Do I Deserve Support?

                  A question I have often asked myself is “Do I deserve support with my mental health?” Living with mental illness is not easy and I often cannot do it alone. I need support. Is it fair for me to reach out for support? Am I too needy? The simple answer is that everyone deserves support no matter what struggles they are facing. The question then becomes can I allow myself to feel okay asking for support?

                  Even though I can understand that everyone, including me, deserves support, sometimes I start thinking I should be able to get through things on my own. The reality is at times my depression and anxiety prevent me from getting through things on my own. I need support.

                  No one would deny me support for my cancer diagnosis. The same should hold true for my mental illness. Sadly, many people are forced to face their mental illness alone whether because they believe they are not worthy of support or because they do not have access to support. How do we handle it when we do not believe we deserve support? Sometimes I reach for my journal as if it could provide actual support. I know it provides a release for my thoughts and emotions, but it does not respond. What should I do then? 

                  Fortunately, even though I do not always believe I deserve support, I have learned to reach out. I am lucky to have mental health providers I can reach out to when I am struggling. That privilege is not lost on me. I am grateful for every one of them. I know that they are going to be there when I struggle. Sometimes I feel like a burden. I feel like I should just hold on until my next appointment. Unfortunately, depression and anxiety, as well, as other mental illnesses, do not always cooperate with the wait time. I may need support at inconvenient times. This is hard. I may know I am spiraling, but I do not want to be that burden. 

                  I know that even when I do not feel worthy, I need to reach out for support. Sometimes that support is a phone call. Other times it is an email. There are times when that support comes after I have let loose all that I am struggling with during an appointment. By its very nature, mental illness requires support. Even after a lifetime of living with depression and anxiety, I am still coming to terms with needing support and whether I deserve that support. Part of that is the negativity that depression and anxiety fill my mind with so often. Depression tells me, and many others, that I am not worthy. It berates me and causes me to internalize negative thoughts. 

                  I hope that I do not burden my mental health team. I always think about it before I reach out. I question if I really should be reaching out. Sadly, sometimes the depression wins, and I do not reach out. The message I would like to leave others with is that we need to allow ourselves to believe that we deserve support even if our minds our telling us differently. So, reach out when you need support.