A Scary Experience and Some Wise Words

            On Wednesday I had my second chemo treatment.  This time I was at a better facility with the doctor I fought my insurance company to be sent to.  It is so amazing to be with the right doctor.  I don’t use names in my posts, but this Dr. S is so much better than the first one.  She explains everything and is so empathetic.  

            The environment for the chemo was safe and comforting.  The nurses were kind and knowledgeable.  They kept me at ease.  My aunt, a retired nurse was allowed to stay with me unlike at the first place. It was comforting to have her by my side.

            Unfortunately, I had a severe allergic reaction to the third bag of medication.  I suddenly had chest pain and my chest became tight.  I turned to my aunt to ask what was happening.  She noticed immediately and told me to press the call button.  I could hear her saying it and I could see the button, which the nurse had jokingly called “The Oh Crap Button” earlier.  My brain couldn’t process what she was saying.  My aunt quickly pressed the button and suddenly three nurses jumped into action.  The doctor was by my side quickly.  By this point my condition had worsened.  My jaw felt like it was in a vise grip. I had turned bright red.  I felt hot and my back hurt.  As the doctor was reassuring me, she directed the actions of the nurses ensuring I received the medications to reverse the reaction.  The doctor explained everything that was happening.  I was worried that this was going to be a setback and would hinder my healing.  She assured me that it would not.  She stopped the treatment for the day.  I go back next week to try again with another chemo medication.  

            I am so glad that I was at this facility and with this team of providers.  They got me through a very scary situation.  They made sure I understood what had happened.  I felt safe.  Being with the right doctors makes a difference.  I am grateful that I fought my medical group and insurance to get this care.  I encourage everyone to remember that we have a say in our healthcare, and we should not be afraid to speak up to medical groups and insurance companies.

            I also wanted to share an experience I had last night.  I was chatting with a doctor who provided care to me about a year ago.  I told him about my cancer.  He expressed concerned and had some wise words that really made me think.  I had told him I was going to fight the cancer.  He responded, “Then you’ve already won cuz we all must leave this life one day. How you live your life is what matters the most and you are a fighter and a winner.”

            These words meant a lot to me and really made me stop and think.  I’m in a fight for my life, but I can win.  I have a lot of life to live.  Over the years I have not been living life for me.  But this doctor’s words made me realize that I need to start focusing on how I live and that I must live every moment.  I must take risks and do what makes me happy.  So, as I fight this killer illness, I am going to start thinking about how I want to live and what is important to me.  I can’t fight this disease and then go back to just living day to day.  I need to set a purpose for my life.  I need to focus on how I am living.  I am going to renew my efforts to advocate for mental illness and also advocate for cancer patients.  I am going to search for and find the passion I once had as a special education teacher.  In doing that I will rededicate myself to helping my students maximize their potential.  I am going to stop putting off my trip to Italy.  I am going to go there and visit the towns my family immigrated from.  I am going to enjoy all Italy has to offer, even if I have to go alone.  I am going to spend more time with family and friends.  In doing so I will allow myself to enjoy those times.  

      Thank you, Dr. R for reminding me what is important.  I am going to win this fight with cancer.  I am not going to allow the depression to break me.  I am going to live my life to the fullest and focus on what matters.