The Importance of Self-Compassion in Mental Illness

                  Today I am going to take a risk and write about something I struggle with often.  I hope I am not hypocritical in my attempt to discuss this topic.  It is one thing to have knowledge.  Sometimes it is difficult to put that knowledge into action.  We are all works in progress. I cannot hide the fact that I am a work in progress.  As you read this post, know that it is okay to struggle.  We are human after all.

                  I have written a lot about how others can support someone with mental illness, but it is also important to consider how we support ourselves.  How we treat ourselves and how we perceive our mental illness are important aspects of our illness.  First and foremost, we need to recognize that we have an illness.  Mental illness is an illness.  It is not something we have brought on ourselves.  Mental illness is not our fault.  When we recognize that mental illness is an illness, we separate the illness from who we are.  That is an important step in treating ourselves with compassion.

                  Often, I have tried to figure out why I have depression and anxiety.  I question what I did to deserve to feel the way I do.  I get lost in self-blame.  When I look around me, I see people who seem to live without the struggle I live with daily.  I am aware of the stigma that is present in the media regarding mental illness. These are reminders that I am struggling.  What I sometimes forget is that my struggle is a result of an illness.  When I need to be treating myself with compassion, I am often blaming myself.  My guess is that many other people with mental illness can relate to what I am describing. 

                  How do we develop self-compassion?  How do we treat ourselves with kindness?  I wish I had an easy answer.  One phrase that I often use and is frequently seen on mental health social media posts is “It’s okay not to be okay.”  Being compassionate towards ourselves starts with recognizing that it is okay to be struggling with a mental illness.  It is okay to be depressed or anxious.  Recognizing this can remove the need for blame.  

                  Self-compassion includes telling yourself that you are worthy of care.  Accepting compassion from yourself is a part of the healing process. It is not easy by any means.  The nature of many mental illnesses is to tear a person down.  Mental illness often strips away the ability to love yourself.  Having self-compassion requires work.  I struggle with it.  The depression tells me I am not worthy of any love.  Sometimes I can talk back to it.  I can tell depression’s voice to stop.  Other times it is too strong.  It becomes a battle.  It is at these times that accepting compassion from others is instrumental.  I have learned to have compassion for myself from the compassion my mental health team has for me.  I hold onto their compassion until I can be compassionate on my own. I could view this as a crutch, but I choose to view it as a support instead.  It is that positive twist that helps me take a step toward self-compassion.

I have developed a script in my head.  The script says that if they can have compassion for me, I can have compassion for myself.  It hasn’t been easy.  As I said earlier, I still struggle with it.  In the midst of depression, it is hard to have that self-compassion.  The script is in my head and also written in my journal.  Some of the lines of my script include: “I am worthy of compassion,” “I can be depressed and still love myself,” and “Depression is not my fault. I deserve love as much as anyone.” I might need to repeat, “I am worthy of compassion” in my head a several times.  I can whisper it to myself in the moments when I am blaming myself for the depression or when I feel unworthy of compassion.  This is a form of self-talk.  It is important to say positive things to yourself when the darkness of depression is taking control.  One suggestion for learning to do this is writing a list of compassionate reminders and keeping them handy for when you need to be kind to yourself. Read the list to yourself often.  Maybe write the reminders on Post-its and stick them somewhere you will see them every day.  Repetition of these reminders is like lifting weights.  The more you lift weights, the stronger you become.  Likewise, when you say compassionate things to yourself, you become more self-compassionate.  

This process is not easy.  Living with mental illness is not easy.  But then living with any illness is difficult.  We seek treatment or care when we have a physical illness.  It is important to normalize seeking treatment or care when we have a mental illness.  That care will involve working on how we treat ourselves.  Self-compassion is important.  In fact, it is vital to healing.  I know how difficult it is to be self-compassionate.  Even after all these years, I still struggle.  I have learned that I need to keep trying to be compassionate with myself.  Having scripts ready to help me is important.  Leaning on others to help me is also important.  I have learned to be self-compassionate from the compassion of my mental health team.  Sometimes we need others to guide us.  That is okay.  

Self-compassion is an important part of living with mental illness.  Keep trying even when it is difficult.  Remember, it is okay not to be okay.  Treat yourself with compassion.  You deserve compassion.