see.  Do not be afraid to “shop around”.  It is important to find a therapist or psychiatrist who is a good fit for you.  Be honest with him or her about your symptoms.  I would recommend writing your symptoms and what you are feeling down so that you don’t forget anything.  

            Depression affects everyone differently.  I have shared my warning signs, but these may be different for you.  Even though we have different symptoms, it is still depression and needs to be treated. If you feel overwhelmed and can’t explain your symptoms to the provider, try giving him or her your list.  That way they know what you are experiencing and are better able to ask questions to evaluate your illness.

            Sadly, depression is an illness that often requires us to advocate for ourselves. As I have said before there is a stigma surrounding depression.  Know that depression is an illness, and you deserve treatment. There are organizations out there to help you.  One that I support and believe in is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). They have chapters throughout the United States and offer great support and programs. I encourage you to check out NAMI. 

            Be aware of your mental health.  If something doesn’t seem right, trust your instincts, and ask a doctor.  Depression is an illness, but with the right help, it can be battled.