Welcoming 2024

           I do not believe in making New Year’s Resolutions.  Every time I have tried to make one, I have fallen short.  I think it is better to set an intention for the new year.  My intention for 2024 is to allow myself to heal both mentally and physically.  I have a lot of healing to do.  2023 took its toll on me.  Depression and anxiety ruled a lot of the year.  Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer took control of the rest.  It has been a journey to say the least.  Battling two illnesses at the same time forced me to fight.  It required me to reflect on a lot.  It has changed me.  

            As 2024 starts I am still battling two illnesses, but overall, I am in a good place.  Chemo worked and I was able to stop chemo.  I am still receiving treatment.  It is targeted treatment.  My understanding is that it is intended to keep the cancer cells from replicating.  This treatment is easier on me than the chemo.  I am grateful for that.  

My mental health has taken a dip recently.  I am hoping to get that healed. I will discuss TMS treatment with my team and hope that I can physically handle going every day.  My mental health team will be there for me and help me through it.  I trust that they will get me back to a better place. 

            As you can see, I am still healing.  That is why my intention for 2024 is to allow myself to heal.  One thing I learned in 2023 is that I cannot do it on my own.  I must be willing to reach out for help.  I have a great team.  My mental health team, my oncology team, and my primary, who is basically part of both teams, have been there for me.  I trust that they will continue to be there.  I am grateful for all of them.  I know I am lucky to have them.  I am still fighting cancer and depression.  I will likely battle to some degree for the rest of my life.  

            In 2024 I am going to focus on my healing.  I am going to allow that focus to guide me to leading my best life.  For most of my life depression has controlled my thoughts.  It has told me that I didn’t want to live.  It told me that I deserved the unhappiness I felt.  It told me I was lost and alone.  Depression has been a powerful voice throughout my life.  Cancer barreled in and changed some of that.  It tried to take my life, but cancer didn’t win.  It made me reflect on my life.  Through that reflection I have learned that my life is worth living.  

I need to make some changes.  Those changes will hopefully lead to me finding joy in life.  Some of those changes are little, but some of them will be big.  The big changes will require me to trust myself.  I will likely lean on my support system at times in ways I have never done in the past.  There will be ups and downs.  I will continue to fight cancer and depression.  Some days will be harder than others.  That is okay.  I need to allow myself to have difficult times.  It is a part of life.  

By setting the intention to allow myself to heal I am giving myself permission to do the things I need to do to be healthy in all aspects of my life.  I must fight the depression and the cancer.  I also need to focus on finding joy in life.  I have been granted another chance at life.  I want to make the most of that in 2024.  I will do what brings me joy. I will also accept that some days I will not be okay.  That is okay.  It is a part of life.  Acceptance of the rough days is a part of the healing process.  I have really come to understand that this past year.  It has been a difficult lesson.  Healing takes effort.  It also requires a person to accept help.  We need to understand that it is okay to not be okay.  Once we accept that, we can reach out for help.  I have a lot of people helping me.  These people make a difference in my life.  There are people that can make a difference in each of our lives.  I hope that in 2024 more people reach out for help and more people reach out to help. 

Just because I am battling illnesses doesn’t mean I can’t help others.  That is the purpose of this blog.  I am hoping to encourage others by sharing my story.  I know that right now my audience is not as big as I would like it to be, but I need to trust that it will grow in time.  I do my best to publicize this blog and am grateful to those who help me spread the word.  This blog is part of my healing.  When I write I am empowered.  Writing has always given me strength.  So, in 2024 I will continue to write.  Hopefully, this blog will grow.  I want it to help others suffering from depression and cancer.  I don’t have all the answers.  I am learning each day.  I feel called to this work.  I know that for now it will have to happen with my blog.  I am not well enough yet to get out there and do more, but I am headed in that direction.  I hope to make it happen in 2024.  That Is part of my intention.  Helping others is a part of my healing.  

So, as we enter 2024, I am going to remain focused on healing both my mental and physical health. I don’t know what the year has in store for me.  The depression and cancer control a lot, but I will do my best to heal and make a difference for others.